Now that you're all caught up on the couples who proposed and left the Pods engaged from our recap ofLove Is Blind Season 4, episodes 1-3 (if you haven't read that yet, find that here), it's time to enter episodes 4 and 5. The last two episodes of the first batch are usually reserved for the honeymoon phase of the couples' engagement, where the hard work of finding their person over the course of 10 days bears fruit in the form of an all-expense paid trip to Mexico, a step up from the previous season's "honeymoon" arc, let me tell you.
Not going to hold you, but similar to how we did the previous recap, there will be an intentional focus on the melanated cast members and their partners (sorry to these men, Paul, and Zack, and their respective love interests). They might come up here and there, though, because, as we also know, an important part of the "honeymoon" arc is the meet and greet with the other cast members, and since there were yet again love triangles present in this season, Micah might be name-dropped. Just sayin'.
Without further adieu, here's what you missed in episodes 4 and 5.
Spoilers most definitely are ahead!
After the Pods: Episodes 4-5 Recap
Kwame + Chelsea
We have made it to the honeymoon phase arc, where the couples touch down in Mexico after meeting one another in person for the first time and start to connect the dots between emotional and mental intimacy and physical intimacy. And physical intimacy doesn’t have to innately mean sexual, but for Kwame and Chelsea, whose conversations in the Pods weren’t shy about the physical aspects of the relationship, I am pretty sure that is what Mexico will mean for them.
I am relieved that Kwame admits early on that Chelsea is exactly what he needs. He just couldn’t see it in the Pods when he was so blinded by his “soulmate,” Micah. He honestly seems shook that the emotional connection they’ve established has made way for what has been such a fire physical connection.
(L to R) Chelsea, Kwame in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
The post-coitus glow the morning after told no lies. Chelsea confirmed that the next morning when she said Kwame exceeded all expectations when they made love for the first time, “setting the tone for the rest of our lives.”
What I will say about Chelsea is that she is a straight-shooter, and the energy she has was kept from day one, and there are receipts to prove it. Her confidence in herself, who she is, and what she wants are things I could never take from her. Though they aren’t my favorite pairing on the show, I do think they complement each other well, and I fuck with her sincerity. And then it all goes to hell…
(L to R) Kwame, Brett in episode 404 of 'Love Is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
Somewhat.
When it's finally time to mingle with the other couples for the first time, Micah enters the chat, and Kwame seems like he can't break out of her spell for whatever reason. Mind you, Micah turned him down, but somehow he is pulled into 20-minute "closure" conversations with her where she is laying it on THICK, and instead of shutting it down out of respect for his fiancée, that is also in orbit, he is indulging heavy, but that's what happens when your "soulmate" starts saying to you everything you wanted her to say to you in the first place.
(L to R) Kwame, Micah in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
Meanwhile, on the sidelines, Chelsea is externally unbothered by Kwame and Micah's back-to-back pool talks but internally seething, and understandably so. The intimacy, the flirtatious banter, the touching. A lot of it was inappropriate, but the touching took it up several notches in my mind, so I understood Chelsea's discomfort completely. Meanwhile, Micah assures Kwame, "I was all in with you." From what I saw, that was the furthest thing from the truth, but Kwame is wrapped around her finger and all the while jeopardizing the safety of his actual relationship with his fiancée in the process.
(L to R) Kwame, Chelsea in episode 405 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
But if you wanted Kwame to get checked, that won't come until much later in the episode when he and Chelsea have a private moment, and she makes it very clear that what happened between Kwame and Micah was inappropriate. Boundary set. Well done, Chelsea.
Marshall + Jackie
Right away, Jackie lets the cameras know that Marshall isn't really the type of man she usually goes for and would probably swipe away from in real life. She explains that "this experiment has really shown me that it's more than just what looks good." Jackie cleans it up when she proclaims her relationship with Marshall is deeper than that. Still, I gave a slight yikes at her statement, but I think I knew what she was trying to say. I won't go into full detail about Zack and Irina as a couple featured on the show, but when Irina first saw Zack, her energy was giving "immediately no," and she even told the dude he looked like a cartoon character. All I said was yikes.
I bring this up because sometimes Jackie's constant need to reassure the audience of how good Marshall is feels like she is reassuring herself of her physical attraction to Marshall. I think she is emotionally there, maybe even mentally there, but she is still warming up to the physical side, which... makes sense. While Marshall is all "hell yes" in regards to how attractive he finds her, Jackie is still playing catch up in that department. This couple may be a slow burn for that reason.
