

I usually pride myself on being a healthy person. I consistently eat the right foods, stay hydrated, and work out four times a week. It wasn't until this year that I realized I may not be as healthy as I thought. I was devastated and I still am. For me, the key symptom was my inability to lose weight. This went on for eight months and continues to go on.
No matter how much I kept a clean diet, burned calories, and tracked my macros, the weight would not move. It seemed so simple – eat right, do cardio, and lift weights. At least, that's what we're told. It's what we read and see on our social media feeds. My personal trainer was patient yet frustrated. And I was even more frustrated and had no patience. Nothing he did, or I did was working.
For months there was no progress or results. I could not understand it. I thought to myself, You can’t tell me I’m going to be stuck weighing 180 pounds for the rest of my life, it makes no sense. Something is wrong with my body.
In February 2022, my primary care physician referred me to an endocrinologist. It was then I learned about the role of hormones in our bodies. Of course, I know about reproductive hormones at a basic level. At my big age of 37, you would think I would understand that other hormones regulate our entire body. But I didn't know until I did.
After extensive blood work, the results showed I was insulin resistant and diagnosed with metabolic syndrome. Now, what does this mean? It means that the cells in my muscles, fat, and liver don't respond well to insulin and can't use the glucose from my blood as energy. Therefore, I store fat instead of burning fat. As a result, my body overproduces the insulin hormone.
What I understood was that I'm metabolically messed up. I now have what is known as a hormonal imbalance.
Since I learned of my diagnosis, I started doing all the things to begin to heal myself. When I learned I had uterine fibroids, I changed my diet. I reduced the intensity of my workouts. But because I have fibroids coupled with a hormonal imbalance - this still wasn’t enough. My body was completely unresponsive. I desperately scrolled the 'gram trying to learn more about hormones and what I could do to balance my hormones.
I started following every single hormone coach and functional doctor I came across. A friend of mine slid into my DMs and sent me the profile of Dr. Jolene Brighten. Dr. Brighten is a board-certified naturopathic endocrinologist, clinical sexologist, and leader in women's medicine. She is known for educating women on hormones through a variety of resources and uncovering the root causes of hormonal imbalances in women.
Let’s take a closer look at what a hormonal imbalance is, the symptoms, the types of hormonal imbalances, and how to balance your hormones through natural practices.
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What Is a Hormonal Imbalance?
Did you know our body produces over 50 different hormones that contribute to how our body functions? I did not. A hormonal imbalance occurs when the body has too much or too little of one or more hormones. When this happens, it can lead to different medical conditions.
According to Dr. Brighten, "Many women experience hormonal imbalances that manifest in menstrual cycle issues. Irregular periods, for example, can be due to elevated testosterone, which is common among women with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Hypothyroidism, when there is too little thyroid hormone, can result in heavy periods, long cycles, irregular periods, and failure to ovulate. PMS, heavy periods, and breast tenderness can be due to lower levels of progesterone, which creates a state in which the tissues can be stimulated by estrogen."
Symptoms of hormonal imbalances vary. An article by the Cleveland Clinic states that if a hormonal imbalance affects your metabolism, you might experience fatigue, constipation, diarrhea, depression, anxiety, dry skin and hair, high cholesterol levels, unexplained weight gain or weight loss, skin tags, and extreme thirst.
Sex hormone imbalance symptoms include acne, hair loss, heavy periods, excess body hair, hot flashes, infertility, irregular periods, loss of interest in sex, and vaginal dryness.
How to Diagnose a Hormonal Imbalance
Hormonal imbalances are discovered by testing specific hormones and other markers through a series of blood tests. I lost count of how many times I drew blood from my veins this year. For me getting a proper diagnosis seemed like the most discouraging thing. My doctors were not listening to me. I was told, "Your lab results are perfect. You are healthy," except I wasn't. And I knew it. I mean if I was, my body would not be fighting my efforts to lose weight."
In addition to unexplained weight loss or weight gain, symptoms of a hormonal imbalance can include tachycardia (or a slow or rapid heartbeat), constipation, fatigue, anxiety, depression, high levels of blood cholesterol, and even diarrhea. If you are experiencing these symptoms, Dr. Brighten advises seeing a "primary care physician, gynecologist, or naturopathic physician who can help you in troubleshooting hormonal symptoms. If they are significant, that may warrant a referral to an endocrinologist."
It Starts With Your Diet
The saying "you are what you eat" is true. Foods play a vital role in our health. What we put into our bodies ultimately dictates how our body functions. I personally have eliminated the foods that cause inflammation and may make my symptoms worse. In Dr. Brighten's book, Is This Normal, she mentions that, "Women should include nutrient-dense foods that provide us protein, fat, and fiber at each meal. This trifecta helps stabilize blood sugar, while also keeping us full and our bowels regular. Because many women experience menstrual cramps, I often recommend focusing on increasing omega-3 fatty acids in the diet, while decreasing omega-6, the latter can make cramps worse."
