

Whether you ever intended on watching Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? and Why Did I Get Married Too?, for better or for worse, BET doesn't really give you much of a choice. It seems like at least once a week, one or both films are airing on that channel. And, if there's a couple that is truly memorable, it's Marcus (played by Michael Jai White) and Angela (played by Tasha Smith).
To call them "dysfunctional" would be a major understatement. They have serious trust issues, their communication sucks, there's little to no respect given, they seem to find extreme pleasure in throwing each other under the bus in front of their friends (especially Angela) and they appear to get on each other's last nerve, more times than not.
I've seen clips of both movies so much that they both seem to run in together at this point. But I do know for sure that, in one of them, there's a scene where Marcus is asked why he keeps putting up with all of the crazy. His response? "The make-up sex is insane!" (or something along those lines).
That's not just a line from a movie. If you put "make-up sex" in any search engine, you're gonna see articles about why so many of us like—no, LOVE—it. From the research that I've done on the topic, a lot of us are super into make-up sex because it tends to be wilder, more exciting and more intense than so-called "regular sex" is. That's cool. But like most things in life, there is such a notion as too much of a good thing.
How can you tell the difference between make-up sex being a hot way to conclude a fight vs. something that is masking a layer of issues that sex alone really can't solve? I've got five points that can at least get you on the path of seeing what's really going on in your bedroom—and ultimately, your marriage.
Is Make-Up Sex How You Always “Resolve” Arguments?
Personally, whenever a couple tells me that they never argue, whether they say it directly on my face or not, I'm giving them the side-eye. While I don't think that every couple has ugly knockout drag-outs, I find it very hard to believe because if two people are being open and honest with one another, sometimes boats are gonna get rocked. And there's nothing wrong with that. We all have our own way of seeing things and oftentimes, looking at another's perspective is just what we need in order to grow as individuals.
The problem with arguing is when a couple has no idea how to resolve their issues when they arise. If there is a lot of grudge-holding, deflecting, hitting below the belt, yelling and screaming or even a ton of passive aggressiveness, not only does this reveal poor communication skills, it will only make matters worse over time.
What really needs to be addressed is the fact that some couples are either so used to arguing that they don't realize how unhealthy their communication is or they are so accustomed to having sex to "fix matters" that, ironically, nothing really ever gets fixed.
I'm big on saying that sex shouldn't be about "making love" so much as celebrating it.
Along these same lines, make-up sex shouldn't be about avoiding resolutions but the celebration of actually coming to one. Which is it for you and yours?
Is Make-Up Sex a Stress Coping Mechanism?
Life has its stress-filled moments. There's no doubt about that. And when it comes to the health benefits of sexual activity, the reduction of the stress hormone cortisol is a strong one. So yeah, I totally get why couples would resort to having sex in order to release a little anxiety and tension. That's not why I'm bringing this point up, though.
It's one thing to have a few days when your schedule has you feeling overwhelmed or to receive some news that's got you a little more than just irritated. It's another to be sick all of the time, an insomniac or noticing things like body aches and hair fall. If these things are transpiring, they're usually red flags that you are too stressed for your own good and all sex is doing is masking a deeper issue.
Sure, sex can distract you for a few minutes (or, if you're lucky, a couple of hours), but the problems are gonna still be there when you're done. If all you really do to handle your stress is having sex, that's something else to really look into; preferably with a therapist and/or physician.
Is Make-Up Sex the Only Time That You Truly Feel Connected?
So, there is such a thing as arousal transfer. What's that? In a nutshell, it's when our bodies go from one kind of stimuli to another and then we pass it on to someone else. In the context of make-up sex, it's basically going from an emotion like anger to another like excitement. Then, when pleasure is brought into it all, it can create the illusion that reconciliation has happened when really all that's gone down is you connected on a physical level (and the oxytocin calmed you down a bit).
Arousal transfer is normal, but if it's the only time you and your partner truly feel like you're on the same page, it's also an illusion. Healthy relationships have mental, emotional and spiritual connections not just physical ones. Healthy couples are able to feel close to one another, whether sex comes into play or not.
Is Make-Up Sex What You Do When You Don’t Know What to Do?
A lot of us were not fortunate enough to grow up in a two-parent household and/or one that consisted of two people who loved and respected each other and communicated well. Because this was lacking, we didn't really get the foundational skills required to deal with conflict in a romantic relationship.
Two things typically happen because of this. One, we (internally) freak out whenever relational issues arise and/or two, we either think that running from the relationship or doing whatever makes our partner feel better is the solution. And oftentimes, that feel-good-remedy is sex.
The problem with that is even the best (and most realistic) sex only lasts a couple of hours. Once it's over, the problems still exist. If you and yours are always having sex during or immediately following a fight because you don't know what else to do, this is another reason to strongly consider getting into some marital counseling. Just so the two of you can learn how to hash things out and "fight fair" in the process.
