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My Boyfriend Of 2 Years Proposed To Me & Left Me A Week Later…
My fiancé Donovan and I are both active duty in the military. I'm in the Army and he's in the Navy. We met in paradise - Hawaii to be exact. Despite us both being from Ohio and having mutual friends, I had never met him in person until then. I had the biggest crush on him for years. So before we officially met, I definitely knew I wanted him to be mine.
He was stationed in Hawaii a year before I arrived. We exchanged text and calls here and there, keeping touch, but nothing more seemed possible given the distance between us. While he was in Hawaii, I was in Germany. However, the tides turned. I received orders to move to the Aloha state and what once seemed unrealistic, felt more likely. He was one of the first people I told. Lucky me, it only took a month for us to get together and make it official.
Lucky us, we both knew what we wanted. There was no need to play hard to get.
The Proposal
I remember it like it was yesterday. Donovan had just gotten back from a four-month deployment when he planned a trip to Napa Valley for my birthday. It was a big trip for a couple of reasons. Not only would we be celebrating my birthday together since we started dating, we would also be honoring our approaching two-year anniversary on April 9. And to top it off, he scheduled a hot air balloon ride while we were there, which was especially romantic because it was something I had been telling him I wanted to do for forever.
On the morning of my birthday, at around 6 am, we woke up to start the journey of getting to Napa and those hot air balloons. Now, even though Donovan is chipper in the morning, I am not a morning person by any means. It was the main reason why whenever our friends had whispered in my ear about him proposing to me on my birthday, I shrugged it off. It was honestly the last thing on my mind as we made our way to our destination.
I remember him being really impatient during the drive to get to the hot air balloons, but because he's normally an impatient person, I paid him no mind. We had paid for professional pictures, so when I saw him give his phone to one of the photographers, I just assumed that he wanted his own pictures on his phone, so I stayed minding my business waiting on our turn to get on the hot air balloons when I felt him tap me on my shoulder.
I turned around and my best friend was down on one knee, ring in hand, asking me to marry him.
The first thing that came out of my mouth was, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" And immediately after that, I said YES! I'll admit, he caught me way off guard. I couldn't even focus and enjoy the hot air balloon ride because I was so shocked. What made his proposal even more special was the fact that he prioritized asking the two men who mean the most to me in life for my hand in marriage before we left for our trip. My 12-year-old son from a previous relationship, and my father. It literally meant the world to me that he took the time to make sure my father and son approved before asking me to be his wife. It was truly the best birthday ever.
But as quickly as his love sent me to cloud nine, I was brought back down to earth.
Back To Reality
After an amazing time in Napa Valley, we returned to Hawaii. It was easily the best trip we've taken together to date. I don't know if it was because we had been apart for four months from his deployment before this trip, but it's like everything was perfect. The weather was great. We visited some of the best winerys in Napa Valley, went to our first baseball game together, ate great food and laughed nonstop. I don't remember arguing once during the trip.
It was bliss.
But one week after I said "yes," my fiance left me.
To be fair, we already knew he had to move to Chicago for work when we returned and that I wouldn't be able to join him until 2019. However, admittedly, it was a little bit harder to deal with, knowing we had just got engaged. I wanted to enjoy being his fiancee, to be together, to enjoy the moments leading up to our big day. And although we had been apart before, survived a deployment that consisted of us not being able to talk for days at a time, this separation felt different.
Here I am in Hawaii. He's in Chicago. And we are planning a wedding in Ohio. And let me tell you, the time difference ain't no joke.
When he is getting up for work, I'm sleeping. When I am getting off work, he's getting ready for bed. We do make it a priority to make sure we talk everyday, no matter what, but honestly, it isn't enough. And how could it be? When he was deployed, I had an idea of what his daily schedule consisted of. I didn't know exactly where he was because he was in the middle of an ocean, but I found solace in the fact that he was on a ship.
Now that he's in Chicago, it's a weird feeling. A different feeling.
It feels like he's living a life of his own, and I'm not included. What's worse is that trying to plan a wedding without him right now feels incredibly empty. We should be looking at venues together, scheduling cake tastings, scrolling through Pinterest for inspiration together. But instead, I'm doing these things alone. Sending him links and screenshots of things are okay alternatives, but it's definitely not how I pictured planning the wedding to the man of my dreams.
To help navigate through this long distance, we recently both made a trip to Ohio where I got to meet all of his family and he met all of mine for the first time. In August, I'll be going to Chicago for a week where we will be attending the On the Run II tour together (He loves Jay and I love Bey, so it's only right), and he also plans to come back to Hawaii in December so we can spend Christmas together.
His deployment was a tough time for both of us. When we would actually get the opportunity to talk, I remember feeling sort of depressed afterward. I definitely appreciated hearing from him, but not knowing when the next call would be didn't sit well with me. He found himself having a lot of time on his hands. Too much time! Donovan has never been the insecure type, but I can honestly say his insecurities showed during that time.
It was important during that time to reassure him that I would be waiting for him when he returned. I sent him a care package around Christmas time with his favorite things inside. I even had a professional photoshoot on the beach just for him and printed off the pictures to include in the care package. I found myself trying to stay as busy as possible. That's when I created my blog CrazyStupidMilitaryLove. I knew that other military couples were going through the very same thing as I was, so I wanted to connect with others and get advice on how to cope with things.
What I am learning and relearning is that any relationship is difficult, especially a military relationship. In fact, you'll find that many people who are in a military relationship will run to the courthouse to avoid being apart. That just wasn't something that either of us wanted. We know that the journey to get not only to the altar, but to our forever will not be easy.
This love is work.
It is needy. It requires a lot of trust and communication. It requires never giving up and holding each other down. We both deserve this love though, and I truly believe Donovan Jemison was made for me.
With tons of communication, a refusal to go to bed angry, occasionally making trips to see one another, we gon be alright. Trust and believe though, I am counting down the days that this long distance love comes to an end.
Only 17 more months to go.
I was born in Columbus, Ohio. I am currently an active duty soldier in the United States Army living in Hawaii. I am obsessed with decorating and a sucker for a good love story.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."