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KevOnStage And His Wife Melissa Don’t Want To Be “Relationship Goals”
Being married or in any type of long-term relationship takes intention and diligence. No one could tell you that better than comedian and social media personality KevOnStage (Kevin Fredericks) and his wife and partner Melissa.
You may have come across Kevin from one of his many hilarious videos where he’s breaking down the latest in pop culture and the social media zeitgeist. But now he and his wife have expanded on the topics they covered on their podcast The Love Hour in their recent New York Times best-selling book Marriage Be Hard: 12 Conversations to Keep You Laughing, Loving, and Learning with Your Partner.
In the book, the couple, who met and fell in love while they were in high school, put their favorite anecdotes and advice all in one place. xoNecole caught up with Kevin and Melissa to talk about writing the book, their relationship, and what it takes to make a long-term relationship work.
xoNecole: What inspired you all to write the book?
Kevin: I think, for me, I love social media and all of that, but I think a lot of times relationships get “relationship goalsy,” and people tend to not highlight what a practical, real relationship means. People were always calling us “relationship goals,” and I was like, ”Y'all need to understand…” For example, we did The Love Hour: Real Comedians Tour, and there were some times that, before we went on stage, we would have just gotten into an argument and we would have to go out and perform. And I think we just wanted to kind of pull the curtain back, I guess, and give people, or let people know, like, don't, don't idolize us in that sense because we are going through it just like anybody else is going through it, and here's how we're getting through it. As opposed to, “our marriage is so perfect all the time, this is so great, we're on vacation, never get in arguments. We never argue. We've been together since we were high school sweethearts and haven't had a problem the whole time.” We want to give people a real life look through how you stay together for 20 years and what tips and tricks and being required to get here.
xoNecole: When Kevin first decided to leave his nine-to-five to pursue comedy, how did that impact your marriage and how did y'all get through that?
Melissa: I think that when Kev left his nine- to- five – and I would even go back to even when we decided to move to California – all of that had an impact I don't think we realize until a few years later. So, I would say that is something that we’re still kind of working through and I would say that the biggest way to overcome that has been therapy. We’ve done what’s called the emotional focus therapy.
Emotionally focused therapy is really, really great because…since we’ve been in the love and relationship space and I’ve read a lot of books and listened to a lot of podcasts, you can intellectualize things a lot [rather than letting your response] sit in your feelings. So, one of the things our therapist specifically [says] is “don’t focus on ‘I think,’ like those kinds of phrases, because you’re all up here in your mind. Instead go down in your heart and what is this making you feel? What are the impact of your words in terms of your feelings? And I just find that super, super beneficial for us. So, I would say that’s one of the ways we’re overcoming the unintended consequences from years ago.
Kevin: I think Melissa answered that one tremendously. This success has required sacrifice, I think is the easiest way to put it. I think too, we're, you know, doing well financially and able to help a lot of people, but it didn't come without some wounds and scars that kind of were really put on display by the pandemic. Like, we really had to confront them starting in 2020. I think we've been doing that kind of therapy work since then, off and on, but more consistently over the last six months to a year.
There were well-intentioned things that each of us did that the other person didn't necessarily take as well-intentioned as they were meant to be. And I think not understanding each other's motivation led to some resentment that we are now figuring out how that got there and how to not go down that path again and how to kind of heal some of those wounds.
xoNecole: And what were some of the sacrifices you made Kevin?
Courtesy of Kevin and Melissa Fredericks
Kevin: I honestly feel like I made many sacrifices. I feel like Melissa made a lot of sacrifices that allowed me to succeed. I always think about the gymnast that’s learning, that’s practicing. They have this safety net or they have like the foam pit and they can go as high as they want and they know that they won’t get hurt in the process and then the world actually sees them at the performance. And I think that’s how Melissa has been to me. She’s been that safety net. Her holding down a full-time job when I got fired [from my bank job] allowed us to cover the bills, and allowed me to even do stand-up comedy and content. And for the longest, she was the safety net of consistent income, healthcare, all that type of stuff and that allowed me to chase those dreams.
xoNecole: What did you learn while writing that was a surprise to you about your relationship?
Kevin: I don’t do a good job at reflecting. I never do that. With anything – good or bad. And I think the book requires you to go back to the very genesis of our relationship even prior to marriage, years one through three, year five, prior to LA. People only know us from the last seven, eight years with the eruption of [my social media content] KevOnStage, since we moved to LA. But we were in Washington, DC 13 years prior to that, from 16 to 29. So that’s a bigger part of our relationship and we are always in the present looking forward as opposed to looking backward and when you write that book, you go back and relieve those things that at the time they were happening that’s all you can think of. But the combination of the book and therapy was like a one-two punch because our therapist was requiring the same thing of us.
