It's no secret that money is the most popular reason couples split, but what is it about money that causes such a major rift that we're willing to say goodbye to someone we thought we would be with for life? Why isn't it infidelity or even religion a reason?
It's just something about money and the motives behind it that are enough to cause this huge divide more than anything else. It's a powerful thing, that dollar bill, and most of us just want to be able to have control over the money we've worked so hard to earn. So when it looks like someone is infringing on that, there's an issue.
From being raised differently to keeping secrets, money alone isn't the reason people are going their separate ways. It's clearly deeper than that. Read on to learn more about how money comes between an otherwise thriving relationship.
You Were Brought Up Differently
Thankfully, I can say that my husband and I were raised the same way concerning money, and any lack thereof. So we're definitely on the same page when it comes to how important it is to save and spend money in ways that we see as smart. Still, whether you were raised learning about money or it was a topic that was never discussed in your home, there's still a reason you see money the way that you do; much of it has to do with the household you grew up in.
Whether you're the girl who came up from poverty and made a promise to yourself to never look back, or you were raised never having to worry about money and want to keep that lifestyle, one way isn't better than the other. But if your partner was brought up differently, it only makes sense for there to be some friction there.
You Have Different Views Of Money
Our upbringing has an influence on how we view money, but having different perspectives about it is only asking for there to be some serious issues. I was literally just talking to my friend this week who is all about saving, planning, budgeting, and all that responsible jazz. Her boyfriend on the other hand has the motto YOLO when it comes to finances. Because of their differences, among other things, she doesn't feel comfortable doing anything serious with him when it comes to money and wants to keep it all separate for as long as possible. Again, one way isn't necessarily right or wrong, and balance is the major key. Having different opinions about money and refusing to budge will create inevitable problems that you might not be able to bounce back from.
You Keep Secrets About It
This one is kind of hazy because at what point does your financial status become anyone else's business? Of course, you want to make sure someone has the same financial values as you do before things get serious, but when do you actually have this conversation? I think most of us have different perceptions on this one. And then there's the whole question of, what if that person isn't completely honest? This can include lying about everything from their credit score to how much they make, or even downplaying a serious financial problem that's bound to be exposed at any given moment.
Having a secret account for "a rainy day" is nothing out of the ordinary, and I don't even think it's wrong. But this issue goes further than just lying about money. Like most of the points in this article, the question is why? Why lie, or keep it a secret? My thought would be that trust is a major issue, which goes way deeper than the dollar bill.
You Make More
Look, despite the current political and racial climate in this country, we don't live in the 1950s anymore. Still, there are plenty of men (and women) out there who have an issue if their partner makes more than they do. Clearly I'm not a man, but what I do know is that for some, it can trigger their insecurity and cause them to question their status as a provider in the home. So while the issue on the surface is going against tradition, the real problem could be how he feels as a man. If you find yourself constantly battling with your guy over money because you make more, maybe try to find other ways to show him he's still man enough for you.
You Want To Adopt The Control Factor
One of the first things I had to learn when I got married was that when it comes to money, we're a team. I had my own way of doing things and so did he, but ultimately, we had to somehow compromise if we were going to work it out. I'm not against having separate accounts and ish, but that just wasn't the track we wanted to take.
This was really difficult for me because I can be really controlling over money. I have that "It's my money and I want it now!" mindset from those J.G. Wentworth commercials, but we eventually came to the compromise that I had just as much control over our money as he did. It was really hard for me to let go because I felt like he was kind of irresponsible, but in reality, it was just different and not as frugal.
Even though it's still tempting to take the reins because I think I know what's best, seeing our finances as a joint venture is what has helped us to not disagree on money. There are plenty of other things to argue about.
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Those rumors were more than laid to rest when Jodie and Joshua went to the 2023 Oscars together earlier this year, and even more recently, when they celebrated her birthday together last month during the September unveiling of the Lotus Emeya.
Jodie Turner-Smith celebrates her birthday with husband Joshua Jackson at the unveiling of the new fully-electric Lotus Emeya on September 07, 2023 in New York City.
