May is a month where passion, freedom, and growth are all coming together in alchemy. Some significant transits that Astrologers alike have been anticipating are occurring this month, and it’s changing dynamics moving forward. May begins with Venus moving into the fiery energy of Aries on May 2, and will remain in this independent and direct sign until May 28. While Venus is moving through Aries this month, love and relationships are about initiating intentions, being confident in your pursuits of love, and recognizing that you deserve the love you give.
The second out of the four Mercury retrogrades of 2022 is happening on May 10 and will begin in the sign of Gemini until May 22 before finishing its retrograde transit in Taurus until June 3. With Mercury retrograde moving through one of its ruling signs, Gemini, communication haywire can feel even more prevalent for the time being. Extra precaution should be used when it comes to transportation, communication, networking, and investments with this Mercury retrograde. Mercury retrogrades are all about having a sense of humor and acknowledging that sometimes we don’t always know why things are happening the way they are, but that they probably needed to.
On the same day that Mercury goes retrograde, the most significant transit of the month occurs as Jupiter, the planet of blessings, moves out of its year-long transit from Pisces and moves into Aries. Jupiter will be in Aries this year from May 10 through October 28 and will be retrograde in Aries from July 28 to October 28. Jupiter will move back into Pisces for a brief moment at the end of this year, and then finish its year-long transit in Aries from December 20 until May 16, 2023. While Jupiter begins its transit in Aries this month, the vibes turn from emotional expansion and understanding to inspired direction and understanding of thy self. While Jupiter is moving through Aries, there is a lot of drive, inspiration, and momentum to grab ahold of, and it is exciting energy for the world.
Moving more into May, there is a powerful Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio on May 15-16, and transformations are evident. Whenever the moon is in Scorpio, emotions run deep and intimacy levels are heightened. Scorpio’s strong intuition never goes missed and during this eclipse, the revelations will be plenty. This is the Eclipse to release any emotional and financial restrictions you have been feeling, and soak in the gratitude of what is present for you right now.
Gemini Season begins a few days later on the 20th, and there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 30 before the month ends. Gemini likes to keep things light and exciting, and moving out of May the collective is bringing light to the inspired ideas and visions that this month has brought.
Aries Horoscope for May 2022
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a month of flow, grace, and abundance for you, Aries. A lot of the powerful energy and changes this month in the stars are directly influenced by Aries. Venus, the planet of love, enters your sign on the second day of May, signifying the flow of love that is coming to you this month. There is positive energy with you right now when it comes to self-love, expressing yourself, and allowing others to shower you with some love and attention right now as well.
Jupiter enters your sign on May 10 for the first time in over a decade, bringing an extra dose of good luck into your life right now. With Jupiter in Aries until October 28 and going retrograde in your sign starting July 28, you are moving through a time of self-development and putting more focus on what you see for your path moving forward, what your personal goals are, and how you can show up in your authenticity. There are some mountains to climb this month, but your confidence is at the forefront making everything happen for you with ease.
Taurus Horoscope for May 2022
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour season is here beautiful, Taurus! May is a month of emergence, synergy, and things coming to the surface that you have been planning and intending for. This is your time of making power moves and rising above the transformations that have been occurring for you this year. You are getting your ducks in a row in a sense this month and making sure the plans you have been working on are starting to see growth and unfoldment.
Mercury goes retrograde this month, and this is an important Mercury retrograde cycle for you, being that this retrograde will be in your sign from May 22 to June 3. You are taking a step back and processing what is ahead of you right now. Some plans need reworking this month and taking things day by day will help this healing process. With Venus in your 12th house until the end of May before moving into your sign on May 28, you are emotionally replenishing right now. It is out with the old and in with the new for you this month.
