

Recently, I was talking to a single woman about what her plans were for the holidays. When she started talking about how badly she wanted to be in a relationship, I found myself calling her out on it a bit. "Girl, you ain't said nothin' about a man all year and now you want to be with somebody?" After she (literally) poked out her lip, she said, "It just seems like everyone in the world is with someone but me and I don't like it."
Listen, it doesn't matter how much you adore your single state, there are definitely going to be times when you will either want what others have or wonder what it would be like to have what others have and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. At the same time, if you're tempted to reroute your entire life just because of six weeks' worth of sentiment, at least make the time to skim this so that you're absolutely sure. Because having someone to kiss on New Year's Eve is one thing. Taking on all that comes with being in a relationship? That is a reindeer of a whole 'nother color, sis.
So, the Hallmark Movies Have Got You Going, Eh?
OK, kinda off of the subject yet not really — what is up with all of these interracial couples in these holiday Hallmark and Lifetime movies and commercials? Listen, my goddaughters are bi-ethnic, so that is no diss; however, Black love is my lane and it seems like that is getting harder and harder to find right through here. Whew.
Anyway, although I'm not personally a holiday observer (and no, I am not a Jehovah's Witness), I do enjoy a good-'n-semi-corny holiday romance film, more than anything, because of the sweet innocence that seems to come along with it (which is hard to come by in TV and film these days). A word of caution, though — if you watch too many of those, it can definitely get you caught up if you're single. What I mean by that is, after about three of 'em, you'll be close to crying into your hot chocolate because it will seem like EVERYONE in the world is boo'd up when that isn't even close to being the case. Not by a long shot.
Still, if you know that you are naturally super sentimental, you might want to balance how much lovey-dovey stuff that you consume. Holiday movies are supposed to make you feel good. If all they're doing is making you feel lonely, it's time to read a book, listen to a podcast, or do something else.
Is This the Time of Year That Has You “Feeling Some Type of Way” Every Year?
I'm pretty sure it will come as no surprise to you that a whopping 40 percent of engagements happen in between Christmas and Valentine's Day. So, between IG posts of randoms with their sparkling diamonds, your friends with pics of them standing underneath the mistletoe, and perhaps even looking around at your family members and their boo, it's important to sit back and assess if you actually want to be with someone right now or does it just seem like this is the time of year when it is made abundantly clear that you aren't.
Then, once you've got that question answered, follow it up with if the holidays are a trigger for you every year. If so, don't take that lightly because you don't want to go out there and try and make a relationship out of scraps (an ex, a booty call, etc.) just because you're going through an annual trigger that will pass just (about) as fast as it came. You'd be better off treating yourself to a pampering day than forcing a relationship that you know you don't really want but try to make work…just because you're a little (overly) emotional right now.
After New Year’s, Do You Even Have Time to Maintain a Relationship?
Something that I personally think the holidays and weddings have in common is folks can put a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and expenses into both, only for both to end pretty quickly. My point? When it comes to weddings, couples need to make sure that they are taking their life following their nuptials into account. And when it comes to the holidays, well — if you were doing just fine not having a man prior to Thanksgiving, what makes you suddenly think that now is the time to get with one?
Y'all, something that life and time have taught me is things are best when they happen organically when they aren't forced. If you happen to meet a guy at your favorite coffee shop the day before Christmas, awesome. Yet if you don't, again, your life was pretty full before the holiday season began, and trust me, these next few weeks are about to fly right on by. So, if you already know that you've got a ton of plans for the new year and being in a relationship would kinda sorta ruffle them, it's probably best that you are single right now. Don't mourn this fact. Celebrate it.
Always Remember That Sentimentality and Responsibility Are Two Very Different Things.
