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Publicist Sakita Holley Wants You To Stop Playing Small
As boss and career women, we often don't realize how we can sometimes be our worst enemies when it comes to putting ourselves in the running for life-changing experiences. A few weeks ago, the Hashtags & Stilettos podcast episode "Stop Playing Small" by longtime podcaster crush and House of Success PR founder Sakita HolIey had me seriously evaluating how I really wasn't playing as big I thought in my career. Sakita's firm handles everything from product launches, media outreach, social media management, as well as influencer and consumer marketing engagement for top beauty and lifestyle brands. As an eleven-year industry vet and full-time entrepreneur for eight years, Sakita is no stranger to playing small and the debilitating effects it has on us Black women as individuals and as a collective.
According to Sakita, playing small can manifest itself in a variety of ways. She notes, "It's anytime that you deny the full scope of your ability or when you try to shrink yourself. It could even be in a physical sense such as when you try to sit in the back of a room. You always downplay. You self-deprecate, make jokes, and belittle yourself for any reason."
Sound familiar? Sakita spoke to xoNecole to share more about tips for combatting playing small, how it affects our finances, and why we as Black women need to come together and demand what we're worth. No matter what stage of the career journey you're on, Sakita's advice will help you get started towards showing up and showing out when it comes to your accomplishments and capabilities.
Photo Credit: Bola Okoya @Primo_Supremo
Why did you feel the need to talk about the issue of “playing small”?
The reason I did the Hashtags & Stilettos episode is because I needed to call it out. I had to shine a light on it in the ways I [play small.] I also know that there are so many people who suffer from it and downplay their abilities, the work that they do, and what they've earned in life. There are so many ways that you can dim your own light. Playing small is impacting our businesses, careers and how truly full of a life we can live.
We live in a society right now that due to social media, if you don't post, it didn't really happen. If we want to get an idea of who people are, the first place we go to look is their social media. If you're playing small or not sharing all of your greatness, what we do share becomes what we see. It also becomes the story that we tell ourselves about that person. While we can't control other people's perception of us or what they see, we are in control of how we present ourselves. That's something we need to play attention to.
How has playing small cost you money or opportunities?
I'm a lowkey and private person. I don't crave the spotlight at all. But, in public relations and having your own business, you constantly need to or should be on the scene. People should see you and know what you're doing. You should talk about your work. For a long time, I have not done that. [However,] I know that every time that I do, it brings some business leads. When I think about the years that I didn't, I'm thinking about all of that missed opportunity.
For other people as well, when you don't put your name in the running for things, you're playing small. When you know you'd be perfect for a role or for a project, and you don't raise your hand, [you're playing small.]
What are some practical ways that we can stop playing small and start putting ourselves out there for more opportunities?
1. To play big, disconnect from the fear of self-doubt in your mind. If you see something that you want to go for that sparks something within you, go for it before you start thinking about it.
2. Have people around that can hold you accountable and push you in that direction so that you're not second-guessing yourself or being too afraid to pursue things or apply for things.
3. [We get caught up in] rejection committee thinking. A lot of times we assess a situation and think we're so smart. We think we're being logical and [list] all the reasons why someone might tell us no. "If someone wants to tell you NO, they don't need your help to do it." They don't need you to list reasons to not hire or give you a promotion.
4. Focus on the reasons why you are a great fit. That's what you need to be trying to leverage when you put yourself out there.
5. Leave it to chance. When you put yourself out there, there's a 50/50 chance that it can work out or a chance that it won't. As long as you're not going to die, those odds are fine.
6. Play big at every single stage of your career journey or business journey. Even if you're starting out, you're still good at something. Even if it's just one thing. Put yourself out there to do more of that thing or for more opportunities that will get you more experience or visibility with the right people that can change the game for your career.
Photo Credit: Bola Okoya @Primo_Supremo
"Play big at every single stage of your career journey or business journey. Even if you're starting out, you're still good at something."
As Black women, how does demanding what we’re worth affect the larger community?
We're working harder than anyone else. We work more than anyone else. Oftentimes, we are struggling more than anyone else -- even with the amount of excellence that we put forth. We're always getting the short end of the stick. By evening the playing field and earning what we're worth, that will help the people coming up behind us. The people next to us will also be able to get what they are worth.