Gemini Horoscope for May 2022
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a game of balance for you, Gemini. You like to keep things moving and fuel your infinite curiosity in life, and this month is reminding you of the importance of taking things slow, having patience, and allowing the magic to come to you. There is a sense of stillness, contemplation, and peace with you this month, Gemini. The second Mercury retrograde of 2022 is occurring in May, and it begins in your sign. From May 10 to May 22, Mercury will be retrograde in your sign, and taking your time with communication, transportation, and gaining clarity is needed.
Gemini Season begins on May 20 and there is a little bit more of a sparkle in the sky for you right now. Things are coming to you this month, and the magic is being felt better than expected. The key is staying hopeful about the opportunities and experiences that are presenting themselves at this time, and remembering that the sky's the limit for you. There is a New Moon in Gemini on May 30 before the month ends, and you are owning your power in life, and walking through new doors.
Cancer Horoscope for May 2022
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a time of life coming full circle, and seeing your happy outcomes bloom to fruition, Cancer. There is a bright radiance shining forth from you this month, and you have your eyes on the prize. You know what you want, and you have the confidence and passion to go after it right now. With Venus and Jupiter in your 10th house of career in May, your professional life and goals are at the forefront. May is all about putting your best foot forward and receiving the recognition and acknowledgment for the hard work you have been putting in.
The energy is transforming and moving around for you in May, and with a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in fellow water sign Scorpio from May 15 to May 16, you are feeling the passion and excitement in your romantic life. The eclipse this month will be transiting your 5th house of romance, happiness, children, hobbies, and creativity, and there are some wake-up calls when it comes to your gifts, talents, what makes you happy, and how you want to shine in life coming through for you this month.
Leo Horoscope for May 2022
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a karmic and eye-opening month for you, Leo. Things are getting deep for you this month and there is alchemic energy with you as you see the patterns of your life when it comes to the past, present, and where you are headed. Taking time for your healing, acceptance, and for time to process the adventures of the month is necessary. You are embarking on a new journey in May as many different paths in life open up for you from previous intentions and actions.
Friendships, community, and spirituality are key themes for you in May as you work with others in collaboration and learn more about how to balance your needs with the other responsibilities on your plate as well. Mercury will be retrograde in your 11th house of friendship from May 10 to May 22, and there will be a New Moon in this area of your chart on May 30 before the month ends. What comes up for you right now is happening so that you can process, reflect, and release. Go to the places that feel like home or that excite you in life, and remember that you are evolving.
Virgo Horoscope for May 2022
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is all about purification and forward movement for you, Virgo. You have been waiting, hoping, and intending for the things that are showing up for you in May, and they're doing so through you dropping the doubt and the worries. Instead of focusing on what could go wrong this month, take note of everything that is going right. Chapters end, emotions get cleansed, and the sky is clear for new possibilities. What is washed away this month is the density that has kept you in one place out of restriction rather than comfort, and you are ready for some new landscapes.
There is a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in your 3rd house on May 15 and May 16, and this is a magical time for you when it comes to communications and self-expression. Your ruling planet Mercury goes retrograde this month and will be moving through the areas of your life having to do with career, achievement, travel, and adventure. The universe is asking you to look at the goals and career steps you have put into fruition and what you are working on and make sure these same intentions align with the end goal you are hoping for.
Libra Horoscope for May 2022
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a month of reflection and growth for you, Libra. Life is mirroring to you what your emotional world has been telling you within, and you are seeing clearly why things have been playing out the way they have recently. With Jupiter and Venus moving into your opposite sign of Aries this week, you begin a very significant, once-every-decade journey of love. The opportunities are there, and your vision of love in general right now is colored with enthusiasm, openness, and opportunity.
Moving more into the month, there is a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in your 2nd house of income on May 16. Mid-month is a good time to pay off any bills, clean out your purse, and release any financial plans or restraints that have done you more harm than good. The key this month is the space that is being created for your growth. What you do in this space, in these moments of reflection, allows you to let go of what’s keeping you from growing connections, and putting you in the right space to receive and gain clarity.
