Why I Decided To Get Lip Injections
There's a common misperception surrounding beauty standards and the black woman. Historically, black women have been the "purveyors of curves," which includes our thick thighs, small waists, big butts, big breasts, and full lips. I would say I have 4 out of 5. But just like all of us aren't naturally blessed with an abundance of tits and ass, all of us aren't blessed with a Kerry Washington pout. While many women of color are fortunate to naturally be shaped like a "brick house" with body and lips galore, not everyone has that genetic makeup. It was one of the reasons I found myself sitting in the doctor's office last December, waiting to get lip injections. Yes, you read that right, lip injections.
I'm not sure where my dislike for my lips began – or if I would even call it a "dislike." I think I first started noticing I wasn't happy with them four years ago. It was January 2014 and my shoulder-length hair, that I had long associated with being a woman, had fallen out after trusting the wrong stylist. Without my hair, I became more aware of my face shape and the strength of my features. I looked more androgynous and felt that, along with my hair, my femininity now evaded me.
Lip injections wasn't the first place that my mind went to help me feel a little more womanly.
I started with my brows. As an entertainment journalist who does a lot of on-camera celebrity interviews at press junkets and the like, I had begun to feel like something was missing. After failing miserably a handful of times to fill in my brows myself, a makeup artist suggested I look into microblading, a process that would permanently fill in my brows. Call me naive but it was shocking to me to learn that many people were waking up with full brows as the result of microblading. After researching the procedure, I had my brows tattooed (known as "powder brow") in July 2016.
With my hair slowly growing back and my new eyebrows on fleek, I was also interested in fuller lips in hopes of looking less androgynous and more feminine. It was around that time that I started seeing fuller lips start to trend, so much so that every cosmetic brand seemed to be coming out with their own version of an "injection gloss," promising fuller lips. I have lips, but I wouldn't have minded them being a little more pronounced.
Out of curiosity, I purchased several of these glosses, but quickly discovered they were just a gimmick and a waste of money.
Still, I tried to be content with my small lips and I looked for "natural" remedies for fuller lips, which included homemade concoctions like mixing coconut oil with cayenne pepper.
I quickly grew tired of trying to mix potions in the kitchen, so I decided to up the ante and look into more long-term options for fuller lips. I had known about lip fillers for a minute, but admittedly, I second-guessed my desire to have them as a real possibility because I was convinced it was something black women didn't "do."
But, I found a handful of beauty vloggers online that were women of color that showed me differently. Dymond Goods, AliyahsFace, and DollFaceBeautyx were all transparent about their journeys and experiences with lip fillers. And their transparency helped to further affirm that I wanted my lips done too.
New year, new lips was the motto. I made my appointment for December 19 at LaserAway in Santa Monica where, one of the beauty vloggers that inspired my decision, Dymond Goods, had gotten her lips done. As I sat with the ice pack on my mouth and waited for the nurse to prep the needle, I thought briefly about the harsh comments I'd probably be met with for choosing to be candid about my experience:
"But your lips were fine…"
"You should just be happy with what God gave you…"
"Embrace your natural beauty…"
"You're black, your lips are already full!"
"You must not love yourself if you would alter yourself…"
I believe it's semantics to say it's "okay" to take a needle to permanently put ink on your body or holes through your ears, nose or belly button, yet it's abhorrent to take a needle with a natural acid that's also used medically to temporarily enhance your lips.
Note: lip fillers are not permanent.
The product used was Juvederm Ultra, which is made of hyaluronic acid, a naturally occurring component within your body.
So, lip injections only last about six months to a year as the product dissolves and your lips will return to their normal size if you choose not to get a refill. The time it takes for the product to dissolve is also dependent upon how much is used in the procedure. I only used half a syringe because I didn't want my lips to look obnoxiously obvious. But the results are so subtle that my roommate who's been my friend for over ten years hasn't noticed.
Weeks later, I confidently say that I plan to go back to LaserAway to finish the syringe. Having gone through the thirty-minute process once and the pain of the needle being a 5 out of 10, I think my lips can be even fuller.
Left - Before Lip Injections, Right - After Lip Injections
In speaking with Dymond prior to my procedure about criticism she's received online, she poignantly reiterated that "Self-improvement isn't self-hate," and I wholeheartedly agree.
There was once a time when I was self-conscious about my skin tone and my weight, but I'm so elated to have come to a really great space of self-love. Long before the lip injections, I came to a place of wholeness where I began to walk into a room with a big blonde afro, red lipstick and my best accessory, my self-confidence.
Just like my eyebrows, fuller lips simply help to further accentuate my look, it's an accessory.
Regardless of what objections others may have, I encourage you to do whatever helps you to feel like your best self. Sometimes it's as simple as getting your hair done, beating your face, or buying designer clothes. Other times feeling like your best self may be a more invasive process like braces to fix a crooked smile, and for others it's liposuction or breast implants.
Regardless of what your "fix" may be, we have one life to live, do whatever makes you happy.
Would you consider getting lip injections? Why or why not? Sound off in the comment section below.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images