How To Have A Truly Wonderful Christmas (If It's Not Really Your Thing)
A couple of weeks ago, someone decided to give me a mini-sermon about why I should make a bigger deal out of Christmas than I do. Chile. Let me just say that since I’m an origin person, I’m at perfect peace with holidays not being “my thing” — and no, I am not a Jehovah’s Witness. I just like to do research and I also watched pretty much every episode of The Boondocks…including when Huey broke Christmas down.
So, while I’m not out here protesting the day or thinking that folks are crazy for observing it…I am totally at peace with my own stance. Plus, as people who are all gung-ho about it worry that I am feeling lonely and depressed by skipping out on the festivities, years of not doing so have actually made Christmas become one of my favorite times of the year — just…in a different way…and for a whole ‘nother set of reasons.
And that’s what inspired me to pitch and pen this particular piece. Because, although there may not be a ton of people who think like I do, I have run across enough of them to know that some folks just don’t do Christmas “like that,” for whatever their personal reasons may be. And so, if you happen to be one of them, one, I wanted you to not feel alone (you are absolutely not) and two, I wanted to offer up a few ways that you can still have a wonderful December 25…anyway.
1.Take a Trip
Do yourself a solid and get away for a little bit.
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Again, even though Christmas ain’t my personal get down, it’s not like I’m a Grinch or anything. In fact, when it comes to these first two points, I actually feel kinda bad for the fact that I can recommend them — because that means there are individuals who will be working on Christmas Day. Yet, that’s the way our society is and so yeah…if you don’t plan on observing this year, one thing that you can do is go on a quick trip because two things that will be open on Christmas are airports and hotels.
Now in order to do you a solid, I did some research and it appears that Fridays are pretty much the worst days to travel, period, as far as crowds are concerned. And since, this year, Friday is just a few days before Christmas (because Christmas falls on a Monday), it will also be the most expensive. So, when is the best time to go? Christmas Eve, believe it or not. Most people will already be where they want to go and, since you couldn’t really care less about Christmas anyway if you happen to arrive somewhere late — it doesn’t really matter.
And what if you’d prefer to drive a rental car? Rental car companies are open too although it’s pretty common for no rides to be available. This means that you need to look into booking one NOW. You could be stuck and pissed otherwise.
2.Or Have Your Own Kind of Staycation
If you don't travel far, switch up the scenery by having a staycation.
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What if you’d prefer to stay closer to home yet would still like to have a change of scenery? Why not go the staycation route and book a hotel room in your own city? One of the best things about this option is that many hotels have deals on Christmas Day. Plus, even if Christmas isn’t your thing, there is still something pretty about the décor — and a lot of hotels go all out. Not to mention the fact that they oftentimes take their menus up a few notches if they happen to offer room service or there are restaurants attached to their establishment. Some of the best hotels in the country for this time of year are located here.
Or you can just stay at your house and do absolutely nothing. I’ve done that many times and when I tell you that it’s especially relaxing on Christmas because the world is so quiet? It really is top-tier. No one is calling you. No emails are coming through. Throwback movies are on TV all day long. Chinese restaurants are yours for the taking (LOL). You can sleep in all day and night if you want to — who is going to notice or care? I’m telling you, a Christmas staycation? Very few things in life will ever top it.
3.Order Takeout Beforehand
Take some of the holiday pressure off by ordering dinner ahead of time.
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For those of you who do observe the holidays, dinner will probably have you working in the kitchen. Yeah, let’s not even talk about how much Christmas isn’t much of a day off for those who celebrate it. For those of us who don’t? We don’t have to get out of the bed or off of the couch, AT ALL, if we don’t want to. Just order some takeout and call it a day.
That said, although it’s not a lot of stuff, stores like CVS and Walgreens and y’all’s almighty Starbucks (although it is slated to close early) will be open on Christmas Day. So will IHOP, Domino’s, and, of course, McDonald’s. Other than that, though, if you’re looking to do some shopping or eating out on Christmas Day, you really need to plan ahead.
