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After Being Married For Four Years, I Found Out My Husband Was Gay
As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Mekia's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
So, let me tell you the story about how I found out my ex-husband was down-low...
It was a normal Wednesday evening and I was on deadline. I needed to get my work done for my online classes, and somehow my laptop disappeared—to this day I don't know how. I decided I'd use my ex-husbands laptop to complete my assignments, which he guarded like Buckingham Palace. On the off-chance that I asked to use it, I'd be met with:
“Um, well, I'm using it right now."
Or:
“Oh, sorry, babe I left it at work, I don't have it on me today."
An excuse always seemed to follow. Something wasn't right.
I let this go on for a little while, or at least until my instincts got the best of me.
Then one day, there his laptop was, sitting in our bedroom. I grabbed it and began to go through it like a madman. There has to be a reason he is so secretive about this computer. I opened it up, flipped through a few folders, and boom. There it was: a folder with our good family friend—male—posing in a bra. He was also wearing a wig, lipstick, lashes; an entire look. I continued to scroll, and the pictures got even worse. There were pictures of our family friend holding another man's penis, his penis, so on and so on. It wasn't my husband's penis in the pictures, but for me, that didn't matter—they were still in there.
But wait, this guy is married! And he has a child! Why does my husband have these pictures of him?!
Completely frozen, in my mind, I knew exactly why.
So, I guess you can say that I got the answer I was looking for...
—
We met in high school. I was born into a military family so we moved around a lot. Most of my stay has been between New Orleans, Southern Georgia, and Atlanta. I spent a lot of time in the country, the youngest of 12.
Our school had a music building that housed the chorus and band department. I was in the chorus, and my ex-husband was in a band so we would cross paths often. I had a friend who was also in the band so I would be in their class just to pass time during the day. As we started to share day-to-day experiences, we learned that he lived about two blocks from my grandmother, which of course we thought was pretty cool. After he graduated (he is older), we spoke via Facebook and eventually exchanged numbers. It started as a simple crush and it blossomed from there. I saw a more mature and serious side outside of high school, which made me like him romantically. I was young, and he was fresh out of high school, so the relationship started slow and progressed as we learned more about each other.
We dated for three years and decided to get married.
And our married life was great at first. We had lots of good times—bad ones too—but we were like best friends.
But then, I started to notice behavior changes. You see, I never thought anything of some of the signs that now, in hindsight, I should have absolutely paid attention to (ex: all of his friends were gay, he became extremely guarded, he wouldn't walk ten steps without making sure he had his phone, etc).
My breaking point came on a trip to South Carolina for a wedding that I actually had to invite myself to. I found the invitation in the couch and after my suspicions, I told him I would be attending with him. And y'all, he was pissed. We arrive to the wedding location and at this point, I had taken note of all his behavior changes mentioned above. Well, suddenly, he had to run outside to the car for something, and he left his phone. I grabbed it and decided to take the journey down the rabbit hole again.
I saw that he was texting an unknown number, which of course, I searched through first. They were exchanging multiple penis pics, engaging in inappropriate conversations about what they would do to each other, how, what they each like sexually—you know, just really raunchy, rogue stuff. I put the unknown number in my phone, called, and a guy answered. After a bit of small talk, I blatantly asked, "Are you sleeping with my husband?"
"No," he said. "I know him, but I have been talking to a girl from this phone number."
A girl?! This is my husband's number, this is his phone.
“OK, well, do you have any pictures, can you send me a picture of who you've been speaking with from this number?" I asked. He agrees. We hang up, and I wait on the picture. Shortly afterwards, it comes through and I open the message.
And ladies, there I was. Everything he described. My pictures. My nudes.
I didn't know what sick shit my ex-husband was into, or what was going on, but I decided right then and there, I wasn't going to sit around and find out. It was time to go.
I. Was. Done.
—
I shared the news with only one of my siblings. A lot of my family found out about my body being exposed, and the mental abuse when I posted my YouTube video. My parents didn't know anything was going on until we were actually going to court for a domestic abuse case (yeah, that was another component to this train-wreck relationship). That's also when our divorce process began. But for the most part, no one ever suspected my ex-husband was gay.
Or at least, they've never expressed so to me.
Because of the popularity of my YouTube video, I've gotten lots of ridicule online and in my personal life, and you know, I can't say that I blame anyone for the constant questioning of “how did you not know?" And to put it simply, no one has lived my life and no one experienced what I have with my ex-husband. Being manipulated and mentally and physically abused is a thing many people can't escape. But I did, guys. I did. And most of all, uncovering who he truly was did not happen at once. And to this day, the people who knew about his lifestyle protected it but thinking that he was just playing or that it was a phase, which was even more hurtful to me.
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My advice to anyone who feels that they may be in a similar situation: get confirmation if you feel like you need it, but don't stay and don't wait. Keep in mind a confident straight man will never give you an inkling of him liking the same sex. A man who needs a partner of the same sex will never be fully satisfied with you. Women deserve to be loved, reassured, wanted, and refueled. Women need to feel safe and if he doesn't give you that feeling, he's not the one, my girl. If he's given you an idea that he may be a part of that lifestyle and you are not in support of it, leave.
A lying man becomes angry when questioned too much, a red flag that I blamed myself for. So, never blame yourself, just remove yourself. Remember that moving on with your health and joy is the end goal, and it doesn't take an uncertain man to do it.
Today, I am in a much better place. I have a beautiful son with and amazing man that I adore. I find myself giving advice to other women about their relationships, and how to communicate their feelings, as I'm always asked for advice. Somehow, I've been placed on a platform to help women in the same situations, which fed my spirit—support is out there and we should never be afraid to get it.
Ultimately, I've learned that I'm stronger than I ever knew I was. I overcame the hardest part of my life, and I've been rewarded ten times over with my amazing family now.
Have I forgiven my ex-husband? Absolutely.
I had to. I had to forgive him in order to allow happiness to find me. I actually last saw him at our alma mater—the very place that we met. And I couldn't have cared less. That's when I realized, that I had set myself free.
And ladies, that is a level of peace that we must learn to immerse ourselves in; a peace that no one can take from us.
If you would like any advice from Mekia, you can follow her on Instagram at @mekia504. Subscribe to her YouTube Channel for more stories, advice, and life updates.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
Photo courtesy
When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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