

Songs are amazin', man. While I was reading an article on Cosmo's site—one that we are gonna get all up into in just a second—it's crazy what came to mind. OK, so here's my music trivia question for the day. How many of y'all remember Novel from back in the day? If you don't, let me trigger your memory a bit. Here's the chorus to his song, "Peach":
I can eat a peach for hours
Especially when it's sweet not sour
I love it when it's juicy; it's doin' something to me
I can eat a peach for hours
Maybe we can talk for hours
Maybe take a raindrop shower
You can be my queen; I can be yo' king
I can eat a peach for hours
I don't know. Chalk it up to being a really lucky gal, I guess, but back in my sexually-active days, these were the kind of men I knew; not figuratively. Personally. Also, most of the sex I had was in my 20s with men who are also in their 20s. That's why it kinda threw me off when, according to a survey that was conducted by the condom manufacturer Skyn—brace yourselves now—only 35 percent of heterosexual millennial men perform oral sex. Then, to add further insult to injury, according to an exclusive poll that was conducted by Skyn and Cosmo, "Fourteen percent of 18 to 22-year-olds said they 'don't think it's necessary.' And nearly 50 percent of 18 to 27-year-olds are more comfortable having sex than they are giving oral (compared to 32 percent of 28 to 32-year-olds)." What in the world is goin' on?
I read all of Cosmo's article and it had some good content in it. But whenever I hear stuff like this, the natural journalist—and Black woman; not necessarily in that order—in me usually likes to do my own investigating.
Why Men Literally NEED to Have Oral Sex
First, the technical stuff. Going down can trigger the production of oxytocin and DHEA in both partners; this can protect them from heart disease and while calming them down so that they can get a good night's rest. I've been knowing for a while now that vaginal fluid is the ultimate probiotic because it contains between 100,000 to 100 million Lactobacillus cells (depending on the woman). This is a good thing because probiotics are what support our digestive tract. Probiotics also build up our immune system, can help us to lose belly fat, decreases allergy and eczema-related symptoms and can even reduce depression, stress and anxiety. So, strictly from a health standpoint, 65 percent of men are truly missing out when they don't "eat the peach".
Then there's a strong relational point. According to scientific research, a woman is less likely to cheat if her man is a cunnilingus partaker (I feel led to add here, a "good cunnilingus partaker". It's one thing to do it; it's another matter entirely to do it well).
Oh, and for any guy who may be reading this, doesn't do "it" and says that a woman is shallow if not getting oral is what will make her step out, to that, I say this—on the surface, you would be correct, sir. But look deeper. First, how would you feel if your partner (especially if you happen to be in a serious relationship) didn't want to go down on you? And secondly, I don't think that not being on the oral sex receiving end is so much the issue as the selfishness—and, from where I'm sitting, immaturity—is.
Just recently, I wrote about sexual deal-breakers. And, you know what? When it comes to this particular sexual issue, if you and your partner start off the relationship with the understanding that oral sex is not your thing—either of y'all's thing—while that personally baffles me (LOL), I respect that. To each their own. But if you're out here thinking that fellatio should be a given, but cunnilingus isn't on the table—or, as the guys in the poll put it "isn't necessary"—that's a whole and entire problem. You not being an oral sex reciprocator means that you care more about your pleasure than your partner's. And that, dear sir, is what could possibly cause a woman to cheat. Hey, I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying I can very easily connect the dots on that.
Still, I'm not gonna be out here patronizing the fellas by assuming that at least some of them are aware of the information I just shared. Especially since I do happen to know a few guys who feel like since they are "packin'", their woman is fully satisfied without cunnilingus (uh, they might want to ask her). That's why, aside from what I just shared, I decided to ask some guys in my world what they thought about the study. The names are changed (because you can be private and freaky, right?) but their responses are verbatim.
Do Guys Like Going Down on Women? 7 Men Have the Answer
*The names have been changed for anonymity
*Perry (35, Married)
"It doesn't surprise me that guys in their 20s and early 30s struggle with giving oral sex. There are so many dumb decisions that are made during that time, including not really getting to know our sexual partners. For a lot of young men, it's not even about fully experiencing sex. They're just out here trying to get a nut. It wasn't until I really started to feel for a woman that I wanted to see all that sex had to offer. I will say this to the guy bucks—you don't know what you're missin'. There is nothing like pleasing a woman. You realize you never really know pleasure until you do."
*Maxwell (24, Single)
"35 percent? That's hilarious, man. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing, but I was out here, 'peach eatin' as you call it, before I even got head for the first time. If I'm gonna be really real about it, I did that before I had sex. Maybe it was all of the porn I saw. Maybe because the first girl I did that to had never experienced it before. I've never really thought about it. I just know one time was all I needed. A brotha is definitely hooked!"
*Damon (40, Engaged)
"I'll be real with you. A lot of us perform oral sex on a trial-by-trial basis. Some women we're into enough to do it and some we're not. Some ladies might be upset but, some have the right hygiene, some don't. Some landscape in a way that's appealing, some don't. Some, we don't even see as someone we want to get that close to or with. I think the number is higher than 35. I just think that 35 may be the amount of men who do it all of the time. A lot of us are way pickier."
