

My fiancé Donovan and I are both active duty in the military. I'm in the Army and he's in the Navy. We met in paradise - Hawaii to be exact. Despite us both being from Ohio and having mutual friends, I had never met him in person until then. I had the biggest crush on him for years. So before we officially met, I definitely knew I wanted him to be mine.
He was stationed in Hawaii a year before I arrived. We exchanged text and calls here and there, keeping touch, but nothing more seemed possible given the distance between us. While he was in Hawaii, I was in Germany. However, the tides turned. I received orders to move to the Aloha state and what once seemed unrealistic, felt more likely. He was one of the first people I told. Lucky me, it only took a month for us to get together and make it official.
Lucky us, we both knew what we wanted. There was no need to play hard to get.
The Proposal
I remember it like it was yesterday. Donovan had just gotten back from a four-month deployment when he planned a trip to Napa Valley for my birthday. It was a big trip for a couple of reasons. Not only would we be celebrating my birthday together since we started dating, we would also be honoring our approaching two-year anniversary on April 9. And to top it off, he scheduled a hot air balloon ride while we were there, which was especially romantic because it was something I had been telling him I wanted to do for forever.
On the morning of my birthday, at around 6 am, we woke up to start the journey of getting to Napa and those hot air balloons. Now, even though Donovan is chipper in the morning, I am not a morning person by any means. It was the main reason why whenever our friends had whispered in my ear about him proposing to me on my birthday, I shrugged it off. It was honestly the last thing on my mind as we made our way to our destination.
I remember him being really impatient during the drive to get to the hot air balloons, but because he's normally an impatient person, I paid him no mind. We had paid for professional pictures, so when I saw him give his phone to one of the photographers, I just assumed that he wanted his own pictures on his phone, so I stayed minding my business waiting on our turn to get on the hot air balloons when I felt him tap me on my shoulder.
I turned around and my best friend was down on one knee, ring in hand, asking me to marry him.
The first thing that came out of my mouth was, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" And immediately after that, I said YES! I'll admit, he caught me way off guard. I couldn't even focus and enjoy the hot air balloon ride because I was so shocked. What made his proposal even more special was the fact that he prioritized asking the two men who mean the most to me in life for my hand in marriage before we left for our trip. My 12-year-old son from a previous relationship, and my father. It literally meant the world to me that he took the time to make sure my father and son approved before asking me to be his wife. It was truly the best birthday ever.
But as quickly as his love sent me to cloud nine, I was brought back down to earth.
Back To Reality
After an amazing time in Napa Valley, we returned to Hawaii. It was easily the best trip we've taken together to date. I don't know if it was because we had been apart for four months from his deployment before this trip, but it's like everything was perfect. The weather was great. We visited some of the best winerys in Napa Valley, went to our first baseball game together, ate great food and laughed nonstop. I don't remember arguing once during the trip.
It was bliss.
But one week after I said "yes," my fiance left me.
To be fair, we already knew he had to move to Chicago for work when we returned and that I wouldn't be able to join him until 2019. However, admittedly, it was a little bit harder to deal with, knowing we had just got engaged. I wanted to enjoy being his fiancee, to be together, to enjoy the moments leading up to our big day. And although we had been apart before, survived a deployment that consisted of us not being able to talk for days at a time, this separation felt different.
Here I am in Hawaii. He's in Chicago. And we are planning a wedding in Ohio. And let me tell you, the time difference ain't no joke.
When he is getting up for work, I'm sleeping. When I am getting off work, he's getting ready for bed. We do make it a priority to make sure we talk everyday, no matter what, but honestly, it isn't enough. And how could it be? When he was deployed, I had an idea of what his daily schedule consisted of. I didn't know exactly where he was because he was in the middle of an ocean, but I found solace in the fact that he was on a ship.
Now that he's in Chicago, it's a weird feeling. A different feeling.
