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The Human Design System is comprised of four different archetypes: Manifestors, Generators, Projectors, and Reflectors. And the first step is figuring out which archetype you fall under, which you can do here. In order to get a better understanding of what Human Design is, we spoke with Human Design experts and hosts of DayLuna Human Design Podcast, Dana Stiles and Shayna Cornelius. Because I’m certain there will be burning questions surrounding love and HD, the DayLuna co-creators also share the best way to use the concept to deepen our romantic connections.
So, how can this information help you connect more intimately with your partners? Well, as excited as we are to share, we should begin by giving you an expert definition of Human Design and go from there.
What is Human Design?
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Though some refer to Human Design as ‘the new Astrology,’ Dana and Shayna expound on the definition, explaining, “Human Design is the science of differentiation. It is a modality that shows us how we are uniquely designed, how we are meant to use our energy in a different way than other people, and what our unique gifts and life purpose is.”
Furthermore, the co-creators add that it “pinpoints the way in which our energy flows as an individual while offering strategies and insight on how to use our energy correctly so that we can find personal alignment as we live our unique life purpose.”
The composition or roots of HD are a combination, utilizing ancient and modern sciences. “It synthesizes wisdom from the Chinese I-Ching, Western Astrology, Hindu Chakra System, and the Kabbalah Tree of Life and integrates this wisdom with Genetics, Quantum Mechanics, Astronomy, and Biochemistry,” they add.
How Human Design Works Similar to and With Astrology
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Earlier we discussed very briefly that there are similarities between Human Design and Astrology and that the two could even be paired together. Dana and Shayna highlight this similarity further by saying, “Like Astrology, Human Design can tell you about your personality and how you operate, however, it is much more specific and detailed because it breaks each zodiac archetype down into smaller traits, which you may or may not have depending on your chart.”
They continue, “Understanding what your Human Design gifts are in these placements along with your own North and South Node zodiac placement is powerful in understanding your life purpose!” Our life purpose is something so many of us are in constant search of, which is why we even find ourselves drawn to religion, Astrology, or Human Design to begin with.
As humans, we are constantly in search of something “more” that informs us of why we were placed on this planet. And we do this to initiate and cultivate day-to-day guidance on the way to finding answers to our questions.
Human Design + You, Me & Intimacy
Getty ImagesNow that we know how Human Design can help us connect more deeply with ourselves, how does HD help us flourish in our external relationships? In a nutshell, the answer is self-love but with HD we can get more specific about what that looks like…thankfully. If you’ve ever been told to love yourself as the solution to finding romantic love, you know how batshit crazy the standalone advice without any guidance can be. But because HD goes in-depth, it can help you get to the bottom of what that may look like for you and how to best honor that.
When discussing the best way to elevate relationships using HD, Dana and Shayna pointed out that “understanding yourself, how you best operate, and how you are interacting with other people around you is so important when it comes to conscious relationships. Awareness always has to start with yourself. When you fully understand yourself and what alignment looks like for you, you can then understand others and release judgment and comparison.”
Moving forward, “This leads to more self-love and love for others. If you are struggling in a relationship, we invite you to get clear on who you are and how you best make decisions that are energetically correct for you (your HD chart can show you how) and then start making decisions within your relationship in this new way! This is the fastest way to transform any relationship in your life and even attract your dream partner.”
HD works by helping you to honor yourself first or so it seems. The one place that it differs from how we (mainstream culture not to be confused with experts) have begun to discuss Astrology is that no archetype is to be villainized. That said, there is no such thing as dating the wrong HD profile. According to our experts, you simply learn what and who feels in alignment with you, your truth, and your journey.
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“There are no Human Design charts that are better or worse when it comes to pairing/partnership. Human Design teaches you how to become your own authority in life and how to feel when something is in alignment for you or not. You then can make your own decision on if someone is right for you or not and trust that the truth you are feeling is energetically correct for you. Understanding your partner's chart is huge in understanding how you are both different/similar to each other. The best way to navigate any obstacle will become crystal-clear with this awareness.”
Additionally, the expert co-founders shared that there are three types of “connections” that you may stumble upon “depending on your charts”:
- Electromagnetic spark connection: where you feel the chemistry when you are together, fireworks, and a sense of the feeling of "you complete me."