Is Make-Up Sex How You “Handled” Relationships When You Were Dating Too?
There is a lot of baggage that many of us bring into our current relationship, oftentimes not realizing it until we get triggered or a particular pattern is brought to our attention. That said, if you can relate to all of what I shared here and a part of you is wondering where it came from, take a brief walk down memory lane to see if make-up sex is how you handled issues with your boyfriends as well.
A huge mistake that a lot of people make in relationships is assuming that what they did in their dating situations won't creep into their marriage. The only way you can be sure of that is by taking the time, as a single person, to do some self-evaluating and healing. If you're just now seeing that make-up sex has been your modus operandi all along, ask yourself two things—1) how did it work for you back then and 2) if it wasn't a big deal, why aren't you still with your exes? Hmm.
Again, make-up sex isn't a bad thing. Not at all. But if you're dependent on it in order to get through the hard/bad times in your marriage, be careful. You might look up and discover that it didn't fix anything. It just bought you more time to not deal with the inevitable—some real serious problems in your relationship.
You might discover that sex was more like icing on a garbage lid than anything. Sweet for a second but what was underneath? Eww.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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7 Things Married Couples Do To Damage Their Sex Lives – Read More
5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar – Read More
- Learn To Fight Fair In Your Marriage - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How To Argue In Healthy Way In Relationships - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Sex Is Great But The Relationship Is Bad - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your May 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Blooming Softly & Trusting Divine Timing
May is about being patient, nurturing your dreams, and creating beauty in your world. This is a more stable and generous month than the chaos that April brought, and we get an opportunity for closure, healing, and rejuvenation this month. We are still amid some important retrograde transits, but these are ones we can navigate better by grounding our energy in the present moment, and not allowing ourselves to stress over the what-ifs.
With the Sun in Taurus for most of the month, May reminds us that there is beauty in finding your peace and not allowing anyone to disrupt that.
Pluto goes retrograde in Aquarius from May 4 until October 13, and this will be a time of remembering your power when it comes to your purpose, innovations, and the ability to attract support into your life. Mercury moves into Taurus on May 10, making this a good time for negotiations, creating new plans financially, and sticking to your word on something that holds value to you. The Full Moon of the month occurs in Scorpio on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year, signifying growth and seeing the beauty in your life.
This Full Moon is all about letting go of what doesn’t feel authentic or resonate with you emotionally, and about experiencing more closure and healing within relationship matters.
Your May 2025: A Monthly Overview
Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and we enter air sign energy, which is good for communication, business, and coming up with inspiring and new ideas. On May 24, Saturn enters Aries, beginning its new transit where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn in Aries is bold, direct, and straightforward, but so are its lessons. There is a gift in resilience and finding your strength during this time, and this transit will show you where your power is, but it may challenge you to confront self-limiting behavior in the process.
Mercury enters Gemini on May 25, and Mercury loves being here. Mercury in Gemini is the creative genius, and this is a month of aligning yourself with this energy. On May 26, we have a New Moon in Gemini, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want a communication breakthrough in your life, and what new ideas you want to start planting the seeds for. This is a good New Moon for networking, exchanging ideas, having more fun, and getting inspired.
Article continues after the jump.
May 2025 Horoscopes for Every Zodiac Sign
Keep reading for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see what May has in store for you.
ARIES
The impact from April is finally behind you, and you get to move forward this month, Aries. After a month of retrogrades and Eclipses, you are starting to see the progress of what you have been working towards financially this year. The Sun is in your 2nd house of abundance, self-confidence, and values this month, and you are putting your dreams here first.
With Venus also in Aries for the entire month of May, you are feeling the support within and without this month, and this is a beautiful month unfolding.
On May 24, Saturn enters your sign, beginning its transit in Aries, which will last for the next few years. Saturn is the master of tough love, and you are going to be learning a lot about yourself during his time and going through a growth spurt. The New Moon of May is at the end of the month on May 26 and will be giving you the answers and clarity you have been looking for, highlighting open communication in your life. Overall, this is your month of fewer obstacles and more progress.
TAURUS
Taurus Season is officially underway, and you are the main character right now, Taurus. Remember that. This month is about trusting your intuition and the timing of things, and knowing that things are working in your favor. With Venus, your ruling planet, in your 12th house for the month, you are seeking a lot of closure and culmination right now and are healing what was. Mercury enters your sign from May 10 until May 25, and it’s all about the perspectives you are gaining right now.
Don’t be afraid to ask the important questions and get down to the bottom of things that have been worrying you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of partnership, and you are closing the door on what has not been working for you in love. You are seeing the clarity of what you need within your emotional world and how you want to navigate the changes you have been through here now.