Scorpio Horoscope for May 2022
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a month of release, replenishment, and freedom for you, Scorpio. There is a sense of a clearing coming into your life in May. There are big chapters in your life coming to a close this month as you take the time to let things develop into where they want to be. With Venus in your 6th house of health from May 2 to May 28, a lot of the month you are focused on what is going to make you happy and healthy. You are putting the effort into your daily routine, habits, and working life, and are feeling the love in your everyday environment with this energy.
We also have an important Full Moon Eclipse occurring in your sign from May 15 to May 16 this month. This eclipse is hitting home for you and is bringing the personal growth, insights, and goals you have been focusing on to the forefront of your life. La Luna will be shining its light on you in mid-May and you are feeling all the feels this month, Scorpio. By the end of the month, there is a New Moon in your 8th house of intimacy and you are seeing new beginnings within love, shared finances, and commitment.
Sagittarius Horoscope for May 2022
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is a time of rebirth for you, Sagittarius. The flowers in your life are blooming, and you are birthing something new right now. With your ruling planet Jupiter changing signs this month and moving into a fellow fire sign, you are receiving all the good luck energies from this change. Jupiter is entering a long transit having to do with love, romance, creativity, children, and entertainment for you. The good vibes are flowing from you and to you and there is a lot of gratitude in your life in May.
Moving more into the month, Mercury goes retrograde in your opposite sign of Gemini from May 10 to May 22, and during this time you are learning through love. Relationship balance may take some more effort during this time, and keeping an open mind when it comes to these partnerships is needed. This isn’t the month to rush things or to force things to happen, it’s all about having patience, taking intentional action, and believing in your ability to do great things.
Capricorn Horoscope for May 2022
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleNurture your world, Capricorn. May is a time of inspiration, nourishment, and development for you as you ground your heart in the present moment. Jupiter in Pisces and Pluto in Capricorn come together on May 3 and form a sexy sextile, giving you a boost of empowerment and self-confidence. There is a guardian angel on your side this month, and you are feeling this sense of support in your life. With a Lunar Eclipse occurring a few weeks later in your 9th house, you are realizing that a lot of the adventures, intentions, and plans you had set out for yourself have come true and continue to for you.
With the second out of four Mercury retrogrades happening this year occurring this month starting May 10, you get some important opportunities to plan, replan, then plan again. This Mercury retrograde transit is asking you to take a look at where your habits, routines, and patternings are on the day-to-day and to see what has been benefiting you and making you happy, and what doesn’t anymore. Don’t let the pressure get to you this month, and make being kind to yourself your biggest priority in May, Capricorn.
Aquarius Horoscope for May 2022
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleLife is changing for you right now, Aquarius. May is all about the growing perspectives you have been tapping into. You have been connecting to your spirituality, your gifts, and your deep insights, and your heart is giving you all the clarity you need right now. With Venus and Jupiter moving into your 3rd house this month, you get the communication breakthroughs you have been looking for in May. Confusion clears, clarity enters, and the hope remains.
On May 10, Mercury goes retrograde in fellow air sign Gemini, moving retrograde in your 5th house of romance until May 22, and there is also a New Moon in this same area of your chart on May 30. What is switching up for you this month is the way you have been going about love and allowing it to come to you. Some boundaries may be necessary to put into place during this Mercury retrograde, but once the New Moon hits on May 30, you are overall seeing the gifts of where your heart has been heading in love. This month is all about what’s going to make you happy and feel like you are living out your purpose.
Pisces Horoscope for May 2022
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a wake-up call month for you, Pisces. You are experiencing a major chapter of your life closing this month as Jupiter moves out of your sign where it has been since December 28, 2021, blessing your life. While Jupiter begins its transit in Aries on May 10, (it will briefly dip back into your sign in retrograde from October 28 to December 20) you begin a journey of financial growth, expansion, and development. Jupiter, the planet of blessings, has been giving you clarity on thy self, your authenticity in life, and your personal goals, and now is moving into the energy of your chart having to do with assets, financial growth, and income.
