Over the years I’ve learned that I’m not an advocate for dating in the traditional sense.
Every now and then, though, there is a perfect stranger that enters the picture and changes my mind. The best first date of my life so far had little to do with what and a lot to do with whom. After weeks of witty texts here and intellectually stimulating texts there, I got really real with a guy I met through online dating and said to him,
“If we don’t meet in person soon, I’m going to throw in the towel.”
I didn’t have an interest in getting to know someone through a mobile device. A week later, we were holding hands and walking the restaurant-lined path Peachtree Street gifted us with. He would proceed to tell me he’d never done anything like this before, he’d never gone on a real date, he’d never been so attracted to anyone…the latter mirrored my never. We ate burgers at the Vortex and – despite burgers being my favorite – we ignored our meals completely in lieu of being enraptured in our conversation of getting to know one another. It was beautiful and one of the few first date nights I can remember never wanting to end.
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Worst dates have always been the exact opposite of experiences like that first date. The absolute worst first date I’d ever been on was with a guy I had known for a while. Perhaps reality couldn’t withstand the weight of expectations, but if I could personify a yawn, he would be it and the date itself would be that times 1,000. He had a laugh that rivaled a car engine stalling to start and halfway through our movie became obsessed with using his fingernail to pick popcorn from his teeth in the loudest way possible. It was disgusting. Afterwards, while we ate our meals, it felt like he was trying to sell himself to me versus experiencing our connection in the moment: My credit score looks like this, my adjusted gross income last year was that, check out my credit cards. Gag. Give me something I can feel. Move me. Otherwise, a first date will never turn into a second.
I asked other people to recall some of their best and worst date experiences, and their responses were nothing short of entertaining. Here’s what they had to say about their best and worst firsts.
Chymere
I feel like my generation don't do dates as often, or at least, not in the sense of the guys paying. And now it’s so convenient, dating is almost obsolete. My best first date was my most thoughtful date to me. Bryson* took me to see The Jungle Book at a local drive-in. My date knew it was my favorite childhood movie and I learned later that he called weeks in advance to request the movie play for me at that drive-in. It was incredibly thoughtful and I will never forget it.
My worst date ever was fairly regular. We went to dinner and it was just boring. Or maybe I was boring. I don’t know, it just felt like time stood still and in the most unpleasant way possible. Dates are best to me when they are thoughtful and have genuine effort behind them. I don’t want just dinner or a movie, I want you to think about who I am and cater the date to me.
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Rachel*
It started with us taking the city in by riding the Ferris wheel. I’ve never been huge on them from back in my carnival days, but Atlanta had just installed their new tourist attraction and it honestly looked like no Ferris wheel I ever saw. It was different. My date and I played "Never Have I Ever" in our little bubble floating above the city. Afterwards, we did dinner at some five-star restaurant and stuffed our faces with five courses, ending with a crème brûlée that tasted heaven sent.
That best first quickly turned into my worst first after we returned to his car in the parking garage. His entire demeanor shifted from charming, sweet guy to shut down and cold. I was almost tempted to get out of the car and walk away. He explained to me that he had a lot going on in his life and was wondering if I would even want to deal with him after I learned the whole story. He lived with an ex and more than that, they shared a bed, and more than that, they had gotten into a physical altercation the night before which resulted in him punching her square in the stomach. Suffice to say, it was our first and last date and easily my best and worst first wrapped in one (laughs).
I like dates that challenge me and I think that’s what I like about the guys I choose to get into a relationship with. Put me on to something new, open my mind to a new perspective. But please, leave the ex in the past before you decide to ask me out. Seriously.
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Sabrina
Is there a such thing as a best first date? I don’t know if I know what that looks like. With my ex husband, I have a lot of beautiful memories of the moments we shared when we first started dating. My cousin introduced us because we were both resource teachers traveling between two elementary schools. He and I enjoyed movies and dancing a lot - we were always in some nightclub dancing the night away whenever we could. The conversation was always easy, about any and everything.