Brian Ach/Getty Images for Lotus
Despite seeming particularly happy and in love, perhaps the writing was already written on the wall even then. In the past, Jodie has been very celebratory publicly about her love for her estranged husband, even boldly recounting their love story for the books in a 2021 interview with Seth Meyers.
When Jodie and Joshua met, it was while at his birthday party in 2018. Their relationship was hot and heavy from the start, with Jodie openly noting that they began as a "one-night stand." During her 2021 interview with Seth Meyers, she jokingly referred to their love story as a "three-year one-night stand." She shared:
"First of all, I saw him before he saw me and when I saw him, I was like, 'I want that.' And then when he saw me, I just pretended like I didn't see him. He had to yell across the room to me, and I was wearing this T-shirt from a movie called Sorry to Bother You and [actress] Tessa Thompson plays a character called Detroit, and she has this T-shirt that says, 'The Future Is Female Ejaculation.'
"And so, he shouts across the room, 'Detroit!' He comes over and… does this really cute, charming thing that he does and just all night -- he just basically followed me around the party."
The couple were together from that moment forth, and even made things "Instagram official" less than two weeks later while on a dinner date. Joshua would later clarify to Insider that the night they met in 2018 was not a 'one-night stand' or a 'three-year one-night stand' like his then-wife joked but instead, it was "technically a three-night stand."
"It was sealed with a kiss that night and then we didn't leave each other's sides for, well, three years now," Joshua continued at the time.
In a July 2021 interview with Jimmy Fallon, Joshua dropped more details about the why behind getting married. He revealed that he didn't know he wanted to get married to Jodie until "the moment she asked me."
"She asked me on New Year's Eve. We were in Nicaragua. It was very beautiful, incredibly romantic, we were walking down the beach and she asked me to marry her."
He added, "I did not know [she would propose], but she was quite adamant and she was right. This is the best choice I ever made."
Joshua Jackson Reveals Jodie Turner-Smith Proposed To Him
Jodie received quite a bit of flack for proposing to Joshua because it goes against tradition and what society sees as acceptable for a woman to do to a man, and proposing isn't one of them. No matter how much time has passed, the viewpoints around who should do the proposing and who should be proposed to are still very traditional.
After being on the receiving end of such backlash, Joshua would later clarify to the media in a separate interview that it wasn't just Jodie's proposal to him that sealed the deal of them getting married, he proposed to her too. She might have initiated it, but Joshua followed through.
"I accidentally threw my wife under the bus because that story was told quickly and it didn't give the full context and holy Jesus, the internet is racist and misogynist," he explained to Refinery29 that same year. "We were in Nicaragua on a beautiful moonlit night, it could not possibly have been more romantic."
David M. Benett/Dave Benett/Getty Images
He continued, "And yes, my wife did propose to me and yes, I did say yes, but what I didn't say in that interview was there was a caveat, which is that I'm still old school enough that I said, 'This is a yes, but you have to give me the opportunity [to do it too].'"
"She has a biological father and a stepdad, who's the man who raised her. [I said], 'You have to give me the opportunity to ask both of those men for your hand in marriage.' And then, 'I would like the opportunity to re-propose to you and do it the old-fashioned way down on bended knee.' So, that's actually how the story ended up."
Joshua and Jodie would eventually marry in December 2019. Shortly thereafter, Jodie gave birth to the couple's first child, Janie, in 2020.
In a recent interview with Elle UK, Jodie shared the ways becoming a mother to Juno helped to heal her of her wounds from colorism she experienced in the past. "It's interesting because I had a lot of resistance to becoming a mother and, throughout my life, I always said if I were to have children, I wanted to have Black, Black babies so that I could affirm them as children with the love that I felt I needed to have been affirmed with by the outside world," Jodie shared with the outlet.
She continued, "Then I fell in love with my husband and we talked about having kids. I did have this mini pause, where I was like, 'She's going to be walking through the world not only having an experience that I did not have, but looking like people that, in a way, I'd always felt a little bit tormented by.' Now that I've got this little, tiny, light-skinned boss, I feel like it’s the universe teaching me lessons. I've been given a daughter who looks this way to heal my own conversations around colorism."
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