This article is in partnership with National Black Nurses Association.
The year 2020 came with its share of loss, but it didn't leave us without important lessons in its wake. As we navigated the reality of rallying against insurmountable odds during unprecedented times, we were reminded of the blessing of good health, the gratitude of life's simple joys, and the impact of stillness and slowing down. Another bit of beauty found in the ashes of the year was the appreciation for the heartbeat of our front line workers who turned out to be everyday people. They were the teachers in our children's classrooms, the cashiers at our nearest grocery stores, and in the healthcare field, they were the doctors and the nurses.
Undoubtedly, nurses weathered the storm and still continue to do so amid COVID. They worked long hours and went above and beyond to ensure that patients feeling isolated during these times due to the infectious spread of this novel disease felt less alone in the hours that could have left them at their loneliest. It is these reminders that emphasize the depth of nurses as light workers, as healers, but most of all, as essential workers in our healthcare industry.
Still, sometimes it is easy to feel that the hardest roles are the most thankless. To remedy that, we are spotlighting 20 nurses that have been making their battle cry heard on the front lines through purpose and dedication. On behalf of our partnership with the National Black Nurses Association, xoNecole spoke with 5 Houston nurses about what they do, why they do it, and how they pour into themselves after pouring into others. Here's what they shared.
Honoria C. Bush, RN
Courtesy of Honoria C. Bush
Title: Emergency Room Registered Nurse
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: One year on February 21, 2021
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"I actually started my nursing career right at the beginning of the pandemic in February 2020. I previously worked in the ER for two years prior as an ER tech. Being faced with using my training in the midst of a pandemic was an entirely different challenge. I used this learning experience and strived to absorb all of the on-the-job training that I could. I learned to move quickly but to also pace myself so that I wouldn't burn out so easily. There were times that I felt I couldn't make it through the shift without crying as our COVID numbers and the work demand rose higher, but I have an amazing team to support me and our patients are a constant reminder of why I chose this field."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"I believe I have become more confident in my patients' care. I have had to not only be a nurse, but also take the extra step of being the patient's family member, prayer partner, and a shoulder to lean on. After my brother contracted COVID-19 and was placed on the ventilator and ECMO, the ICU nurses made sure that my mother, sister and I were able to FaceTime him every night. One nurse even went out of her way to research on YouTube how to braid black textured hair and cornrowed my brother's hair. The special treatment that I and my family received impacted how I treated my patients. I had one patient who was older and lived with her daughter. Naturally, having tested positive for COVID, she was nervous about everything.
"Anytime I walked in the room, she thought the worst. This sometimes caused her to hyperventilate, thereby affecting her oxygen demand. After noticing this, I contacted the patient's daughter to see if it was OK if I FaceTimed her throughout the day when the patient became anxious. I figured just seeing her daughter's face may make all the difference in the world. The patient and the daughter were calmer about the patient being alone and they entrusted me with the patient's care. It was at that moment that I knew I might not be able to remove the virus from the patient but I can try my best to bring some type of normalcy to them as they are afraid and in an unfamiliar environment without those that love them."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"I believe I have learned to listen to my own body. In the beginning of the pandemic, I was eager to work as much overtime as I could to assist with the high work demand my department was experiencing. Wait times were longer, and my day depended on so many variables, 'Will my patient survive today' or 'will there be another patient that will code during the shift due to the virus?' Some nights all I could do was shower and go straight to sleep. Days and nights began to run together. Then things shifted both personally and professionally. After my own brother lost his battle due to COVID complications, I became the family member that was confused and didn't understand how a person can appear OK one day and then next day, I had to witness a healthcare worker pounding on your loved one's chest to resuscitate them through FaceTime.
"After my brother's death, I have been more intentional with listening to my body and not working too much. I also took the opportunity to seek professional help and meet with a therapist weekly to discuss what I see every day, not only with my own COVID patients but also with losing my own brother. I had to learn that taking care of myself is not selfish but, rather it helps me to be a better nurse who can serve others better."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"I know I was meant to be a nurse. It's my God-given purpose. I wake up ready for work, ready for the shift and eager to help my patients in any way I can. The pandemic has shown me that my purpose is to serve others. My manager always says, 'You can teach a nurse skills, but there's no way to teach them how to care. It comes from within.' To those families who have lost loved ones to this disease, I sympathize with you and I encourage you to be hopeful that things will one day get better, but until then, be safe, know that it's OK to be fearful, but use that fear to motivate safe behaviors; wear your mask, wash your hands and watch your distance. We are truly in this together and we're better and stronger together!"
Chanelle Dozier, RN
Courtesy of Chanelle Dozier
Title: Neonatal Intensive Care Nurse
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: Three years
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"The Neonatal Intensive Care Unit has always been a place of high stress. As a nurse, you have to be able to balance the stress of caring for the fragile infants. The pandemic was a whirlwind of constantly changing policies."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"I am trusted to care for infants that are very precious, fragile, and lastly adorable. It is already extremely difficult for families when they leave their baby in our care. However, sprinkle COVID-19, visitation policies were forced to be even stricter than the previous occasions. It was extremely hard seeing a couple, trying to decide who would be the primary visiting parent.
