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Gabrielle Union Says She Used To Date Light Skin Guys To Validate Her Worth
As a woman of a darker hue, I've always wondered why it always seemed less likely for me to be the object of certain men's affection and desire. Was it because I'm not thick with curves? Do I not fulfill the modelesque stature idealized by some guys because I'm barely 5'3"? But ever since I can remember, the back of my mind always screamed, "It's because you're dark-skinned."
Now, don't get me wrong, I love the skin I am in, but for a long time, it bothered me to think that I am placed outside of the dating pools of many men that, ironically, have the same complexion as me. Was it because of my own comfort in my skin color or is it something much deeper than that?
Recently, Gabrielle Union joined Ashley Graham on her podcast Pretty Big Deal with Ashley Graham. The two discussed everything from colorism, raising young black boys in today's world, and the concept of the code-switch.
The 45-year-old actress is consistently an open book when it comes to her life, and this time she opened up about her past experiences with learning to love her own dark skin and the effect it might have had on her own dark-skinned stepsons. Gabrielle mentions the fact that her boys and their friends may or may not have a subconscious preference for women who are of a lighter complexion. They recently had a much-needed conversation about the girls they chose to follow on Instagram and whether or not when they inevitably see girls that are the same complexion as they are, are they able to see their beauty in them and, in turn, within themselves. She says:
"We have to go a little deeper. What is it about your skin that you can't see a girl your skin color and see the beauty in her? Do you see the beauty when you look in the mirror? Because for me, I feel like you're projecting feelings you have about yourself onto these young women, in erasing them, and ignoring them, and not seeing their beauty."
In the conversation, Gabrielle also addressed a point in her life where she only dated light skin men as if it were a badge of honor to gain their affection. Presumably, her lack of confidence in her own skin needed to be pumped up by the affection of a man who might not normally date a woman darker than he was. Her inability to self-validate in her youth served as a catalyst to discuss with her stepsons the importance of seeing beauty in themselves and everyone else around them. She reveals:
"I somehow thought I was more visible and real and valid and worthwhile if a light skin boy found me attractive. Like it was somehow negating my darkness, and in the reverse, what is it about what you see in yourself that makes you erase these young women. I want you to be able to see that women are beautiful in every shade, shape, race, ethnicity, religion – along the spectrum there is beauty. And right now, I'm seeing a very, very, very narrow scope of beauty."
It's no secret that Gabrielle Union is an awesome bonus mom to her husband Dwyane Wade's sons. During their discussion, the L.A.'s Finest star goes into more detail about her very real fear surrounding the boys' safety in an increasingly volatile world, why their privilege doesn't translate when they are outside of the confines of their home, and what she is teaching them about interacting with authority figures in traditionally white spaces. She says:
"It's terrifying… it's terrifying. Once they're old enough to move around without being physically tethered to you, you just hope they come back. You know all the obstacles they could face in any given day. You know how their skin has been demonized and criminalized and weaponized, especially in Florida. Any one of my neighbors can kill my kid and get away with it and say, 'I was afraid.' That alone is terrifying...
"...there's a certain level of privilege and entitlement that they've been raised with – but that won't matter. You don't walk around with your parents' credit scores and their bank accounts on your forehead. You are just occupying space in a black body in traditionally white spaces. You cannot respond to authority figures, police officers, our neighbors' security officers, teachers in the same way your friends can. And it's that proximity to whiter or lighter privilege that they can see that is infuriating to them."
Ashley then asks her how are they raising their sons to be strong black men. Gabrielle acknowledges that while she is still trying to figure it out, she also wants them to never shrink themselves to please anyone else while doing whatever it is they need to do to return to their family safely if confronted by an aggressive encounter with an authority figure.
"That is the question, right? I haven't figured it out. What we do, which is part of what makes me fearful, is 'You are a strong, proud, beautiful, intelligent, world global citizen. Stand in that knowledge. Be proud of that. Own that space. Don't shrink for anybody.' But in the same breath, when you are in the presence of the police, if acting subservient will bring you home, you do whatever it takes to come home and then you let me whoop somebody's ass."
In her book We're Going To Need More Wine, Gabrielle discusses growing up in a very white world in which she feared others seeing and recognizing her blackness. This feeling transitioned when she used to visit with her grandmother's side of the family and being framed by her own family as "white". This combination led to real identity issues that took her many years to overcome.
Ashley posed the question of what she would she tell young Black girls struggling with similar feelings of not being good enough or too black or not black enough. She reveals:
"It's a journey to worthy, right? … I tell people first and foremost, 'Baby, you are worthy from birth. You are worthy as a thought. You are worthy as a zygote. So, as you move through the world, do not be afraid of taking up space. Do not be afraid of living your most authentic life. I get code-switching because I do it all the time, but you don't have to. Whatever your authentic voice is, that's what you ride with. You don't have to switch it up to be something to everyone because you will end up being nothing to you."
In addition to feeling the need to code-switch, as Black women, we also have to contend with the perception of perfection. What does it mean to be the "ideal" Black person? Who came up with this equation in the first place? To me, there is no measure to what a "real" Black person has to be. For others, people are ready to quantify your Blackness based on a list of things that would be highly impossible to adhere to at all times. For Gabrielle, regardless of your level of blackness, you are worthy and your journey is real. She tells Ashley:
"The other day I was talking about the performance of perfection. And we have this idea of what a 'perfect' black person is, and white folks have this idea of what a perfect black person is, which is usually a mute or somebody that amplifies white supremacy – that centers white supremacy. And I have been that person. And in my own community, this idea that you have to be the wokest, dopest, most natural-hair-wearing-est, most fully evolved, educated formed person at all times – it's impossible because we're all on this journey. And no matter where you are on that journey, you are a dope person, you are a worthy person, and who you are as a black person wherever you are on that journey is real and valid. However, you sound, that's okay too."
Colorism is a real thing that seeps into nearly every aspect of our culture, whether we like it or not. The truth is, without the proper amount of self-love, anyone can become susceptible to "only dating light skin" people, improper and unjustified run-ins with authority figures, fears of not being "black enough", and a host of other nuances that permeate our society. Until everyone is able to see the value in every person that walks this earth, we will forever be on an uphill battle.
It is important that as a community, we continue to promote love for all colors and hues, and uplift every young person enough to know and recognize the beauty reflecting back at them from the mirror. Maybe I am optimistic, but self-love and the promotion of diversity is an important step in overcoming the scourge that is colorism and racism.
To watch the entire podcast, click here.
Featured image by Sean Zanni/Getty Images
Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
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When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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