As children, we are taught by way of the media to hate what's different. Somewhere along the line, from diapers to grade school, we become adapt to conformity, afraid of the unknown. As a woman who spent a good portion of her life attending predominantly white school, I specifically remember the moments of insecurity I experienced as a result of the kinks in my hair or the width of my nose. Even as an adult, I harbor insecurities about the lack of, or even exuberance of, my blackness.
Thankfully, a small yet ambitious army of women are determined to make melanin mainstream. As cultural standards shift in what it means to be beautiful, women of color have gained a platform to tell their stories on a worldwide level. One of the warriors in the army against insecurity is self-published author, Jennifer Vassel.
Creator of the self-love themed children's book I am Unique!, Jennifer spent the majority of her life with what she felt was a God-given flaw. Since grade school, she was insecure about her birthmark, which covers her shoulder and much of her back. Jennifer said, "I was 7 when I first realized I had a birthmark and I didn't see anyone else with one. At around 8, I started feeling self-conscious because people would ask me questions about it, thinking it was a bruise."
Like most of us, instead of embracing what made her different, Jennifer hid her birthmark every time she got the chance. Her budding insecurity began to dictate every part of her life, even her wardrobe. She told xoNecole, "Because I didn't see anyone who looked like me with a birthmark, I thought it was a flaw and grew up not wearing tops and dresses that exposed it. I started telling myself what I could and could not wear because of my mark. For my high school prom, I had the makeup artist conceal my mark with foundation because I wanted to look beautiful that night."
KAYE MCCOY
Coincidentally, the physical eccentricity that she sought so hard to conceal ended up being a part of her legacy forever.
Jennifer was raised in Los Angeles by Jamaican immigrant parents and discovered her affinity for writing at 6 years old. By 8 years old, she had written her first short story, and by 9, she had been published. Despite her apparent love for her passion, Jennifer found herself working as a Human Resources professional in her adult life. It wasn't until she heard a prolific New Year's Eve sermon by her pastor that she chose to pursue writing as a full-time career.
"Don't die with your gifts still on the inside of you; impart to others what was entrusted to you."
Less than two years later, she published her first book: a collection of short stories and poems, which ultimately became an Amazon #1 Bestseller, but it wasn't until 2016 that she published a book that would change the trajectory of her entire brand.
KAYE MCCOY
Jennifer's latest book, I Am Unique! features Erin, a young girl with a big heart and even bigger dreams who is preparing to audition for the lead role in the school play, and only one thing can get in her way: insecurity. Erin's story mirrors Jennifer's childhood, her night at the prom, and every moment wishing both her insecurity and her birthmark would somehow fade away. The author shared, "It wasn't until I was a freshman in college when I got tired of hiding. I just woke up one day and thought, 'This is silly.' I started wearing clothes that exposed my mark. When no one on campus pointed it out, I started feeling more comfortable in my own skin."
"It took me 10 years to get over my birthmark insecurity. One of the purposes for writing I Am Unique!was to shorten that struggle period and help kids address their insecurities - whatever they may be - right when they develop."
Jennifer shared that she wrote this book featuring this melanated maven, to inspire the little girl in all of us to find confidence in their gifts.
"The truth is, Erin lives within all of us. Whether it is a birthmark like hers, a childhood scar, or maybe even something we can't physically see, we all have something about us that could trigger insecurities. That's why we're positioning Erin as the face of self-love, so we can inspire kids to rise above those insecurities and share their unique gifts with the world."
The author told xoNecole that deep down, every woman is a little girl who has been harboring their insecurities and indulging in negative self-talk since childhood. According to Jennifer, the key to mastering self-love is mastering the power of your truth. She's even gotten a first-hand account of how a children's book has the ability to touch the hearts of grown women.
"I believe inside every woman is a little girl who has not addressed the insecurities they've faced in their earlier years."
"I know this because after sharing my story at an event, a woman approached me with tears in her eyes saying how inspiring my story is. She shared that until this day, she cannot bring herself to love her natural hair due to a bad childhood experience (she was at a restaurant and headed to the ladies' room. Someone told her she was going to the wrong bathroom because they thought she was a boy)."
Our self-identified flaws have the power to plague us our entire lives if we don't confront our demons and learn to accept ourselves as we are; and that's a message so simple that even a little girl named Erin with big dreams of being on stage can comprehend.
KAYE MCCOY
After being recognized widely in her field, and by media like Forbes and Black Enterprise, the young creative says that her work has only begun. Jennifer is currently laser-focused on building I Am Unique! as an empowerment brand, complete with a free audio book and parent's guide, that can help children across the world tap into their natural gifts and actualize their wildest dreams.
Jennifer shared, "Some current and future projects are a coloring and activity book, an Erin doll, and some opportunities in the tech, music, and entertainment space. The goal is to have multiple touch points for Erin to meet kids right where they are, and inspire them to live their lives undimmed."
Purchase your copy of "I Am Unique!" here and keep up with Jennifer on social media @JenniferDVassel and @IAmUniqueBook.
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To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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