Whew. If you don't get anything else from this piece, please get this (and yes, I'm about to yell it) — THERE ARE A TON OF PEOPLE WHO ARE IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING DIVORCED, EVEN AS WE SPEAK, AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE THEY WERE CAUGHT UP IN THEIR FEELINGS ABOUT SOMEONE MORE THAN THE RESPONSIBILITY THAT COMES WITH BEING IN A HEALTHY AND LASTING RELATIONSHIP. To be sentimental isn't just about having feelings of love; it is also tied into nostalgia. And believe you me, I have found myself holding someone in my heart or bed far longer than I should've and it was all because nostalgia — not love — had gotten the best of me.
Besides, if you are single during the holiday season, don't take for granted the perks and pluses that can come with that — sleeping in, saving money, not sharing a remote, hanging out wherever you want with whomever you want for as long as you want, going on a few different dates with a few different guys…I can go on and on. Something that I share from time to time is a video that my goddaughter's mom did for me many years ago (you can check it out here; Rissi also has a dope Apple radio show called Color Me Country. Learn more about it here and here). She's married and she gets really real about the price that comes with that. It's a great reminder that while love is a beautiful thing, there are some blessings that come with being single that are totally unmatched as well (again, watch the video).
“Cuffing Season” Can Apply to YOU Too.
OK, so what if you read all of what I just said and you're like, "I hear you, Shellie. I would still like to go on a romantic date, binge-watch some shows on the couch or cuddle up while listening to some Donny Hathaway this year." Understood and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. That said, there is a big difference between being in a relationship and having a cuffing partner or even just someone to casually date right through here. Definitely do some pondering on which one you actually desire because the latter two require a lot less, basically everything, than that first one does.
Speaking of cuffing season, you know, it really does trip me out that when the topic of it comes up, it's oftentimes assumed that it's a "man's sport" when the reality is they wouldn't be able to pull it off without us. So, if after reading a lot of this, you know that what you want is some holiday company more than anything else, be real with yourself about that and then be honest with others who may be trying to set you up on a blind date or who may be trying to make a match with you online. At the end of the day, cuffing season is about people who want some company and not necessarily a relationship. Personally, I have a lot more respect for people who are honest about that fact than those who try to make something be more than what it is, all in the name of holiday-themed romance.
Whatever You Do, Plan and Choose Wisely, Sis.
See the feature pic for this piece? Imagine that the woman in it got linked up to the guy via a co-worker a week prior to Halloween. Neither of them could travel home for Christmas due to their work schedules, so they stayed at his/her/both places from Christmas thru New Year's and made some great, umm, memories. How beautiful — only, come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, somebody's period is late and the pregnancy test that she bought seems to have the faintest double line on it. Or, her period is on schedule but there seem to be some little bumps down below. Or, her health is all good but someone is suddenly not answering her calls or responding to her texts anymore.
I could go on and on with various scenarios yet the point is this — whether you decide to make this the year that you get into something serious or you just want some holiday company to tide you over, please don't just let your feelings just run away in any direction that they want. Be honest with yourself, not just about what you want but what you need. Put together a plan that will serve you best. Then move in wisdom, taking your future and not just the present into account. Because no matter how much you may have the urge to reenact some rom-com right now, reality always sets back in and that's what you'll have to deal with after the credits that triggered your emotions in the first place stop rolling. Remember that. Every holiday season. OK? Cool.
Featured image by Getty Images
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'Black Girl Magic' Poet Mahogany L. Browne Talks Banned Books And The Power Of The Creative Pivot
You know you’re dealing with a truly talented and profound voice of a generation when the powers that be attempt to silence it. As a poet, educator, and cultural curator, Mahogany L. Browne has carved out a powerful space in the world of literature and beyond.
From penning the viral poem, “Black Girl Magic,” to writing Woke: A Young Poet’s Call To Justice (a book once banned from a Boston school library), to becoming the 2024 Paterson Poetry Prize winner and a poet-in-residence at Lincoln Center—her path exemplifies resilience, reinvention, and unapologetic artistry. She's published more than 40 works and paid the bills with her craft, a divine dream for many creatives seeking release, autonomy, and freedom in a tough economic climate.
