Lauren London Gives Advice On Healing & Reveals Where She Is In Love
Since the passing of Nipsey Hussle, Lauren London has been more focused on herself, her family, and God. The beloved actress was starring in a new show, Games People Play, on BET, and she and the West Coast rhymer just appeared on the cover of GQGQ in February 2019 before his life was cut short on March 31, 2019. Nipsey was gunned down in front of his The Marathon Clothing store by Eric Holder Jr. and the assailant was recently convicted of first-degree murder and two counts of attempted voluntary manslaughter.
Lauren hasn’t spoken out much since the death of her son’s father but it appears that she is slowly starting to get back to the grind. In 2021, she starred alongside Michael B. Jordan in the Amazon Prime film Tom Clancy’s Without Remorse and she will be starring in the upcoming Netflix comedy with Nia Long, Eddie Murphy, and more.
The mother of two was the first guest on Angie Martinez’s new podcast Angie Martinez IRL and she opened up about her healing process since Nipsey’s death, her relationship with God, and what love looks like for her in the future.
Lauren Shares Advice on How to Help People Who Experience the Death of a Loved One
“I think just sitting with someone. I felt like the people who came to just be with me and sometimes I think just holding space. It’s hard because when your friend or someone you love is going through something, you naturally wanna fix it. And this is not something to fix, it’s something to go through with someone so you just roll with them. You sit with them. You hold space with them. You hug them. You feed them. You may be [trying] not to say something to make them feel better because it’s really nothing that can make them feel better. Just hold the space for them and just be there.”
Lauren on How Food Can Be Healing
“One of the greatest things that I learned that I’m still learning is that food really helps with depression. I’m an emotional eater so my weight fluctuates so I get sad and want to eat a Twix or pizza and stuff like that but it would make me more depressed. I love Twix. But then I would learn that higher vibrational foods–I wasn’t so down. I wasn’t so deep in my depression so that’s one of the things that I’m still trying to apply.”
Lauren on Being Proud of Herself
“There was a time that I couldn’t even take a shower. There was a time I didn’t even laugh and I remember feeling so dark like am I ever going to laugh? Am I really going to–something really makes me chuckle, genuinely? And I have laughed and I take a lot of showers…I was really in a dark place and I am someone who doesn’t just feel it. I go in it. I’m just proud that I’m not where I was three years ago.”
Lauren on How Her Sons Have Been Dealing with the Passing of Nipsey Hussle
“Theirs shows up in different ways. Kids internalize everything until they get in their teens so I’m trying my best to help them cultivate how to deal with their emotions as best as I can through therapy. And I try to be an example. They see me meditate. They come with me on my spiritual retreats.–Anything that I do that feeds my soul, I share with them because I feel like I don’t know where they’re gonna go with their life but as long as they have the tools like, ‘I remember when my mom was angry or stressed, she did this, let me try that.’ They’re doing great; much better now.”
Lauren on the Legacy She Wants to Leave
“I would love to leave generational wealth for my grandkids and I would like to have a sweet place in everyone’s heart that I met.”
Lauren on Representing Nipsey’s Legacy
“We share a 5-year-old so I have to. But I’m very big on integrity and honor naturally. So, I’m always gonna intend to hold myself up and have integrity in what I do and honor in what I do and try to always think about what would Hussle do if it was me.”
Lauren on How She Developed a Relationship with God after Nip’s Death
“I remember hearing people used to say you don’t really have a relationship until you question God and I had a lot of questions afterward. Real ones. I prayed really hard when I heard he had got shot, so then I felt like, oh my prayer didn’t work? So prayer didn’t work and then I was like what’s really going on? Why? How? I felt like God dropped the ball on me. That’s how I felt. I took it real personal and then I started to feel like, why not you? Why not you, girl? Who are you? Women go through this daily. Why not you? And so then I had to get out of my ego and then my relationship started.”
Lauren on Where She Is With Love and Dating
“A lot of times, not all of the time, we are in so much of our ego that we’re in possession of another person. We’re not experiencing them. We’re not totally loving them and letting them be free. We think we’re supposed to be together forever and that’s not a spiritual relationship. Spiritual relationship is without the ego. It is we are together, I bring you up, inspire you, you inspire me. Now, if there ever comes a point where I’m not inspired anymore and now in my ego, I feel like I need to possess you. Now I feel the need to control you and your mind. I’m in my ego and that’s not love. There’s love in there but now I’m operating more in my ego and not my pure love. And I can say this because I’ve operated from these spaces before.”
“Nobody is yours unless the agreement is we’re gonna experience earth a little bit longer than some. I just don’t feel the need to participate in my ego and someone else in theirs anymore. And I’ve experienced pure love. I’m not without pure love. I might not ever be married but I experienced pure love and that’s with Nip. I got to see that on Earth. I don’t need to do that again. I like to feel enlightenment with God. Now, like I said I don’t know when I’m 50, 60, 70, but 37, I’m good.”
Angie Martinez IRL Podcast | We're All Gonna Die: Lauren London
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TW: some depictions of intrusive thoughts may be disturbing for readers.