It feels like he's living a life of his own, and I'm not included. What's worse is that trying to plan a wedding without him right now feels incredibly empty. We should be looking at venues together, scheduling cake tastings, scrolling through Pinterest for inspiration together. But instead, I'm doing these things alone. Sending him links and screenshots of things are okay alternatives, but it's definitely not how I pictured planning the wedding to the man of my dreams.
To help navigate through this long distance, we recently both made a trip to Ohio where I got to meet all of his family and he met all of mine for the first time. In August, I'll be going to Chicago for a week where we will be attending the On the Run II tour together (He loves Jay and I love Bey, so it's only right), and he also plans to come back to Hawaii in December so we can spend Christmas together.
His deployment was a tough time for both of us. When we would actually get the opportunity to talk, I remember feeling sort of depressed afterward. I definitely appreciated hearing from him, but not knowing when the next call would be didn't sit well with me. He found himself having a lot of time on his hands. Too much time! Donovan has never been the insecure type, but I can honestly say his insecurities showed during that time.
It was important during that time to reassure him that I would be waiting for him when he returned. I sent him a care package around Christmas time with his favorite things inside. I even had a professional photoshoot on the beach just for him and printed off the pictures to include in the care package. I found myself trying to stay as busy as possible. That's when I created my blog CrazyStupidMilitaryLove. I knew that other military couples were going through the very same thing as I was, so I wanted to connect with others and get advice on how to cope with things.
What I am learning and relearning is that any relationship is difficult, especially a military relationship. In fact, you'll find that many people who are in a military relationship will run to the courthouse to avoid being apart. That just wasn't something that either of us wanted. We know that the journey to get not only to the altar, but to our forever will not be easy.
This love is work.
It is needy. It requires a lot of trust and communication. It requires never giving up and holding each other down. We both deserve this love though, and I truly believe Donovan Jemison was made for me.
With tons of communication, a refusal to go to bed angry, occasionally making trips to see one another, we gon be alright. Trust and believe though, I am counting down the days that this long distance love comes to an end.
Only 17 more months to go.
I was born in Columbus, Ohio. I am currently an active duty soldier in the United States Army living in Hawaii. I am obsessed with decorating and a sucker for a good love story.
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
Patricia "Ms. Pat" Williams has always marched to the beat of her own brutally honest drum — and that’s exactly what makes her so magnetic to watch. Whether she’s making us laugh until we cry on The Ms. Pat Show or now laying down the law on her courtroom series Ms. Pat Settles It, the comedian-turned-judge proves time and again that there’s nobody quite like her. Unfiltered, hilarious, and real to the core, she’s made a name for herself by turning her life’s journey — including the pain — into purpose.
Now in her second season of Ms. Pat Settles It, airing on BET and BET+, she’s not only delivering verdicts — she’s dishing out life lessons in between the laughs. The show feels less like your typical courtroom drama and more like your outspoken auntie running a court session at the family cookout, complete with celebrity jurors, petty disputes, and a whole lot of real talk. xoNecole sat down with Ms. Pat to talk about her wildest cases, balancing motherhood and fame, and why sleeping in separate bedrooms might just be the key to joy.
CASE CLOSED, BUT MAKE IT CHAOS
If you’ve ever tuned in to Ms. Pat Settles It, you already know the episode titles alone deserve awards. But when we asked Ms. Pat which case stood out most, she didn’t even have to think twice. “There was this one woman — Shay — who got out of federal prison and was working for her old bunkmate. But the bunkmate didn’t want to pay her!” she says, chuckling. “That girl came in the courtroom like a firecracker.”
It’s moments like those that remind viewers Ms. Pat isn’t just bringing the laughs — she’s giving people a platform, even if it’s a little messy. And if her court ever gets turned into a real-life franchise, we need Shay on the promo posters immediately.
