As I listened intently to Black Girl Podcast while doing chores or whatever it is that I do with the sound of BGP feeding me life in the background, I was given pause by co-host Scottie Beam's question: Are you black or a woman first?
In trying to answer this question for myself and listening to the girls struggle to do so, it finally opened my eyes to why a black feminist movement is imperative to the culture. It's because for a lot of us, our womanhood is primarily attached to our identity as a person of color.
I cannot identify my struggles as a woman without exploring my intersectional place in this world as a black individual, first.
Therefore, a white feminist movement doesn't serve me, given the privilege that allows them to focus on their one role in this world. And although, historically we all have struggled to integrate the f-word (feminist) without the negative connotation that comes with associating your identity with feminism, we've reached a point where that f-word is thrown around almost too loosely. Nonetheless, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I would like to find my place amongst the feminist forces of women who have come before me.
And although I don't directly identify as a feminist, many of my values are similarly aligned with the goals of the black feminist movement. So, I've made it a point to gain the perspective of all the black women who came before me, those who have helped us make the transition from simply being "strong black women" to black feminist over the course of time.
Those who made way for a movement that we could call our own, and their writing was and is imperative to these efforts.
That said, this prompted me to create a summer reading list filled with the feminist findings of my own people as my starting point. I asked a diverse group of women from various backgrounds the black feminist books I should be reading and these were their recommendations. Click through the gallery below:
1.“When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost” by Joan Morgan
In When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost, Joan Morgan speaks from a perspective that is still relevant to millennial women and a great starting point for those of you who are like me and still trying to figure out what your feminism ought to look like. Morgan seeks out a type of feminism that is nuanced and gives way to the idea that feminism is flexible (and not at all a one size fits all experience). She speaks on enjoying hip-hop (guilt-free), denouncing ourselves from the "Strong black woman" label, and the oxymoron of wanting liberation but enjoying the perks that naturally come with our feminine wiles. Joan Morgan makes feminism relatable for even the most uninterested reader.
What are some books on your summer reading list?
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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