Iman Opens Up About Losing The Love Of Her Life: “I Am Just Trying To Keep It Together”
Grief is a process. There are different stages and everyone processes loss differently. Whether it's a loss by a change in relationship status, the growing apart of two friends, or a loss by death, grieving the end of a relationship with someone that we love hurts. There is no timeline or right way to do it, and in some instances, you may never fully move on from that loss.
I've had to grieve several relationships, from friends that are no longer close to me to the end of relationships and even divorce. But what I can't imagine is the pain one must feel after the love of their life passes away.
When the news of David Bowie losing his battle with liver cancer became public back in 2016, fans all over the world began expressing their sadness. Social media was filled with tributes and fans played his music to comfort themselves through the pain. After a while, the tributes went away and the news cycle continued. But for his wife, supermodel and businesswoman Iman, she is still going through an immeasurable amount of pain.
Iman recently sat down with Net-A-Porter to discuss her past life as a model, her current life as a cosmetics industry mogul, and why she is still learning how to move through life without her husband. Iman was married to David for 26 years, and the couple seemed to share that rare connection that so many of us are looking for.
Through it all, Iman has maintained a tough exterior, but on the inside, the model says she isn't as strong as she appears. The 63-year-old reveals:
"And sometimes, I don't want people to know how sad I am… People say to me, 'Oh, you're so strong'… I'm not strong – I am just trying to keep it together."
Being a public figure certainly has its benefits, but the prying eyes of those who may feel entitled to your every move has to be overwhelming, to say the least. For Iman, she says that while she understands that the fans have a right to grieve, there is no way that they could possibly feel her pain.
While the world lost a role model, Iman and her family lost the most important man in their lives:
"People take pictures of me in the street, and say [touching my arm]: 'I am so sorry for your loss'… I'm like, don't touch me. You just took pictures of me, how can you be sorry?'... I get the fans' grief, but it's not the same… They have lost someone they look up to; we have lost a husband and a father."
Whether or not the cosmetics mogul is ready to move is still up in the air. While she remains open to possibly dating again in the future, Iman says she will never remarry. She still refers to David as her husband despite the fact that she may find herself feeling lonely from time to time. She says:
"I will never remarry… I mentioned my husband the other day with someone, and they said to me: 'You mean your late husband?' I said, 'No, he is always going to be my husband.'"
"I do feel very lonely… But do I want a relationship? I can't say never, but no, not now."
Sometimes we forget that public figures and celebrities are human just like we are. Everyone experiences loss, pain, emotions, and everything that comes with living this life on earth. It is refreshing in a way to hear Iman speak on her grief. Rather than sugarcoat her experience, she gave a real glimpse into the emotional battle she's been through and the process that she is currently navigating through. Thank you, Iman, for sharing your truth without coving up your pain.
To read the rest of her feature in Net-A-Porter, click here.
Featured image by Rob Kim/Getty Images
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Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Stress Awareness Month: Sneaky Workplace Triggers Affecting Black Women, And How To Cope
We all know about the major stress triggers of everyday life, from relationship woes to monthly bills to unexpected emergencies, but there are small, subtle triggers that impact Black women in a big way, especially when it comes to work. It’s good to be aware of these sneaky stressors in order to maximize your day and find ways to incorporate solutions into your self-care routines.
Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
valentinrussanov/Getty Images
How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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Featured image by Charday Penn/Getty Images