GEMINI
May is a new beginning for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy and vitality with you this month, and you are ready to accomplish some personal goals and intentions of yours. For most of the month, the Sun is in your house of closure and healing, and you are finding yourself rejuvenated from the transformations you have been through. Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and with the Sun in your sign, nothing is holding you back from shining and living in your truth right now.
On May 25, Mercury enters Gemini until June 8, and Mercury loves being in your sign, as this is your planetary ruler.
Mercury in Gemini is forward-thinking, quick, and intelligent. You are coming up with solutions to previous challenges or obstacles, and overcoming something that has felt restrictive mentally. Before the month ends, there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 26, and this New Moon is one of the best times of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest your dreams. Remember you are worthy of what you are setting out to accomplish this month, Gemini.
CANCER
Cancer, this month requires you to slow down, take care of your health, and allow things to come to fruition the way they are meant to. There is a chance you could be overthinking more than usual this month, and you are being reminded that there is only so much that is in your control, and to give yourself some more grace. The Full Moon in Scorpio on May 12 will help you gain a little more clarity of the heart and is going to be a time of feeling the love and appreciation in your life.
Saturn enters your 10th house of career on May 24, remaining here over the next few years, and you are getting an opportunity to grow and discover where you may have been limiting yourself professionally, socially, or within your aspirations in life. This time is all about reminding yourself that you deserve recognition for the work you do, but that you must also be the one believing in yourself as well. On May 12, there is a New Moon in your house of emotional healing, and you are seeing the gifts of alone time, safe spaces, and tending to your creative inklings at the end of the month.
LEO
This month is an opportunity for a new beginning in love and progress within your emotional world, Leo. You are learning to trust your intuition more, and you are putting more of your energy into your heart’s desires. With the Sun in your 10th house for most of the month, you are shining in your truth and remaining confident in your goals in life.
Venus is in your house of adventure for the entire month, and this is a good time for experiencing romance while traveling or getting out of your comfort zone a little.
Saturn makes a significant move from Pisces into Aries at the end of the month and enters your 9th house. With Saturn here, you will be learning more about what mental growth and clarity mean to you, and this is a good time to dedicate yourself to higher education, traveling, gaining a new perspective, and honoring your integrity and values. The New Moon of the month is on May 26, creating magic within your friendships and community.
You are leaving this month with hope in your heart and new plans for the future.
VIRGO
May is a month of abundance and fruition for you, Virgo. Your dreams and intentions are coming to fruition, and you are owning that which you have created for yourself. With Venus in Aries, this is a good time for seeing support in your life financially, dedicating yourself to your commitments and responsibilities, and seeing the gifts in that. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and this is an intuitive time for you, giving you the strength needed to close the chapter on what you don’t resonate with anymore.
On May 24, Saturn enters your house of shared finances, rebirth, intimacy, and resources, and over the next few years, you will be learning the importance of connecting with people who truly have your best interest at heart, and not committing to what feels unstable. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your house of career, and this is a good time to manifest and set your intentions for where you want to see professional growth in your life.
Overall, May is about embracing your freedom while honoring the people and connections that help you grow and make you feel more secure in life.
LIBRA
This is a month of feeling empowered and ready to take on anything that comes your way, Libra. You are inspired by the progress you are making in your life right now, and with Venus in your 7th house of love, you are being well-received. This is a month of finding your balance between your path and the growth of your relationships, and there is a sense of support, harmony, and love in your life in May.
You are owning your authenticity and living in your truth fully, and this energy is magnetic.
However, Saturn also enters your 7th house of love this month, where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn empowers and helps you grow, but you can also feel a little more challenged within your relationships during this time. The more you can own your wants and needs, the more you can find vulnerability and support within your relationships. On May 26, a New Moon in a fellow air sign occurs and happens in your 9th house, creating a chance at a new adventure and an opportunity to discover some new inspiration.
SCORPIO
May is about believing in the impossible, Scorpio. It’s time to take a leap of faith in yourself and to remember your power. You are seeking a new beginning in your life, and with the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month, you are being supported and encouraged in the process. Pluto, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde in your house of home and family from May 4 until October, and you are gaining clarity on the people and support systems you can rely on more.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year. You are in full bloom and ready for whatever is next for you, and this is beautiful. Previous intentions and goals come to fruition for you overall in mid-May, and there is a lot to look forward to right now as you are getting excited about it all. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your 8th house, creating a sense of empowerment through what you are looking to change and transform in your life right now.
This month is about not being afraid to take more risks and doing things your own way.
SAGITTARIUS
May is a beautiful month of magic, success, and good fortune, Sagittarius. You are feeling lucky this month and are attracting success to you in many different areas of your life. Venus, the planet of love, is in your 5th house of romance for most of the month, and you are enjoying your life, feeling the love within your heart, and expressing yourself freely in May. You are a magnet for your manifestations, and dreams are coming true for you this month, Sag.
