A Prayer Stopped Me From Losing My Virginity To The Wrong Person
I'm a 24-year-old business professional living in Atlanta, and I am a virgin.
Yes, a virgin. Admittedly I kept my virginity so long primarily due to the horror stories I witnessed while growing up. You know, the girl that loses her virginity and gets pregnant, or the one that gets the eggplant and goes fruit (yes ladies, eggplant is a fruit). Crazy. But the bigger reason is because the guy that I considered my first love always managed to do something stupid right as I was willing to let down the iron vault to my most prized possession. And this last time was no different.
I have been a "situationship" for nine years. I met my ex in middle school and we began dating when we were 15. We fell in like, then love, and then broke up like dramatic teenagers throughout high school. The odd thing about it is that I always cared very deeply about him. He loved me when I was that awkward natural girl in high school (like when Target barely carried a whole shelf, let alone a whole aisle, of natural hair care products), to when he drove ten plus hours to pick me up after my first year of college when he found out that my mother and my only living parent passed away from double pneumonia.
He was even there when I crossed in my sorority that following fall. He loved me when he enlisted in the army, and would make sure to see me every time he was on leave. He was literally there through every high and low moment of my life, which is why it was so damn hard to leave him alone even though my gut and my faith told me otherwise.
Now, I am not the most religious person, but I have a fairly decent relationship with the Lord. And my relationship is what made me decide to pray for clarity.
You ever pray for that kind of clarity where you hope God will manifest himself to you in a way to say, "You see this, this isn't it"? Well, that was/still is me.
Every single time I allowed this man back into my life I kept thinking to myself that it was because "God wanted us to be together." I falsely thought that when I was praying for clarity, the fact that I made him stay in my life, that it was God showing me the truth. That he was, in fact, the one that I was meant to be with.
This thought process was no different when I finally made the decision that I wanted to lose my virginity, and no less, to this man on a weekend where we had already planned to meet up. You see, I had never been the one to save my virginity for marriage, I more so kept it this long because I was waiting for the right person to come along and for someone who I thought deserved it to have all of me. So it was no surprise that after all of this time, I thought that my first love should be given the ultimate privilege.
Once I mulled over my decision, I told my best girlfriends who were way more experienced and in some way had become his cheerleader. I then told my older sister, who giggled like a little schoolgirl and gave me some tips.
I thought I was ready.
I had the condoms stashed in drawer in my bedroom, made sure that I got my monthly wax within the right amount of days, and just waited for our meeting. In the meantime, New Years was vastly approaching, and on New Years as the clock hit 11:59pm and I happened to be in the bathroom of my sister's friend's apartment, I decided to pray. I prayed for all of the things that many single, career-minded women pray for. But at the end of my prayer, I surprised myself and prayed for clarity AND the ability to act on said clarity in a way that was not just befitting or aligning with what I wanted. At that time I didn't realize it, but my prayer manifested into something I would've never imagined.
A few days later, on the second of January, I get a text from my ex that read:
"I'm married."
As I read this text, I could feel my heart fall down into my feet and I responded by asking 21 questions. Soon thereafter, my ex literally sent a text that says "Girl GTFOH, that was one of my soldiers messing with my phone. Why wouldn't I tell you something like that?" I immediately without another thought gave a sigh of relief, and then questioned why I felt so heartbroken in the first place. I didn't allow myself to answer that last question, as I had already moved on to the fact that we were set to meet the next day.
January 3rd came along, and I got up and went to church with my friend. While there, I made another prayer for clarity asking for the same type of clarity that I've mentioned prior. As I was leaving church, my ex called me, asked for my address, which I sent to him. He then called me to ask about the exit number to one of the Interstates in Atlanta, I told him that I don't go by exit numbers, our line got disconnected and I realized that I got a text message from him. The text message read:
"I lied, I am married, I got married on December 22nd of 2014 to __ I've dated her for a while. I'm sorry I misled you and lied to my wife."
As I read this message out loud to my roommate who noticed the look of shock on my face, I realized a few things that are not so obvious:
- He married this woman a month after breaking up with me.
- He had been sending me a whole bunch of Jodeci kind of groveling emails and text messages the whole time they had been together.
You can understand my utter confusion, disgust, and disappointment. I proceeded to call him, to no avail, as he had been too much of a coward to answer my calls. After downing a bottle of wine by my lonesome and writing a scathing email (that I decided not to send because I don't want to block my blessings by cutting someone else down), I sent him a quick "you are dead to me" three-liner email and continued with my Sunday.
I am still going through my stages of grieving and listening to "Let It Flow" by Toni Braxton on repeat, but I've realized that I am grateful because I literally am all out of tears, which lets me know that I can finally close this chapter. I'm grateful because I can walk away without regret of losing one of the few things I can NEVER have back. I am grateful that I asked God to listen to me, and not only did He listen, but He showed me who dude really was.
