

Everything You Missed On 'Love Is Blind' Season 4 Episodes 4-5
Now that you're all caught up on the couples who proposed and left the Pods engaged from our recap ofLove Is Blind Season 4, episodes 1-3 (if you haven't read that yet, find that here), it's time to enter episodes 4 and 5. The last two episodes of the first batch are usually reserved for the honeymoon phase of the couples' engagement, where the hard work of finding their person over the course of 10 days bears fruit in the form of an all-expense paid trip to Mexico, a step up from the previous season's "honeymoon" arc, let me tell you.
Not going to hold you, but similar to how we did the previous recap, there will be an intentional focus on the melanated cast members and their partners (sorry to these men, Paul, and Zack, and their respective love interests). They might come up here and there, though, because, as we also know, an important part of the "honeymoon" arc is the meet and greet with the other cast members, and since there were yet again love triangles present in this season, Micah might be name-dropped. Just sayin'.
Without further adieu, here's what you missed in episodes 4 and 5.
Spoilers most definitely are ahead!
After the Pods: Episodes 4-5 Recap
Kwame + Chelsea
We have made it to the honeymoon phase arc, where the couples touch down in Mexico after meeting one another in person for the first time and start to connect the dots between emotional and mental intimacy and physical intimacy. And physical intimacy doesn’t have to innately mean sexual, but for Kwame and Chelsea, whose conversations in the Pods weren’t shy about the physical aspects of the relationship, I am pretty sure that is what Mexico will mean for them.
I am relieved that Kwame admits early on that Chelsea is exactly what he needs. He just couldn’t see it in the Pods when he was so blinded by his “soulmate,” Micah. He honestly seems shook that the emotional connection they’ve established has made way for what has been such a fire physical connection.
(L to R) Chelsea, Kwame in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
The post-coitus glow the morning after told no lies. Chelsea confirmed that the next morning when she said Kwame exceeded all expectations when they made love for the first time, “setting the tone for the rest of our lives.”
What I will say about Chelsea is that she is a straight-shooter, and the energy she has was kept from day one, and there are receipts to prove it. Her confidence in herself, who she is, and what she wants are things I could never take from her. Though they aren’t my favorite pairing on the show, I do think they complement each other well, and I fuck with her sincerity. And then it all goes to hell…
(L to R) Kwame, Brett in episode 404 of 'Love Is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
Somewhat.
When it's finally time to mingle with the other couples for the first time, Micah enters the chat, and Kwame seems like he can't break out of her spell for whatever reason. Mind you, Micah turned him down, but somehow he is pulled into 20-minute "closure" conversations with her where she is laying it on THICK, and instead of shutting it down out of respect for his fiancée, that is also in orbit, he is indulging heavy, but that's what happens when your "soulmate" starts saying to you everything you wanted her to say to you in the first place.
(L to R) Kwame, Micah in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
Meanwhile, on the sidelines, Chelsea is externally unbothered by Kwame and Micah's back-to-back pool talks but internally seething, and understandably so. The intimacy, the flirtatious banter, the touching. A lot of it was inappropriate, but the touching took it up several notches in my mind, so I understood Chelsea's discomfort completely. Meanwhile, Micah assures Kwame, "I was all in with you." From what I saw, that was the furthest thing from the truth, but Kwame is wrapped around her finger and all the while jeopardizing the safety of his actual relationship with his fiancée in the process.
(L to R) Kwame, Chelsea in episode 405 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
But if you wanted Kwame to get checked, that won't come until much later in the episode when he and Chelsea have a private moment, and she makes it very clear that what happened between Kwame and Micah was inappropriate. Boundary set. Well done, Chelsea.
Marshall + Jackie
Right away, Jackie lets the cameras know that Marshall isn't really the type of man she usually goes for and would probably swipe away from in real life. She explains that "this experiment has really shown me that it's more than just what looks good." Jackie cleans it up when she proclaims her relationship with Marshall is deeper than that. Still, I gave a slight yikes at her statement, but I think I knew what she was trying to say. I won't go into full detail about Zack and Irina as a couple featured on the show, but when Irina first saw Zack, her energy was giving "immediately no," and she even told the dude he looked like a cartoon character. All I said was yikes.
I bring this up because sometimes Jackie's constant need to reassure the audience of how good Marshall is feels like she is reassuring herself of her physical attraction to Marshall. I think she is emotionally there, maybe even mentally there, but she is still warming up to the physical side, which... makes sense. While Marshall is all "hell yes" in regards to how attractive he finds her, Jackie is still playing catch up in that department. This couple may be a slow burn for that reason.
