You would think that with all of the researching that I do on the topic, I would've known years ago that June 9 is a very (VERY) special day. But, for whatever the reason, I just discovered a few months ago that it's National Sex Day (not to be confused with National Orgasm Day which is July 31)!
I must admit that when I first found that out, I smiled…for two reasons. Well, actually three. The first reason is I find it to be both fitting and an honor that this kind of day would go down during the month of Gemini, the month that I was born. Second, how cute (I'm not sure if that's exactly the right word but let's roll with it) that the ninth day of the sixth month of the year would create a 69—and we all know what sexual position that is. Then—and if this is TMI, let me just say that I apologize in advance—I thought about how, I'm not sure if it's a coincidence or not, but some of the best sex I've ever had in my entire life came from a man who was born on (what?!) June 9! So yeah, if anyone is especially fond and supportive of this day, it would be me.
But you don't need to be a Gemini—or sexually active with one—to get hype about it. Let me tell it, any occasion when sex can be the focal point is something worth celebrating. So, in honor of 6/9, find your partner, then use some of the following ways to let them know just how much you love sex—and having sex with them!
1.Go Totally Off the Grid
Getty Images
Whenever I ask the couples I work with to share with me the main reason why their sex life isn't as good as it used to be (or they want it to be), it never fails; the thing that I hear the most is a lack of quality time due to schedules and children.
Luckily, this year, National Sex Day is on a Sunday which makes it easier to book a hotel room, go on a staycation or hire a babysitter. Whatever it is that you decide to do, be intentional about "disconnecting" from the rest of the world for as many hours as you can. This means no phone, no computers, no company—nothing that will take your mind of you, yours and getting as up close and personal as possible.
2.Download Some Sex-Specific Apps
Technology is something else, boy. Just when I think it can't top itself, it does. Take if you're in a long-distance relationship and you want to observe National Sex Day but neither of you can catch a last-minute flight? In walks OhMiBod; it's an app that connects vibrators to Bluetooth or Wi-Fi so that you can get each other all hot 'n bothered on screen, even if you can't be together in person. The Pleasure Machine is an app that boils down to being a sexy slot machine game that you and yours can play; different wheels provide different levels of stimulation. Honi is a dope app because it's a cool way for you and your partner to explore sexual fantasies, dares and Kama Sutra positions from the privacy of your smartphones. All of these are ways to get excited before physically being in one another's space.
3.Listen to a Sex-Themed Podcast
Some of us are "audible lovers". We're the ones who get off by sexy sounds and dirty talk. If you fit this bill, something that might help you to get into the mood is to listen to a few podcasts that are all about sex.
Ones that feature "our own" voices includeThe Savage Life (which is definitely not PG-13 rated);You Did What?! (which is pretty self-explanatory);Millennial Lov3: Sex, Love & I'm Selfish AF! (featuring two girls and one guy from the South);Bonnets & Durags: A Pillow Talk Podcast (how can you not love the name?!);Broken P—y Podcast (cue in the first episode of the first season of Insecure, plus I always dig Black folks with British accents);Just the Tip (I mean…) andThe VagEsteem, a podcast that focuses on cultivating the kind of sex that is both good and healthy (not either or).
Related: WOC-Hosted Podcasts Guaranteed to Make You More Sex Positive
4.Make a Fantasy Jar, Hotel Jar and Sex Jar
Three jars that I think every married couple should have posted up somewhere in their house is a fantasy jar, a hotel jar and a sex jar.
A fantasy jar is a jar that has both you and your partner's fantasies in it. For the sake of spontaneity, you shouldn't know what your partner wrote and they shouldn't know what you wrote. However, so that no one is caught completely off guard, put the things that you already know your partner would be down to try on a green (green for "go") sheet of paper and what you think they might be open to negotiating on a yellow (yellow for "caution" or "pause") sheet of paper. Then, on special occasions (like this one) or even just the times when you want to be a little adventurous, each of you draw something from the jar and strive to make a fantasy come true.
