Mary J. Blige's Divorce Should Make Us Rethink Prenups
When it comes to most women, there are two things you don't play about. Your man, and your money. But what happens when the man in your life is playing with your money?
After 12 years together, Mary J. Blige filed for divorce from her estranged husband, Kendu Isaacs. It seems like the battle finally ended on Friday, and the couple was able to reach a settlement in court.
For years, women have been taunted and challenged about their intentions when it comes to a man's wallet. In 2018, it's the year of financial glo-up and economic responsibility and women have ascended to a higher level of financial responsibility; the tables are turning. Now that we have more skin in the game, it's time to rethink the way about prenuptial agreements.
Blige filed for divorce in July 2016, and shortly after, allegations of Kendu's affair surfaced in the media. Despite not helping the legend pay the $12 million in debt that accrued over the time they spent married to one another, Kendu also felt entitled to his estranged wife paying for him as well - six figures at that. According to legal documents obtained by TMZ, Kendu initially requested $129,391 per month in temporary spousal support but was only granted $30,000.
I ain't saying he a gold digger, but he ain't... Never mind.
In my last relationship, we shared bank accounts. The lines of personal boundaries were blurred, which ultimately led to the end of our time together. When we broke up, he left the relationship with most of the money we had saved together because it was in his bank account.
I was left with nothing. We weren't married and certainly did not have any type of agreement set in place so that if we parted ways, we would both would come out equally because we had it in our minds that we would never part ways. This kind of thinking was romantic and cute, but it was not beneficial to my bottom line and my own personal interests.
According to Cherese Clark, a family lawyer, times have changed so the lengths that you go to protect your assets are important. Clark told Madame Noire:
"We are in a partnership, so that might look different if there's a divorce. Women are power players and powerhouses and have things to protect now."
Blige opened up recently in an interview with Variety magazine about how she used the turmoil she was facing in her life to create Florence, her Oscar-nominated character in the Netflix film, Mudbound:
"I'm doing OK. I'm living. I'm not happy about a lot of things. I thought someone loved me, right? Turns out, he was a con artist and he didn't, and now he's coming after me for all my money. When you come out of something like that you realize you were never the one. There was someone else that was his queen. I got played. I got suckered. I have to keep smiling and keep my spirits up because this is designed to kill me."
Mary J. Blige's messy divorce with her estranged husband is a lesson that women should rethink the way that we look at economic security. Even the strongest women are vulnerable with the ones that we love; so, we have to make sure we protect our hearts and our wallets.
Aunt Mary says that her main source of income comes from touring and that her tumultuous marriage and divorce have left her with a tremendous amount of debt. Despite the film's wild success and Oscar nomination, Blige says that being a part Mudbound actually cost her more than she profited from the endeavor.
No matter how great the love is that we have for our partner, self-preservation is most important.
We have to find a balance between our love lives and our finances and find a healthy medium where loving your partner doesn't compromise your financial security. Establishing clear boundaries is the first step in doing so. This looks like maintaining separate bank accounts, keeping track of your legal documents, and participating in dialogue about your individual financial responsibilities to one another.
Women should also consider drafting their own prenuptial agreements not because you think your marriage will fail, but because you have to protect your neck, and your assets in the end.
It's important to secure the bag, but it's also important to keep the bag secured.
Featured image by Araya Doheny/WireImage
- Mary J. Blige's Ex Reportedly Hospitalized Over Divorce Stress ... ›
- Mary J. Blige Spousal Support: Ex Demands Increase Over Divorce ... ›
- Mary J. Blige Settles Tumultuous Divorce Case | TMZ.com ›
- Mary J. Blige's husband blames divorce for hospitalization | Page Six ›
- Mary J. Blige Ordered to Pay Spousal Support, Nothing Close to ... ›
- Mary J. Blige To Have 'Divorce Settlement Talk' With Kendu Issacs ... ›
- Mary J. Blige Settles Divorce With Kendu Isaacs | MadameNoire ›
- Mary J. Blige settles messy divorce with Kendu Isaacs - theGrio ›
- Mary J. Blige Settles Divorce Before Oscars | Black America Web ›
- Mary J. Blige & Kendu Isaacs Reach Divorce Settlement | Rap-Up ›
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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It’s almost that time when the girlies are gonna be hopping in the chair to get the most popular style of the warmer seasons: goddess braids. Goddess braids are not just a hairstyle; they're a statement of elegance, power, and divine beauty. Whether you've recently adorned yourself with these stunning braids or are considering them, one thing remains certain: maintaining them is key to preserving their splendor. In this guide, we'll delve into the art of maintaining goddess braids, ensuring they remain flawless for longer periods.
