

Here's something that could quite possibly be your "something new" for the day. Were you aware that approximately 28 million people in the United States alone are currently in a long-distance relationship? Then, when you factor in the 2020 bomb of the year that is COVID-19 into that lil' statistic—unless you were already married or living with your partner before it happened, if you're currently seeing someone, there's a pretty good chance that you are in a long-distance situation, even if it's merely by circumstantial default. Between the call to social distance, possibly feeling leery about traveling, possibly not having enough coins to go anywhere (even if you wanted to) or maybe even only being a quick road trip away and yet still not feeling like now is the time to cuddle up—you might be tempted to think that this will be the worst Christmas…ever.
I'm not gonna lie to you. There really is no substitute for being boo'ed up underneath somebody's mistletoe on Christmas morning. Yet that doesn't mean that you still can't make your long-distance relationship extra sweet, sexy and memorable this year. You just need to put a plan together. I'm hoping that the following 10 tips can totally help you out.
1. Send Each Other a Care Package (on the Same Day)
I don't care how old someone is, if there's one thing virtually everyone likes to receive in the mail, it's a care package. So, let's start with that. If for, whatever the reason this year, you and yours cannot be together, make the mutual decision that you both will send each other a customized care package that will be mailed off on the same day (so that hopefully, you'll both receive it at the same time); then make the commitment to not open either one until Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. While I think that surprising each other will make this tip extra fun, if you're looking for some ideas of what should go in said packages, I've got a few.
- Homemade cookies
- New PJs
- A handwritten letter
- Soy-scented candles
- Favorite smell-good (yours or his)
- For him, beard care products (like the Black-owned company Fetti Says)
- Personalized jewelry
- A mug with a sweet message or inside joke on it
- Sexy undies
- New sheets (more on that in a sec)
- Some "Wow, I didn't see that coming" photo prints
2. Spray One’s Bedding with the Other’s “Signature Scent”
Speaking of perfumes and colognes, something that can make waking up and going to sleep a little bit easier right through here is to sprinkle some of your partner's favorite scent all over your bedding. If that's something you both are totally down to do, discuss what the scent is and then send each other an online gift card (or CashApp each other a few bucks), so that you can run into the closest department store and cop some. You'll love spending a few extra minutes in bed, each and every night, after you do. (Byrdie has a list of Black-owned fragrance brands here.)
3. Stuff Each Other’s Stocking…Differently
Another thing that can go inside your care package is a stocking with your partner's or pet's name on it. Companies like Personalization Mall or Etsy both offer ones that will be more than happy to make this happen for you. Then, once yours is ready to "stuff", put a sex toy in it; one that the two of you can enjoy together, the next time the two of you are together. As far as what's considered to be a great sex toy for you and your partner, earlier this year, Self published a piece entitled, "The Best Sex Toys for Couples, According to Sex Educators".
And what if he wishes that the two of you were together to test the toy out on December 25? Well, who doesn't know that men are stimulated visually? That said, perform a little fellatio tease for him with it. Or, make the request that he pick up something for you like the We-Melt Clitoral Stimulator ahead of time. What's so special about it? It comes with an app that your partner can use to control how the toy works; yes, even all the way from his house. (Girrrl…) Pretty sure it goes without saying that you'll need to Facetime or use an app like Google Hangout (if you're an Android kind of gal) so that he can take in the full visual effect.
4. Enjoy Breakfast in Bed (on Zoom)
I recently read an article about how the company of the year is Zoom. C'mon, is anyone even a little bit surprised by this? I mean, who wasn't on it this year, for some reason, at some point (my godchild and I would watch movies together that way). Anyway, something that you can do to make it work for you this coming Christmas Day is for you and your boo to enjoy breakfast in bed together on it. Again, you can talk on Facetime (or Google Hangout) while listening to Christmas music. Then, you can bring your laptop into each other's bedrooms and enjoy what you prepared together on a bigger screen with the help of the Zoom app. One way to feel extra close to one another is to discuss what your favorite Christmas breakfast was as a kid, so that each of you can prepare that "in honor" of the other (like, if his were chocolate chip pancakes, you eat that and if yours was French toast, he eats that). Or, you can go really bold with the calories and eat both at the same time. #whyTFnot
5. Have Each Other’s Favorite Meal Delivered
I don't know anyone who wants to spend their entire Christmas Day in the kitchen. So, beyond breakfast, do your best to stay outta there. When it comes to lunch and/or dinner, have each other's favorite meals (from each other's favorite restaurant) delivered instead. As far as what's open on December 25, Delish published a piece entitled, "26 Fast Food Chains And Restaurants Open On Christmas This Year". Or, if you'd prefer something that is a little more upscale, go to your favorite search engine and put "restaurants that will be open on Christmas near me" followed by "2020" to see what's up on the local tip. By the way, please make sure to give at least a 25 percent tip to your delivery person (because folks have to work on Christmas in order for you to pull this off). Oh, and if you're leery about getting takeout (you know, due to the pandemic 'n all), check out "10 Safety Practices For Ordering Takeout (During A Pandemic)" for some helpful hacks. They can help to put your mind at ease.
