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Everything You Missed On 'Love Is Blind' Season 4 Episodes 4-5
Now that you're all caught up on the couples who proposed and left the Pods engaged from our recap ofLove Is Blind Season 4, episodes 1-3 (if you haven't read that yet, find that here), it's time to enter episodes 4 and 5. The last two episodes of the first batch are usually reserved for the honeymoon phase of the couples' engagement, where the hard work of finding their person over the course of 10 days bears fruit in the form of an all-expense paid trip to Mexico, a step up from the previous season's "honeymoon" arc, let me tell you.
Not going to hold you, but similar to how we did the previous recap, there will be an intentional focus on the melanated cast members and their partners (sorry to these men, Paul, and Zack, and their respective love interests). They might come up here and there, though, because, as we also know, an important part of the "honeymoon" arc is the meet and greet with the other cast members, and since there were yet again love triangles present in this season, Micah might be name-dropped. Just sayin'.
Without further adieu, here's what you missed in episodes 4 and 5.
Spoilers most definitely are ahead!
After the Pods: Episodes 4-5 Recap
Kwame + Chelsea
We have made it to the honeymoon phase arc, where the couples touch down in Mexico after meeting one another in person for the first time and start to connect the dots between emotional and mental intimacy and physical intimacy. And physical intimacy doesn’t have to innately mean sexual, but for Kwame and Chelsea, whose conversations in the Pods weren’t shy about the physical aspects of the relationship, I am pretty sure that is what Mexico will mean for them.
I am relieved that Kwame admits early on that Chelsea is exactly what he needs. He just couldn’t see it in the Pods when he was so blinded by his “soulmate,” Micah. He honestly seems shook that the emotional connection they’ve established has made way for what has been such a fire physical connection.
(L to R) Chelsea, Kwame in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
The post-coitus glow the morning after told no lies. Chelsea confirmed that the next morning when she said Kwame exceeded all expectations when they made love for the first time, “setting the tone for the rest of our lives.”
What I will say about Chelsea is that she is a straight-shooter, and the energy she has was kept from day one, and there are receipts to prove it. Her confidence in herself, who she is, and what she wants are things I could never take from her. Though they aren’t my favorite pairing on the show, I do think they complement each other well, and I fuck with her sincerity. And then it all goes to hell…
(L to R) Kwame, Brett in episode 404 of 'Love Is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
Somewhat.
When it's finally time to mingle with the other couples for the first time, Micah enters the chat, and Kwame seems like he can't break out of her spell for whatever reason. Mind you, Micah turned him down, but somehow he is pulled into 20-minute "closure" conversations with her where she is laying it on THICK, and instead of shutting it down out of respect for his fiancée, that is also in orbit, he is indulging heavy, but that's what happens when your "soulmate" starts saying to you everything you wanted her to say to you in the first place.
(L to R) Kwame, Micah in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
Meanwhile, on the sidelines, Chelsea is externally unbothered by Kwame and Micah's back-to-back pool talks but internally seething, and understandably so. The intimacy, the flirtatious banter, the touching. A lot of it was inappropriate, but the touching took it up several notches in my mind, so I understood Chelsea's discomfort completely. Meanwhile, Micah assures Kwame, "I was all in with you." From what I saw, that was the furthest thing from the truth, but Kwame is wrapped around her finger and all the while jeopardizing the safety of his actual relationship with his fiancée in the process.
(L to R) Kwame, Chelsea in episode 405 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
But if you wanted Kwame to get checked, that won't come until much later in the episode when he and Chelsea have a private moment, and she makes it very clear that what happened between Kwame and Micah was inappropriate. Boundary set. Well done, Chelsea.
Marshall + Jackie
Right away, Jackie lets the cameras know that Marshall isn't really the type of man she usually goes for and would probably swipe away from in real life. She explains that "this experiment has really shown me that it's more than just what looks good." Jackie cleans it up when she proclaims her relationship with Marshall is deeper than that. Still, I gave a slight yikes at her statement, but I think I knew what she was trying to say. I won't go into full detail about Zack and Irina as a couple featured on the show, but when Irina first saw Zack, her energy was giving "immediately no," and she even told the dude he looked like a cartoon character. All I said was yikes.
I bring this up because sometimes Jackie's constant need to reassure the audience of how good Marshall is feels like she is reassuring herself of her physical attraction to Marshall. I think she is emotionally there, maybe even mentally there, but she is still warming up to the physical side, which... makes sense. While Marshall is all "hell yes" in regards to how attractive he finds her, Jackie is still playing catch up in that department. This couple may be a slow burn for that reason.
