My fiancé Donovan and I are both active duty in the military. I'm in the Army and he's in the Navy. We met in paradise - Hawaii to be exact. Despite us both being from Ohio and having mutual friends, I had never met him in person until then. I had the biggest crush on him for years. So before we officially met, I definitely knew I wanted him to be mine.
He was stationed in Hawaii a year before I arrived. We exchanged text and calls here and there, keeping touch, but nothing more seemed possible given the distance between us. While he was in Hawaii, I was in Germany. However, the tides turned. I received orders to move to the Aloha state and what once seemed unrealistic, felt more likely. He was one of the first people I told. Lucky me, it only took a month for us to get together and make it official.
Lucky us, we both knew what we wanted. There was no need to play hard to get.
The Proposal
I remember it like it was yesterday. Donovan had just gotten back from a four-month deployment when he planned a trip to Napa Valley for my birthday. It was a big trip for a couple of reasons. Not only would we be celebrating my birthday together since we started dating, we would also be honoring our approaching two-year anniversary on April 9. And to top it off, he scheduled a hot air balloon ride while we were there, which was especially romantic because it was something I had been telling him I wanted to do for forever.
On the morning of my birthday, at around 6 am, we woke up to start the journey of getting to Napa and those hot air balloons. Now, even though Donovan is chipper in the morning, I am not a morning person by any means. It was the main reason why whenever our friends had whispered in my ear about him proposing to me on my birthday, I shrugged it off. It was honestly the last thing on my mind as we made our way to our destination.
I remember him being really impatient during the drive to get to the hot air balloons, but because he's normally an impatient person, I paid him no mind. We had paid for professional pictures, so when I saw him give his phone to one of the photographers, I just assumed that he wanted his own pictures on his phone, so I stayed minding my business waiting on our turn to get on the hot air balloons when I felt him tap me on my shoulder.
I turned around and my best friend was down on one knee, ring in hand, asking me to marry him.
The first thing that came out of my mouth was, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" And immediately after that, I said YES! I'll admit, he caught me way off guard. I couldn't even focus and enjoy the hot air balloon ride because I was so shocked. What made his proposal even more special was the fact that he prioritized asking the two men who mean the most to me in life for my hand in marriage before we left for our trip. My 12-year-old son from a previous relationship, and my father. It literally meant the world to me that he took the time to make sure my father and son approved before asking me to be his wife. It was truly the best birthday ever.
But as quickly as his love sent me to cloud nine, I was brought back down to earth.
Back To Reality
After an amazing time in Napa Valley, we returned to Hawaii. It was easily the best trip we've taken together to date. I don't know if it was because we had been apart for four months from his deployment before this trip, but it's like everything was perfect. The weather was great. We visited some of the best winerys in Napa Valley, went to our first baseball game together, ate great food and laughed nonstop. I don't remember arguing once during the trip.
It was bliss.
But one week after I said "yes," my fiance left me.
To be fair, we already knew he had to move to Chicago for work when we returned and that I wouldn't be able to join him until 2019. However, admittedly, it was a little bit harder to deal with, knowing we had just got engaged. I wanted to enjoy being his fiancee, to be together, to enjoy the moments leading up to our big day. And although we had been apart before, survived a deployment that consisted of us not being able to talk for days at a time, this separation felt different.
Here I am in Hawaii. He's in Chicago. And we are planning a wedding in Ohio. And let me tell you, the time difference ain't no joke.
When he is getting up for work, I'm sleeping. When I am getting off work, he's getting ready for bed. We do make it a priority to make sure we talk everyday, no matter what, but honestly, it isn't enough. And how could it be? When he was deployed, I had an idea of what his daily schedule consisted of. I didn't know exactly where he was because he was in the middle of an ocean, but I found solace in the fact that he was on a ship.
Now that he's in Chicago, it's a weird feeling. A different feeling.
It feels like he's living a life of his own, and I'm not included. What's worse is that trying to plan a wedding without him right now feels incredibly empty. We should be looking at venues together, scheduling cake tastings, scrolling through Pinterest for inspiration together. But instead, I'm doing these things alone. Sending him links and screenshots of things are okay alternatives, but it's definitely not how I pictured planning the wedding to the man of my dreams.
To help navigate through this long distance, we recently both made a trip to Ohio where I got to meet all of his family and he met all of mine for the first time. In August, I'll be going to Chicago for a week where we will be attending the On the Run II tour together (He loves Jay and I love Bey, so it's only right), and he also plans to come back to Hawaii in December so we can spend Christmas together.