"As the nurse, being able to help the parent do something as simple as FaceTime was rewarding to me. Also, giving thorough updates over the phone [and] hearing that sigh of relief in their voice made my night."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"Working through this pandemic has not been easy on any terms. There have been many times of uncertainty, change, and stress. I am still thankful that I get to go to work and make a difference for the families and infants. I am thankful for all my coworkers that rally together to support each other."
Dr. Lola Denise Jefferson
Courtesy of Dr. Lola Denise Jefferson
Title: House Supervisor at Kindred Sugar Land Hospital
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: 32 years
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"We have always had to use Universal Precautions but now it is detrimental. You must wash your hands, you must use gloves when necessary, you must wear a mask at ALL times, and no more close contact. I am a touchy feely person. I love the personal touch of a human being. The patients are human beings who are scared and need a touch with eye contact from a human being, their caregiver. It makes me so sad that we have to be six feet apart to remain healthy. I love to smile and my patients and staff cannot see me smiling at them. That is a problem for me. Smiling is a big part of me and I am not able to show that I am smiling to assure people that it is going to be all right."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"Our ICU is on the first floor. We roll the patient's bed in front of the window and the family stands outside of the window. The family members wave to the alert intubated patient. One day, I was rounding in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) and I witnessed the joy of the family on the outside of the window of the intubated family member. That gave me immense joy! I started waving too! The family started jumping up and down when they saw me. So I started jumping up and down! This brought such a deep, warm feeling inside of me because I started picturing to myself that that could be me and the patient could be my mother! I was in the moment! I became tearful but I held back the tears. This pandemic is awful."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"I am eating healthier. I am getting adequate sleep and trying to add exercise. I pray and ask God to heal our land. When you become a health professional, you fully realize that someone greater than us, is looking out for us!"
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"I love nursing! I love caring for people. All people. I love educating anyone who asks about the COVID-19."
Chioma Alikpo
Courtesy of Chioma Alikpo
Title: Med-Surg Nurse at Memorial Hermann Sugar Land Hospital
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: One year, six months
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"Prior to the 2020 pandemic, the main difference is the level of acuity and an unfamiliar treatment plan. As a new nurse, it was strenuous to navigate through these challenges but I was able to develop my nursing skills and utilize the help of my peers to treat our patients affectively."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"I was empathetic to my patients' lack of support. I used my caring and loving nature to provide therapeutic communication to assist my patients through their toughest times."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"I practiced the art of self-care by reading books, writing and getting adequate amounts of sleep. Also, my prayers and family gave a sense of comfort during these challenges. These [things] allowed me to keep my mental health intact to provide the highest care."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"I have an important role to play in life and I knew I was called to do this job. Not only are they my patients but they are moms, daughters, uncles , grandparents and sons. I have an active duty to heal and bring them back to their families."
Debra Raven, RN
Courtesy of Debra Raven
Title: RN at Memorial Hermann Southwest Hospital
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: 24 years
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"This pandemic has really weighed me down. Many times it has left me feeling mentally drained and defeated. These times are in no comparison to pre-COVID times, yet I rise every morning with God's grace ready to save lives."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"I have bought color books [and] crayons for patients for distraction. I have stayed with patients and held their hands. I have worn many hats. I've been a teacher, counselor, mother and friend to these patients. I always go out of my way for my patients and wouldn't change anything."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"I gravitate to prayer to keep me sane through these trying times. It has always worked for me. I also have a workout program to de-stress."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"I know nursing is my calling. I wake up every day for new challenges in saving lives and continue to give 100 percent of me all the time."
For more information about the National Black Nurses Association, visit their website, www.nbna.org.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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1. Go All Out with the Christmas Décor
GiphyThere is someone I know who is so obsessed with Christmas, she’s damn near annoying-borderline-terrifying. I’m. Not. Kidding. Yet hey, if you’re going to do a holiday-themed staycation (emphasis on “holiday-themed”), that’s kind of how you’ve got to be. Some décor ideas include:
- A fresh Christmas tree (is the most ideal) that is ultimately decorated
- Wreaths on outside and inside doors
- Garland (with twinkle lights) in predictable and unpredictable places
- Poinsettias
- Mistletoes
- Snow globes
- A stocking (with some of your favorite things in it)
- Fake snow
- Stars
- Angels
- Candy canes
- A BLACK Santa (LOL)
I mean, since you are going to be spending a lot of time at home, it can feel like a mini-winter wonderland if you are intentional about doing more decorating to your living space than you ever have before!
2. Buy a Couple of Christmas-Themed PJs
GiphyWhile I was doing some research on a totally different topic, I happened upon an article that talked about the psychology behind why we should be intentional about what we wear to bed. When you stop to think about the fact that (hopefully) you are sleeping somewhere between 6-8 hours every night, it would make sense that things like the color and fabric of your sleepwear would have a real impact on you — even subconsciously.