However, sis wasn't shy about saying she wanted to "test drive" the car before taking off the lot, if you catch my drift. I ain't mad!
(L to R) Jackie, Marshall in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
The pair leave the resort to go out and about in town later in the episode, where they have lunch. "You're like a real man," she tells Marshall. "You're not a weirdo, and you're not one of these bozos out here in the streets." Not out here in these streets, chile…
Sometimes-cringy use of AAVE aside, I do like that Jackie continuously owns the fact that her reverting to old behaviors is a hurdle she has to overcome in her journey to love Marshall the way he deserves to be loved by someone. Butttt, I also say to myself, you knew what show you were signing up for, so why not come here correct versus having to guide yourself to a place of readiness to be the woman you think Marshall needs? Am I missing something about this show, or what?
"I just don't want to push you away," she warns Marshall. I love that Marshall constantly reassures her, but it feels like she is convincing herself a little and also having to remind herself constantly of who Marshall is and what that could mean for her, which I don't know how I feel about quite yet. However, as someone who has also navigated her fair share of romantic relationships, I can attest that there's a little self-sabotage in all of us. I just hope that Marshall always remembers his value because I think it's easy to get caught up in someone else's storm when you find your worth in saving people. And I'm getting that vibe from him.
(L to R) Jackie, Marshall in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
They have cute moments, but it's a feeling I can't shake with them. That whole crying session at the end of what both of them described as "a great day?" I understand having emotion, but it felt like testing and that Jackie was trying to get Marshall to feel for her and with her, but at the same time, keep him at a distance even though he is trying to be there for her. We all have our baggage, and we all have to put in work to unpack said baggage, but at the end of the day, you have to know what's yours to carry and what isn't.
All in all, I think they will either balance each other out or that Jackie will end up being a lot for him. Between the forced AAVE and the glimpses of immaturity from Jackie, iono about sis. It isn't all her, though. I also don't know about sir because sometimes he seems wise, but somehow the way he is navigating his relationship with Jackie feels like it's in direct opposition to that said wisdom. But as they say, all wisdom isn't wise.
Sidebar: Forget my Jesse Williams resemblance mentioned in the last recap. Tiffany says that Marshall reminds her of the Fresh Prince, and now I can't unsee it. I see Jabari Banks, though, more than I see Will Smith.
Brett + Tiffany
Finally, the couple I'm here for. I had no doubt that their time in Mexico would highlight to me, even more, why I agree with Brett in thinking they're each other's perfect match. And knowing the history of this show, I could very well end up eating my words, but ion care, ion care! I am in the moment, and I am enjoying the steps they are taking in their pursuit of true love and the fact that they seem to have found that in each other.
I must say, something that really stood out to me during episode 4 and their time in Mexico is that while many were talking about comparing their ideas of what their partners looked like physically versus the reality of what they looked like when they finally met, Brett made it a point to explain to Tiffany during their date that he had "a picture not of what she looks like in person," but "an idea of her energy in person" based on how she leaves the people she touches and encounters. He reveals to her when he saw her, he thought to himself, "'She's the person I thought she would be.'"
(L to R) Brett, Tiffany in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
Sir was fixated on attributes and her aura, and I was beaming at every word. What he expressed felt like such a welcomed departure from the typical "you don't look like what I thought you would" type conversations that are prevalent in a show format like this (and is currently an issue for another couple who just aren't couple-ing in Mexico like the others are, ahem Zack and Irina). Tiffany was no doubt speechless after his revelation, and I don't blame her. "You're perfect for me," she says eventually before he says back, "Thank you. And you're perfect for me."
There's a flow between that is undeniable, and that doesn't feel forced as some of the other connections on display.
Courtesy of Netflix
Later in the episode, it was such a wholesome moment when they exchanged some cocoa butter kisses during their morning after and talked about whether or not he snored before affirming each other.
Brett chops it up with his boys Kwame and Marshall later and confesses that there was no awkwardness with Tiffany at all, and it felt like they'd been together for years. That is how much they just melted into one another and fell into a rhythm with such ease. In episode 5, Brett confesses to the same group later (I love the guys' bond) that he is so happy. He has never been so open, so vulnerable, so feeling with someone before. The power of vulnerability, man.
What a beautiful thing to see someone who admittedly was so closed off initially be wide open in the name of love. Love a Black woman from infinity to infinity. If you know, you know.