Let’s start with some pro tips from Breanna Knights, a Brooklyn-based stylist with over a decade of experience in the beauty and fashion industry, specializing in goddess braids. She takes pride in maintaining the beauty and longevity of her clients' goddess braids, focusing on ensuring their scalp and curls remain healthy and hydrated.
Knights’ expertise extends to understanding the tension level, hydration needs, and proper cleansing techniques for goddess braids.
Hydration Is Key:
Moisture is essential for maintaining the integrity of your goddess braids. Use a lightweight leave-in conditioner or moisturizing spray to hydrate your scalp and braids. Pay attention to the ends of the braids, as they tend to be the driest part. Avoid heavy products that can weigh down the braids and cause buildup.
“To maintain neatness and longevity for goddess braid styles, I recommend treating the goddess hair just as you would your natural curls," Knights tells us. "This consists of putting up your hair at night in a bonnet. I also encourage using mousse or a bottle of water mixed with conditioner to make the curls bounce back. These two options depend on if the curls are a synthetic blend, or if it’s 100% human hair."
When it comes to keeping the goddess curls refreshed and hydrated, Knights’ favorite mousse brands include:
Bumble and bumble's Bb Curl Mousse
Bumble and bumble
Bumble and bumble's Bb Curl Mousse is a lightweight mousse that enhances curls with a blend of oils and butters, providing long-lasting volume, and bounce without stiffness.
The Vigorol Mousse Olive Oil
Amazon
The Vigorol Mousse Olive Oil is a fave amongst the girlies. Reviewers say, “Product works well taming frizzy curls as well smoothing natural hair, human hair, and synthetic crochet or individual braided hair. Adds shine without looking or feeling greasy.”
Knights also recommends using Creme of Nature Argan Oil Intensive Conditioning Treatment mixed with water in a spray bottle. “These products are sure to bring curls back to life," she adds.
If you’re looking for particular techniques or tricks to alleviate tension or discomfort often associated with wearing goddess braids, Knights shares that knotless goddess braids are usually done with less tension at the scalp, rather than traditional braids. “I highly suggest gauging tightness throughout your braiding session with your stylist. Should your braids end up too tight, one of my favorite go-to's is the Bumble and bumble’s Hairdresser's Invisible Oil. It provides a cool sensation on the scalp, without over saturating the scalp with oil,” Knights says.
The stylist also suggests a spray bottle with water to relieve tension. Additionally, less styling in the first few days of installing the braids to avoid scalp irritation.
Gentle Cleansing:
One topic that can be confusing when committing to goddess braids is the washing process. Should I wash my braids? How often should I wash them? We had all the questions, and Knights came with the tea. “Everyone’s wash [day] routine is different. To each client’s discernment, by weeks 3-4, if your scalp is itchy or shows signs of dandruff, it would be safe to wash your braids.
"I highly recommend paying more attention to the scalp rather than the braids itself. Keeping the braids up in a bun while saturating the scalp will keep the curls from matting and tangling during the wash process. After washing the scalp I recommend reapplying mousse and tying the hair down with a scarf to help tame any frizz that may occur after washing.”
Protect Your Crown:
One of the biggest keys to the longevity of goddess braids is having a braid bonnet and shower cap to ensure that the braids are dry. Invest in a satin or silk bonnet or scarf to protect your goddess braids while you sleep. Cotton pillowcases can cause friction, leading to frizz and flyaways. Additionally, tying your braids with a silk scarf can help preserve their shape and prevent them from unraveling.
“Combing through the loose curls with your fingers and having a routine to ensure that the hair isn't matting or entangling into one another can help with longevity as well," Knights shares. "The same way you’d care for your curls after a successful wash day would also promote the longevity for any 'goddess' style!”
Courtesy
Regular Touch-ups:
As your natural hair grows, your goddess braids may begin to loosen or develop new growth around the edges. Schedule regular touch-up appointments with your hairstylist to re-braid the edges and ensure a seamless look. Avoid leaving braids in for too long, as this can cause tension on the scalp and lead to breakage.
Minimize Manipulation:
While it's tempting to constantly touch and style your goddess braids, excessive manipulation can lead to frizz and premature loosening. Limit the use of styling tools and refrain from pulling or tugging on the braids. Embrace the natural beauty of your braids and allow them to flourish with minimal interference.
Nourish from Within:
Maintaining healthy hair starts from within. Ensure you're consuming a balanced diet rich in vitamins, minerals, and hydration to promote hair growth and vitality. Incorporate foods such as fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and plenty of water into your daily routine for optimal hair health.
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