As far as observance days go, there are a few great ones coming up this month. There's National Prayer Day (May 2). Cinco de Mayo (May 5). National Teacher Appreciation Day (May 7). National Eat What You Want Day (May 11). Of course, there's Mother's Day (May 12). But if there's one that has totally gone under my radar, it's the fact that May is also the month that's totally devoted to dating your mate. How cool is that?
I think we all can agree that if you want to enhance your emotional connection, keep the sparks alive, and bring some spontaneity and creativity into your relationship, one of the best ways to do that is to go on dates with your partner, no matter what time of year it is. Yet, as the weather is getting warmer and the flowers are blooming, it makes sense why spring fever is totally in effect and why now would be the time to get in a few more dates than usual.
So, whether you're only a couple of dates in or you and yours have been together for a decade or more, I've got a few suggestions for how you can get inspired to literally date your own mate—all month long!
New Relationships in May Dating Tips
Use Texting to Your Advantage
In a general sense, I'm not big on a tone of texting in relationships; especially new relationships. It's hard to read tone. Things can get lost in translation (emojis included). Folks tend to get super impatient if you don't get back in their allotted time frame. Ugh. But there is one way that I think texting works in a new dynamic. Use it as a way to build anticipation or establish some traditions between the two of you.
Shoot a text to ask each other what your favorite colors are. Then show up wearing them.
Figure out an emoji that can become an inside joke or "thinking of you message" between the two of you.
End the date by texting your favorite part of it once you get back home.
These are ways to use texting to establish a connection instead of it being merely a tool of convenience.
Make Sure You Both Plan Dates
I think we all can agree that the main purpose of going on dates is to get to know someone better. To me, one way to accomplish that is to trade off who on who plans each date. Meaning, once you've gotten to around date three or four (because by then, clearly you both dig each other), you plan one and then he should plan the next one. It's a good way to learn one another's interests and what each of you considers to be entertaining and fun.
Just think about it—if all the two of you ever do is go to a restaurant, a movie or hang out at each other's homes, you might get caught off guard when you eventually find out how much of a sports lover he is. On the flip side, he might not be prepared for how much you like to do random stuff like ice skating, making pottery and or indoor rock climbing. If you alternate plans, this is one way to figure a layer of each other out—easier.
Bring a Date Question Jar Along
Between trying to figure out what to ask and making sure that the man you're out with doesn't feel like he's being given the third degree, getting to know someone better can be a bit like a walk on a tightrope. Take some of the pressure off by suggesting that you both make a question date jar that you can bring on each date. Both of you can put your own questions into it and, at the beginning of each date, you can shake the jars up so that each of you ask three questions.
Based on what the questions are, you can learn more about how each other's minds work. And since you're literally picking questions out of a jar, it can be fun and even a little improvised.
Stay in the Moment
Spring weather is pretty mild for the most part. To me, it's Mother Nature's way of reminding us of just how important it is for us to chill out. There is something that is very special and also intriguing about the first few months of a new relationship. Use this month in May to not only go on dates but to sit back and relax as you experiencing the joy of actually dating too.
Great May Date Ideas
Have a Fresh Favorite Foods Picnic
A cool outdoor idea is to spend an hour or two at your local farmer's market so that you can pick up some food to make for a picnic later in the afternoon or evening. Although picnics are a spring/summer dating standards, they are actually really romantic if you put some intentional planning into it. Pick up a picnic basket and some champagne glasses. Don't forget to have a big blanket in tow. Also, you can set some ambiance (and keep mosquitoes at bay) by bringing along a couple of citronella candles too.
As far as what to cook, use this as an opportunity for you both to show off your culinary skills by having one of you make the main course while the other makes appetizers and dessert. The catch is that it must be some of both of your favorite foods, and all of the items should be picked up from the market (we've gotta support our local communities, y'all!).
Go for a Long Drive
A rental car. The right playlist. A cooler with your favorite snacks in it. A charged-up phone to take random pictures of the landscape and each other. No set destination in sight. There is something really intimate and super enjoyable about going on a long drive with someone you're really into, whether it's your third or 30th date with them.
For this to totally work, phone notifications must be turned off and the entire day must be devoted to nothing more than the open road and each other. If the relationship is new, make it a point to stop at a small eatery neither of you have even been to before. If you and yours are exclusive, call it a night at a quaint bed and breakfast, at least 50 miles outside of town.