His deployment was a tough time for both of us. When we would actually get the opportunity to talk, I remember feeling sort of depressed afterward. I definitely appreciated hearing from him, but not knowing when the next call would be didn't sit well with me. He found himself having a lot of time on his hands. Too much time! Donovan has never been the insecure type, but I can honestly say his insecurities showed during that time.
It was important during that time to reassure him that I would be waiting for him when he returned. I sent him a care package around Christmas time with his favorite things inside. I even had a professional photoshoot on the beach just for him and printed off the pictures to include in the care package. I found myself trying to stay as busy as possible. That's when I created my blog CrazyStupidMilitaryLove. I knew that other military couples were going through the very same thing as I was, so I wanted to connect with others and get advice on how to cope with things.
What I am learning and relearning is that any relationship is difficult, especially a military relationship. In fact, you'll find that many people who are in a military relationship will run to the courthouse to avoid being apart. That just wasn't something that either of us wanted. We know that the journey to get not only to the altar, but to our forever will not be easy.
This love is work.
It is needy. It requires a lot of trust and communication. It requires never giving up and holding each other down. We both deserve this love though, and I truly believe Donovan Jemison was made for me.
With tons of communication, a refusal to go to bed angry, occasionally making trips to see one another, we gon be alright. Trust and believe though, I am counting down the days that this long distance love comes to an end.
Only 17 more months to go.
I was born in Columbus, Ohio. I am currently an active duty soldier in the United States Army living in Hawaii. I am obsessed with decorating and a sucker for a good love story.
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
19 Must-Have Holiday Gifts For Your Friend In Their Hosting Era
What would the holiday be without the ones who host? As you make your Christmas gifting lists this holiday season, remember the ones who make the holidays feel special. When it comes to gifting, the best way to extend gratitude to the ones in our lives who open their hearts and homes to us each year is through intentional gifts when you are invited over. And do not worry; whether you're balling or budget-friendly, xoNecole's got you covered with gifts that the hosts in your life will love.
So let's raise a glass (or buy some as a gift, lol) to the ones who make it happen; happy shopping!
Robin Marble Wine Bottle Holder
Anthropologie
This wine holder is a beautiful way to store wine bottles on a kitchen counter, but can also be used as a centerpiece for your tablescape. Handcrafted entirely from marble, this rack can also be chilled in order to keep bottles cold for dinner party guests - a sophisticated touch that brings added charm to this piece
Sweet July Olive Oil + Balsamic Vinegar Set
I don't know about you but I trust anything Ayesha Curry makes. Her best-selling Olive Oil and Balsamic Vinegar are essentials for any host’s pantry. 100% extra virgin olive oil made using Arbequina olives, known for their delicate flavor and unique bright and fruity aroma, with an Oak-aged Balsamic Vinegar from Italy. Enjoy this over cheese, salads, or marinades.
Valleta Gold Cheese Knives
CB2
That cheese on your charcuterie board isn’t going to cut itself. Now my favorite gold knives from CB2 were discontinued, but rest assured these are just as fabulous. The elegant stainless steel knives set elevates the cheese board with wavy brass loop handles for a comfortable grip.
Aspen Martini Glasses
Crate and Barrel
Espresso martini anyone? What I love most about this hosting gift is the intentionality around gifting the host with the necessary tools to curate one of the most trendy drinks. The classic V-shaped martini is finished with a smooth fire-polished rim and pulled stem. And if you’re feeling generous, include a bottle of your favorite vodka.
Temple OUD Candle
So I know you might be wondering, what does Beyoncé know about candles? My answer - everything. I’m a true candle snob, and this Temple OUD candle with rich and complex notes of oud, Australian sandalwood, warm musk, night-blooming jasmine, Haitian vetiver, and violet leaves, truly elevates the room and is a wonderful gift to a host. Take it from me, candles burn all night long when you host gatherings, and this is a gift that tells someone, you appreciate them and want them to feel just as good in their home when they’re hosting, and when they’re spending time at home for self-care.
SIN Handmade Oyster Platter
I’m a fan of Whole Foods $1 Oyster Fridays, and so are my girls who love to host. If you know a host who loves to serve seafood, this ceramic oyster plate has fluting inspired by paper plates and—just like oyster plates of the Victorian era—specially shaped nooks for bivalves.
