Parenting is not a one-size-fits-all situation and nobody knows this better than T.I. and his daughter, Deyjah, who just weathered one helluva media storm.
Earlier this month, the 39-year-old rapper set off what he calls "Hymen Gate", after revealing that he took yearly trips to the gynecologist with his daughter to confirm her virginity (or lack thereof) on a since-deleted episode of Nazanin Mandi'sLadies Like Us podcast.
T.I.'s comments triggered an intense online debate about the roles and responsibilities of fathers in the Black community, which ultimately caught the attention of Jada Pinkett-Smith and her mom, Adrienne Banfield-Jones, who invited the entertainer on an episode of Red Table Talk to clear the air and clarify his comments for the first time since the chaos erupted.
Here's what we learned:
According To T.I., Deyjah's Mom Was Totally On-Board.
While some critics of T.I.'s tactics questioned why Deyjah's mom wasn't involved, according to T.I. she was totally present. While Deyjah's mother's recent Instagram posts suggests differently, he said that both Deyjah and her mother were totally on-board with her annual trips to the gynecologist. The rapper explained that his comments were taken totally out of context and clarified that he was never in the exam room when these "tests" were administered.
His Silence Since The Incident Was At Deyjah's Request.
When you know better, you do better. And T.I. says since the incident, he's become hypersensitive to the feminine journey when it comes to his parenting approach. The rapper, who says he was previously "oblivious" to the sensitivity of the subject, got a dose of reality after realizing how the situation affected his daughter. At Deyjah's request, he stayed silent amidst the backlash in an effort to protect her feelings:
"I didn't get it, I was oblivious to it. However, I am now sensitive to it for her. My daughter said, 'Just let it go. Don't say nothing, just let it go.' And I didn't until I had different directives. [Until she said] 'Go ahead, make it stop. Clear it up.'"
There's A Difference Between Protection & Control.
While I think every parent can understand the innate desire to protect your child from the ills of this world, and for T.I., that happens to be the "slimy, grimy, chubby-fingered little boys" who want to "defile and destroy the sanctity" of what he holds dearest to his heart. He explained:
"For the purpose of being a protective parent, there's no such thing as over-protective. There's just protected and unprotected."
Although T.I. had a potent point, Mama Adrienne's face throughout the interview said it all and she… wasn't here for it. There is a big difference between protection and control and both Adrienne and Jada made sure to call a thing a thing. Jada told T.I.:
"A woman's journey in regards to her sexuality has to be guided. Mostly, I think, by mothers. That's just me personally, but mother, in truly understanding what that journey is, takes her daughter's hand and walks her through.That's how I worked that out with Will."
"There's just certain things about raising a man that I can't know. I would tell him, love your daughter. Let me teach her. There's certain sensitivities that you just don't understand just because of your relationship in the world is different than a woman's relationship."
This Was A Teachable Moment For T.I.
While we can debate T.I.'s parenting style all day, one thing that's undeniable is that he loves his daughter. Even though his previous comments were misguided, it was clear that the rapper came to the Red Table to learn, and Jada and Adrienne did not come to play about teaching him a thing or two. The father-of-six shared:
"I think that it's great for me to have this opportunity. And I think that all things happen in life for a reason. You know, every lesson has a purpose and it must be dealt with differently, but out of care and out of concern, not out of control. I don't think that [our] community, our culture, our generation can be pushed forward by having comfortable, convenient discussions. You have to have tough discussions in order to move forward."
Check out the full episode below!
Did you know that xoNecole has a new podcast? Join founder Necole Kane, and co-hosts Sheriden Chanel and Amer Woods, for conversations over cocktails each and every week by subscribing to xoNecole Happy Hour podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Featured image by Instagram/@RedTableTalk.
- T.I. to address controversy on Jada Pinkett Smith's “Red Table Talk ... ›
- Pinkett Smith has a lot more to share with 'Red Table Talk' ›
- Rapper T.I. Will Appear on Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett Smith to ... ›
- T.I. Set to Address Family Drama on Red Table Talk | E! News ›
- 'Red Table Talk': T.I. Set to Explain Himself Amid Hymen Controversy ›
- T.I. Heads To 'Red Table Talk' After Comments About Daughter | Vibe ›
- Jada Pinkett Smith Has Summoned T.I. To 'Red Table Talk' To Talk ... ›
- Jada Pinkett Smith Teases 'Red Table Talk' Interview With T.I. And ... ›
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
If you’re like many other people who are prioritizing wellness these days, then attending a wellness retreat might be something to consider. Wellness retreats are a cool way to get the relaxation you’ve been missing in a space with like-minded people who share a common goal. I descended upon my first wellness retreat, the Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat, a couple of weeks ago at the Zoëtry Agua Punta Cana Resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
Zoëtry Agua is part of the Inclusive Collection for the World of Hyatt. It is nestled on a secluded part of Uvero Alto beach, which has crystal blue waters. The resort itself is picturesque, with its thatched roofs and lazy rivers that make you feel like you’re in a cute little village.