6. Watch a Christmas Movie Together with an App
Even though I personally don't observe holidays (and no, I am not a Jehovah's Witness), something that I do find to be…precious about this time of year is the syrupy sweet holiday films that incessantly come on the tube (for instance,Merry Liddle Christmas Wedding starring Kelly Rowland was cute and I don't know anyone who hasn't come to adoreJingle Jangle on Netflix).
If you and yours enjoy watching movies together, don't let a little distance keep that from happening. Apps like Together Tube make it easy for the two of you to rent a movie on YouTube (or listen to a playlist) together while sharing a screen. You can share a screen on Zoom as well. And, if you want to take a walk down memory lane, as far as classic Black Christmas movies go, you can get a few suggestions here, here and here.
7. Give Each Other a Friendship Bracelet. Or a Promise Ring.
If your relationship is new or it hasn't reached the "something super sparkly" portion of the program yet, that doesn't mean the two of you can't give each other a token of your affection that you can wear all of the time. At the beginning stages, friendship bracelets are adorably thoughtful presents. If the commitment is more serious than that, you and he can start rocking promise rings (if you're both on the same page, that is). Most jewelry stores carry his and her promise rings. Etsy has an affordable collection of them as well.
8. Plan a Vacation Together
Sure, you're physically apart right now, but sis, it won't be that way forever. At some point during the day, while that romantic Christmas music is playing the background, talk about planning a getaway in the upcoming year. As I was recently reading up on what the hot travel trends would be in 2021, some of them included renting upgraded cabins and taking road trips.
As you wait to do one of those things, you know what else is pretty cool? Going on a virtual trip together. Whether it's The Great Wall of China, The Great Pyramid of Giza, or someplace else, there are all kinds of online tours that you can view. And the real awesome thing about this is a ton of them are absolutely free. You can check out 60 of 'em right here.
9. Sext. Safely.
A perfect way to end your Christmas Day with your partner is to engage in some sexting—and erotic videoing. Whether it's talking about all of the things that the two of you would do to each other if you were in the same room or enticing one another with a "Santa Baby" strip tease, if you want to go all in, but you're nervous about what could possibly happen on Al Gore's internet, no worries; there are apps that can totally put your mind at ease. Dust is an app where you can post whatever, knowing that it will disappear in 24 hours. Wickr is an encrypted app that takes privacy to a whole 'nother level. Confide professes to be a totally "screenshot-free" app. So why not, "take it there"—in the spirit of being super sexy this Christmas?
10. Create a Love & Sex Bucket List for the New Year
Fail to plan, plan to fail. Even though 2020 absolutely did not go as most of us wanted it to, one of the best ways to let your partner know that your relationship is still a top priority is to be intentional about setting goals for the new year. While no one wants to feel like they are doing any mental heavy lifting on Christmas, taking out a little time to plan some dates, discuss each other's love languages (including sex love languages) and put a sex bucket list together can definitely keep the spark going until the two of you can be together again.
This holiday season has been "different" for us all. But don't let COVID-19's crazy ass keep you from celebrating your relationship this Christmas. Be creative. Be sexy. Have fun. It's easier to do than you think. Even from a distance.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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It’s almost always “annoyingly fun” to have conversations with super churchy folks. Example? Recently, I had on an anklet that a particular woman took notice of. When she complimented it and asked what it was made of, I said, “Moonstone, which is one of my birthstones.” Oddly enough, she then turned up her nose and said that stones and crystals were tied to witchcraft, to which I casually replied, “Then I guess you hate Aaron’s breastplate, huh?” She paused and turned her nose up again — this time, though, because she just experienced a good old-fashioned “checkmate.”
This article is about crystals not Scripture, so when it comes to the latter, I’ll just briefly say that if you mosey on over to Exodus 28, you’ll see that a high priest breastplate is referenced; one that contains precious gems including topaz, sapphire, agate, onyx and jasper (and that’s just for starters!). Yeah, it really is important to not just throw judgments around like confetti — know of what you are actually speaking of first (because that’s what Matthew 7 is really all about).
I did think it was important to mention that for potential skeptics about why this article even exists. Because although there are Scriptural and evenscience-based individuals who roll their eyes at the power of what gemstones and crystals can (possibly) do, I’m pretty sure that some of you are not surprised that the holistic and Ayurveda worlds see it all very differently.In those realms, energy plays a big role in physical, emotional, and mental health, and crystals are believed to cultivate balance or intensify certain feelings or experiences through that said energy.
That said, when it comes to sex, specifically, there are certain stones (which are basically what crystals are;in fact, all gemstones are a type of crystal) that are believed to help make intimacy even more satisfying. If you’re curious about which ones are, I’ve got 10 for you below.
10 Crystals That May Enhance Your Intimate Life
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1. Garnet
Garnet is a rich shade of red that happens to be January’s gemstone. It’s considered to be one of the oldest gemstones around, one that Egyptians believed was a symbol of life and something that they oftentimes wore in their signet rings. As far as symbolism goes, garnet also represents love and vitality as well as energy, passion and even self-confidence — all of which are quite relevant when it comes to having an active and fulfilling sex life.