A Goddard College graduate, who earned an MFA from Pratt Institute and was awarded an honorary doctorate from Marymount Manhattan College, Mahogany offers unapologetic realness with a side of grace and empowerment. "I started touring locally. I started creating chat books so that those poems will go in the hands of the people who were sitting in the rooms," she shared.
"And then I started facilitating poetry workshops, so I used my chat books as curriculum. And that, in turn, allowed me to further invest in my art and show the community and people who were hiring me that it wasn't just a one-off, that it's not just, you know, a fly by night—that I am invested in this art as much as I am invested in your community, in your children's learning, in our growth."
Mahogany has a special way of moving audiences, and her superpower sparks shifts in perspective, post-performance introspection, and strengthening of community bonds, especially among Black women. (One can undeniably recognize her gift for arousal of the spirit and mind merely from her listening to her insights from the other side of a Google Hangout call. I can only imagine the soul-stirring, top-tier sensory encounter when watching her perform in person.)
In this chat with xoNecole, Mahogany reflects on sustaining a creative career, the aftermath of writing a banned book, and using poetry for both healing, community-building, and activism.
Anthony Artis
xoNecole: What are three key things that have laid the foundation for a sustainable creative career for you?
Mahogany L Browne: What has helped me is that I'm willing to go in being an expert at knowing poetry and knowing the way in which art can change the landscape of our lives, not just as a poet, but also as a poetry facilitator. How you move through classes, those things are mastered, right? So when I go into another space that's maybe tech-heavy, I don't mind learning and being, you know, a student of the wonder of how we can make this magic, work together.
Two, you’ve got to know how to pivot. Sometimes we say, ‘Alright, this is what my life is going to be. I'm going to be a New York Times best-selling author. I'm going to, you know, have an album that's Grammy-nominated. And then, say you get dropped from your record label. That doesn't mean you can't make an album anymore. You can also still create an album that can be submitted to the Grammys. So, what does a pivot look like as an artist who doesn't have an institution behind them? Pivot being a student of the wonder.
Relationships also really help. How do I serve the community? And in turn, that tells me how the community can show up. For me, I have long-standing ties with a community that will outlast my one life. So, what does it mean to create space where these relationships can develop, can be nurtured, can be rooted, can be cultivated? Creating space—it happens through relationships.
xoN: With today’s economic challenges, what does your current creative process look like, and what are you working on?
MB: I’m always thinking five years ahead. I just reviewed the pages for two children’s books and recently released a YA novel. I’m drafting an adult fiction manuscript now.
Anything I create is founded with the root of poetry, but it can exist in captions. It can exist in commercials. It can exist as a musical. So that's where I’m at now.
xoN: You started performing "Black Girl Magic" in 2013, had an acclaimed performance of it via PBS and the work went on to viral success shortly after. Talk more about the inspiration. And what do you think about the continued relevance more than a decade later?
MB: I wrote it as a rally cry for the mothers who had been keeping themselves truly in harm's way by, you know, being a part of the community right after the death of their child or their loved one. They are usually mothers of victims of police brutality—and just seeing how they showed up in these community spaces, they are devout to the cause but obviously still grieving.
"I wanted this poem to be just a space of reclamation, of joy and of you, of your light, of your shine, of your brilliance, in any which way in which you fashion. Every room you enter is the room you deserve to be in. What does it mean to have a poem like that that exists?"
And the first time I did the poem, the Weeping that occurred, right? It was like this blood-letting of sorts. The next time I performed it, I'm moved to tears because I'm seeing how it's affecting other women who have just been waiting to hear, ‘You belong. You deserve. You are good. We see you. Thank you, despite everything that they said to make you regret being born in this beautiful brown, dark-skinned, light-skinned, but Black body.’
Black women are the backbone—period. Point blank. And so, that that poem became a necessity, not just to the fortitude of Black women in the community, but like you know, in service of healing the Black women.
xoN: One of your books was banned at a school in Boston, and it was later reinstated due to parental and activist support. What was that experience like?