Shopping-wise, get whatever you need, I’d say before noon on Christmas Eve. And if your plan is to order food, get it delivered to you either on the 23rd or by noon on Christmas Eve. I mean, you do know how to warm stuff up, right? And make sure to tip big. Folks deserve a shout-out for working on Christmas Eve. No wiggle room on that.
4.Totally Unplug
Opt out of being plugged in, and opt into unplugging.
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A few years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled, “8 Solid Reasons To Put. Your Phone. Down.” When you get a chance, check it out because there are so many benefits that come from “fasting from your phone” every once in a while. And what better day to put these points to the test than on Christmas Day? Because really — other than maybe your mama or grandmama, who’s going to be calling you anyway?
Usually, what I will do is discipline myself to stay off of the phone and off of my PC. Whatever is happening, it can wait. And not being “plugged into” stuff means that you can read a book, binge-watch a show (Okay, that’s technically using an electronic but…), or play some of your favorite music while sitting in the tub and reheating the water for a couple of hours.
As someone who is personally becoming more of a minimalist by the second, one of my favorite sites on the topic said that unplugging (especially from social media) can decrease feelings of jealousy and loneliness. How ironic is it that, by getting away from all of the noise of phones and the internet, on a day when so many people are spending time with others, you can be alone and NOT feel lonely? I’m sold.
5.Get Yourself a Present
Treat yourself with a Christmas gift this Christmas.
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If there’s one thing that I’m gonna do, it’s give. Everyone in my world knows this about me. And no, I’m not going to wait until a special occasion to do it. If you’re my peeps and I see something that you might like, it’s as good as got. My 12-year-old and four-year-old goddaughters know this about me as well. They also know that I couldn’t care less about Christmas — so no one is asking me to do anything on or for that day. This means that my money is totally freed up to — hallelujah! — treat myself and that’s exactly what I did this past pay cycle. When I tell you that there is a leather bag from overseas that I’ve been eyeing for a few months now…and since there is no Christmas present pressure looming over my head, I just bought it? Talk about joy unspeakable! (LOL)
I don’t look at it as a Christmas gift for myself. More like a “I won’t go into debt buying it this month” type of token. Anyway, I encourage you to have a similar frame of mind. Just because Christmas may not be your thing, that doesn’t mean that you can’t splurge on yourself a little bit. We all should prioritize that a few times a year. Why the heck not? As the throwback L’Oreal ad used to say — you’re worth it. TOTALLY.
6.Do Some New Year Planning
You don't have to wait for the New Year to start planning and organizing.
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Personally, something else that I’m not really big on is New Year’s Resolutions (check out “Forget New Year's Resolutions, Try This Instead.”). My main reason is that there is nothing supernatural about January 1. This means that whatever you’re waiting until then to do, 9 times outta 10, you can start doing it right now. However, if you are someone who waits until the turn of a new calendar year to make some new (or different) things happen, you can get a leg up on Christmas Day. Because let’s be real: I’m not sure that any week moves faster than the one that is in between Christmas and New Year’s Day and so, what’s the point in pressuring yourself to set some short or long-term goals (check out “Here Are 10 Personal Development Goals We All Should Make”) if you can plan them ahead of time with as little stress as possible?
Whether it’s jotting stuff down, creating a vision board, or doing a bit of home office organizing — if Christmas isn’t a big deal to you but New Year’s Eve and Day are, you can enjoy them fully without any resolutions pulling at you. You used Christmas to knock those out. “Problem” solved.
7.See People on Boxing Day Instead of Christmas Day
Celebrate an alternative version of Christmas through Boxing Day.
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It’s actually a friend of mine who’s from Bermuda who introduced me to the concept of Boxing Day many years ago. Long story short, back in the day, the day after Christmas was when servants got off to spend with their own families. It’s also when rich folks boxed stuff up and gave it to the poor. Fast forward to now and, for many, it’s the time when they will take gifts to people who aren’t their relatives (or aren’t the ones who they spent Christmas with).
