I’ve said in other articles where I unpack the benefits that come with different kinds of herbal tea that I’m a huge fan of this type of beverage. If you’re not, I’m hoping that this article may convince you to become one because the reality is that tea comes with all kinds of proven health benefits. The reason is that whatever properties are in the herbs that you choose to make your tea from, that is going directly into your system — and since a little bit of raw honey or a teaspoon of brown sugar can make the experience that much sweeter…why not take advantage of all of the things that tea has to offer.
Take today, for example. Were you even aware of the fact that there are certain types of tea that will help to slow down the aging process so that you can extend the shelf life of your skin and your system altogether? Hey, it might sound too good to be true on the surface, but if you’ll give me just a few moments of your time, I’m pretty sure that I can convince you to indulge in at least one cup of tea this week. Ready?
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1. Black Tea
Did you know that black, white, green, and oolong teas are all related? Yep, they come from the leaves of the camellia sinensis plant. What makes them different is how they are processed. What makes black tea unique is the cells inside of it have been exposed to oxygen for an extended period of time. As far as health benefits go, black tea contains flavonoids that help to strengthen your heart, lower your blood sugar levels, and increase longevity. If you happen to have high cholesterol or a history of strokes in your family, black tea can reduce those issues too.
And what about aging? Some studies say that the flavonoids and polyphenols in black tea provide an “anti-wrinkle effect” when it comes to your skin. Plus, it can help to keep your gut in great shape which, indirectly, can help you to age more gracefully as well.
2. Jasmine Tea
Jasmine tea comes from the jasmine plant. It’s filled with antioxidants and is able to do everything from improve your brain function and reduce oral decay to help you lose weight and keep certain types of cancer cells from multiplying. Another cool thing about jasmine tea is, if you’re looking for a bit of a pick-me-up during the day, it can help to improve your mood.
Jasmine tea can also help to slow down the aging process because it contains something known as sesquiterpenoids; they have anti-aging properties as it relates to your brain, heart, and skin. Plus, jasmine tea has the compound EGCG in it, which helps to reduce stress levels, and since stress actually accelerates the aging process — well, anything that you can do to keep your stress levels down, the better off you and your system will ultimately be.
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3. Elderberry Tea
Another type of tea that is packed with antioxidants is elderberry tea. Since it also contains properties that help to decrease oxidative stress, reduce inflammation, keep UV rays at bay, and keep your heart healthy — it automatically qualifies as an anti-aging type of drink. Some studies also indicate that elderberry tea can fight obesity, and since that’s just one more thing that is directly related to speeding up the aging process, being intentional about keeping your weight in a healthy place is always a wise move.
4. Hibiscus Tea
The hibiscus plant creates a vibrant color that looks a lot like cranberry juice. The antioxidants in it will help to fight inflammation, lower your blood pressure and cholesterol levels, fight off bacteria, and detox your liver. This is also another tea that can help you manage your weight as well as your blood fat levels so that you are able to decrease your chances of ending up with heart disease later down the pike.
Since hibiscus tea is full of beta-carotene, a pigment that can inhibit the aging process of your tissues and organs — it’s definitely the kind of tea that will help you age beautifully…both inside and out.
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5. Oolong Tea
A traditional Chinese tea is oolong tea. It’s a great tea for diabetics. It’s a tea that keeps your brain and heart in good condition. It’s a tea that brings relief to eczema. The plant compounds in the tea can also help to reduce bodily inflammation and reduce depression-related symptoms. And since it does have caffeine in it, if you’re looking for a “midday spike” that features more benefits than coffee, oolong has you covered there, too.
Word on the street is that the antioxidants in oolong tea can brighten the skin, reduce fine lines, and even decrease the appearance of age spots — all good to know if you’re on a mission to keep a youthful glow to your skin for as long as you possibly can.
6. Clove Tea
Listen, if you ever find yourself with a toothache from the pits of hell, put some clove oil on it. I don’t know anything that numbs the pain as quickly as it will! A part of the reason is that cloves have the ability to powerfully disinfect the bacteria that lead to tooth decay in the first place. Aside from that, cloves can also help to clear up congestion, soothe a sore throat, decrease skin irritation, regulate blood sugar levels, and improve the health of your liver.
When it comes to aging gracefully, cloves also have antioxidants and anti-inflammatory properties that make it more difficult for aging signs to creep into your skin as well as your organs.
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7. Ginseng Tea
There are some pretty powerful antioxidants in the herb known as ginseng. What they do is help to boost cognitive function, reduce inflammation, fight fatigue, and increase energy levels and it can even help to naturally treat erectile dysfunction in some men. As a bonus, if the flu season seems to come for you each and every year, ginseng tea has been known to shorten the lifespan of the flu, too.
Oh, and if you want your “black not to crack” for as long as possible, ginseng can also help in that department. That’s because it is able to reduce oxidative stress and boost the production of collagen — at the same time. Dope.
8. Rooibos Tea
A tea that derives from South Africa, rooibos tea is a caffeine-free tea that contains properties that help to fight off free radicals, has antioxidants that are good for individuals with type 2 diabetes, and it’s able to lower your risk of cancer. Another dope thing about rooibos tea is it has the ability to raise your leptin levels. That’s a hormone that helps to monitor your food intake, which means that this tea is beneficial if you’re trying to shed a few pounds.
When it comes to aging gracefully, rooibos tea makes the cut because, especially if you use it as a topical skin rinse, it has properties in it that can help to fade the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles over time, when used consistently (a couple of times a week for a few months).
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9. Goji Berry Tea
Goji berry tea is a tea that’s made from steeping little red goji berries. A particular antioxidant that it has in it is zeaxanthin; it’s great at keeping your vision strong, fighting off free radicals, and reducing oxidative stress. Goji berry tea is also top-tier because it boosts immunity, fights off cancer cells, and stabilizes your blood sugar levels.
This tea makes this particular list because of two other age-related things. First, it has properties in it that help prevent sun damage and fine lines and wrinkles. Second, did you know that sleep deprivation is directly associated with accelerated biological aging? That said, goji berry tea can actually help you to fall and stay asleep at night — the more rested you are, the better you will look and feel.
10. Green Tea
And finally, there are almost countless reasons why you should add green tea to your overall healthcare regimen. The antioxidants in it help to prevent cellular damage. It helps to burn fat. It can boost your brain power. It helps to fight tooth decay. It even increases longevity — and that’s just the tip of the iceberg!
The reason why I’m rounding this article out with green tea is that, as far as aging goes, not only are there studies that cite green tea can help to keep your brain from aging, but it also contains properties that can repair damaged skin tissue; this means that your skin can look fresh and radiant for longer by consuming green tea. In fact, beauty-wise, green tea is so supreme that I wrote an article on several ways that you can use it for that purpose. Check out “You'll Totally Fall In Love With These Green Tea Beauty Hacks” when you get a chance.
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You know, Eartha Kitt once said, “Aging has a wonderful beauty, and we should have respect for that” — and I totally agree. So, I hope you get that the takeaway here isn’t to run from aging; after all, if you’re blessed, it is inevitable. My point is to apply these teas to your diet so that you can age, both inside and out, in the best ways possible.
Drink up and enjoy!
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Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
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One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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