From May 15 to May 16, there is a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in fellow water sign Scorpio, that will be moving through your 9th house of adventure. Although life is looking a lot different than it used to right now, you still see the full picture of everything you’ve ever wanted. The completions you are seeking and obtaining right now are creating spaces for more stability to grow for you and your emotional world is giving you the clues on what paths are going to take you there.
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- June 2022 Horoscopes For Every Sign - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Your July 2022 Horoscopes For Every Sign - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Your July 2022 Horoscopes For Every Sign - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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Either way, we’re breaking down how to harness the alluring black cat energy to attract and cultivate your purrrfect match, or how to deepen your current relationship.
What is Black Cat Energy?
Black cat energy has made a splash all over TikTok since 2021 where users have popularized “the black cat/golden retriever” theory based on the notorious attributes of felines and pups.
Pet owners and those who have had the pleasure of engaging with furry friends know that cats tend to have personality traits of being more independent, cautious, and unbothered until they develop a relationship with you – then you’ll be graced with their loveable side – whereas dogs, much like golden retrievers, are often overly excited to see you, bursting with happy energy, and seeking your affection, even if they just met you.
Black cats especially possess an elusive, regal, and pompous vibe that makes them irresistible. You can’t simply win these mysterious creatures over with your mere presence. You’ll have to earn their affection.
And if by a stroke of luck, they open up to you, they’ll always keep you wanting more of them. That same je ne sais quoi is what TikTokers are raving about, claiming that if you channel black cat energy into your love life, you’ll summon the person of your dreams and make them fall in love with every part of you.
What’s more, according to The Spruce Pets, single women in Japan who own black cats are believed to attract more suitors. In parts of Great Britain, a black cat is the quintessential wedding gift because they’re believed to bring good luck and happiness to the bride.
Why the Black Cat/Golden Retriever Dynamic Works
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Anyone can be the black cat or the golden retriever in the relationship, but TikTokers and some relationship experts say the best way to ensure long-lasting compatibility is for the woman to be the black cat, while the man exudes golden retriever tendencies.
Dating coach Anwar White solidifies finding the yin to your yang, instructing women to find their complement. “Most people look to date their clone and you’re going to need to date looking for your compliment – that is what is going to bring you the most success.”
In the 14 years he’s been a dating coach, he shared the best complementary personalities that make for a good match. “If you’re a type A, boss babe, you’re going to be looking for the optimistic golden retriever guy. This is the guy that wants to get done whatever you want to get done. This is the engineer, the federal employee, or an architect. It’s very much black cat/golden retriever vibes.”
No matter what stage you’re at in your love life, it’s never too late to transition from subservient golden retriever to omnipotent black cat.
TikToker @jaclyn.dasilva explains that she used to be in her golden retriever energy in her marriage – catering to her husband, and what he needed and liked until she learned how to epitomize the black cat energy.
“We have this beautiful energy as women. When we learn to put all that beautiful, nurturing energy into ourselves that is when they want us. That is when they chase us. Now I think about what I want to eat. What do I want to drink? What book do I want to read? And I put my energy into myself.”
She continues, “And now he’s the one chasing me. He’s the one who can’t get enough of me. When we see ourselves as the prize, that is when he sees us as the prize. Stop chasing him. Let him chase you. Be about you, he’ll be about you.”
How To Embody The Black Cat Principles In Your Dating Life
Dating and maintaining a flourishing relationship in today’s technology-driven world is no easy feat. We have abundantly more access to swipe right or left on apps, or serendipitously meet a great catch in person than our parents and grandparent’s generations.
And yet, with all the potential options, somehow it seems more difficult to stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right or to maintain a long-term symbiotic relationship. Fortunately navigating dating and relationships becomes easier when you know exactly who you are–your different quirks, flaws, and assets–and when you keenly understand the little things that titillate your world and accept the nuances and icks of a person that you know are not aligned with you.