Where am I going with all of this? Whenever people ask me if I ever go to visit folks at all on Christmas, if I choose to, it’s usually on Boxing Day. I like for folks to spend time with their families on Christmas. However, since a lot of them typically take the following day off too, Boxing Day is a cool time to check in without any extra Christmas rah-rah or them feeling pressured to have a gift waiting on me like they would if it was Christmas Day. As a bonus, there are leftovers for days — so it’s a win/win all the way around. Trust me.
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Whether it’s your first year laying low on Christmas or you’ve been doing it forever, just know that I see you and it’s all good. You don’t have to observe the day to make it a good one. So please, sis, make sure that you do.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
These Newlyweds Found Love Thanks To A Friend Playing Matchmaker
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Jason and Elise Robinson’s union is a reminder that kind people still get their happily ever after. The pair had their first date in October of 2021 and tied the knot on June 15, 2024. Both of them have dedicated their lives to celebrating and supporting Black culture so it was only fitting they get married in what's considered the Black Hollywood of America during the Juneteenth celebration weekend. From the florists to Elise and Jason's gown and suit designers to the table signage and so much more, everything was Black-owned. It's no wonder their love for Black culture was the jumping-off point for their love story.
When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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'ACross Generations With Tiffany Cross' Highlight Career Hardships With Melba Moore And Amari Marshall
ACross Generations with Tiffany Cross, the thought-provoking podcast featuring intergenerational discussions returns with a new episode exploring the realities of the entertainment industry.
This installment brings together host Tiffany Cross, Tony Award-winning actress and Grammy-nominated singer Melba Moore, and dancer extraordinaire Amari "Monster" Marshall. The dynamic trio engages in a compelling conversation, delving into the artists' financial struggles, the impact of social media, and the importance of mentorship in the industry.
A standout moment in the discussion came when Moore, who has been in the entertainment industry for over 50 years, shared how losing everything ultimately helped her conquer career-related fears.
“I think losing my whole life, losing my daughter, losing my family, losing my career, [and] being homeless,” she said.
To provide context for her past hardships, Moore recounted living in Central Park South in New York, an area described as unsafe at night due to crimes like mugging and assault.
“That’s where I used to live,” she added. “That’s when I realized I have to get a suitcase with wheels.”
When Cross inquired about how Moore, a successful Broadway actress and singer, ended up in such dire circumstances, the 78-year-old shared a shocking revelation. Moore explained that her husband, who also served as her manager, had forged her signature to transfer all their assets to himself.
“My manager/husband, behind my back, forged my name on divorce documents,” she said. “Divorced me. Signed all of our business and marital assets to himself.”
Moore revealed she discovered her ex-husband's actions through his family. Fearing for her safety and reputation, she decided to go public with her story. She explained that she wanted the press to be aware of her situation if something happened to her, ensuring her legacy wouldn't be tainted by false headlines.
Eventually, Moore regained her footing after starring in Michael Matthews' gospel Broadway productions, which led to other roles. Since then, Moore disclosed that despite the hardships caused by her ex-husband's actions, her family is now healing.
Following Moore's admission, Cross expressed disbelief at the actress's experience but noted that many people are going through similar situations and using social media to expose them.
“There’s so many incidents like this and now with Instagram, you see the mess,” she stated.
Further into the discussion, Marshall opened up about the struggles she faced as a dancer early in her career. She revealed a particularly challenging situation where an employer took most of her earnings, leaving her to survive on only $100 a month.
“Me and my mom lived in every part of Los Angeles before we were able to get our own studio apartment,” she shared. “It was a family of six. I’m traveling the world nonstop. Nobody would have known that I was still making $100 a month.”
Marshall explained that she didn't openly discuss her financial hardships, leading people to make assumptions. Because she worked with stars like Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Janet Jackson, and Beyoncé and toured the world, many believed that Marshall was earning a substantial amount of money.
Following that experience, Marshall learned the importance of navigating the business and budgeting effectively. Toward the end of the conversation, the star reflected on how challenging times can ultimately benefit one's life.
“If you don’t have those bad times, you’re not really learning,” she said.
The full episode of ACross Generations with Tiffany Cross, featuring this discussion and other compelling topics, is now streaming on the show's official YouTube channel.
Celebrating the Impact of Black Women in Arts with Melba Moore and Amari Marshall
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