MB: Well, I think it happened because they were racist. That's it. Point blank. The reversal of it was empowering, right? I realized, oh, I thought we just had to sit here and be on a banned book list. But no, parents are actually the leaders of this charge.
So to see that, the parents said, ‘Nah, we're not gonna let you take this book out of my baby’s school just because it's a Black kid on the front saying, ‘Woke’ and they're talking about being a global citizen. They're talking about accountability. They're talking about accessibility. They're talking about allyship, and you don't want them to have compassion or empathy or have even an understanding, right? So no, we rebuke that, and we want this book here anyway.’ To see that happen in that way. I was, like, reaffirmed. Absolutely.
xoN: You recently organized the Black Girl Magic Ball at the Lincoln Center in New York. Honorees included author and entrepreneur Rachel Cargle and National Black Theater CEO Sade Lythcott. What impact did it have and what expanded legacy do you hope to leave with your creative works?
MB: I was really interested in not celebrating just the book, but celebrating the community that made the book possible. And so I gave out five awards to women doing that thing, like, what does it mean to be a Black girl in this world?
I just thought it was gonna be an amazing time. Everybody's gonna dress up—we're gonna celebrate each other. And boom, I then realized that it responded to like a gaping hole. There was a missing thing for Black girls of all walks of life, all ages, right?
"It's very intergenerational. That was intentional to come together and celebrate just being us."
You have all these instances where just being you is either the butt of a joke or it's diminished and not worthy of a specific title in these larger institutions. So what does it mean to just to be loved up on and celebrated?
It felt like a self-care project at first. You know, for the first couple of years, folks were coming and they were getting that sisterhood. They were getting that tribe work that they were missing in their everyday lives.
I love the Black Girl Magic Ball because we got us. If I go out with a bang, they'll remember that Mahogany worked her a** off to make sure all the Black girls everywhere knew that she was the light. We are the blueprint.
For more information on Mahogany L. Browne, her work, and her future projects, visit her website or follow her on IG @mobrowne.
Featured image by Anthony Artis
Inside Tiera Kennedy’s BET Awards Night: Hanifa Dress, DIY Glam & ‘Blackbiird’ Nomination
This is Tiera Kennedy’s world, and we’re just living in it.
An Alabama native taking country music by storm thanks to her features on Beyoncé s Cowboy Carter and her recently released debut, Rooted, Kennedy is much more than just a woman living out her wildest dreams; she embodies the role of all-American girl with ease.
“I think for me, an all-American girl, for some reason, brings me back to when I was younger, and just like playing at my grandma’s house and just being outside,” Kennedy told xoNecole ahead of her attendance at the 2025 BET Awards.
“I just feel like when I was younger, you know, you don’t have as many responsibilities. There’s not as much weighing you down, and so I kind of go back to that mindset. Like, even now, being 27, I’m trying to get back to that younger girl.”
The 2025 BET Awards, hosted by Kevin Hart, took place in Los Angeles at the Peacock Theater on Monday night (June 9). The star-studded event was filled with tons of surprises, including a trip down memory lane with a 106 & Park reunion, coupled with performances by artists that dominated the top spots during the music video countdown show’s reign from 2000 to 2014.
Kennedy, who received her first nomination alongside Tanner Adell, Brittney Spencer, Reyna Roberts, and Beyoncè in the BET Her category for “Blackbiird,” the reimagination of the original The Beatles of the same title (minus the extra i), invited xoNecole to get ready with her as she prepared for her first-ever BET Awards.
Beauty Rituals Inherited From Her Mother.
Rather than booking her makeup artist ahead of the big night, Kennedy decided to go on a budget and do the task herself, something that isn’t too out of her norm. She noted how she incorporates some of the things she witnessed her mother do while growing up in her routine.
“I remember being younger and seeing all the makeup laid out on my mom’s counter,” the “I Look Good In That Truck” singer recalled. “I don’t even think she knows this, but there were moments where I would like to go and steal her makeup. She would have Mac. I think it was some kind of foundation powder, and I would go in there and I would put it on, and I’m like I hope she doesn’t see.”
