

If it's one thing I'm sure of, it's the accuracy of how well SZA was able to capture almost every single phase, worry, and emotion that comes with being in your twenties on her latest album Ctrl.
You know what I'm talking about.
You're stuck in that phase where grocery shopping starts to feel less like a chore and more like fun.
You're in that phase where half of your old high school and college-mates are getting married and have children and the other half have charges pending.
You're in that phase where a job with guaranteed 40 hours a week and a full benefits package sounds like heaven but then again so does drinks and queso with your friends every weekend.
You feel like there's more that you should be doing, that you should be moving forward and yet you don't really know what direction that is.
I get it, I really do but it doesn't have to be this way.
Here are eight things you can do to help you master tf out of your uncertain twenties:
Engage the Power of Community
You are never in things alone, no matter how you may feel and it's better to learn that now. Spend time with and find a tribe of women that will encourage you, convict you when needed, and be that shoulder to cry on when you do have your down moments. There's strength in numbers, sis.
Get to Know Yourself
With all of the beautifully curated lives on social media and the plethora of gurus on television, it can be hard to decipher your wants, needs, and interests from the masses. Get clear on who you are. Not who you "post to be." Figure out what makes you happy, your affirmations, how certain things make you feel, and what's important to you. Dead the noise and get reacquainted with you.
Check Impostor Syndrome at the Door
Listen here sis: YOU ARE AN ACHIEVER.
Stop downplaying your accomplishments and everything you've got you've gotten through hard work and good work. Feeling like a fraud is fake news, okay? This is only the beginning. You're more than able and you belong in every room you find yourself in so walk like it.
Define Your Version of Success
For some people, success is three houses, five luxury cars, a rich spouse, and 2.5 children. For you, it might be getting through an entire workweek without taking a nap, not postponing wash day for two weeks, and cooking yourself dinner five days out of the week instead of going out. Figure out what success looks like for you and make it happen as often as you can.
Understand the Come-Up Doesn't Happen Overnight
Don't let the 'gram fool you. All we see is the highlight reel when it comes to our favorite influencers and celebs. Most of them didn't achieve their level or acclaim and significance right out the gate and you shouldn't expect to either. Use your 20somethings to put in that work that can set you up for a beautiful glow up in the future. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was Oprah's bank account. Do the work.
Practice and Establish a Self-Care Routine
After you get done grinding, take some time to enjoy you. Center yourself in the morning by incorporating some prayer and exercise. Take a break midday and plug into your favorite music for a quick escape. Go watch your favorite movies and buy all your favorite snacks. At the end of the week, after all is said and done, go get your nails done and have drinks with your friends. Treat yo' self.
Remember You Don't Have to Have It All Together
With every phase of life that you find yourself in, you must remember that you've never experienced it before and neither have other people. You've never been in your 20somethings, your parents have never been in their 50somethings. Everyone is literally learning as they go and that's the beautiful thing about growing up. You never stop learning and the minute you try to rid yourself of that fact, you put yourself in an unfair position.
Allow yourself to get it wrong sometimes and know that it's okay. Allow yourself to not know how or what the next right move is and choose to not feel inadequate. Take solace in the fact that we all still honestly have some growing to do.
Good luck on them 20somethings!
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Laterras R. Whitfield On What He Wants In A 'Future Wifey' & Redefining Masculinity
In this week's episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker chopped it up with Laterras R. Whitfield, host of the Dear Future Wifey podcast, for a raw and revealing conversation about personal growth, faith, and the search for love in a way that resonates.
Laterras Whitfield Believes Men Should Pursue, Not Persuade
“Let me know you exist, and I’ll do the rest”
Whitfield is a big advocate of a man’s role in going confidently for the woman he wants. “Men should pursue, not persuade, and women should present, not pursue,” he said. He’s open to meeting women on social media but isn’t a fan of bold approaches. “Don’t shoot your shot at me. … Let me know you exist, and I’ll do the rest.”
His ideal woman?
“She has to be a woman of God… I judge a woman by how her friends see her… and most importantly, how she treats my kids.”
Infidelity, Redemption, and the Power of Self-Control
“Being disciplined is the most beautiful thing you can offer”
Once unfaithful in his previous marriage, Whitfield has since transformed his perspective on masculinity. “Being disciplined is the most beautiful thing you can offer. That’s what true masculinity is to me now.” He has also committed to abstinence, choosing self-control as a defining trait of manhood.