On May 12, we have a Full Moon happening in your house of endings and closure, and you are closing out a big chapter in your life this month.
You are letting go of old pain or emotional experiences and choosing not to repeat a pattern that left you feeling hopeless before. On May 26, we have a New Moon in your sister sign, Gemini, enhancing your need for love, connection, and relationship development this month. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for what partnerships you want to see grow, heal, and come to fruition for you. Overall, May is your month of fruition, balance, and believing in the magic in your life.
CAPRICORN
May is about slowing down and allowing yourself to find the answers you have been looking for, Capricorn. This isn’t the time to rush your progress or doubt where you are in life. The Sun is in your 5th house, and this is good for finding more time for fun, pleasure, self-care, and asking your heart what it needs. With Pluto going retrograde in your 2nd house of values and income, you are being reminded to hold yourself with integrity and to know that you are worthy of the things you are asking for.
The Full Moon on May 12 is a beautiful time to connect with loved ones or those who inspire you. The universe wants to show you that you are not alone this month and that you deserve to live a life where you can enjoy yourself more and manifest your dreams, rather than believing everything needs to be a challenge to be worthy. Saturn, your ruling planet, then enters your 4th house of home and family, and over the next few years, you are going to be rediscovering what home means to you.
AQUARIUS
Your guidance for May is to trust that what is falling from your life or changing for you is doing so for your benefit, Aquarius. Trust that what is happening is happening for you and not to you, and don’t doubt that you will rebuild from this. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign from May 4 until October 13, you need a break from some of the confusion you have been feeling in your personal life, and you are getting a chance to gain a new perspective this month.
Use this time to get inspired by change rather than let it bring you down, and ground yourself in the present moment more.
Saturn enters Aries in May, where it will remain for the next few years, helping you grow in the areas of your life that have to do with communication, networking, transportation, siblings, and education. You will be learning a lot during this time and will be finding new outlets for self-expression and communication. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini occurring in your 5th house of romance, pleasure, hobbies, and entertainment, and after a month of navigating endings, changes, and closures, you are ready for a fresh start and are receiving one in love now.
PISCES
Allow what is to be, be, Pisces. May is a month of allowing yourself to trust the timing of the universe and not giving up hope that things are going to turn out beautifully for you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and this is a time to get inspired and see the benefits of closure. This Full Moon is about gaining a new perspective and not doubting what is clearer to you now, that you are worthy of a new beginning.
On May 24, Saturn moves into your 2nd house of income, and you are going to be moving through a journey of developing financially, and working on maintaining stability while building new foundations in your life. The New Moon in Gemini at the end of the month is about setting your intentions for your home and family life and creating some new energy here. Overall, May is your month of breaking ground on the things you want to create for yourself and trusting the timing of how things are unfolding.
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Lizzo Talks Confidence: 'I Love The Person I've Become Through It All & I Think That's The Real Prize'
Lizzo is reflecting on her healing journey while giving the girls advice about confidence. The "Truth Hurts" singer has faced unfair criticism throughout her career for being a plus-size woman who embraces her curves. However, she recently went through a body transformation, which she calls a "weight release," and was criticized yet again.
But through it all, we've seen her hold her head high and continue to collect checks and awards. Lizzo stopped by The Breakfast Club recently and opened up about self-love, confidence, and healing.
When co-host Charlamagne Tha God asked Lizzo the difference between confidence and healing, The "Still Bad" artist replied, "I think people can fake confidence, but you can't fake healing. You can't be fake healed."
Lizzo explained how faking confidence can actually help you in the long run. "There's a lot of people who walk around and they can pretend to be confident and actually, I think that's what confidence's intention is, is to be used a little artificially. The fake it to you make," she said.
"Then, eventually you get there because my confidence, I had to force it. I had to fake it for a long time because I didn't grow up in a world where they were like, 'you're beautiful' and 'your body is beautiful' and 'we like you,' 'we like your personality.' 'Yeah, you watch anime and listen to rock music, we accept you.'
I was very like 'other' and I think I had to be like, 'no, you are good enough,' 'you are worthy of love,' 'your body is beautiful,' even when I didn't believe it. I think that eventually, if you say something enough, it can come true. You can manifest it, you can create your reality and I think I got there by faking it."
When it comes to dealing with negativity, Lizzo is learning to let the not so nice comments roll off her back and give grace. "People are as kind to others as they are to themselves and if somebody is throwing hatred or saying something mean-spirited about somebody, just for the sake of doing it, I can't imagine how you talk to yourself," she said. I can't imagine how you think about yourself and treat yourself when no one's watching and for that, Ive already won."
She added, "I love the person I've become through it all and I think that's the real prize. That's the real reward."
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