However, sis wasn't shy about saying she wanted to "test drive" the car before taking off the lot, if you catch my drift. I ain't mad!
(L to R) Jackie, Marshall in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
The pair leave the resort to go out and about in town later in the episode, where they have lunch. "You're like a real man," she tells Marshall. "You're not a weirdo, and you're not one of these bozos out here in the streets." Not out here in these streets, chile…
Sometimes-cringy use of AAVE aside, I do like that Jackie continuously owns the fact that her reverting to old behaviors is a hurdle she has to overcome in her journey to love Marshall the way he deserves to be loved by someone. Butttt, I also say to myself, you knew what show you were signing up for, so why not come here correct versus having to guide yourself to a place of readiness to be the woman you think Marshall needs? Am I missing something about this show, or what?
"I just don't want to push you away," she warns Marshall. I love that Marshall constantly reassures her, but it feels like she is convincing herself a little and also having to remind herself constantly of who Marshall is and what that could mean for her, which I don't know how I feel about quite yet. However, as someone who has also navigated her fair share of romantic relationships, I can attest that there's a little self-sabotage in all of us. I just hope that Marshall always remembers his value because I think it's easy to get caught up in someone else's storm when you find your worth in saving people. And I'm getting that vibe from him.
(L to R) Jackie, Marshall in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
They have cute moments, but it's a feeling I can't shake with them. That whole crying session at the end of what both of them described as "a great day?" I understand having emotion, but it felt like testing and that Jackie was trying to get Marshall to feel for her and with her, but at the same time, keep him at a distance even though he is trying to be there for her. We all have our baggage, and we all have to put in work to unpack said baggage, but at the end of the day, you have to know what's yours to carry and what isn't.
All in all, I think they will either balance each other out or that Jackie will end up being a lot for him. Between the forced AAVE and the glimpses of immaturity from Jackie, iono about sis. It isn't all her, though. I also don't know about sir because sometimes he seems wise, but somehow the way he is navigating his relationship with Jackie feels like it's in direct opposition to that said wisdom. But as they say, all wisdom isn't wise.
Sidebar: Forget my Jesse Williams resemblance mentioned in the last recap. Tiffany says that Marshall reminds her of the Fresh Prince, and now I can't unsee it. I see Jabari Banks, though, more than I see Will Smith.
Brett + Tiffany
Finally, the couple I'm here for. I had no doubt that their time in Mexico would highlight to me, even more, why I agree with Brett in thinking they're each other's perfect match. And knowing the history of this show, I could very well end up eating my words, but ion care, ion care! I am in the moment, and I am enjoying the steps they are taking in their pursuit of true love and the fact that they seem to have found that in each other.
I must say, something that really stood out to me during episode 4 and their time in Mexico is that while many were talking about comparing their ideas of what their partners looked like physically versus the reality of what they looked like when they finally met, Brett made it a point to explain to Tiffany during their date that he had "a picture not of what she looks like in person," but "an idea of her energy in person" based on how she leaves the people she touches and encounters. He reveals to her when he saw her, he thought to himself, "'She's the person I thought she would be.'"
(L to R) Brett, Tiffany in episode 404 of 'Love is Blind.'
Courtesy of Netflix
Sir was fixated on attributes and her aura, and I was beaming at every word. What he expressed felt like such a welcomed departure from the typical "you don't look like what I thought you would" type conversations that are prevalent in a show format like this (and is currently an issue for another couple who just aren't couple-ing in Mexico like the others are, ahem Zack and Irina). Tiffany was no doubt speechless after his revelation, and I don't blame her. "You're perfect for me," she says eventually before he says back, "Thank you. And you're perfect for me."
There's a flow between that is undeniable, and that doesn't feel forced as some of the other connections on display.
Courtesy of Netflix
Later in the episode, it was such a wholesome moment when they exchanged some cocoa butter kisses during their morning after and talked about whether or not he snored before affirming each other.
Brett chops it up with his boys Kwame and Marshall later and confesses that there was no awkwardness with Tiffany at all, and it felt like they'd been together for years. That is how much they just melted into one another and fell into a rhythm with such ease. In episode 5, Brett confesses to the same group later (I love the guys' bond) that he is so happy. He has never been so open, so vulnerable, so feeling with someone before. The power of vulnerability, man.
What a beautiful thing to see someone who admittedly was so closed off initially be wide open in the name of love. Love a Black woman from infinity to infinity. If you know, you know.
Love Is Blind is now streaming on Netflix.
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This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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