As a life coach myself, I’m not shocked in the least that it is currently a market that is going totally off the rails as far as evolution and demand are concerned. For instance, over the past few years, the industry has reportedly grown over 33 percent as more individuals are looking for other ways to seek mental health solutions and/or achieve various goals in life.
Here’s the thing, though — even though life coaching is a billion-dollar industry, did you know that there are currently only 23,000 certified coaches in the United States (and only 71,000 in the world)? How is that possible? For one thing, it’s one field that currently isn’t regulated (although that’s about to change), which is why you see people everywhere — and I do mean everywhere — saying that they are a life coach even if they are more like a media personality, an influencer, a public speaker or someone who just wants to sound like they are an authority on something (even if they technically aren’t).
That’s why I thought it would be important — critical even — to share with you what it means to be a life coach and how it could benefit you to work with one. Because if you’ve been giving hiring one some serious consideration as of late, you need to make sure that you know just what you’re getting into and if it’s actually a wise investment (for you personally).
What’s the Difference Between a Life Coach and a Therapist?
I won’t lie to you — this first question really is its own article which is why I provided you with the handy chart (above). However, if I were to summarize things, I would say that if you want someone who will help you to dive into your past in order to figure out layers of “whys” in your life, a therapist is who you’re looking for. On the other hand, if you want someone who is trained in how to ask the kind of questions that will assist you in tapping into what you need to do in the present as it directly relates to your future, a life coach can make that happen.
In fact, one of the things that a life coach is taught while getting certified (and credentialed if they decide to pursue that as well) is that when it comes to the “who, what, when, where, why, and how” list of questions, the one that they actually are supposed to avoid (as much as possible) IS the “why.” Why? Because, again, the past is not their job; the present is.
A better way to explain this is, say you want to figure out why you keep dating the same kind of men who only prove to be unhealthy for you. If it’s been years of the same pattern, you should probably see a therapist. On the other hand, if you’re pretty self-aware of your cycle and you’re basically needing some assistance on receiving some ah-ha moments that can help you to put a plan together to date differently in the future, this is where a life coach can help you out.
My opinion? If you know that you need to unpack your past and you want to be proactive about your present and future, it can’t hurt to see a therapist and life coach at the same time, especially since, if a life coach is good at their job, you shouldn’t need to see them for years on end anyway. Solid ones can help you to get the insight that you need, typically after just a few sessions (like maybe 5-7), so that you can feel confident in making future decisions on your own. Or you can look for a hybrid of a therapist and life coach, which is slowly yet surely becoming a popular phenomenon in the world of mental health as well.
How Can a Life Coach Benefit You?
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A married couple who I’ve just started working with was just about at their wit’s end before getting referred to me by another client of mine. They’ve actually seen several therapists, yet they feel like it’s been a complete waste of their time and money because pretty much all those people did was stare at them with a notepad and take their coins.
Yeah, it really is another article for another time, how there are some licensed therapists who ain’t really worth a damn (#sorrynotsorry). Hell, some of them are ranting on TikTok as we speak. SMDH. That’s why you should never assume that just because someone has letters behind their name that they will automatically be good at their job. A therapist/client relationship is a serious one and a big investment mentally, emotionally, and financially on your end, so definitely make sure to vet a potential therapist thoroughly before officially signing on to work with them (a therapist’s blog that has a list of 22 good questions that you should ask prospective therapists is located here).
As far as the new couple goes, we’ve been thriving, in part, because my knowledge of marriage has given them some new things to think about. Also, since I’m not the most conventional coach on the planet (which is kind of an understatement), they like that I’m not comfortable with sessions ending without them getting some real clarity and having some short-term goals to work on. More than anything, though, what they have told me is they appreciate how much more confident they feel about their relationship since coming to my sessions.
And why is that? Because it’s a wise person who once said that wisdom lies not so much in having the right answers but in being asked the right questions. And why is that? Because questions help you to slow down and think. Questions help you to gain more internal clarity. Questions take the emphasis off of the person you hired (a lot of mental health professionals will talk more than listen, which can sometimes be super counterproductive) and back onto yourself. Questions can urge you to tap deeper into your curious, creative, and even organized sides of being. Questions can reveal to you the answers that you didn’t even know you had. And a life coach (a properly trained one) can help you to learn how to see all of this by asking you the right — meaning most beneficial — questions.
I mean, just think about it. While there is something to be said for seeing a professional who will just listen to you (if that’s what you’re looking for) and/or can provide you with some solid tips and tools, think about how good you’ll feel after having a session with someone who helped you to see that you oftentimes have, just what you’re looking for, within yourself? It’s all about working with someone who knows how to guide you along the way — and that’s just what a life coach does (or should be doing).
Aside from that, life coaches can:
- Help you to set and reach goals
- Get you to understand what your current needs are
- Support you in becoming a more effective communicator
- Offer up a different perspective on matters
- Boost your self-esteem
- Reframe your negative thought patterns
- Reduce your stress levels and provide some mental and emotional stability
Yep, they can be bomb on a few different levels…as you can see.
What Are Some Questions You Should Ask Before Officially Hiring a Life Coach?