This interview has been edited and condensed.
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This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Here’s How To Start Running As A Beginner, According To An Expert
As the summer heats up, so does the desire to participate in outdoor activities that keep you moving and connected to others. Among these extracurriculars, running checks all the boxes.
If you look anywhere on TikTok, you might think that just about everyone is running these days. It only takes a few scrolls before you stumble across someone taking their viewers along for 10-mile runs or trading dating apps for run clubs.
Running is beginner-friendly, requires little investment, and offers a number of mental and physical health benefits, so it’s clear why the sport has become the hottest new hobby to participate in. And if you’re one of the countless individuals inspired to lace up your shoes and hit the pavement, you might be looking for a few practical tips to start your own running journey.
"The most important thing you can do for yourself as a runner or someone who's interested in starting to run is being consistent," Ashlee Green, co-founder of RUNGRL, a digital-first community for Black women distance runners, tells xoNecole.
When Green first began her running journey, she recalls never quite seeing herself as a runner “and certainly not an athlete.” It wasn’t until she moved to Chicago and worked for the city’s Nike store that her views on the sport began to expand. “I had a friend who ran, I had access to shoes, I had access to the Lakefront,” which eventually became her personal track.
A move to Washington, D.C., led to her joining a local running club, District Running Collective, which not only solidified running as a core part of her wellness practice but a cornerstone to building community.
“Community is absolutely what helped me to feel like I was an athlete and an actual runner,” she says. “It was through the opportunity to both show up as a community member and, over time, as a community leader, that deepened my commitment to the sport for myself and the impact that it would have on other people.”
Through RUNGRL, Green has since created a supportive environment along with her co-founder that encourages beginners to start where they are, grow in their journey alongside like-minded women, and “ultimately inspire more Black women to get and stay moving.”
To help get your running journey off on the right foot, Green spoke with xoNecole to provide the best tips for building stamina, finding a run club that fits your needs, and becoming the runner you desire to be.
Consistency Is Key.
“I feel like there's this sort of general, societal understanding that running must be easy, but it's not,” she says. “What does help it become easier is when you're consistent and committed to showing up for yourself and the miles on a consistent basis.”
“That doesn't mean you need to be running six or seven days a week. But what it does mean is that you’re committed to twice a week, three times a week, or whatever works for you and your schedule,” she adds. “Move your body and find ways to build up the stamina and the endurance you’re seeking because everybody's journey is different.”
Find an Accountability Partner.
“Having your ‘gworls’ with you makes it a lot easier,” Green says. “Somebody who can go through the experience with you, talk about how you're feeling, and tell you that your hair still looks great even though you're out there sweating. Having friends along the way, I have found, has made the journey better. Everything is better with your girls.”
Set a Personal Goal.
Green tells us, “Signing up for a race or just having an end goal and something to work towards makes it easier to build a plan or establish consistency because you’re working towards something specific.”
“Whether you want to run a mile by a certain day or sign up for this 5k, setting those types of goals helps you to have something to look forward to and work towards.”
Comparison Is the Thief of Joy.
“A lot of the times on the internet, we see success stories and people crossing the finish line, but running hardly ever looks like that all the time,” she says. “Most of the time, it sucks. I don't always physically enjoy the act of running, but what I do enjoy and appreciate, is what it brings and will continue to bring to my life: movement, wellness, community, accountability, and representation.”
“You don't have to compare yourself to the next person — you don't know what they're going through off of Instagram. One foot in front of the other is all that you can control, and that's all that you should feel beholden to in your process.”
Choosing the Best Run Club for You.
Green advises, “Seek out the groups, the clubs, and the crews that are into running for community, accountability, and creating safe spaces for people like us. This particular boom is really interesting, and it's trending around dating and things like that, which, in my opinion, takes away the feelings of safety and showing up because I want to be well and better myself.”
“So seek out groups that are in it for the right reasons as you are in search of your best self,” she adds.
Adopt a Healthy Mindset.
“One of the things that I often tell myself is, ‘You can do hard things.” Another one that RunGurl says all the time, “If you run a mile, you can do anything,” Green says. “One thing that I find myself saying when I’m actively running is, “No matter where you are on the run, you can do anything for 10 minutes. You can do anything for five minutes. You can do anything for however much longer you have to go. It's only a set amount of time left, but I can do it, I can show up for myself, and I will get through it.”
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