The presidential debates have been a spectacle to watch to say the least, with the first one between President Trump and Democratic candidate Joe Biden sparking ridicule, outrage, confusion, and contention. (With all of the spewing of snide remarks, off-topic rebuttals, outright lies, and deflections from the issues, you would have thought you were watching an old episode of Jerry Springer or a Real Housewives reunion special.)
For the second debate, which brought vice presidential candidates Sen. Kamala Harris and Vice President Mike Pence head-to-head (with a plexiglass barrier between them, of course), the vibe of the night was the total opposite---one of composure and actual dialogue even remotely related to the questions posed.
Notably, Harris brought to the debate table what many Black women bring to corporate boardrooms, offices, classrooms, and Zoom meetings every day: a respectable poise and poignant intelligent eloquence to combat the constant gaslighting, informed ignorance, outright misstatements, and dangerous apathy that we all have faced at some point in our careers.
If you need a reminder on how you can continue to thrive and shine despite the challenges, Harris gave us five during the debate:
Own your look and slay.
Sen. Harris' understated but classy attire and hairstyle showed the room who she was before she even opened her mouth. The monochromatic navy suit, pearl earrings and necklace, and perfectly coiffed press-and-curl didn't distract from her points or their seriousness, and gave the warning that she didn't come to play. Whatever your look is---conservative, chic, sexy, casual or quirky---cultivate it, own it, and use it to your advantage as a tool for branding yourself as a standout leader or expert in your field.
Take up space unapologetically.
Being a pioneer is a feat within itself, and Harris is boldly taking on the challenges of being under an international microscope. During the debate, she did not cower or resort to insults. Whether you agree with what she said or not, there's little doubt that she indeed held her own, confidently stating her opinions and talking points. This is something we all must do when tasked with a job whether as a manager, supervisor or team member.
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Use your words strategically and with tact.
When presenting her points, Harris chose her words carefully, made sure her tone was respectful but authoritative, and did not back down. When you're trying to drive a point and get buy-in on an idea, present a new concept, or propose an improvement, it's a good idea to use tact and be conscious of your delivery when doing so.
Lean on facts.
Pence came at Harris with fears that Democrats would pack the Supreme Court so that there are more liberal-minded justices added. Harris countered with facts: "Do you know that of the 50 people who President Trump appointed to the court of appeals for lifetime appointments, not one is Black? This is what they've been doing. You want to talk about packing a court, let's have that discussion." Pence said it was a "great insult" to law enforcement in reference to the notion that implicit bias against people of color is a prevalent problem. He even denied the existence of systemic racism.
Harris countered with facts about Trump's ban affecting Muslim-majority nations and his calling Mexicans rapists and criminals. (And we all know that research supports that systemic racism is more than real. Just check here, here and here.) In the same way, let the facts lead when communicating in professional settings, especially when you're negotiating a raise, asking for a promotion, or even defending yourself against a misunderstanding or workplace snafu. Performance insights, protocol, and results don't lie.
Keep your composure, especially when someone tries you.
When taken to task about her record in prosecuting cases involving people of color, she respectfully chin-checked Pence (though some might question the context and strength of her counterpoint), and throughout the debate, she sternly reminded Pence to respect her turn to speak a la Auntie Maxine Waters with the now-viral phrase, "I'm speaking." It's OK to be passionate about something or even disagree, but in a professional setting, it's best to keep your cool, show grace to others, and use your words, not your emotions, to make an impact.
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To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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