Bible Verses That Remind Married Couples To Explore Their Erotic Sides
I can't remember the first time that I heard this particular quote by a man named Don Schrader but, ever since I did, it has been something that I have brought up to church folks (especially the super churchy ones) whenever the topic of sex comes up. He once said, "To hear many religious people talk, one would think that God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals." Whew and I'm sayin'. I get so tired of so many religious folks acting like sex is something that shouldn't be discussed when one, we are sexual beings (our sexuality is a part of our spirituality) and two, the Bible has plenty to say on the topic. And, when it comes to the Word, if there is a recurring point and theme, it's that husbands and wives should be having lots and lots of sex. Period.
As far as the Scriptural basis for marital sex, probably the automatic go-to verse is Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV). It says, "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." There are layers to all of this, so let's just focus on what comes before the semicolon for now; even then, one word that is in it: undefiled. It's important that undefiled is taken into context. It doesn't mean that just because two people are married that they can just do…whatever. It means that the marriage bed is pure and pure means "free from anything of a different, inferior, or contaminating kind". So y'all, if you are married, it's important to always keep in mind that, when it comes to whatever you and your partner decide to do, it needs to be something that won't contaminate (harm) your relationship. This biblical instruction is not something that any one person can decide on their own; both parties have to come to a mutual decision on what those acts are.
Yet once you did come to some common sexual ground, your sex life really should be on and poppin' on a regular and consistent basis. If you'd like a few extra Scriptures to support why I emphatically say that, I've got five for you to ponder.
Bible Verses On Intimacy With Your Spouse
1. “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other’s presence.”—Genesis 2:24-25 (AMPC)
There's a reason why I chose to go with the word "erotic" over something that might seem more subdued like, perhaps, sensual in the title of this piece. Sensual speaks of being carnal, fleshly and having a "lack moral restraints".
Quite frankly, I think that is a big problem with Bible followers and how they process the topic of sex; they see it through the eyes of being sensual rather than being erotic—"arousing or satisfying sexual desire" and "sexual love". Personally, that's why I also think a lot of people who grew up in the Church struggle with the very clear instruction that is found in Genesis 2; they feel naked and ashamed because the Church has a tendency to focus more on sexual sin than the beauty of the gift of sex for married people.
If you add that to the fact that a lot of folks struggle with their body image…it's no wonder that many husbands and wives are biblically disobedient. Disobedient how? Well, the Word clearly states that a husband and his wife, whenever they are naked in each other's presence, they are not to be embarrassed (be uncomfortably self-conscious) or ashamed (unwilling or restrained because of fear of shame, ridicule, or disapproval).
Man, imagine how much the sex lives of couples all over the world would change for the better, if spouses got this point down alone? If they realized that God never intended for a husband and wife to be naked and ashamed when it comes to how they feel in each other's presence or when it comes to the act of sex itself. Talk about gettin'—and stayin'—free.
2. “Drink waters out of your own cistern [of a pure marriage relationship], and fresh running waters out of your own well. Should your offspring be dispersed abroad as water brooks in the streets? [Confine yourself to your own wife] let your children be for you alone, and not the children of strangers with you. Let your fountain [of human life] be blessed [with the rewards of fidelity], and rejoice in the wife of your youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant doe [tender, gentle, attractive]—let her bosom satisfy you at all times, and always be transported with delight in her love. Why should you, my son, be infatuated with a loose woman, embrace the bosom of an outsider, and go astray?”—Proverbs 5:15-20 (AMPC)
I've shared the story before about a pastor and his wife who once got on the pulpit to talk about how they don't participate in oral sex while also sharing that they don't really get why anyone else would want to either. It was hilarious what the first lady's mother said in response, "Well, that's you and your house." Indeed. Not to get super deep into theology or anything, but there are some religions (and Christian denominations) that denounce oral pleasure because they believe that sex is solely for the purpose of procreation (you know, thanks to the whole "be fruitful and multiply" thing—Genesis 1:26-28). Yeah, I don't get that, since Adam and Eve were given sexual instructions in the Garden of Eden but didn't conceive kids until after they were out of it (Genesis 4). And what about couples who don't want children or, for whatever the reason, can't have any?
Besides, I'm assuming that church leadership knows what a cistern is. But, just for safe measure, it's defined as being "a reservoir, tank, or container for storing or holding water or other liquid" and "a reservoir or receptacle of some natural fluid of the body". I don't know about you, but I don't know anyone who is married to an Aquafina water bottle, so that leaves vaginas. And when it comes to the "let her bosom satisfy you" part? I also don't know any man who has gotten a woman pregnant by rubbing on her breasts and Scripture is clearly all about husbands enjoying their wife's breasts too (check out Live Science's "New Theory on Why Men Love Breasts" sometime).
Finally, if you add to all of this the fact that there are all sorts of benefits that come from fellatio and cunnilingus—you get why I write articles on here like "What?! Only 35 Percent Of Men Go Down? Say It Ain't So.", "Are You Ready To Amp Up Your Oral Sex Game? Try This." and "Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm" without reservation, hesitation or apology.
Oral sex is a blessing. The Bible says so. Married folks, don't miss out.