Love Is Blind is now streaming on Netflix.
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Featured image courtesy of Netflix
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Today, that movement has turned into a wig uprising where Black women are able to experiment with colors, styles, and more without causing irreparable damage to our hair. It could even be said that we’ve arrived at a new level of acceptance: one that does not equate love of oneself to one’s willingness or lack thereof to wear her hair the way others deem acceptable. Not even other people who look like us.
However, as with Blackness itself, the issue of Black women’s hair is layered.
On the surface, it’s nothing more than a matter of personal preference. However, in a deeper dive, issues of texture, curl pattern, and of course, proximity to social acceptance, as well as other runoff streams from the waters of racism and patriarchy, rear their heads. The natural hair movement, though a wide-reaching and liberating community builder, also gave way to colorism and often upheld mainstream beauty standards.
Sometimes, favoring lighter-skinned influencers/creators with very specific hair textures, the white gaze leaked into our safe space and forced us to reckon with it. Accurate representations of natural hair in various states of being—undefined curls, kinks, and unlaid edges—are still absent from brand marketing. Protective styles, though intended to provide breaks from styling for our sensitive hair, have become a mask to help our hair be more palatable. A figurative straddle of the fence in order to appease the comfort of others in the face of our hair’s power.
And then there’s the issue of length.
Giphy
As a woman who has spent much of the last decade voluntarily wearing her hair in many variations of short hairstyles, from a pixie cut to a curly fro and a sleek bob, what I’ve gleaned throughout the years is that there is a glaring difference between how I am treated when wearing my hair short than when I opt for weaves, extensions or even grow it out slightly longer than my chin.
The differential treatment comes from women and men alike and spans professional and personal settings, including friends, coworkers, and industry peers.
What has become abundantly clear is that long hair is often conflated with beauty, softness, and any number of other words we relate to femininity in a way that short hair is not. That perceived marker of the essence of womanhood shows up in how I am received, communicated with, and complimented.
Even more so than texture, length has a way of deciding who among us is deserving of our attention, affection, and adoration. Whether naturally grown or proudly bought, the commentary around someone’s look or image greatly shifts when “inches” are present.
When it comes to long hair, we really, really do care.
In an effort to understand whether I had simply been misinterpreting the energy around my hair, I decided to take my findings to social media. I began with two side-by-side photos of myself. In both pictures, my hair is straightened; however, in one, I am wearing my signature pixie cut, and in the other, I am wearing extensions.
I posited that treatment based on hair length is a real thing, and what followed was confirmation that I was not alone in my feelings. “Long hair, like light skin, button noses, and being thin are all forms of social capital,” one user commented. “Some Black women enforce the status quo too, why wouldn’t we?”
Courtesy
This also brought to mind the many times celebrity women (like most recently Beyoncé's Cécred hair tutorial) have done big reveals of their own natural tresses in an attempt to silence any doubt that Black women are able to grow their hair beyond a certain length. Of course, we all know that to be true, so why do we still feel the need to prove it so?
The responses continued to pour in from women of all skin tones, who felt that hair length played a role in people’s treatment of them. “When I have short hair I always feel like people don’t treat me like a woman, they treat me like a kid,” another user commented. “When my hair is long I get a lot more respect for some reason.”
From revelations about feeling invisible to admitted shifts in their own perceived beauty, Black woman after Black woman poured out her experience as it relates to hair length. Though affirmed by their shared realities, knowing that reactions to something so trivial have become yet another hair battle for Black women to fight was disheartening. Though we continue to defy gravity and push the bounds of imagination and creativity by way of our strands, will it always be in response to the idea that we are, somehow, falling short?
Unlike more obvious instances of hair discrimination, the glorification of longer length is sneakier in its connection to Eurocentric beauty standards. Hair commercials, beauty ads, and even hip-hop music have long celebrated the idea of gloriously long tresses while holding onto the ignorant notion that it is inaccessible for Black women.
Even as we continue to fight to prove our hair professional, elegant, and worthy in its natural state to the world at large, we’ve also adopted harmful value markers of our own as a community. It’s evident in how we talk about who has the right to start a haircare line and which influencers we easily platform. It’s evident in the language we use to identify those with long hair versus short hair. And it’s painfully obvious in how we treat one another.
It makes me wonder if India.Arie’s brave rallying cry, almost two decades old in its existence, will ever actually hold true for us. Or will we just continue to invent new ways to uphold the harmful status quo?
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