Have you ever caught your mind drifting off to entertain the most disturbing scenarios imaginable? Maybe you can’t stop thinking of all the ways a loved one could pass away or worrying that you left every candle lit in your apartment to which you’d return to a home in ruins. If distressing ruminations like these have crossed your mind, you may be experiencing an intrusive thought.
What Are Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted or distressing thoughts, images, or impulses that pop into your mind without your control or consent. These thoughts can be repetitive, unsettling, or even violent in nature, and can cause anxiety and frustration for those who experience them.
“Generally they're unwanted thoughts that come up in our head that interrupt what we're doing or thinking, and can feel very foreign,” says Adia Gooden, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist and host of the Unconditionally Worthy podcast. “It’s any thought that intrudes or interrupts what you are doing. They can be distressing and upsetting for us because it feels like we are not in control of them, and they're coming up out of nowhere and aren’t in line with how you normally think.”
What Causes Intrusive Thoughts?
Certain trauma or stress can contribute to the development of intrusive thoughts, so having a challenging experience from the past or current life situations may trigger them to form. “An intrusive thought could come in the form of a flashback, image, or a thought about something that's happened to you,” Dr. Gooden tells xoNecole. “When it gets to the point where you feel like you can't function or make clear decisions, that's when intrusive thoughts become really challenging.”
While some of the 1 billion videos found under the #intrusivethoughts hashtag on TikTok would lead you to believe that these thoughts are nothing more than casual displays of our imagination going untamed. Intrusive thoughts are more than sticking your hand in a soap dispenser, wanting to cut all your hair off at 3 a.m., or having a random impulse to eat fake bread in public.
The Anxiety & Depression Association of America reports that approximately six million individuals, equating to roughly two percent of the American population, encounter intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are often linked with obsessive-compulsive disorders, but they can also manifest in individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, or anxiety.
Examples of Common Intrusive Thoughts
Because of the explicit nature of intrusive thoughts, they tend to cause shame and internal conflict in those who experience them. Although these thoughts can differ from person to person, these ideation can consist of:
- Violent or aggressive thoughts towards oneself or others, such as harming or killing someone;
- Sexual thoughts that are unwanted or inappropriate;
- Repetitive thoughts, such as a song or a phrase that keeps repeating in your mind;
- Contamination or germ-related thoughts or the fear of contamination and getting sick;
- Religious or blasphemous thoughts, such as questioning one's faith or having thoughts that go against religious beliefs;
- Doubts or uncertainty about one's own actions or decisions, such as fear of making a mistake or fear of not doing something right.
Intrusive Thoughts and OCD
That’s why Dr. Gooden encourages everyone to understand the difference between our fleeting thoughts and impulses and true, intrusive thoughts. “What level of distress does it cause and is it something you would never consider,” she says. “If you're finding that these thoughts are getting in the way of you living your life and that you're controlled by the thoughts, those are some signs that it would be good to get some support in navigating it.”
She also emphasizes the importance of understanding that while we may not always have control over our thoughts, we can control our behavior. “On TikTok, people are sort of blaming intrusive thoughts on their behavior, and our behavior is always a choice,” she says. “If we are in our right mind and we're not having a psychotic episode, our behavior is our choice — we are not obligated to follow any given thought that we have.”
Are Intrusive Thoughts Normal?
With intrusive thoughts, it’s natural to question whether these thoughts are “normal” to have. However, these thoughts are not meant to define who you are as a person but simply indicate that you have a functioning human mind with automated thoughts that you, or any of us, can’t control. These thoughts may come, but they don’t have to be acted upon, nor do they define who you are.
“I've worked with clients in the past who say, ‘Why am I thinking these things? What's wrong with me?’ But if you're not acting on the thought, then it's probably not a huge issue,” Dr. Gooden says. “If you are thinking a harmful thought towards yourself or someone else and you are making plans to act on that thought, then yes, we need to do something about it.”
How To Manage Intrusive Thoughts
If you are struggling with managing unwanted thoughts, Dr. Aida suggests taking these tips to help manage your mindset when they occur:
- "Recognize that it's a thought and thoughts are just thoughts. We often put a little bit too much weight on our thoughts, and that can create a lot of distress. But remember that thoughts are not facts."
- "Having a thought that's disturbing or upsetting doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't mean that you are suffering from a mental illness."
- "Sometimes the best thing you can do is say, 'Huh, that was an interesting thought. I'm going to let that go. That thought is not helpful for me right now."
- "Ask yourself: is this helpful? Is it helpful for me to buy into this thought and believe this thought? Asking that question can be really helpful because we are not at the mercy of our thoughts. If it's not helpful, you can let it go."
Intrusive thoughts can feel bizarre and foreign when they come up, but they aren't inherently "bad." Our minds can sometimes be filled with random and inappropriate thoughts, but that's what our stream of consciousness does: it thinks. Fortunately, we can release those thoughts at any moment; you don't have to follow through with them.
And ultimately, not every TikTok diagnosis is one that we should label ourselves with.
"It's important for people to acknowledge what they're experiencing but not run too quickly to diagnose themselves with some mental illness or disorder," Dr. Gooden advises. "It ends with confusion, and we miss the opportunity to understand the people who really do have that mental health challenge."
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