I am going to start off by saying that the words "sugar daddy" and "sugar baby" do not mean the same thing to everyone, however there is some stigma attached to these terms and there always will be. Despite our hypergamous nature as women, society still tells us we should prioritize love and a man's potential over provision and the protection it brings. This is why it's taboo for a beautiful woman to openly refer to herself as a "sugar baby" or lets it be known that she only dates men who are successful.
The women who struggle with this fact the most are women of color who aren't from an upper class background, as we are expected to go 50/50 and settle for "struggle love". The truth is, we have more options than we realize, because men of all races, ages, and socioeconomic backgrounds value young attractive women.
Wealthy men are able to attract and effectively court these women, spoil them with gifts and luxurious trips to beautiful destinations. These men are often called "sugar daddies" because, for them, life is sweet and life with them is the same for the ladies they fancy; it's also not uncommon for these men to be older or a divorced. The thing is, not every successful older man is a SD looking for an "arrangement" with a sugar baby, and not every attractive young woman is a "gold digger" (as they are often called) just out for his money. In fact, some men genuinely meet and fall in love with young women, and then make them spoiled wives.
I have dated men of means, some I've met online and some I've met the "old fashioned" way, and I've associated with plenty SBs who swear by that lifestyle. They consider common romantic relationships with regular men "vanilla" and unfulfilling. I, on the other hand, just believe every woman deserves a financially stable man who can provide, and will treat them like the Queen they are! The thing is, many of these men operate in a different world and have a different set of standards because of it, i.e. things that might not turn off a guy with a 9-5 may turn off a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. A level of discernment is needed to learn what type of man you're dealing with, and how to handle them accordingly.
For every 10 Sugar Daddies, there are 100 Salt Daddies out to waste your time and try to take advantage of you.
There are also "Splenda Daddies" who will pretend to have wealth to bait you, but they are not as financially secure as they claim to be (rental cars and Airbnbs, we see you). Don't fret sis, I have used my knowledge to compile a how-to list on attracting quality men on your level; and how to repel "broke boys" who want to hold interviews before taking you on coffee dates, or make you go dutch at the neighborhood bar and grille. *deep sigh*
How To Attract High Quality Men & Repel Low Quality Men
Be A Lady In The Streets...
Men of means are usually cultured and prefer classy women they can take out and show off, a "lady in the streets" so to speak. With this type of man, less is more. Soft and natural makeup, pencil skirts, the classic little black dress, 4in heels, simple hairstyles, and understated jewelry are key to turning the heads of businessmen.
Pretty, feminine colors will work wonders. If you like pants more than dresses, nice-fitting slacks with loafers or heels paired with a blouse is the chicest way to go. I would avoid jeans, leggings, and athletic gear when on dates or "freestyling" (i.e. getting dolled up and go out to places quality men frequent and congregate. )
Lead A Full Life
Most successful men have worked hard to get their fortune, and thus are busy the majority of the time. The time they spend with you will be quality but unless they are retired, they won't have a lot of it. Therefore, they like for their women to have their own lives.
As such, it would behoove you to have several hobbies that enrich your life. Not only will it make you mysterious to a potential suitor, it will give you something interesting to talk about! Yoga, painting, playing an instrument, taking cooking classes, and joining a book club are all good examples of where to start to create a fuller life.
Channel Your Divine Feminine
It's common for women to speak of the "Glow Up" or "Level Up" before looking for a man, but only mention the physical aspect of the transformation. It is true, rich men like sexy women who are in shape (usually size 10 or smaller) because they have more options and are less likely to deal with a woman who doesn't invest in her looks. However, a poor attitude, bad manners, and masculine energy are equally unattractive to them.
These men tend to be masculine alpha males with stressful careers and or businesses; when away from work, they want to unwind with beautiful and fun women. This brings me to my next point, femininity isn't just about makeup, bundles, and stilettos. Being feminine is more than being pretty or sexy, it's a mindset and the energy a woman should possess. Some examples of what this looks like is being sweet, kind, nurturing, quiet, and classy. Sit back and be a vessel of feminine energy. Let him take the lead. Don't you dare reach for the check, sis!
Put Yourself In Positions To Be Found
Where does a woman find these high value men? They're everywhere but the best places to spot them at places with things men like: a nice steak, cigars, liquor etc. You want to go to these spots solo or with one like-minded friend (a man is less likely to approach a group of women). Every major city has a poppin' downtown business district or upper class part of town where there are nice steakhouses, museums, hotel restaurants, and cigar bars.
Happy Hours are the best time to go "date yourself" and possibly run into your future husband or SD. Think Morton's The Steakhouse, Fleming's Steakhouse, Ruth's Chris Steak House; it's after work so the caliber of men you're looking for will be there to have a drink and socialize. You'll walk in looking amazing, get a seat at the bar or a quiet corner table, and prepare yourself to act as the snack and the meal.
After you order an appetizer, get yourself a girly drink like a Cosmopolitan, Amaretto Sour, or a Mojito and open a book to keep your attention while you become someone else's. Never get drunk and watch the bartender prepare your drink, especially if a gentleman offers to buy you one.
Date Online
For the ladies who aren't ready to get out and "freestyle" just yet, you can go online to sites like Onluxy, Seeking Arrangement, Bumble, Tinder and others. It's easier to be deceitful online so be careful, there are plenty of Salt Daddies on these sites. Do your due diligence to vet all men carefully, and do not give out personal information right away!
Always arrange first dates in a public place so you're on even ground, and drive or Lyft your way there so you can leave on your own terms.
Lastly, ladies remember that YOU are the prize so there is nothing wrong with desiring a man who can provide, and will treat you well. Be it a Sugar Daddy to fund your "hot girl summer" or a successful man to marry and start a family with -- whichever works for you.
Happiness is the end goal so being confident, and putting yourself in the position to get precisely what you want is "The Sweet Spot". Any woman can level up.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Would You Ever Be A Sugar Baby?
This Grad Student Shares How Her Sugar Daddy Paid Her $15K Debt
The 5 Traits Of The High Value Woman That Drive The Fellas Wild
Hustle A Job Or Hustle A Man? 9 Things I Learned About Sugar Babies
Featured image by Getty Images
- How To Be A High Value Woman - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- What Makes A Man Invest In A Woman - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- What Men Value In Women Relationships - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- The Surprising Type Of Women Rich Men Like To Date - YouTube ›
- Successful Men Are Attracted To Successful Women - Did I Read ... ›
- How to Attract Rich Men and Keep Them Interested | PairedLife ›
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- The 5 Things Successful Men Notice First in a Woman | HuffPost ›
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RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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