Mindy, Body, + Sol Retreat was hosted by Koya Webb, holistic health and wellness coach and yoga instructor, and it also featured other wellness practitioners who combined provided the ultimate gift of relaxation and getting back to oneself.
The first night was a Welcome Dinner that featured a five-course meal and an opportunity to meet our companions for the next three days. The food was impeccable and the only downside was that I wasn’t able to finish it all. The next day, however, was the official start of the classes, and I was ready to dive in.
Aura and Chakra Reading
Aura and chakra reading
Photo courtesy
My first class was an aura and chakra reading led by Laura McCann and James Levinson, an Asheville, NC couple. I’ve had chakra readings before, but never like this. There was a computer, a camera, and a scanner, which I placed my hand on for the reading. After two minutes, I received a 15-page report explaining my aura and chakra reading.
It breaks down what the colors of your aura are and what your chakras say. My main colors were green and yellow, which were defined by a variety of things. The top of my aura was green, meaning I have a social mental state and I’m a natural healer. My aura on my left side was yellow meaning my energy flowing is optimistic and light and so on.
After James discussed the findings with me, I then met with Laura, who gave me aromatherapy oils from their ADORAtherapy line that represented each chakra. She further explained the results of my chakra reading and shared how each oil can assist. Chakras are the energy centers in our body, and there is a total of seven: root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and crown. All of my chakras were high except for my heart chakra, which I have since been working on. I may follow up about that in another article.
Sound Bath
Sound bath class
Photo courtesy
Next was the sound bath class. It was located in the spa, which was indoor/ outdoor and the perfect setting for this kind of experience. Andrew Francis and Carrie Bailey of Zenden Meditation were the co-pilots in transporting attendees into a place of tranquility. I laid down, closed my eyes, and allowed the sounds around me to bring me into a relaxing state. From the singing bowls to the wind chimes, I was in heaven. I even fell asleep and got some of the best rest I’ve had in a while. It was a beautiful experience. However, remember when I noted it was an indoor/ outdoor venue? I forgot to put on bug spray and woke up pretty itchy. But it didn’t stop me from enjoying the moment.
Tea Party
Art of Tea Ritual Tea Party
Photo courtesy
The last event of the day was the Art of Tea Ritual located in the resort’s tea garden. It was everything you could want in a tea party. Delectable treats such as cookies, cakes, and white chocolate-covered strawberries, which are my fave. And, of course, tea. While I got to sip tea, I also got to make my own tea blend. There were many different teas to choose from, like hibiscus to your regular black tea. I decided to mix rose and mint and I called it RoseMint. I didn’t get to try my tea blend until I got home, and I’ll be honest, it’s probably the best tea I ever had. The tea herbs taste so fresh, and I love how fragrant it smells.
Breathwork
Breathwork Class
Photo Courtesy
The next morning was all about breathwork. If you exercise regularly, then you probably know the importance of breathing. But there’s more to it besides remembering to breathe during your workout. Margaret Townsend is a breathwork facilitator who helps people achieve wellness by consciously changing their breathing patterns. In her class, I learned to change my breathing pattern for energy as well as for relaxation. While I know that breathing is a relaxation tool, I was blown away to learn that it can also energize you. Because it was a different breathing pattern, I was also able to stay present and keep a steady pace.
Yoga
Koya Webb's yoga class
Photo courtesy
The final class of the retreat was evening yoga with Koya Webb, who, as I mentioned earlier, was the host. Her class was held beside the beautiful Uvero Alto beach, which made for a stunning backdrop and the perfect way to end the retreat. It was important for me to get back into my body after not doing yoga for a few weeks, so I was really focused on nailing the moves. However, Koya kept the energy light and fun, evening cracking a few jokes throughout, which made it easy for me to relax and enjoy the moment. She ended the class with a dance break and hugs from our classmates.
The Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat reminded me how important it is to take time to love on myself. Each class was an opportunity to be present and get reacquainted with oneself in the most loving way. Being surrounded by individuals who encouraged my journey was what I needed, and I am so honored to have had this experience.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by courtesy
T.I. & Tiny Sit Down At The Red Table To Discuss Backlash From 'Hymen Check' Controversy