However, sis wasn't shy about saying she wanted to "test drive" the car before taking off the lot, if you catch my drift. I ain't mad!
(L to R) Jackie, Marshall in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
The pair leave the resort to go out and about in town later in the episode, where they have lunch. "You're like a real man," she tells Marshall. "You're not a weirdo, and you're not one of these bozos out here in the streets." Not out here in these streets, chile…
Sometimes-cringy use of AAVE aside, I do like that Jackie continuously owns the fact that her reverting to old behaviors is a hurdle she has to overcome in her journey to love Marshall the way he deserves to be loved by someone. Butttt, I also say to myself, you knew what show you were signing up for, so why not come here correct versus having to guide yourself to a place of readiness to be the woman you think Marshall needs? Am I missing something about this show, or what?
"I just don't want to push you away," she warns Marshall. I love that Marshall constantly reassures her, but it feels like she is convincing herself a little and also having to remind herself constantly of who Marshall is and what that could mean for her, which I don't know how I feel about quite yet. However, as someone who has also navigated her fair share of romantic relationships, I can attest that there's a little self-sabotage in all of us. I just hope that Marshall always remembers his value because I think it's easy to get caught up in someone else's storm when you find your worth in saving people. And I'm getting that vibe from him.
(L to R) Jackie, Marshall in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
They have cute moments, but it's a feeling I can't shake with them. That whole crying session at the end of what both of them described as "a great day?" I understand having emotion, but it felt like testing and that Jackie was trying to get Marshall to feel for her and with her, but at the same time, keep him at a distance even though he is trying to be there for her. We all have our baggage, and we all have to put in work to unpack said baggage, but at the end of the day, you have to know what's yours to carry and what isn't.
All in all, I think they will either balance each other out or that Jackie will end up being a lot for him. Between the forced AAVE and the glimpses of immaturity from Jackie, iono about sis. It isn't all her, though. I also don't know about sir because sometimes he seems wise, but somehow the way he is navigating his relationship with Jackie feels like it's in direct opposition to that said wisdom. But as they say, all wisdom isn't wise.
Sidebar: Forget my Jesse Williams resemblance mentioned in the last recap. Tiffany says that Marshall reminds her of the Fresh Prince, and now I can't unsee it. I see Jabari Banks, though, more than I see Will Smith.
Brett + Tiffany
Finally, the couple I'm here for. I had no doubt that their time in Mexico would highlight to me, even more, why I agree with Brett in thinking they're each other's perfect match. And knowing the history of this show, I could very well end up eating my words, but ion care, ion care! I am in the moment, and I am enjoying the steps they are taking in their pursuit of true love and the fact that they seem to have found that in each other.
I must say, something that really stood out to me during episode 4 and their time in Mexico is that while many were talking about comparing their ideas of what their partners looked like physically versus the reality of what they looked like when they finally met, Brett made it a point to explain to Tiffany during their date that he had "a picture not of what she looks like in person," but "an idea of her energy in person" based on how she leaves the people she touches and encounters. He reveals to her when he saw her, he thought to himself, "'She's the person I thought she would be.'"
(L to R) Brett, Tiffany in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
Sir was fixated on attributes and her aura, and I was beaming at every word. What he expressed felt like such a welcomed departure from the typical "you don't look like what I thought you would" type conversations that are prevalent in a show format like this (and is currently an issue for another couple who just aren't couple-ing in Mexico like the others are, ahem Zack and Irina). Tiffany was no doubt speechless after his revelation, and I don't blame her. "You're perfect for me," she says eventually before he says back, "Thank you. And you're perfect for me."
There's a flow between that is undeniable, and that doesn't feel forced as some of the other connections on display.
Courtesy of Netflix
Later in the episode, it was such a wholesome moment when they exchanged some cocoa butter kisses during their morning after and talked about whether or not he snored before affirming each other.
Brett chops it up with his boys Kwame and Marshall later and confesses that there was no awkwardness with Tiffany at all, and it felt like they'd been together for years. That is how much they just melted into one another and fell into a rhythm with such ease. In episode 5, Brett confesses to the same group later (I love the guys' bond) that he is so happy. He has never been so open, so vulnerable, so feeling with someone before. The power of vulnerability, man.
What a beautiful thing to see someone who admittedly was so closed off initially be wide open in the name of love. Love a Black woman from infinity to infinity. If you know, you know.
Love Is Blind is now streaming on Netflix.
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Featured image courtesy of Netflix
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
Featured image by skynesher/Getty Images