Dinner Plus Brining Blend
Hits *add to cart* immediately! Just in time for the holidays, the Tastemaker himself Scot Louie has launched his brine blend. A wet brine is the key to a moist and succulent turkey and roasted meats— Brining Blend is your secret weapon. This blend brines up to 20 lbs of meat and is the best way to elevate your holiday turkey for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Hand Blown Champagne Glasses
Amazon
This one's for your bougie friend and in your price range! These elegant crystal champagne glasses are like candelabras in the darkness of the night, allowing you to find your one and only soulmate in the world. Imagine yourself intoxicated by the swirl of champagne, listening to the lilting melody of “ring” and raising your glass in celebration for only $25?!! Run, don't walk to get these from Amazon.
Embroidered Cocktail Napkins
There’s nothing a host loves more while hosting - than elevating their hosting experience. And these embroidered cocktail napkins allow for every gathering to have the timeless elegance of Threads & Honey's Embroidered Cocktail Napkins. Now before making a purchase like this, I’d take it a step further and consider their favorite color, and what fonts they like most before ordering.
Estelle Colored Wine Stemware - Set of 6
My personal favorite is Amber Smoke, but each color is flawless and the quality is well worth the purchase. If you want to give a host something that makes a lasting impression, go with Estelle Colored Glass. Estelle Colored Glass is a Black-owned luxury brand of hand-blown and specialty-made colored glass cake stands and stemware in a mix of jewel tones and soft pastels. Made for the founders' grandmother, Estelle, who she describes as "a jewel of a person that instilled in me an appreciation of the pastime of treasure hunting for beautiful finds -- especially for the kitchen which was the heart of her home."
Uncle Nearest Whiskey
There’s Whiskey, and then there’s Black-owned whiskey. Crafted by 4-time Master Blender of the Year and 5th-generation Green descendant, Victoria Eady Butler, this 84-proof Tennessee whiskey is perfect for sipping neat or mixing into your favorite cocktails.
French Kitchen Marble Wine Cooler
Crate and Barrel
Chill the wine in style. This white marble with grey veining unique to each piece chills wine at the table with classic flair. Not just a practical gift, but one that truly elevates the look of any gathering.
Tabitha Brown Electric Wine Opener
Target
Auntie Tab has got you covered with this fabulous electric wine opener that’s a part of her Tabitha Brown For Target collection! A thoughtful gift for the wine lovers, this makes it easy to start parties large and small in sophisticated style.
Compact Swivel Cheese Board with Knives
What’s better than a charcuterie board? Charcuterie served on a board taking its cue from a wheel of cheese. This unique design starts as a wedge and transforms into a tiered server for your favorite cheeses and appetizers with tucked-away flatware stowed in a small drawer inside the board guaranteed to impress.
VANE Monogram Tea Set
Founded by none other than Lynae Vanee, VANE centers “self” to combat the ever-pressing urge to pour from an empty cup. With VANE’s tranquil, grounding aesthetics in addition to its holistic approach to the user’s sensory experience, it encourages everyone to engage in self-care as an intentional — revolutionary — measure of reclaiming their time.
VANE SS Blend Box
You thought you could enjoy the tea set without the tea itself? Procure a variety of white tea-based Spring-Summer-inspired tea blends with flavors of lime & basil, peppermint & pineapple, rosehip & camellia, orange & persimmon, and more.
DeLonghi Espresso Machine
A little espresso to end the evening for the host and their guests is always a good idea. Imagine being the person to gift this espresso machine and having each evening filled with cups of cappuccino, espresso, and even caffeinated cocktails thanks to your present. This is the perfect machine for anyone who isn’t an expert at coffee but wants authentic barista quality right at home.
Modwix EcoLighter
Williams Sonoma
The EcoLighter from Modwix uses a flameless electric arc to instantly ignite a candle's wick. Unlike traditional lighters filled with butane, this planet-friendly accessory is rechargeable and infinitely reusable, getting up to 300 lights per charge. The chic design has a long neck for easy reach, and it's also windproof and water-resistant so you can use it anytime, anywhere.
KitchenAid Design Series Evergreen Tilt-Head Stand Mixer
Kitchen Aid
The perfect gift for the Nara Smith in your life who loves to make everything from scratch. KitchenAid’s newest evergreen tilt-stand mixer brings the essence of the outdoors within, so you can come alive in the kitchen every single time you use it. Ground yourself in natural elements of deep, forest green and a true, walnut wood bowl.
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