- Friendship connection: where you have a lot of similarities in your charts and you feel a sense of "you get me."
- Dominating connection: where one person leads in this area and the other follows and that feels good for both of you.
The two add that this just scratches the surface of how you may be connecting with your partner as you may have a combination of all three.
According to the experts, similar to humans, Human Design is complex and therefore deeply profound when you discover yourself through this system. As much as we seek out love, every piece of wisdom left behind for us indicates that the work begins and ends with us. By no means is this saying you must be healed and whole before you find love, but that you must be aware and have insight into yourself to even begin to know what you’re looking for when it comes to love.
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Personally, I always understood limerence (from my time in college psych) to be a crush. However, not in the cutesy crush way (maybe if you’re 9) that you may be thinking – it’s a very one-sided connection. And though I tend to be good with words, I thought it might be far more helpful to get a more in-depth answer to the burning question: what is limerence? Every expert pretty much said the same thing, give or take. They essentially described limerence as a rash without much logic, and quick to burn with little to no substance.
CEO and Professional Matchmaker with Something More Julia McCurley gives us a more detailed description of limerence, stating that it "often leads people to make impulsive decisions being under the belief that they have found utmost chemistry with someone they have just known for a short time. The love at first sight, or limerence relationship, is based on overwhelming attraction, possibly lust, that may or may not lead to real love."
The Object of Your Heart’s Desire
Katina Tarver, a relationship expert, tells us, “Limerence is all about emotional dependency, intrusive thoughts, and a strong desire for emotional reciprocation. The person who suffers from limerence is called limerent, and the person who is desired is called a limerent object or LO.”
New Limerence
Expert Sheila Eugenio speaks on the early stages of limerence, explaining, “In the beginning stages of limerence, it's easy to tell the difference between limerence and love because they are both very different feelings. However, as time goes on and if you start to feel like you're in love without ever being in limerence before, it might be difficult to tell the difference between them.”
Punching a Clock
Limerence, similarly to love, doesn’t have a timeline, it mostly depends on the variables: commitment, compatibility, and reciprocal interest (at some point). Limerence itself can be as brief as a week or as long as a year(s).
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What Love Is
Licensed Psychologist and Owner of LifeWise David Helfand explains that “limerence is when you can’t objectively assess your partner because you are high off just being with them. Love is when you can see them truly for who they are, and still choose to be with them.”
Psychotherapist Valentina Dragomir provides us with the main differences between the love and limerence in a nutshell:
- Love is founded on trust, mutual respect, and genuine caring. Limerence, on the other hand, often starts with an intense but one-sided attraction.
- People who are in love tend to be more rational and level-headed. Those who are limerent may act impulsively and do things that they wouldn't normally do.
- Love is something that grows over time. Limerence, however, is often a sudden and all-consuming feeling.
- Love is based on reality, while limerence is often fueled by fantasy. People in love see their partner for who they really are, warts and all. Those in limerence may idealize their object of desire and ignore any negative qualities.
- Love is healthy and supportive. Limerence, however, can be obsessive and even harmful. People in love want what's best for their partner. Those in limerence may be more interested in what they can get from the other person.
How Limerence Plays Out
Founder of Find Black Therapist, E.L. Forrestal, points out that “limerence can sometimes develop into love, but it is not always the case. There are many factors that contribute to whether or not limerence will turn into love, such as the level of commitment and investment in the relationship, how well the couple communicates and gets along, and whether or not there is mutual trust and respect.”
Love Takes Many Forms
We like to view love as something that lasts forever, but Good Vibrations Staff Sexologist and Curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum Carol Queen reminds us, “Love comes in many flavors beyond romantic and erotic, the kind of relational love we think of when, say, people couple up. While people commonly think of this as a long-term experience, many couples do not sustain long-term love; and it's possible to experience long-term love with someone outside of the monogamous partnership model that people frequently think of when they hear that word.”
Though there are plenty of similarities, it seems that limerence and love can be distinguished with a little bit of discernment and of course, my favorite word…introspection. Still, as humans, it doesn’t always happen that way. Unfortunately, that’s when it goes from being a harmless crush to a weird obsession.
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