Whitfield’s journey is one of redemption, purpose, and faith—something that speaks to women who value emotional intelligence, accountability, and the power of transformation.
Rewriting the Narrative Around Black Masculinity
What masculinity, legacy, and healing mean to Whitfield today
“My dad taught me what not to be [as a man] and my mom taught me what she needed [in a man],” Whitfield said. While his father wasn’t abusive, he wasn’t emotionally or affectionately present. “Since I didn’t see it, I never got it either… I would look at my dad and say, ‘I want to be a better father.’ ”
Adoption had always been on his spirit, influenced by TV shows like Different Strokes and Punky Brewster. This mindset led him to take in his nephew as his son after a powerful dream confirmed what he already felt in his heart.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Roxanne Shanté On Receiving Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award & Hosting Rock The Bells Festival
Roxanne Shanté continues to show us that her influence in hip-hop is undeniable. The hip-hop pioneer made history this year as the first solo female rapper to receive a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award and now she’s returning as the dean of ceremonies for the Rock The Bells Festival. Roxanne chats with xoNecole about her career and latest honor.
“When I first received the news that I was getting that lifetime achievement award, hearing the class that I was accepted into was incredible for me, because it wasn't just myself, but it was Prince, Frankie Beverly, Frankie Valli, Taj Mahal and The Clash," Roxanne tells us. “And when you think about those artists, all you can think about are the hits and the great songs that they made and albums upon albums, and then you include Roxanne Shanté.
Tammy Hurt, Roxanne Shanté and Harvey Mason Jr.
Rob Latour/Shutterstock
“People ask me all the time, what do you think the purpose of you receiving the lifetime achievement award? Not, I didn't deserve it, but it's for all the times that I didn't say yes to things that other people may have said yes to. So it really is an award and a benefit of being able to say, I just stayed me, and when you stay you, the universe gives that to you. So because mine didn’t come from sales of albums, because I didn’t sell millions and millions of albums, and I didn't make millions and millions of records like everyone else. What I did do is I affected many lives, and I was there to push a lot of artists. So it’s for the things that I did behind the scenes.”
Now, Roxanne is gearing up for Rock The Bells Festival, which takes place this Saturday, June 28. The show is packed with groundbreaking artists like Busta Rhymes, Redman, Remy Ma and many more. But that’s not all. This year, the festival is switching it up a bit by featuring R&B acts like Lil Mo and celebrating Uptown Records, who were known for their R&B artists like Al B. Sure, Donell Jones, and Monifah.
“People ask me all the time, what do you think the purpose of you receiving the lifetime achievement award? Not, I didn't deserve it, but it's for all the times that I didn't say yes to things that other people may have said yes to. So it really is an award and a benefit of being able to say, I just stayed me, and when you stay you, the universe gives that to you."
Thai Randolph, strategic advisor and board member for Rock The Bells Festival shares why Roxanne is the perfect person to host the event. “Roxanne Shanté isn’t just hosting—she embodies hip-hop itself. A true pioneer, she laid the blueprint for generations of artists both musically and entrepreneurially,” Thai says.
“Whether you’re listening to her iconic track ‘Roxanne's Revenge’ or catching her captivating energy on Rock The Bells Radio, her authenticity, charisma, and genuine love for the culture always shine through. As a longtime fan, I can't think of anyone better suited to energize the crowd and set the tone for an unforgettable event."
For a lot of people, the rapper’s Netflix biopic Roxanne Roxanne was their first time hearing her life story. The film, which shows a 14-year-old Roxanne navigating life as an inner city kid and creating one of the biggest diss records with “Roxanne’s Revenge,” quickly became a hit with viewers. The radio host says it’s an “honor” that so many people resonate with her story as she wanted it to serve as a cautionary tale for fathers and daughters.
As far as making another film about her life, Roxanne isn’t opposed. “We've been thinking about it, talking to the Rock The Bells family, because we're now branching off and now going into doing podcasts and things like that. We were kind of talking like, you know what? Maybe I need to have a story time,” she says.
“I come with a story time with photos, and that's like one of the greatest things because it's one thing when people tell you a story, but it's another thing when somebody can bring photos and receive other people along with it. So we were thinking about having a real Roxanne story time. We're still thinking about that, but in the meantime, having a radio show that now has about seven million listeners per day, it's also a blessing. So I sit back and I enjoy that.”
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Feature image by Ron Adar/ Shutterstock