She added, “My mom is very natural with her makeup, so even though I’ve got these big lashes on, I always gravitate towards just neutral looks… I don’t do anything too fancy.”
Tiera Kennedy’s Holy Grail of Products.
Kennedy took it upon herself to take a class to ensure that she’s prepared for nights like these, where she’s the one responsible for bringing her glam look to life.
“We are independent,” she said, reminding us that she is no longer tied to a big machine when it comes to her work as an artist. “We ball on a budget. I have to do my makeup for award shows, events, all the things, and so my makeup artist that taught me how to do all of this, Hailee Clark, she put me on to Nars, the foundation. I don’t know exactly what the name of it is, but I love it.”
“I don’t know all the fancy technicals, but I know that it makes me just look kind of airbrushed, and so I love it. Then, I always use this Laura Mercier [setting] powder because I get real shiny, so I’ve gotta reapply that quite often.”
“We are independent. We ball on a budget. I have to do my makeup for award shows, events, all the things, and so my makeup artist that taught me how to do all of this, Hailee Clark, she put me on."
Her Decision To Wear Hanifa For The Big Night.
Intentionality is essential for Kennedy, which is why she jumped at the opportunity to support Black designer Anifa Mvuemba with a dress from her fashion brand, Hanifa.
“Takirra on my team helped me pick out the dress. I really like to represent in country music, and being in Nashville, I like to represent Black culture through the things that I wear, and I was excited to get to wear a Black brand to the BET Awards,” said Kennedy.
“She was telling me about this brand, Hanifa, and we were on FaceTime just scrolling through the website, and she was like this looks like you. This feels very rooted, like fits those natural tones, and so she bought the dress and was like, ‘This is what you’re wearing.’”
The look was a Raven Knit Dress in Eggplant/Dark Brown Mesh from Hanifa.
Tiera Kennedy in her younger years.
Courtesy
Kennedy also nurtured her inner child for the look, taking it back to her roots with one small detail in her hair that she had her mother carry out before she hopped on the flight to LA.
“I had this vision of wearing beads in my hair because when I was younger, my mom would always do that, and I didn’t love it, but now I’m like, it would be really beautiful to tie all of that together, and the Hanifa dress just fit perfectly.”
“Just even in the past couple of days, I’ve had to take a second, and just look back at all of the awesome things we’ve gotten to do,” said Kennedy when asked what baby Tiera is feeling in this moment.
“I had this vision of wearing beads in my hair, because when I was younger, my mom would always do that, and I didn’t love it, but now I’m like, it would be really beautiful to tie all of that together, and the Hanifa dress just fit perfectly.”
“I dreamed of having a record and having this team that was doing all of these things for me, and now, being an independent artist, and being in control of my career, I’ve gotten to build an awesome team behind me that helps me get to where I am. It’s been a lot of hard work, and I think when I was younger, I would have never imagined that I could do all of these things, and so, yeah, to be here, I don’t even think I would believe it.”
Although “Blackbiird” didn’t win in the BET Her category during Monday night’s show, Kennedy’s future is brighter than ever, which she attests to her faith playing a huge role in guiding her next steps as she continues to rise to stardom.
“Thinking about the next thing, I think that can be really daunting when you’re an independent artist. It’s like you have to be thinking of what’s coming next, to prepare for that, but I think the way that I like to walk through life in general is letting the Lord lead,” Kennedy said.
“I know that a lot of time when I have a vision of what I want things to look like in my head, He always exceed my expectations. So, I think the plan is to continue to release music, and continue to show up as my authentic self. Getting to have these moments like the BET Awards is so awesome, but also, at the same time, that’s not what I do this for. I do it for the humans that are listening to my music, that are [having] fun and healing through my music, so I hope that I can just continue to do that.”
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Feature image by Rob Latour/Shutterstock