A wise person once said, "Adulthood is about surviving childhood."
If you stop and really let that sink in, it will make you want to heal from any mistakes your parents made; it'll also make you want to be super-careful in the decisions you make with your own kids, for the sake of their own (future) adulthood.
As for me, I don't have children, so I'm working on Column A. Although I grew up in a house where apologies were in abundance, I also heard it a ton because mistakes (i.e. poor choices) were made over and over (and over and over and over) again. So much to the point that I didn't realize that if someone says, "I'm sorry", (please catch this) there should be a change in their behavior that follows.
Because I'm just now really getting this, it's taken me years—decades actually—to learn how to truly forgive someone (please do that; your health and sanity depend on it), and to know what I should require (yes require) of someone who apologizes. Because, as I often tell couples in my marriage life coaching sessions, "If you want to free yourself and be in a good spiritual space, forgive. But in order for a relationship to heal, one person needs to forgive while the other needs to repent."
And if someone is truly remorseful, they are going to do the following five things:
They Will Offer An Apology
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You might've read this point and thought, "duh" but not so fast. I don't know about you, but there have been all sorts of situations—both personally as well as professionally—when someone has harmed or offended me and I had to coax an apology out of them.
I don't mean I had to explain why I was hurt (sometimes that is required). I mean that once we were both on the same page about the "offense", there were explanations and justifications but no "I'm sorry"—or sounded something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way but…" (which comes off as them trying to become the victim in the situation).
When someone gets that what they did was either wrong or that it hurt you (because those two things are not always one and the same), if they value you and the relationship, they'll acknowledge it without you having to "force" them to. Their humility will supersede their pride. "I'm sorry" will flow out of them.
So will my next point.
They Will Express What They Regret Doing
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This is what I call a "Shellie-ism" but personally, I don't trust people who claim that they don't live with regrets. I actually wonder if the individuals who boldly say that know what the word literally means—"to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.)".
To be remorseful is to have "deep and painful regret for wrongdoing", and if you are bragging about living without it, I can't help but wonder how healthy your relationships are.
All of us are human, all of us have done something that has "wronged" another individual. Hopefully, we feel sorrow or painful regret about that fact. That said, when someone is truly sorry for something they did to you, not only are you going to get an "I'm sorry" (or "I apologize") but it's going to follow with their reasons behind what they are sorry for.
For instance, if you told one of your girls something super-private and she tells someone else, not only is she going to apologize but she's going to follow up with something along the lines of "…for betraying your trust".
Why? It's simple really. An apology doesn't mean much unless the person who's doing it is clear on what they are sorry for in the first place. That's the only way they can be clear on what they did and how to avoid doing it again.
They Will Ask You What They Can Do To Set Things Right
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MAKING AMENDS. This is something I learned about thanks to the Bible (Matthew 5:23-24) and my late father talking about his AA meetings. Bo,y do I wish I saw it more in action, though.
When someone does something to hurt/harm another, there were actual actions that took place. They betrayed someone. They took someone for granted. They abused someone in some way. The list goes on and on. In order to begin the healing process, all that words do is express the intention to try and do better moving forward. But in order to restore the trust/integrity that was lost, there needs to be some work behind it.
For every negative action, there needs to be a positive and equal reaction.
When someone is sorry—really and truly sorry—for what they did to you, the apology is going to be followed up with a "What can I do?" Why? Because they'll get that you forgiving them, especially while you are still hurting, is an act of faith on your part; the least they can do is make taking that step a little bit easier for you to do.
They Will DO Those Things
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This part is crucial. Say that a co-worker took credit for something you did, they apologized to you and asked if there was anything that they could do. If you said, "I need you to tell our supervisor the truth," and days and weeks go by without them doing it, what this translates into is not that they are sorry. It's more like they don't want you to be mad at them.
To be fair, based on what happened, coming to terms on how to make things right may require some negotiating. But once the two of you come to an agreement on how an amends should be made, there should be some follow-through. They'll do that because they want to restore what was lost—the trust, the integrity, the relationship—as soon as possible.
This Will Not Be An Endless Pattern
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Know better, do better. Between the effort it took for you to forgive and the effort it took the other person to make amends, who wants to go through that all over again? Two people who are sincere about the purpose behind their actions get this. That's why if someone makes an apology and does all of what I mentioned, there shouldn't be a need for the same "offense" to happen over and over again.
So many of us are carrying wounds because we didn't get the full apology we deserved. Hopefully, this has shed some light on what to do when you've hurt/harmed someone and what you deserve when someone hurt/harms you.
Saying "I'm sorry" is just the beginning of the healing process. Truly sorry people get that.
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Jada Pinkett Smith Reminds Us Forgiveness Isn't About the Other Person, It's for Us Too - Read More
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RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
"They asked for body products and we wanted to make sure we listened. But also layering fragrance begins with the body routine." The body wash is $33, and the body lotion is $35. Keep reading below to hear more about Tabitha and Chance's new collection, their body rituals, and what makes their partnership successful.
Fridays with Tab and Chance body collection
Marcus Owens
xoNecole: How did you come up with the scents for the collection?
Tabitha Brown: We love warm scents that make you feel sexy and loved. [We’re] both fans of gourmand [scents], including bergamot, vanilla, tonka and chocolate.
xoN: If you could describe your working relationship in one word, what would it be and why?
Tabitha: It's our first time building a product line together and our first time working with fragrance. So having patience with the process and each other has been the best way to build.
xoN: What is your body care ritual?
Tabitha: Exfoliate with a scrub a few times a week, but using a moisturizing body wash daily. After a shower, I spray a body mist that compliments what scent I am choosing for the day. Most times vanilla mist wins because it’s a perfect base for layering. I then hydrate [my] skin with lotion. Then, once dressed, I layer my favorite fragrance, Her Business, first and then His Business on top.
Chance: [I’m] way more simple. Just body wash and lotion and then my cologne and I’m good to go.
xoN: We enjoy watching you two together online, whose idea was it to start 'Fridays with Tab & Chance'?
Tabitha: It actually happened by accident. Back in 2018, my fans had just been asking about how we met, so we did a video answering questions one Friday and people in the comments [asked], will y’all do it again next Friday? And so we did and the next thing you know Fridays with Tab & Chance was born.
xoN: In what other ways do you plan to expand Fridays? Restart the podcast? TV show?
Tabitha: We are working on a lifestyle content show vs the traditional Fridays podcast. More to come soon.
xoN: You do many things together, but what would you say is your favorite quality time activity and why?
Tabitha: We are really simple. We love watching movies or TV series together on the couch or in bed. It’s really one of our favorite things to do together.
xoN: What is your favorite thing about the other person?
Tabitha: I love that he makes me feel safe and how hard he works to be an amazing father.
Chance: I love that she is crazy enough to pursue her wildest dreams.
xoN: What is the key to a successful partnership in business and personal?
Tabitha: The key is knowing that you both are going to change, and giving each other grace, patience, and understanding during those changes.
See more on tabandchance.com.
Feature image Marcus Owens