My nephew set me up on a date that turned out to be my worst date. He described this guy to me: attractive, dark, over six feet. However, when I met the guy, he was nothing like I pictured or like my nephew described. He was a short guy, 5’8’’, had a jheri curl like it was 1993 – just not my type. I got all dressed up to meet him at this little Mexican restaurant, had some drinks, talked. I noticed immediately that he did not pull out my chair for me and that he monopolized the conversation to talk about himself and wanting to move to California. I had to buy my own drinks so of course he was too cheap to make our dinner date include dinner. Later on, my nephew told me of how he talked of me so positively but for me, that was a huge one and done. Next!
I don’t think a best date has to do with a specific place, I think it has to do with whether or not you connect with the person.
What have been some of your most memorable first date moments? What takes a date from good to great for you? Share with me your first date stories below!
*Names have been changed for anonymity
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
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When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
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Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
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If you've been on TikTok lately, then you've probably engaged with a video or two about using castor oil to get great health benefits. As someone into holistic remedies and Ayurvedic medicine, I had to see what all the hype was about.
Now, I've already had a few experiences with castor oil. Years ago, I used to apply black Jamaican castor oil to my hair and my eyebrows to help them grow.
Also, my mom has often shared with me that growing up, my grandma would make them drink a spoonful of castor oil before starting the new school year.
According to her and other people 50+, drinking castor oil prevented them from getting sick, but it has an unpleasant taste. Fast forward to the present, we're seeing many people use castor oil in a variety of ways. Read below to see how to use castor oil and its benefits.
Castor Oil Benefits
Many TikTokers using castor oil claim that it brightens the skin, can shrink fibroids and cysts, supports liver and digestion, helps with menstrual cramps, can assist with weight loss, and more.
WebMD, however, lists castor oil benefits as constipation relief, may help to induce labor, may help heal wounds, and may help with inflammation due to its anti-inflammatory properties. Castor oil is made from seeds of the castor plant and it is very thick.
How To Use Castor Oil:
Castor Oil Packs
@nikki_kk19 Castor oil pack Castor oil pack for digestion Castor oil Benefits of castor oil Is castor oil good for bloating #castoroil #castoroilbenefit #castoroilpack #castoroilpacks #castoroilforbloating
Castor oil packs are an ancient practice that claims to help aid digestion, detox the liver, keep your stomach flat, and relieve menstrual cramps, especially when used with a hot water bottle. When wearing it to bed, beware that the oil can stain your sheets.
Drink It
@maryamjhampton Replying to @Mariama Bah castor oil gives the deepest cleanse ever #health #w #castoroil
Some people are using castor oil as a full body detox. TikToker @maryamjhampton shows us how to do it.
Rub Castor Oil Into Your Navel
@drsarubala #stitch with @PilatesBodyRaven sometimes we need to add in some extra nutrients when our sleep starts to improve 🫶🏾 #periodhealth #hormones #womenshealth #hormonehealth #cortisollevels #cortisol #castoroil
One of the most talked about ways to apply castor oil is by rubbing some into your navel. Some claim that it gave them the best sleep ever, and Dr. Bala explains why. Check out what she says in the TikTok above.
Add It To Your Skincare Routine
@itsjenniva Replying to @nitril0 Answering all of your questions about using castor oil on your face. #fyp #foryoupage #castoroil #castoroilbenefit #skincare #skincareroutine #skincaretips #skincaretiktok
TikToker @itsjenniva claims using castor oil has gotten rid of dark circles and overall brighten her skin. However, she did say that her skin went through a purge after using it. Speak to your dermatologist before adding it to your skincare routine.
Side Effects
@drjencaudle Castor Oil Packs? #castoroil #castoroilbenefit #castoroilbenefits #castoroilpack #castoroilforhair #castoroilforstomach #castoroilpacksbenefits #drjencaudle #fyp #fypシ
Although castor oil is a natural product, it can have some risks. It can cause skin irritation, and if you apply too much oil on your stomach or ingest too much, it can send you running to the bathroom.
While there isn't any scientific evidence that proves most of the claims are true, that shouldn't stop you from trying these tips. But make sure to start with a small amount to ensure no irritation occurs.
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