*Allen (29, Single)
"I know we've got a lot going on when we ejaculate, but unless a woman has been with a woman in that way, they don't get that they have a lot going on down there too. Some of us just need to ease into all of that. My first time story is I always thought I would never go down on a girl. But one time, the head that I got was so f—kin' good that I was like, 'I'm a punk ass nigga if I don't try and make her feel the same way.' I haven't looked back since. Damn, where's her phone number?"
*Keith (32, Single)
"I think that if a man likes to kiss, he likes to kiss everywhere. That's all I got to say about it."
*Rashad (45, Married)
"Don't let these lames fool you. If a guy doesn't go down, it's more about him than you. On the emotional tip, it's a vulnerable act. We've got a lot of ego too, so it's scary to think that we might do it and our partner won't be pleased. A lot of men try and project that not going down is about the woman, but it's all about him. Don't @ me on that."
*Shawn (30, Single)
"I don't think you can fully know a woman until you have consumed ever part; her p—y included. I don't just mean the woman you're with at the time. I mean, you have a lot to learn about all women until you do. The smell. The sounds that she makes. The way she touches you when it happens. Even the way that she cums—it's all just…different. It's like she's letting you in on a side to her that is classified information. That alone makes it a hell of a turn on. Hell, addicting. Men do it. Men like it. Those who don't should categorize themselves with the rest of us."
Welp. There you have it. It's not like I didn't try and find "one of the 35 percent". Thankfully, the men I know find oral sex—whether they are giving or receiving it—to be very, very necessary. Not to "cunnilingus shame" those who don't but, maybe this lil' write-up will at least give you something else/more to think about.
After all, in the wise words of some man who I'm sure goes down on a regular basis—"Don't knock it until you've tried it." Peach-eatin' will richly bless you in more ways than one. If you don't believe me, read this all over again. And again...and again (while listening to Novel to totally gas you up!).
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Quinta Brunson Gets Real About Divorce, Boundaries & Becoming
Quinta Brunson is the woman who chooses herself, even when the world is watching. And in her June 30 cover story for Bustle, she gives us a rare glimpse into the soft, centered place she's navigating her life from now. From leading one of television's most beloved series in the last decade to quietly moving through life shifts, the creator of Abbott Elementary is walking through a personal evolution and doing so with intention, grace, and a firm grip on her boundaries.
Back in March, the 35-year-old filed for divorce from Kevin Jay Anik after nearly three years of marriage, citing "irreconcilable differences." The news hit the headlines of news outlets fast, but Quinta hadn't planned to announce their dissolution to the public so quickly.
Quinta Brunson On Divorce, Public Scrutiny & Sacred Boundaries
"I remember seeing people be like, ‘She announced her divorce,’" she told Bustle. “I didn’t announce anything. I think people have this idea that people in the public eye want the public to know their every move. None of us do. I promise you. No one wants [everyone] to know when you buy a house, when you move, when a major change happens in your personal life. It’s just that that’s public record information."
In regards to her private moves becoming tabloid fodder, Quinta continued, "I hated that. I hate all of it."
"I Am An Artist First": Quinta On Cutting Her Hair & Reclaiming Herself
Still, the diminutive phenom holds her crown high in the face of change and is returning to the essence of who she is, especially as an artist. "Cutting my hair reminded me that I am an artist first. I want to feel things. I want to make choices. I want to be a person, and not just stuck in having to be a certain way for business." It's giving sacred rebirth. It's giving self-liberation. It's especially giving main character energy.
And while the headlines keep spinning their narratives, the one that Quinta is focused on is her own. For her, slowing down and nourishing herself in ways that feed her is what matters. "It’s a transitional time. I think it’s true for me and my personal life, and it’s how I feel about myself, my career, and the world," Quinta shared with Bustle. “I feel very serious about focusing on watering my own gardens, taking care of myself and the people around me who I actually interact with day-to-day."
That includes indulging in simple rituals that ground her like "making myself a meal" which has become "really, really important to me."
That spirit of agency doesn't stop at the personal. In her professional world, as the creator, executive producer, and lead actress of the critically-acclaimed Abbott Elementary, Quinta understands the weight her choices carry, both on- and off-screen. She revealed to Bustle, "People used to tell me at the beginning of this that the No. 1 on the call sheet sets the tone, and the producer sets the tone — and I’m both of those roles."
She continued, "I understand now, after doing this for four years, how important it was that I set the tone that I did when we first started."
Quinta doesn't just lead, she understands the importance of curating the energy of any space she enters. Even amid a season of shifts and shedding, her power speaks loudly. Sometimes that power looks like quiet resistance. Sometimes that power is soft leadership.
And sometimes that power looks like cutting your hair and taking back your name in rooms that have forgotten you were an artist long before you were a brand.
Read Quinta's cover story on Bustle here to witness the fullness of Quinta's becoming.
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