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Did you notice how on the chart above the first question, it said that life coaches don’t need to be certified or credentialed (which is actually similar to doulas, although some formal training in both fields is a good idea)? While that is indeed true, word on the street is that fact will be changing over the next few years. The reality is that as life coaches are growing in popularity (and let’s be real, they are competing strongly with therapists and counselors), many in the mental health field are standing up and saying that they should be required to have some sort of professional training. Whether their reasons are rooted in jealousy, pettiness, or accountability, this is where we are now, and honestly, there are some benefits to the soon-to-be mandate becoming the case.
Again, because life coaching is still not regulated en masse, anyone with an opinion and a website can call themselves a life coach. And while I won’t name no names (the list is quite frankly too long at this point anyway), a lot of these people aren’t coaches at all. How do I know? Because they don’t do what I just shared that life coaches are supposed to do — ask you the questions that will empower you to find your own answers (in a nutshell).
That’s why, before just paying for a life coaching seminar from someone who offers them on YouTube or TikTok or even hiring someone who was referred to you by someone else, be prepared to ask the following questions:
Are you certified and/or credentialed through an ICF-accredited school? ICF stands for the International Coaching Federation. It’s where the serious life coaches go to get qualified. Although you can find some outstanding coaches who didn’t go through ICF, if you do work with someone who did, you can be confident that they know what a life coach is actually supposed to do and that they’ve been trained in exactly how to do it.
How long have you been working as a life coach? Even if they aren’t certified or credentialed, it helps to work with someone who has some experience underneath their belt. Try not to just take their word for it, either. Ask them if they have some referrals who would be willing to personally vouch for them.
What is your niche? Although a niche is not necessary, it can be beneficial to work with someone who has a “specialty.” For instance, I study marriage on a daily basis, like someone is paying me a million dollars annually to do it, and that has been the case since my 20s. So yeah, my niche is marriage with a subset of dating and relationships, first and foremost. At this point, even though I’ve never been married before (half of all marriages end in divorce, so don’t automatically assume that married folks are full of marriage wisdom just because they’re married…feel me?), there are husbands and wives who will send couples my way because they know how engrossed into the topic of marriage (including intel, stats, books, podcasts, studies, etc.) that I am. Can I also “life coach someone” into making a decision about their finances? Sure, because, again, it’s about knowing what kind of questions to ask. Yet am I better at helping folks with their marriage? Hands down, because it is my “lane.”
Do we have to work together in an office, or are there other options? Most of my clients, we meet by phone. Mostly it’s because many of them are out of town; however, even with the ones who live in my city, I find that a phone call takes some of the pressure off when it comes to them not being stared down for an hour or more at a time. Either way, ask a potential life coach what session options they offer, including in-person, phone, or video chatting (like a Zoom meeting). Sometimes the convenience of chatting from home can make the experience well worth your while (even more so).
Do you plan on getting certified/credentialed at some point? I live in Music City (the real ones know where that is), and so, since Tennessee is leading the charge in people having some formal/professional training, that’s a part of the reason why, even with almost 20 years of experience in working with married couples (and even getting referrals from therapists and pastors), I decided to recently get certified/credentialed as a holistic life coach and trauma recovery coach as well (I will be certified in both by May and credentialed by late fall).
However, if you are working with someone who isn’t certified or credentialed and has no plans on becoming that way, it can’t hurt to ask why. Again, there are some folks who are great without the training — yet knowing the method to their madness can prove to be highly beneficial.
How Much Should You Expect to Pay?
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Personally, I don’t charge as much as I should. I know it. My instructors say it. Other coaches in my life berate me about it. I’ve honestly heard it enough that it’ll probably change by the end of the year. And while I won’t put my own rates on blast (email me at missnosipho@gmail.com if you’re curious/interested), what I will say is the current going rate for life coaches typically averages somewhere between $75-200/hr.
Usually, what I will do is charge half of that amount for the first session to see if a potential client and myself would be a good fit but different life coaches approach the initial meeting in a variety of ways. Just make sure that you ask all of the questions that will make you feel comfortable about moving forward, and don’t feel bad about “interviewing” several before making a final decision.
How Long Should Working with a Life Coach Last?
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Last point. Remember how I said towards the top of this article that life coaching tends to be a shorter-term type of (professional) relationship? Because the ultimate goal of life coaching is to help you to find the answers within yourself that you need for your current and/or future decisions, oftentimes, you may not need more than a few sessions.
On the other hand, some life coaches will assess your situation (it’s normal for them to either give you an intake form) and then recommend a three, six, or 12-month commitment. Bottom line, life coaching really shouldn’t require a super long dynamic — unless you, as the client, would like for it to be that way (for instance, if you have several different things that you would like to be assisted with/supported in).
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Hopefully, I was able to provide you with some insights into the world of life coaching so that you now have a better understanding of what one is and how one could serve you. Plus, now you know that whenever you hear someone call them a coach, you have a proper guideline to go by.
Even though I happen to be one (which does make me a lil’ bit biased), I think everyone could benefit from seeing a life coach at least a couple of times in their lifetime. After all, anything that encourages you to think for yourself in ways that you never had before is definitely not time or money wasted. Straight up.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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