3. “Behold, you are handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant! Also, our bed is green.”—Song of Solomon 1:16 (NKJV)
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This, hands down, is one of my favorite verses in the Bible when it comes to cultivating sexual intimacy. While on the surface, it might not seem like much, take a moment to look deeper. First of all, the Bible was translated out of the Hebrew language and the Hebrew word for beloved is "yadid" (or yedid). It also means favorite and desired.
While many of us aren't—or won't be—virgins on our wedding night, something that we can definitely strive to be with our spouse is their sexual favorite. Something else that we can—and should—do is want to make them feel like we desire them. That we crave them. That we long for them. That they are able to ignite sexual urges within us that no one on this planet can.
There's more, though. Our bed is green. Green is a dope color. It's not just the color of nature (which is where Adam and Eve were created in), it also symbolizes health, harmony, safety, growth and fertility. The very first time that I read this verse, I was like, "If I ever get married, I'm getting some green bedding, fa sho." So married people, even if you only decide to go with a plant, consider also putting something green in your bedroom. It can serve as a reminder that your marriage bed is holistically healthy—emotionally, spiritually, sexually and otherwise.
4. “His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me.”—Song of Solomon 2:6 (NKJV)
I don't know how many times and, on how many platforms, I have shared that, when it comes to the problems that husbands and wives bring to me, 90 percent of them are directly connected to sexual dissatisfaction on some level. Some are not having sex as much as they would like (see "Married Couples, What You May Need Is Sex. Every Day. For A Month. Straight."). Others say that they never have time for sex (sex is not something you really have time for; you make time for it—see "10 Simple Ways Married Couples Can Make More Time For Sex"). Others don't realize that things like boredom, not emotionally connecting throughout the day, and a lack of "landscaping" are doing all sorts of damage to their sexual relationship (see "7 Things Married Couples Do To Damage Their Sex Lives & Don't Even Know It"). The reasons are endless. Yet, the one thing that all of the explanations have in common is, when a husband and wife are physically able to have sex and aren't, it's not healthy for a relationship. Not only that but, more times than not, the "unhealthiness" is going to manifest in other areas of the marriage too.
That's why I think that this verse of the Bible is important. It's mostly due to the word "embrace".
Embracing your spouse is not just about giving them a hug. It's also about receiving them gladly and eagerly, accepting them willingly and making yourself available to them. This one simple sentence speaks volumes to the fact that when you're married, it's important to make your spouse a top priority and to want them to feel desired in a physical and sexual way.
It's also a reminder that if this doesn't resonate with you, it's a good idea to do some deep soul searching as to why…because embracing your partner should be a given, not a special occasion occurrence in a marital union.
5. “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights (goodwill, kindness, and what is due her as his wife), and likewise the wife to her husband...Do not refuse and deprive and defraud each other [of your due marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterwards resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you [to sin] through your lack of restraint of sexual desire.”—I Corinthians 7:3&5 (AMPC)
There are a lot of great things about this particular Scripture. The very first sentence is a reminder that God expects married people to have sex; that it is a marital responsibility, of both a husband and a wife. From there, peep how the Bible states that not having sex (except for mutual reasons) is an act of deprivation and even defrauding your partner. To deprive is "to remove or withhold something from the enjoyment" and to defraud is "to cheat". According to the Word itself, consciously going without sex is a form of withholding enjoyment and cheating your partner out of something that they are supposed to get out of their marital relationship. Not only that but, when someone decides to do that, the Bible says that it gives Satan (dark forces), the ability to tempt you and/or your partner. Tempt means "to entice or allure to do something often regarded as unwise, wrong, or immoral".
I can't tell you how many times someone (usually it's a wife) has told me that they are ready to end their marriage either because their spouse had an emotional or physical affair. When I ask how long it's been since they've had sex and I get something like, "It's not a priority to me" or "I haven't been in the mood", and that's been the case for months on end, and then I refer the person to these verses in the Word, it's kind of crazy how they immediately get triggered. Again, sex is not just a want in a marriage; it's a need. It's a staple. As the Message Version of I Corinthians 6:16 states, "There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, 'The two become one.'"
Sex is an act that spiritually makes two people one and, remember that in Genesis 2, the Bible says that a husband and wife are to embark upon the lifelong journey of "becoming one". So yes, every time that a married couple has sex, "oneness" transpires. Oneness means "a strong feeling of closeness or affinity; union" and "unity of thought, feeling, belief, aim, etc.; agreement; concord" and "sameness". No wonder, even God's Word not only recommends but instructs that married couples get it in as often as possible!
It's not just about physical pleasure (although that is indeed a part of it). It's also about doing what reminds them that they are to have a strong feeling of closeness to each other, that they are to get into a state of unity and agreement, that they are to get onto the same page, as much as possible. And sex? It's an act that helps to make all of this possible.
These are just five verses. Trust me, if there was more time and space, I could go on (and on and on and on). But I'm hoping that if you are a married Bible follower that you take these verses extremely seriously. And, if you're not, that maybe you'll see the Bible, as it relates to sex between a husband and wife, in a different light. As the Message Version of Hebrews 13:4 says, "Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband." Marital intimacy is beyond dope. Make sure that you do.
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10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important
10 Married Couples Share The Keys To Their Totally Off-The-Chain Sex Life
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
GiphyAbout five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
GiphySociety is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
GiphyThe reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
Giphy“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
GiphyOkay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
GiphyAs we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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