Well, when it comes to Christmas décor, specifically, not only does it take you back to nostalgic memories, it can also boost your moods. So, aside from being on-10 with your Christmas décor, also invest in some Christmas-themed PJs. Since you’re going to be doing a lot of lounging around (RIGHT?), do it in something that makes you think about all of your favorite things about this time of year.
3. Cop Some Christmas-Scented Candles
GiphyThere really is no telling how many articles that I’ve written where I am singing the praises of scented soy candles. Candles are soothing, comforting and a very easy way to reduce stress. Also, since it gets darker quicker and for a longer period of time around this time of the year, candles provide a relaxing vibe to your home. Since it is Christmastime, go with scents that are reminiscent of the season:
- Cinnamon
- Vanilla
- Cranberry
- Apple
- Pine
- Frankincense and Myrrh
- Peppermint
- Cashmere
- Ginger(bread)
- Orange
- Sugar Cookies
- Sandalwood
- Cloves
- Cedarwood
- (Hot) Chocolate
Personally, one of my favorite candle companies is Goose Creek. Their signature collections will have your entire house smelling like a high-end bakery. No exaggeration.
4. Play Some Winter-Themed ASMR Sounds
GiphyI’m from Nebraska and my mother was a New Yorker. So, if there is one thing that I like, it’s seasons and that includes snow during wintertime. Unfortunately, Nashville is cray-cray when it comes to that. If, where you live, the weather is all over the place too (which is why I think it’s insane that some people still give pushback to global warming) and you would like for it to at least seem like you are in your own winter wonderland — invest in some fake snow to strategically place around your home.
Oh, and don’t forget to turn on some winter-themed ASMR sounds too. YouTube has videos that run for hours on end that feature blizzards and howling winds that really can make you feel like you are in the midst of an ice storm.
5. Host a Holiday Movie Marathon
GiphyOne thing to remember about a staycation is it doesn’t mean that you have to be alone or that the only people who can participate are the ones who live with you. Since a staycation is simply about staying close to home instead of traveling afar — absolutely consider having some of your favorite people over for a holiday-themed movie marathon. Shoot, Black America Web even did you a solid by publishing “25 Best Black Christmas Movies Of All Time;” plus, Tubi has a Black holiday hits section of indie films too.
Oh, and make sure to get creative with the Christmas-themed snacks. Some ideas? Some Kentucky-fried turkey tenders with cranberry hot sauce (recipe here), some Holiday Hot Spinach Dip (recipe here), some Grinch Kabobs (recipe here), some roasted pecans (recipe here) and some Pomegranate Guacamole (recipe here).
6. Spend a Night (or Two) at a Hotel or Vacation House
GiphyJust like you don’t have to be alone during a staycation, you also don’t have to be cooped up in your house the entire time. Get a change of scenery in your own city by spending the night in a hotel that you’ve always wanted to try out or renting a vacation house for you and some of your folks to hang out in during the time between Christmas and New Year’s Day. I have a “love little sister” who does this randomly when she needs a break from her work as a therapist. She says that it’s damn near like taking a trip (and she has PLENTY of passport stamps; trust me).
7. Have Brunch or Dinner at a Christmas-Themed Restaurant
GiphyIf nothing puts a bigger smile on your face than the thought of DoorDashing meals and barely even touching your stove during your staycation — hey, I am right there with you. Do consider going out to brunch or dinner during your chill time, though. It’s another way to bond with people and create some current holiday memories. And if you’ve got a bae and you opt for dinner, it can be a wonderful type of Christmas-themed date.
8. Go to a Holiday-Themed Concert
GiphyBeing that I got my start as an entertainment writer, hear me when I say that I’m not someone who just has to go to a live concert every chance that I get. Oh, but baby, when I saw that El DeBarge was doing a City Winery tour and he was going to be here right before Christmas — I booked myself a ticket quick, fast and in a super-duper hurry! Shoot, I didn’t even want to go with someone because I plan to give him and that falsetto voice of his my complete and undivided attention. LOL.
I don’t know what it is about the holiday season that makes live music that much more enjoyable — but if there is a concert that features one of your favorite artists happening right through here, consider that to be a cool way to “tour your city” while cultivating a really awesome memory at the same time.
9. Also, Go Ice Skating
GiphyOne of my fondest memories of time with my father is going ice skating. We actually would do it in the summer (because that is when I would visit him) and, every year, he would get me a new ice skating outfit. Even now, when I watch someone ice skate (even in movies; like in the classic movie Garden State), I will have warm fuzzies.
Anyway, if you’ve never been before, go. If it’s been forever since you have, also go. There is something that is very sweet and so signature Christmas about it. Plus, it’s a top-tier form of exercise.
10. Take a Christmas Lights Tour
GiphyAnother one of my favorite Christmas memories is driving through neighborhoods and looking at the Christmas lights. And just like a Christmas concert can be a form of hometown touring, so can doing this if you decide to choose a couple of areas where you’ve never really been or rarely frequent.
Now are you excited about the thought of experiencing a holiday-themed staycation?
I thought you would be. ENJOY!
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