WHEN THE CELEBS SHOW OUT
It’s already hard enough to get a word in with Ms. Pat running the show, but throw in a celebrity jury featuring Tamar Braxton, Ray J, TS Madison, and Karlous Miller? Whew. “I don’t even try to control them,” she laughs. “Thank God we have something called editing.” According to her, behind the scenes, things get wild — but that chaos is part of the magic. “People only see the cut-down version. What you don’t see is all of us losing it in real time.”
Still, Ms. Pat makes it work. The courtroom becomes a stage, but also a safe space for guests and jurors to show up as their full, unfiltered selves. “It was a wild season,” she explains. Let’s be honest — if your jury looks like a BET Awards afterparty, you might as well let it rock.
IF FAMILY COURT WAS REALLY A THING
Ms. Pat might wear the robe on screen, but at home, she’s still managing her own wild bunch. When asked what kind of case her kids would bring into her courtroom, she burst into laughter. “Oh, they’d be suing my oldest son for eating their food,” she says. “You know how you have that one roommate that eats up everybody’s food? I can see my oldest son getting sued for that..”
And let’s face it, we’ve all either been that sibling or have one. Ms. Pat says moments like that — the everyday family squabbles and real-life irritations — are what make her courtroom show so relatable.
THE VERDICT SHE WISHES SHE COULD REWRITE
Ms. Pat is known for keeping it real, even when the conversation turns serious. When asked if there was one “verdict” in her real life she’d change, she pauses for a second before answering. “I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
“I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
It’s a rite of passage in most Black households — your diploma doesn’t really belong to you, it lives at your mama or grandma’s house like a family heirloom.
HOW SHE STAYS GROUNDED
Between filming TV shows, headlining comedy tours, and running a household, Ms. Pat makes it very clear: she will find time to rest. “People swear I don’t sleep, but I do — I just knock out early and wake up early,” she shares. “And sometimes, I’ll just sit in my car.” She’s also a big fan of solo naps and mini getaways when things get overwhelming.
But one of her favorite forms of self-care? Separate bedrooms. “Me and my husband don’t sleep in the same room. That way, when I don’t feel like being bothered, I go to my space,” she laughs. She’s also found a new love for facials. “They’re addicting! I don’t need a lot — just sleep, a facial, and a little quiet.” Honestly? That’s a self-care routine we can get behind.
FROM PAIN TO PURPOSE
Ms. Pat’s story is one that’s deeply rooted in resilience — and she’s always been transparent about how her journey shaped her. Her advice to other Black women trying to turn their pain into purpose? Speak up. “You have to tell your story,” she says. “Because once you tell your story, you realize you’re not the only person that’s been through that situation.”
She adds that sharing your truth can be one of the most powerful things you do. “When you give a voice to pain so many other people who have that pain gravitate to you,” she says. “To heal, you have to speak out loud about it. What you keep inside is what eats you up.” Coming from someone who built an entire brand on truth-telling? We believe her.
WHAT’S NEXT FOR MS. PAT?
While Ms. Pat’s got her hands full with Ms. Pat Settles It and her comedy show, she hints there’s much more to come. “I got some stuff poppin’ that I can’t even talk about yet,” she teases. “But just know, like Kendrick [Lamar] said, we about to step out and show ‘em something.” That multi-genre deal with BET and Paramount is clearly working in her favor — and she’s not slowing down anytime soon.
She says one of her proudest moments in this chapter of her career is seeing things she once dreamed of finally come to life. “In this business, you never know what’s gonna work or what’s gonna stick. But now I’m working with a network that really understands me — and that’s special,” she says. “I feel seen. And I’m just getting started.”
Whether she’s in the courtroom cracking jokes or catching up on rest in her own sanctuary, Ms. Pat is living proof that success doesn’t have to come at the cost of authenticity. She’s rewriting the rules in real time — on her terms, in her voice, and for her people. As she continues to turn pain into purpose, laughter into legacy, and everyday mess into must-see TV, one thing’s clear: Ms. Pat is in her prime. And we’re lucky enough to watch it unfold.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Earl Gibson III/Shutterstock