The more we're doing this as a collective in our own little lanes and lives, we help everyone else. If I'm getting what I'm worth, then I'm now in a position to provide opportunities for someone else. I'm now in a position to share resources that I may not have had before. Imagine all of us being in a position to help one other person. It grows from there. When we're barely getting by ourselves and still doing excellent work, we can barely help ourselves. How can we help someone else?
Is there ever a time when playing small is beneficial?
No. The only thing playing small does is it keeps you safe and keeps you comfortable. It may feel warm and cozy, but it doesn't allow you to grow.
What resources have helped you along this journey of playing big?
A great book is The Dip by Seth Godin. It teaches you when to stick and when to quit. If you want to be the best and be great, you will have to go through a "dip." There will be times when it gets really hard. In order to get to that winning place, you have to get through it.
The 50th Law by 50 Cent and Robert Green is all about doing things in the face of fear. It uses 50 Cent's story of how he almost died. He's literally fearless. We see that in how he moves and does business. He doesn't always make the right choices or say the right things but he is fearless and that has helped him tremendously in business.
Like any muscle, we'll need to increase the reps in order to start seeing results.
As Sakita mentions during the end of our chat, "If we practice playing big or putting ourselves out there, it will become second nature." I feel the fervor and determination in her voice as she says, "Every day, you get another chance to be mindful of your actions and how your choices and decision impact your career...there's so many things that I have to go through to get to that winning place, but I know if I continue to move in this direction, I cannot lose in the grand scheme of things."
So, the next time you start talking yourself out of driving towards that big dream, what will you choose to do?
To get inspiration on how you can stop playing small, follow Sakita Holley on Instagram.
Featured Image Credit: Bola Okoya @Primo_Supremo
Originally published on March 22, 2019
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Rana Campbell is a Princeton University graduate, storyteller, content marketing strategist, and the founder and host of Dreams In Drive - a weekly podcast that teaches you how to take your dreams from PARK to DRIVE. She loves teaching others how to use their life stories to inspire action within oneself and others. Connect with her on Instagram @rainshineluv or @dreamsindrive.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Actor Jessie T. Usher reveals his secrets for maintaining his physical appearance while filming Amazon Prime's The Boys.
The series, which spans four seasons, follows vigilantes as they battle corrupt superheroes. In The Boys, Usher portrays Reggie Franklin, also known as A-Train, a superhero with incredible speed.
During a recent Men's Health magazine interview, the 32-year-old spoke about his diet and workout regimens. These routines help Usher stay in shape for the show's stunt work, which involves intense cardio to match his character's super-speed abilities.
In the discussion, he revealed his workout regimen consists of resistance training and cardio. On rest days, the Shaft star incorporates yoga and stretching into his routine.Jessie On What He Eats In a Day
Regarding his diet, Usher shared he typically eats three meals daily with minimal variations. He begins each day by hydrating and waiting an hour or two before breakfast. On production days for The Boys, Usher opts for eggs with herbs and seasonings, accompanied by fruit.
The Dangerous Lies actor keeps it light for lunch with protein-rich options like quinoa bowls or salads with lentils, chicken, and vegetables from CAVA. Dinner is his heartiest meal, featuring chicken and fish (particularly sea bass or salmon), after which he refrains from eating for the rest of the night.
Usher focuses on protein intake for all his meals rather than counting macro calories to support muscle growth. He boosts his protein with peanut butter shakes. While maintaining a disciplined diet, The Almost Christmas star allows himself occasional indulgences like Funyuns or Nutter Butters. To round out his health regimen, Usher takes daily vitamins.
Jessie On His Diet And Workout Routine For "The Boys"
When asked about adjusting his diet or workout routine for his role in The Boys, Usher explained that his health-conscious lifestyle eliminates the need for significant changes.
“Honestly, no. Because by the time I got to The Boys I was already health conscious. Very much aware of what I was putting in my body and how,” he said.
Regarding his workouts, Usher revealed he tailors his routines to include more diverse cardio exercises. This approach ensures he's physically prepared for the scenes he shoots for the show.
“A day of working out for The Boys is a little bit different. I feel like I added more variations of cardio work,” he stated. “When [you’re shooting] you just have no idea what they’re about to throw at you. I just want to be ready for all of those challenges, especially the cardio things. I just wanted to have the endurance to be able to get through whatever type of scene that I would possibly be shooting.”
Season four of The Boys is now streaming on Amazon Prime.
Everything ‘The Boys’ Star Jessie T Usher Eats In a Day | Eat Like | Men's Health
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Feature image by Phillip Faraone/Getty Images for Paramount Pictures