The hotel jar. I don't know what it is, but there is something that is so damn hot about hotel sex! Make National Sex day extra sexy (and kinky) by booking a hotel room, a bed and breakfast, a vacation house or even an Airbnb. The catch is to choose a place that you and yours have already researched and put into your hotel jar. That takes all of the research and guesswork out of figuring out where to go. The less time you're looking up online, the more time you'll have to go and well, you know.
The sex jar, I've actually written about before. I found the idea a few years ago on Pinterest. Basically, you put some money into the jar every time you do-the-do. Then, after six months to a year, you take the money out and splurge on something couples-related. Just as a heads up, whether that ends up being a kid's meal at your local fast food drive-thru or a cruise to an island all depends on how much sex you and your partner are willing to invest in.
5.DIY Some Edible Lube
accelerate GIF by Christina AguileraGiphyThe wetter, the better. If that lil' phrase was invented in the context of sex, they ain't ever lied! Anyway, maybe National Sex Day falls right before or right after your cycle and you're not as wet as you usually are. Maybe you're perimenopausal or even in menopause and your hormones have your vaginal fluids running on low. Or maybe, you're simply more in the mood for some of "that funk, that sweet, that nasty, that gushy stuff" (quick—who rapped about that?).
One way to achieve this is with longer rounds of foreplay (hopefully with some oral sex included). Another is to make your own lubrication; preferably the kind that tastes as good as it feels. If you want to take a stab at making a batch of your own, click here to learn how.
6.Add Some Sexy Touches to Your Bedroom
If you want to do something real quick, you're not gonna be able to pull off totally renovating your bedroom. What you can do is add a few touches in a few spots. If you prefer to have sex at night, but you don't want to wait that long, hang up some blackout curtains. Or, if your man wishes you'd have sex with the lights on more often, but you need to ease into the idea of it, hang some white Christmas lights from your headboard. Also, stop by Walmart or Target and pick up some red or purple sheets (they're considered to be really sexy bedding colors). Light some soy-scented candles in vanilla, jasmine, sandalwood, rose or a blend of pumpkin and lavender (they're all scents that will boost your libido). And, while you're at it, hang up a mirror across from your bed or get a new throw rug for your bedroom floor. Mirrors can give you a better view (wink) and a fluffy rug will significantly decrease your chances of ending up with any carpet burns (wink, wink).
7.Invest in a Sex Pillow
Why not use National Sex Day as a time to try out a different sex position for the first time? If you think that you already know them all, test that theory out by checking out these sex positions that are in our sex section right here? If some of them seem a little more anatomically-challenging than others, something that can probably make achieving them easier is a sex pillow. The ones you already have on your bed are cool too, but a pillow that's specifically-designed for sex is…well, a pillow that's specifically designed for sex. Amazon has a slew of them, by the way.
8.Do a Sexy Photo Shoot (at Home)
I have a male friend who, not one week goes by when some girl in his life isn't sending him a nude or half-nude photo. I don't know what trips me out more—that they are unsolicited or that folks are bold enough to send their coochie through the phone. Not to say that I don't have some naked pics out in the world somewhere, but I took mine back in 1995. These days, there are clouds and hackers…so yeah, no thanks.
What I would be down to do in present time (if I had a hubby) is use an old-fashioned camera to take some risqué shots. I actually read that putting up this form of erotica in your bedroom is one way to significantly improve your sex life. So, why not take a moment or two to go into your own bedroom, close the door and take a few sexy pics with your partner? Oh, and if you must use your phone, click here for privacy tips on an Android and here for privacy tips on an iPhone.