Some foods that women with hormonal imbalances are encouraged to avoid are caffeine, sugar, alcohol, red meat, soy, dairy, processed foods, gluten, fried foods, and white carbs (potatoes, pastries, white rice, or white bread). These foods may cause inflammation and worsen current symptoms. When I removed these foods from my diet, there was such a big difference in my skin, energy, and my period. Not to mention, my fibroids have not grown any bigger either.
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Prioritize Lifestyle Changes
When it comes to lifestyle changes, we automatically think of food and exercise alone. While nutrition and movement are daily essentials, we often neglect the role sleep, stress, mental health, and other environmental factors play in our health in general. It really is a holistic practice to heal the body, let alone hormones. Women must consider every aspect of their bodies and health. I had to and I do daily. I’m in bed by 9 p.m. and my phone is on do not disturb.
"Making quality sleep and stress management a priority is a must," Dr. Brighten emphasizes. "Both of these issues can create problems for our hormone and metabolic system that makes it very difficult to maintain optimal hormone levels."
Did you know certain household products or home goods can contribute to your hormonal imbalance? One example is candles – they contain phthalates (usually found in scented candles) which are endocrine-disrupting chemicals. Endocrine-disrupting chemicals, or endocrine disruptors, mimic the body's hormones and can therefore interfere with the body's hormonal functions. While there has been some opposition to whether or not scented candles are truly harmful to you, Dr. Brighten says "removing endocrine-disrupting chemicals from your personal care products, cleaning supplies, and kitchen can have a tremendous impact on hormonal health."
For me, this meant switching to glass food containers, non-toxic cookware, clean beauty products, and a metal water bottle because plastics have synthetic estrogen in them.
Supplements Are Your Best Friend for Balancing Hormones
As a woman in her late 30s, I have learned vitamins are key. Vitamins help support the body and provide the nutrients I may not get enough of daily. I have a whole kitchen shelf dedicated to vitamins and supplements which I take daily. Multivitamins, vitamin C, fish oil, and biotin. Supplements to support your hormonal imbalance are dependent on the type of hormonal imbalance. Dr. Brighten believes "including supplements in a routine that is focused on nutrition and lifestyle changes can really move the needle with regards to your hormone goals."
She adds, "For estrogen issues, I often recommend DIM, sulforaphane, and Calcium D-Glucarate. When progesterone is the problem (which is common), I like to use Vitex and vitamin B6. Clinically, I've seen a lot of patients benefit from these, which is why we included them in our Balance Women’s Hormone Support formulation."
Healing a Hormonal Imbalance Naturally
Every woman and every hormonal imbalance is different. You have to be intentional and make a conscious effort to want to heal, which is what I am learning about myself. And while most struggle with making such a dramatic change to their life, for me it came with ease. I love a good time, but I value my health more. I jokingly tell my friends it all starts in your thirties. I swear. I don’t want to be on medication ever or have surgery for anything.
I had to learn acceptance. I had to accept my body was not functioning how it should, even though I looked healthy.
The lab results revealed the truth. And I know I’m one of many women that have a hormonal imbalance. It’s a common thing. But for me, it was a big deal and was a hard pill to swallow when you keep being told you’re healthy. I also had to accept that hormonal imbalances do not go away overnight. It takes time to get your hormones back at the right levels and stay there. Our hormone levels are constantly changing.
When asked how often women should test their hormones and how long it takes to correct a hormonal imbalance, Dr. Brighten states that "it really depends on what is going on. For example, with hypothyroidism that is treated with medication, we often retest 6-8 weeks following dosage changes. Once the thyroid levels are stabilized, we may only follow up every 6-12 months or if symptoms arise. My approach to testing is very individualized, as are most providers."
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If you think something in your body is off, don’t ignore the signs. It’s probably your hormones. The slightest symptom could be a sign of something more serious.
If you've been struggling with a hormonal imbalance, there is hope. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before. Any healing journey begins with forgiveness of self. I had to do this very thing.
Hormonal health is trending. And in 2022, women are taking control of their health by being their own advocates with the help of doctors like Dr. Jolene Brighten.
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Camille is a lover of all things skin, curls, music, justice, and wanderlust; oceans and islands are her thing. Her words inspire and her power is her voice. A California native with Trinidadian roots, she has penned personal essays, interviews, and lifestyle pieces for POPSUGAR, FEMI magazine, and SelfishBabe. Camille is currently creating a life she loves through words, self-love, fitness, travel, and empowerment. You can follow her on Instagram @cam_just_living or @written_by_cam.
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
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Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Once upon a time, I knew a married couple who told me that they wouldn’t even discuss with each other who they found to be attractive on television because, in their minds, that was a form of cheating. They’re divorced now, and although there are a series of reasons why, it was always strange to me that things were so restrictive within their relationship that they couldn’t even share a fleeting thought about how someone looked.
Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
Whenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
As I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
It’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
During the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
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Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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