DIY Some Ice Cream/Yogurt
Dinner and a movie are so…predictable. In the spirit of longer days and breezy nights, how about taking out a couple of hours to make your own favorite flavor of ice cream or frozen yogurt that you can enjoy on your front porch or back deck? According to many relationship therapists, cooking together is one of the best kinds of dates because it's comfortable, casual and one of the best ways to open up the lines of communication.
Plus, some cooking experts believe that ice cream can reveal a lot about a person. Reportedly, vanilla eaters are calm and balanced. Chocolate lovers are full of self-love. Coffee consumers are passionate and dramatic. I've even read that how you like your ice cream can say a lot about your sexual style too. Clearly, there's more to ice cream than what meets the eye. (Wink, wink.)
By the way, a site that has almost 40 of my favorite ice cream recipes is Epicurious. Start there if you need some ice cream making inspiration.
Chill on a Rooftop
When it comes to planning the perfect date, sometimes we do way too much overthinking. Spring, in the evening, is when the temperature is pretty close to perfection. Get a little quality time in by figuring out what the best rooftop bar is in your city, then hang out up there and talk for a couple of hours (at least).
You know what? I like this idea so much that I'll even take a lot of the guesswork out of finding the bar. All you've got to do is check out "The Best Rooftop Bar in All 50 States" and head on out. (You're welcome!)
Use May to Bring Some Spark Back
Download a Few Relationship-Related Apps
Question. How many apps do you already have on your phone? Follow-up question. How many of those apps are able to help your relationship? You might not be aware that there are quite a few that can do everything from making things extra spicy to getting your relationship back on track.
One app (that is currently available in 15 major cities) is One:Night. Basically, what it does is find the swankiest and sexiest hotels at the best prices, at the last minute. So, if you and yours want to get it in on a Wednesday instead of a Saturday, this app will totally hook you up.
Some other cool apps that will make your relationship better include Couple (which is great for long-distance relationships); Between (which is devoted to all things you and yours); Mystery Vibe (it's a smart sex toy); The Icebreak (it gives you questions to ask one another) and Kouply (it's an app that encourages better communication).
Get Tipsy on Some Homemade Popsicles
If you've ever wondered if sex is better when you're drunk or when you're high, according to science, it's when you're on that herb. At the same time, one way that alcohol tops that good-good green is when it comes to if you're looking for what will give you the nerve to try something that you wouldn't do in your "right mind". If there's a position your man has been trying to get you to explore or you're thinking that there's no time like the present to attempt a little outdoor sex, gas yourself up by sucking, umm, on an alcohol popsicle first.
Never had one before? Ease into them by making a couple of Vodka Gummy Bear Popsicles, Barefoot Moscato Strawberry Popsicles, Lemonade Moonshine Popsicles, Mango Bourbon Smash Popsicles or some Kahlua Coconut Cream Affogato Popsicles. They'll all easy to make, full of liquor and another great spring date idea.
Go on Your First Date—Again
I recently read a couple of articles that say nostalgia (when the memories are good) can be super beneficial to both your health and your relationship. The main reason why is because when you focus on things that bring you joy, they become an instant mood-booster (they can be a bit of an aphrodisiac too!).
The fact that you and yours are still together after all this time, your first date plays a direct role in that. So why not use this month to take a romantic—shoot, maybe even erotic—walk down memory lane by reenacting it? While you're at it, take things up a notch by making it a date full of "do over firsts"—your first kiss, reminiscing about the first "I love you" and, of course, the first…well, you know.
Pitch a Tent
After doing something like going to an outdoor concert, attending a wine tasting or even going food truck hopping (don't sleep on that last one; it's a lot of fun!), end the night by pitching a tent in your own backyard and gazing up at the stars together.
You can purchase a tent at a sporting goods store, hop on Pinterest for ideas on how to make one yourself or splurge on a transparent igloo that I personally think is pretty dope. It'll run you about $250 but sex underneath the stars in a ventilated shade igloo sounds like the gift that keeps on giving to me.
Whew! Can you feel it? Spring fever is definitely in the air. So, take out the next 31 days to embrace all that the month of May—and your date—has to offer, aight? Bet.
Featured image by Getty Images
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5 Things That Are OK To Require On A First Date
The Things Men Say On Dates That Are Huge Red Flags
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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