RELATED
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
If that is you, this year, I want you to consider taking a different approach. Instead of low-key loathing the day because your romantic status isn’t what you would perhaps prefer, why not use this as a time to go “boysober.”
Never heard of that before? Let me break it down so that you can perhaps end up having one of your best Valentine’s Days to date.
First, What Does It Mean to Be Sober?
GiphyIt’s kind of sad that pretty much the only thing that (most) people think about whenever the word “sober” enters the chat, is someone who isn’t drunk off of alcohol because it definitely has a lot more meanings than that. To be sober is to be serious. To be sober is to be subdued. To be sober is to be self-controlled (that’s a really good one). To be sober is to be rational and even sane. Synonyms for sober include words like calm, restrained, steady, and — check it — abstinent (we’ll circle around to that in just a minute).
So, really, well beyond having one too many, when the phrase “sober up” comes up, as you can see, that can go so many different directions — and that is why, for the most part, I actually support the made-up word that’s currently getting its fair share of traction these days: BOYSOBER.
Next, What Does It Mean to Be “Boysober”?
GiphyI like to give credit where credit is due and, from what I’ve read and researched, a comedian in her late 20s by the name of Hope Woodard has coined the term “boysober.” To her, it means that it’s a time when women choose to go without all things romantically related to men: no (real) flirting, no dates, and certainly no sex. The purpose of this? To instead use the time to do some self-reflecting, healing, and figuring out what you really want (as opposed to the patterns you may just be used to).
Another benefit of being boysober is to put the effort and energy that typically would go into a relationship into cultivating more love for self — and that is something that I will always get behind (the love yourself part, I mean).
Now, when it comes to the no-sex part, I will say that there are some connotations there that have some layers to them. I’ll explain.
The Difference Between Celibate and Abstinent
GiphyAccording to Hope, the motivation for why she decided that not having sex applies to being boysober is based on two (main) reasons. One, she feels like the word “celibate” is a religious term which, if folks are celibate, they don’t really have much of a choice. Hmm. I guess she’s saying that the standards of religion make people feel “shamed” or “feared” into sexual purity which I don’t 100 percent agree with.
Anyway, to her, boysober sounds/feels more empowering and liberating. In fact, in an interview, she was quoted as saying:
“I hate ‘celibacy’ so much, because I don’t want to give credence to anyone saying you’re more lovable or respectable or better if you’re not having sex...Boysober is about taking time to pause, reflect, and reprioritize — not to gain male approval.”
We’ll come back to that…
Her second reason: in the same article, she said that although she consented to all of the sex that she had, she wasn’t necessarily given permission; to her, being boysober is all about her and not guys as far as her sex-related choices are concerned.
Okay, so as for the celibacy thing — although I could pen a book, for sure, about how churches, overall, could do so much better when it comes to teaching purity culture (no lie), I do find it fascinating that so much of what religion teaches, one way or another, “secular culture” seems to find its way to…or back to, one way or another. At the end of the day, being celibate does mean to abstain from sex — and yes, it’s oftentimes due to religious reasons, because some set of Scriptures (because not only Christianity practices celibacy) encourages being that way until marriage (or forever if they choose not to get married).
That said, if someone wants to do that, that is a freewill choice and they shouldn’t be “shamed” by non-religious people for choosing it. Some people believe that sex is for marriage alone; no one should be gaslit for feeling that way. Again, that is their choice. It should also go on record that celibacy is sometimes a lifetime decision (priests and nuns come to mind).
Whereas being abstinent? That is a temporary season of going without sex — and yes, it has always bothered me that folks use those two words interchangeably because while the act may ultimately be the same, the motives and timing are quite different. And actually, what it seems that Hope is referring to, is abstinence. Boysober is a season of abstinence, not celibacy.
Which brings me to her second boysober reason. I’ll just say that it’s always important to take personal accountability for the decisions that we make (you won’t really grow any other way) and one way to do that is to really understand WHY you are having sex before you have it. We live in a time when so many folks are so casual about sex that they tend to forget (if they ever really knew) what casual means and one definition is “without definite or serious intention; careless or offhand; passing” which pretty much means that something lacks any real purpose…or meaning.
Again, how wild is it that our culture likes to push sex as nothing more than a fun activity down our throats — oh, but when it’s time to do some evolving and maturing, going without sex is one of the top practices that comes up? Fascinating indeed.
All this to say, if you are thinking about chilling out on the sex tip for a while, ask yourself: 1) Is it for religious or other reasons; 2) is the plan until marriage (celibate) or just for a season (abstinent), and 3) are you going to take the time to do some inner work that goes beyond simply…leaving guys alone (sex journaling can help with this one, by the way)? Because the saying, “Everywhere you go, there you are”?
Well, in this instance, it makes no sense to not have romantic involvements if you’re not going to be self-introspective, so that once you’re done with your break, you are able to choose wiser and better — and that requires you shifting some things within yourself, not just taking some days, weeks or months to not engage with the fellas.
Why Valentine’s Day Is a Great Day to Try Being Boysober
GiphyThere’s a reason why I think that, for the most part, the concept of going boysober isn’t just an intelligent thing to do from time to time but Valentine’s Day could be an awesome moment in your life to give it a shot. It’s because, unfortunately, Valentine’s Day is considered to be one of the most stress-filled holidays of the year.
Couples are expected to go over-the-top when it comes to their expressions of love while singles oftentimes feel bad if they don’t have anyone, romantically, to celebrate the day with. I’m not exaggerating either. I actually read that the dating site Plenty of Fish once conducted a survey citing that 43 percent of singles stated that no day of the year gives them more anxiety than Valentine’s Day. A day honoring love…totally stressing you out. Goodness.
Is it crazy to see couples all over the place and wish that you were in one on February 14? No. It isn’t. Know what is…not sober (you know, sane), though? Being so caught up in not having someone that you overlook what a happily married wife over a couple of decades once said to me; something that, after 20 years of working with married folks, I absolutely agree with: “The loneliest night alone beats being in a bad marriage any day.”
Listen, self-love includes coming to the conclusion that you don’t just want SOMEONE; you desire THE RIGHT ONE…and then celebrating yourself for not just saying it but meaning it — and being boysober can play a role in that because, by choosing to exert self-control, by choosing to take your love for self over everything else (right now) serious, by choosing to remain calm while others may be freaking out on Valentine’s Day…that can transform you in a myriad of different ways. All beneficial too.
And so, while some folks are out here acting like Valentine’s Day is a cuss word (LOL), you can get and then remain excited about what it means to choose to have a sober-minded approach to men, relationships, and sex. You can be genuinely happy about the fact that, no, you don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day and it’s all because you choose to focus on you — via a self-pamper day, deals on drinks at Applebee’s, a discount on an ice cream cake at Baskin Robbins or some of these other deals (that I found for this year) here. And how absolutely bomb is that?
___
Actor Lucille Ball once said, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world." Author Katrina Mayer once said, “Loving yourself isn't vanity. It's sanity." Author Kamal Ravikant once said, “The truth is to love yourself with the same intensity you would use to pull yourself up if you were hanging off a cliff with your fingers.” Singer Whitney Houston once sang, “Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all.” Author Paulo Coelho once said, “When you say ‘yes’ to others make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.”
Going boysober is one way to amplify all of this in some truly significant ways.
Going sober certainly has its benefits. Try it.
You just might like it. No, LOVE it.
Just in time for Valentine’s Day. #wink
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Weekend Images, Inc./Getty Images