Most importantly, I am grateful because I FINALLY listened, not to my heart, but to what God was telling me by putting me in this situation. I also have decided to use this whole situation as a good experience notch on my dating belt because the biggest thing that I realized after the dust settled on my anger, sadness and disappointment, was the fact that if I feel the need to pray for clarity on my relationship with someone, maybe it's not meant to be. And that within itself was all of the clarity that I needed.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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If you’re like many other people who are prioritizing wellness these days, then attending a wellness retreat might be something to consider. Wellness retreats are a cool way to get the relaxation you’ve been missing in a space with like-minded people who share a common goal. I descended upon my first wellness retreat, the Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat, a couple of weeks ago at the Zoëtry Agua Punta Cana Resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
Zoëtry Agua is part of the Inclusive Collection for the World of Hyatt. It is nestled on a secluded part of Uvero Alto beach, which has crystal blue waters. The resort itself is picturesque, with its thatched roofs and lazy rivers that make you feel like you’re in a cute little village.
Mindy, Body, + Sol Retreat was hosted by Koya Webb, holistic health and wellness coach and yoga instructor, and it also featured other wellness practitioners who combined provided the ultimate gift of relaxation and getting back to oneself.
The first night was a Welcome Dinner that featured a five-course meal and an opportunity to meet our companions for the next three days. The food was impeccable and the only downside was that I wasn’t able to finish it all. The next day, however, was the official start of the classes, and I was ready to dive in.
Aura and Chakra Reading
Aura and chakra reading
Photo courtesy
My first class was an aura and chakra reading led by Laura McCann and James Levinson, an Asheville, NC couple. I’ve had chakra readings before, but never like this. There was a computer, a camera, and a scanner, which I placed my hand on for the reading. After two minutes, I received a 15-page report explaining my aura and chakra reading.
It breaks down what the colors of your aura are and what your chakras say. My main colors were green and yellow, which were defined by a variety of things. The top of my aura was green, meaning I have a social mental state and I’m a natural healer. My aura on my left side was yellow meaning my energy flowing is optimistic and light and so on.
After James discussed the findings with me, I then met with Laura, who gave me aromatherapy oils from their ADORAtherapy line that represented each chakra. She further explained the results of my chakra reading and shared how each oil can assist. Chakras are the energy centers in our body, and there is a total of seven: root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and crown. All of my chakras were high except for my heart chakra, which I have since been working on. I may follow up about that in another article.
Sound Bath
Sound bath class
Photo courtesy
Next was the sound bath class. It was located in the spa, which was indoor/ outdoor and the perfect setting for this kind of experience. Andrew Francis and Carrie Bailey of Zenden Meditation were the co-pilots in transporting attendees into a place of tranquility. I laid down, closed my eyes, and allowed the sounds around me to bring me into a relaxing state. From the singing bowls to the wind chimes, I was in heaven. I even fell asleep and got some of the best rest I’ve had in a while. It was a beautiful experience. However, remember when I noted it was an indoor/ outdoor venue? I forgot to put on bug spray and woke up pretty itchy. But it didn’t stop me from enjoying the moment.
Tea Party
Art of Tea Ritual Tea Party
Photo courtesy
The last event of the day was the Art of Tea Ritual located in the resort’s tea garden. It was everything you could want in a tea party. Delectable treats such as cookies, cakes, and white chocolate-covered strawberries, which are my fave. And, of course, tea. While I got to sip tea, I also got to make my own tea blend. There were many different teas to choose from, like hibiscus to your regular black tea. I decided to mix rose and mint and I called it RoseMint. I didn’t get to try my tea blend until I got home, and I’ll be honest, it’s probably the best tea I ever had. The tea herbs taste so fresh, and I love how fragrant it smells.
Breathwork
Breathwork Class
Photo Courtesy
The next morning was all about breathwork. If you exercise regularly, then you probably know the importance of breathing. But there’s more to it besides remembering to breathe during your workout. Margaret Townsend is a breathwork facilitator who helps people achieve wellness by consciously changing their breathing patterns. In her class, I learned to change my breathing pattern for energy as well as for relaxation. While I know that breathing is a relaxation tool, I was blown away to learn that it can also energize you. Because it was a different breathing pattern, I was also able to stay present and keep a steady pace.
Yoga
Koya Webb's yoga class
Photo courtesy
The final class of the retreat was evening yoga with Koya Webb, who, as I mentioned earlier, was the host. Her class was held beside the beautiful Uvero Alto beach, which made for a stunning backdrop and the perfect way to end the retreat. It was important for me to get back into my body after not doing yoga for a few weeks, so I was really focused on nailing the moves. However, Koya kept the energy light and fun, evening cracking a few jokes throughout, which made it easy for me to relax and enjoy the moment. She ended the class with a dance break and hugs from our classmates.
The Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat reminded me how important it is to take time to love on myself. Each class was an opportunity to be present and get reacquainted with oneself in the most loving way. Being surrounded by individuals who encouraged my journey was what I needed, and I am so honored to have had this experience.
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