A woman relishing in her black cat energy and femininity knows exactly what she wants and needs and doesn’t detour from who she is for anyone. These are the qualities of black cat women:
High Standards
Nothing says you’re the main character or HBIC like flaunting high standards and sticking to them.
TikToker Anna Kristina, the self-proclaimed creator of the "black cat theory" shared how to become the ultimate black cat and have men eating from the palm of your hand. “You have to be inconvenient. You have to be bitchy. You have to have standards and certain expectations. The higher the expectations, and the more unrealistic, the better.”
Elusiveness
Relationship TikToker Tomisin Atobatele offers women insights into the essence of being elusive. "I want you to stop being eager to tell men everything you’re thinking and feeling, and especially tell men exactly what you desire. If a guy asks you what you want out of a guy, or what you’re looking for, I want you to be vague…When you’re vague, and someone’s interested in you, it forces them to do work in order to get those answers.”
"And just that fast, you’ve created a scenario where he’s thinking about you," he added. "He’s thinking about your needs. He’s thinking about your wants and desires. And in the process of him thinking about your wants and desires, his focus is on you.”
Firm Boundary Setter
Self-preservation, respect, and overall happiness stem from healthy boundaries. A woman basking in black cat energy knows exactly when and how to implement boundaries. Black cats have boundaries. They will let you know when they are done getting petted," said TikToker Marian Bacol.
“They will let you know when they want to give you attention. They will stare you down if they are done with you. They are clear on their boundaries and they’re not afraid to enforce it. They don’t give love and affection to anyone and everyone the way that dogs do. Cats are more selective and that’s how you have to be with your energy.”
Unapologetically Authentic
A sure way to have a man perpetually falling for you is to be authentically you without changing who you are, solely for him.
“If you want him to chase you as opposed to you chasing him, you need to remember this one thing…whatever attributes you have: your style, your hair color, your whatever you’ve got going on – you don’t change for him," said life coach Margarita Nazarenko. "The black cat would never change for a man and that’s what’s going to make him chase you.”
She cements the rule with an analogy: “The rule is: if you make the best chocolate cake and he likes apple pie, make him the best chocolate cake, not a sub apple pie.”
Famous Couples That Successfully Personify Black Cat/Golden Retriever Energy
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These power couples prove why women who helm their black cat energy make their men swoon:
Rihanna & ASAP Rocky
"[The relationship] is going great. I don’t think there’s a more perfect person because when the schedules are hectic, she’s very understanding of that," A$AP Rocky told Billboard about his relationship with Rihanna. "And when the schedule’s freed up, that’s when you get to spend [the] most time together. It’s all understanding and compatibility.
Ashanti & Nelly
Lauren Speed Hamilton & Cameron Hamilton
Lauren Speed Hamilton and Cameron Hamilton are proof positive of the Love Is Blind concept. More recently, the married couple got real on their podcast about the struggles of expanding their family through fertility treatments. "When I saw what you were going through, terms of taking the medications, doing the daily shots, knowing that IVF and all this stuff wasn't really something that you naturally wanted to do but you did it for me," Cameron shared in episode 2 of The Love Seat podcast with Lauren, his voice beginning to crack.
"You showed me a new level of love that I'd never seen before."
Kristy Scott & Desmond Scott
Zendaya & Tom Holland
"You can’t really find anything against Zendaya, she’s kind of like the perfect person," Tom Holland shared about girlfriend Zendaya in a 2021 interview with Backstage. "It was so wonderful to have someone like her in my corner, to help me grow through that process … Having her as a friend has been so valuable to the success and happiness of my career and life."
Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade
Ciara & Russell Wilson
"For me, I knew that God had brought me in her life to bless her and for her to bless me," Russell Wilson told Access Hollywood about wife Ciara.
Serena Williams & Alexis Ohanian
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