When you think of LeToya Luckett's career journey, don't call it a comeback. Her glow up has continued well past her years as part of the original roster of Destiny's Child.
She reached the Billboard 200 with her solo debut back in 2006, and went platinum that same year. Her second solo album also made waves in 2009, and she went on to grab TV and film success, appearing on Starz's Rosewood, OWN's Greenleaf, HBO's Treme, and Starz's Single Ladies. (Who didn't love the savvy and shrewd Felicia Price, a music industry exec who held no punches, wore the sexiest suits, and had the one fly white chick on the show jumping through hoops?)
"If I find myself in a new position or situation outside of my comfort zone, I say 'Cool, God has me here for a reason.' So whatever it is, He's preparing me for something bigger and better," Luckett told xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
eOne Music
Luckett's now touring with the stage play version of cult classic, Set It Off, and she's become the new face of Dark & Lovely, a spot that's perfect for someone whose style transitions have been just as beautifully intriguing as those in her professional life---from songstress, to TV host, to actress and back again with styles that have inspired YouTube tutorials and hair magazine covers.
Dark & Lovely
"I feel that now, there's this cookie-cutter trend going on where it's like everybody with the same hairstyle---the same this, the same that. I want to continue to let women know that it's OK to be you. The things I love about the legends and icons---the Lena Hornes, the Dorothy Dandridges, the Diana Rosses---they were free to be themselves. I want to bring that back. Dark & Lovely has been around for generations. My grandfather uses the products and still does in his beauty salon and he's 80-plus years old. Women would come in dying their hair different colors and they were OK with it. They weren't so worried about what people had to say about them. I want to get back to that. Rock out however you want to."
"I want to get back to that. Rock out however you want to."
She is definitely walking the talk, having cut the long tresses--- so popular among today's successful film and reality TV stars--- for a short sassy 'do that helps to redefine what's beautiful among young black women already challenging the stereotypical standard.
Set It Off
Luckett redefines several other aspects of black womanhood in the roles she takes as well, and her latest is quite a twist from the sweet Southern belle we've seen in interviews and on Instagram.
"I think [being in Set It Off, the play] stretches me a bit. Vivica [Fox] did an amazing job playing Frankie, so much so that I would've tried to play Vivica instead of trying to be Frankie. I felt that if I want to do the character justice, I needed to go back in and think about it and get to know Frankie again. That's what I did. I have so much fun playing her, to know where she's coming from, to make the decision [she made]."
An everyday bank-teller-turned-bank-robber might be far from what people might relate to Luckett but this is one survivor who has taken professional and personal blows to the chin with grace and a smile.
Love & Happiness
In another experience that tested her fortitude and confidence, Luckett was fortunate enough to find love and remarry after a very public divorce from a mate who was a celebrity in his own right. (Her ex-husband, Rob Hill Sr., was once known as "The Heart Healer," and would often promote relationship and dating advice to a following of more than 400,000 on Instagram alone.) With her now-husband, Tommicus Walker, who she did not meet until months after dating over the phone, she decided to change the game again, choosing to let go of the pain of the past and release control to the only thing she knew more powerful than her own sheer determination and strength.
Instagram
Related: LeToya Luckett Is Married & The Story of How They Met Is A Fairytale
"Faith played a huge role. It's the only way i was able to get through my divorce. I said, 'God I give this up to you and I'll be OK if hey, I leave this Earth and never marry again. God has done so many other great things for me in my life that I can't complain. God decided to give me a husband again, and I'm so grateful for what God has done for me."
"God decided to give me a husband again, and I'm so grateful for what God has done for me."
What's Next
For Luckett, the swaying of public opinion and the pressure of adhering to an Instagram-worthy facade of perfection are no match for authenticity.
"I remember as a kid, before I signed any record deals, before I did anything, music brought me so much joy. Singing brought me so much joy. I wasn't doing it for money or attention. I was doing it because it brought me joy, and I had a passion for it. You can't lose that in the politics of it all. It's easy to allow that stuff to taint your experience. You gotta remember the real reason you're doing it all. Find the joy in that. Don't make it so easy for people to easily steal your joy---especially with social media and people having opinions of you."
"You gotta remember the real reason you're doing it all. Find the joy in that."
From exiting DC---a pivotal part of her adolescence and teenage life--- to rebounding after heartache, to continuing to inspire all women to embrace their own unique Black girl magic, Luckett proves that the highs and lows of her life as vital parts of the journey.
"Sometimes we can be so afraid of change that it cripples us from getting where we need to be. I find the beauty in change and transition. For me, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be."
For more LeToya, be sure to follow her on Instagram.
RELATED
Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock