Should Women Get Push Presents For Having A Baby?
There is nothing like giving birth to a beautiful baby. The amazing feeling you get after counting those cute little fingers and toes and knowing that they were born happy and healthy is one that every mother-to-be dreams about. For some women, it is enough to have loved ones present for that special moment and to be able to hold your little bundle of joy after hours of labor, but for others-- they want a little more.
Today, women are looking for special gifts from their men to show their appreciation for giving birth to their children. Some of these gifts are simple and sweet; others are necessary and practical. Then there are the gifts that are so exquisite and expensive that it would be in poor taste to talk how many zeros are at the end of the price tag. We are talking about the latest trend for birthing mothers called “push presents.”
A push present, also known as a baby mama gift or baby bauble, is a gift that a father gives to the mother in the occasion of childbirth. From a simple bracelet to a fast-paced car, this trend is surprisingly gaining more traction.
Keeping Up with the Kardashian’s reality star, Kim Kardashian, requested a “push present” from her husband Kanye West for the birth of their second child, Saint West. She asked for a Lorraine Schwartz diamond choker that is priced at $1M from her husband. She revealed:
“We women go through an entire pregnancy carrying a baby…of course it only makes sense that we get something amazing to show how amazing we are! LOL! Do you guys believe in a push present? I never did, but all of my friends do! We have the funniest e-mail chains discussing it.”
Kim is not the first and only celebrity granted a lavish gift for giving birth. Mariah Carey received a $12,000 necklace studded with diamonds and pink sapphires by her husband, Nick Cannon, after the 2011 birth of their twins. Jessica Alba's $54,000 Franck Muller gold and diamond watch was a special gift from her husband Cash Warren, in 2011. Let’s not forget that Latin crooner, Mark Anthony, allegedly showered his ex-wife, Jennifer Lopez, with a $300,000 canary diamond ring and $2.5 million earrings.
As this trend continues to grow, it makes us wonder, does that mean that having a child now has a price tag? Are women now demanding gifts in order to birth children for
men? Do women deserve these special gifts for giving birth? Will having children become too expensive for men?
According to a 2007 survey by BabyCenter (over 30,000 respondents):
- 38% of new mothers received a push present
- 55% of pregnant mothers wanted one, though fewer thought it was actually expected
- About 40% of both groups said the baby itself was already a present and did not wish an additional reward.
We did our own questioning of everyday women to get their thoughts on push present and here are their interesting responses:
ALL FOR A GIFT
Though it was laughable at first, push gifts actually aren't a bad idea to me now. Listen, if your husband (or Bae) can afford to handsomely gift you for birthing a beautiful bouncing baby after enduring an almost year-long pregnancy filled with cravings, weight gain and pregnant brain, LET HIM! I actually think it’s kind of beautiful that men want to show gratitude this way. I also don't think there's anything wrong with a woman requesting one. As long as the baby will be loved and cared for, why not? And can I also add that I'm for the extravagant gifts, too?! It doesn't have to be, of course, but they're welcome. My older sister didn't get a "push gift" per se, but for her first Mother's Day this year, her husband bought her a car. Like, a whole brand new vehicle. Seriously, lets talk about this! LOL - Ariel WilliamsI wish I wasn't so young when I had my daughter, I didn't know about push presents back then!
I think it's a sweet gesture, but not to be expected. I've seen. Some crazy push presents, like huge diamond rings, cars, etc.....just a card would even be nice. Men have no idea what it's like to carry a baby....it wreaks havoc on our bodies, our emotions, etc....showing a little appreciation is always invited! - DoorBella Rose
I never had a baby but it is a great idea. Bringing life into the world is a big deal! You're welcome. I think that we look at pregnancy as so routine. Pregnancy brings so many changes with not only a woman's body but her mind too. It’s a huge responsibility and a blessing to carry a child. Robin Hardeman
BABY IS GIFT ENOUGH
Isn't a healthy baby the ultimate "Push Present"? I would never ASK my husband for a "Push Present." I think it's ridiculous. Now on the flipside, my husband bought me a new car after I had my son because the car I had was rear wheel drive, and for our safety he wanted me to drive an All Wheel Drive vehicle because we are on the eastcoast and we have snow. Some can argue, that this would be a "Push Present" LOL! As stated before, I would never "demand" nor "request" a present for giving birth to our child. Him blessing me with our son, was the Ultimate Gift! - Aaliyah CastroA healthy baby is far more important than any push present. When a woman gets pregnant and gives birth the one thing that should be on her mind is her baby, not how expensive her push present will be. But if a man chooses to express his gratitude by rewarding you with material things then there is nothing wrong there either. If you have to ask/beg for the gift or drop hints then he probably don't think that you deserve it. - Shanice Jones
My kids are older (14 & 20) so push presents weren't a thing or a big thing when I had kids. I find them tacky and taking away from the gift of the child. Hell, being a mother of a teen and a 20 year old let's me see how a REAL push present would be a lavish spa day as opposed to some jewelry or expensive bag, but I know I'm in the minority with this as many demand it. - Sabrina Richmond Perkins
I GOT A PUSH PRESENT
I think if your mate wants to make the gesture then cool but I don't think it's an occasion for a "wish list". The hubs bought me a third band to go with my wedding ring but he chose to do that on his own when I had our son. - TaKenya HamptonI'm for them but they aren't a necessity nor do they need to be extravagant. When I woke up from a nap after just giving birth to my first child, I noticed my husband had gotten me a bouquet of flowers. It was the first thing I saw and I turned into mush. I wasn't into flowers...until then. - Shanna Fife
I love push presents. For me, I was so consumed with eating healthy and being all natural and preparing nursery... I wasn't thinking about myself at all. My present was my dream car. It felt/feels great driving alone after the baby came and hearing that engine roar LOL. It's nice to have someone think about you when you and everyone else is thinking about the sweet little baby - Shayla Greene
Many sources say that this present giving is mostly inspired by word of mouth and peer pressure. According to Linda Murray, the executive editor of BabyCenter, "It’s an expectation of moms these days that they deserve something for bearing the burden for nine months, getting sick, ruining their body. The guilt really gets piled on."
Although I am not a mother yet, I don’t see the NEED for a push present eventhough it is a beautiful gesture, especially if it is given from the heart. I can’t see myself requesting a gift because I feel that the REAL gift would be my beautiful and healthy child. Plus, I would rather have help changing the diapers!
What are your thoughts on push presents? Will you request one from your hubby?
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Stress Awareness Month: Sneaky Workplace Triggers Affecting Black Women, And How To Cope
We all know about the major stress triggers of everyday life, from relationship woes to monthly bills to unexpected emergencies, but there are small, subtle triggers that impact Black women in a big way, especially when it comes to work. It’s good to be aware of these sneaky stressors in order to maximize your day and find ways to incorporate solutions into your self-care routines.
Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
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How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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