2. Amethyst
Queen Cleopatra and Leonardo da Vinci are just two powerful figures who were big fans of the purple gemstone amethyst. Interestingly enough, it is February’s birthstone — the month that Valentine’s Day falls under. Another interesting fact is many early Christians relied on this gem in order to increase their spirituality while many Greeks used to see it as a stone that provided protection. When it comes to intimacy, amethyst is also associated with love and devotion as well as feelings of calm and reduced anxiety — and since the less calm you feel, the easier it is to climax…well. #wink
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3. Orange Carnelian
Looking to experience more joy and happiness? Or maybe you want to strengthen your friendships. Or perhaps it’s time to increase your pleasure levels or to go into deeper levels of sensuality. For all of these things, orange carnelian is a top-tier pick. As I did a bit more research on this stone, it’s considered to be a royal one and something that can bring forth peace. One of my favorite things about orange carnelian is it comes in different hues of orange — the deeper the color, the more passion it exudes. Just an FYI.
4. Rose Quartz
If you want to take your romantic relationship to another level, rose quartz has a solid reputation for helping to make that happen for you. In fact, this pink crystal is oftentimes referred to as being the stone of unconditional love because it encourages the wearers of it to both give as well as put themselves in the position to receive love too. Since rose quartz is also tied to things like emotional healing, restored trust and harmony, if you’re looking to make a much deeper intimate connection with your partner, this just might be the stone for you.
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5. Rhodochrosite
Rhodochrosite is a red-rose colored stone that I personally hold dear. I say that because, as a survivor of sexual abuse, it is one that helps recovering individuals to work through sexual trauma (and trauma, in general). It is associated with love, compassion and strength as it helps you to process your emotions in a positive way, so that you are able to effectively release past pain and deal with any PTSD that you might have. You know, I know a wife who sexually struggled in her marriage for years because she had been sexually assaulted in college and never told her husband.
A stone of compassion is a precious one — including when it comes to dealing with sexual trauma and intimacy challenges and learning how to face them. Salute to this stone right here.
6. Citrine
Citrine is November’s birthstone and its rich yellow color explains why it represents things like abundance, prosperity, radiance and happiness. Aside from this, whether you’re seeking clarity, you’d like to be more creative or you’re interested in becoming more sensual, citrine encourages all of this. Sensuality is a dope word because it’s all about appealing to all five senses; especially during intimacy. To learn more about how to do that, check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever.”
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7. Red Jasper
While doing my own research on what red jasper represents, what I liked the most is it’s something that encourages emotional stability which is always a wonderful thing to have. Although it is a fiery red color, it also contains grounding properties and it symbolizes strength, courage and, another word that can always make sex more pleasurable: stamina. Since stamina is what helps both men and women to last longer during sex, anything that is a “stamina hack” earns an automatic mention when it comes to sex-themed content — including this.
8. Clear Quartz
A fun fact about quartz is it’s one of the most common minerals on this planet. When it comes to clear quartz, specifically, I like the way that it looks because it’s either a cloudy white or something that you can see straight through. As far as its symbolism is concerned, if you want to reduce physical discomfort, remove distractions and focus more on heightened levels of yourself, this crystal represents all of that. Clear quartz also encourages healing, spiritual growth and balance. To me, it seems like if you want to cultivate a spiritual or meditative (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”) experience with your partner, clear quartz is a stone to try.
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9. Shiva Lingam
I ain’t got no lies to tell you — when I first happened upon this particular stone, the first thing that came to my mind was an article that I penned for the site back in the day entitled, “Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage.” That’s because it explains what a lingam massage is and, as you can see, this crystal has that word all up in it. The history of lingam is a bit layered (you can read about it here); however, because it is considered by many to be a phallic symbol and that typically represents the penis — shiva lingam is a neutral-colored crystal that represents both sexuality as well as fertility. Shocking, right? #sarcasm
10. Pyrite
It doesn’t escape me that it’s kind of funny that I’m closing this out with a crystal that has the nickname “fool’s gold.” That’s due to its appearance. That said, it’s also a stone that has some interesting symbolism to it. Since it comes from a Greek word that means fire — of course, it’s a crystal of passion. Since it also taps into things like heightened energy, self-esteem, creativity, awakened senses and the removal of toxic thoughts — if any stone should be in your “let’s get it on” crystal collection, pyrite would be the one!
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Know what’s kinda wild? While I was on Etsy’s site looking for another moonstone, a sake popped up in my feed on what the merchant calls their “libido crystal set” — and six of the 10 stones that I’ve mentioned throughout this article are featured in the collection.
Yeah, I’ll take that as a confirmation that whether you purchase a piece of jewelry that has one (or more) of these stones or you buy a piece of crystal itself to place somewhere in your bedroom — just putting your own energy into wanting a better sex life is a powerful step in the right direction to achieving it.
And what science can’t refute is the benefits of positive thoughts and actions — crystals or not.
So, if precious stones are totally your thing — enjoy, sis. Enjoy!
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