9.Create a Sex Gift Basket
Gift baskets are the best, ain't they? Surprise your partner with one that is loaded with nothing but sex-related items. You can stop by a lingerie store and get something in his favorite color (or you can make a pair of lace undies; it's easier than you think). Then stop by a liquor store for a bottle of wine (it'll make you hornier than most other forms of alcohol, especially if it's got a cherry or earthy scent) and maybe a lil' bit of Guinness beer too; word on the street is it helps men to last longer in bed. You can never go wrong with some chocolate-covered strawberries. I've also been hearing a lot about something called the Oh! Cherry Orgasm Balm (that stimulates your nipples and clitoris). Oh, and if you want to give some extra TLC by making some additional items with your own two hands, some of my faves are DIY chocolate body paint, DIY edible body butter, DIY massage candles, some DIY shaving cream (to give him a sensual shave) or (get this!) a pair of panties made entirely out of Starburst and Twizzlers candy!
10. Celebrate “69” Annually
Getty Images
It's been over 12 years since I've gotten some, but I'll tell you what—if I was in the position to be able to observe National Sex Day, I'd treat every year like it was my birthday or something! I ain't playin' either. I'd get decorations for the house, I'd bring my man a present home…shoot, I might even bake a sex cake (there is such a thing; it's called a "better than sex" cake and it's actually pretty good)!
If you're not in my position and you are able to actually get it in, but you just found out about today, do what you can tonight but plan on going big next year and then topping yourself every year after that. Life is too short and sex is too good to be overlooking moments like National Sex Day. Please, if for no other reason than I can live vicariously through you, make it a day worth celebrating—over and over…and over again. Have fun!
Featured image by Getty Images
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next October (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Exclusive: Dreka Gates Talks Farm Life, Self-Mastery, And Her Wellness Brand
Dreka Gates is making a name in wellness through authenticity and innovativeness. Although we were introduced to her as a music manager for her husband, Kevin Gates, she has now carved out her own lane outside of music as a wellness entrepreneur. But according to Dreka, this is nothing new.
In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
Courtesy
If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
Eve Opens Up About Motherhood Fears And Why Her Psychic Fired Her As A Client
Eve just released her memoir, Who’s That Girl?, and is reflecting on significant moments in her life. The rapper and actress began her ascension to stardom as the first lady of Ruff Ryders, a rap label and group that consisted of the late DMX, Swizz Beats, and more.
As a rap artist, she released many hit songs, including “Love Is Blind,” “Let Me Blow Ya Mind,” and “Who’s That Girl?, which is also the name of her memoir. Throughout her lifetime, fans have watched her go through many transitions like acting, starring in the Barbershop franchise and even having her very own sitcom, Eve.
And now she is a mom and living across the pond in the UK with her husband, Maximilian Cooper, and family. As a first-time mom, she had a lot of fears she had to overcome, especially after dealing with an ectopic pregnancy in her younger years. She opened up about it during her visit to The Breakfast Club.
“I had this ectopic pregnancy when I was on my sitcom that I never told anybody about, and I actually did not even recognize it until I was ready to get pregnant with my kid,” she revealed. When she was pregnant with her son, Wilde Wolf, Eve shared that she was always nervous that she would lose her baby.
“I was anxiety master level when I was pregnant on the set of Queens because I was like, here it is, I’m working, which is great, and I’m so grateful and blessed, but is it to the detriment of my kid? Like, am I gonna lose this baby?”
She even got emotional as she shared that she was afraid that she wouldn’t connect with her son after being told that it could sometimes happen. “I just thought, possibly the way that I grew up, that I won’t be,” she admitted.
The “Gangsta Lovin’” artist even shared her vulnerability with using alcohol to cope with anxiety and how a DUI and her psychic at the time letting her go as a client made her face her issues.
“I would call her for everything because I didn’t trust myself, and one day, she fired me,” she recalled. “I called her, and she was like, no, you’re depending on me for too much. She was like, I have to let you go.
She continued, “At one point, I called her and I was just in this dark place, and she was like, you know what you need to do. I am not responsible for you. You have to figure this out. And this was during that time, the DUI, it was all that shit where I was just trying to figure shit out.
“At the end of the day, you cannot look outside yourself. It does not matter who it is or what they do. You have to look within.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by The Hapa Blonde/GC Images