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If you have been on social media for any significant amount of time this year you may have come across women saying that they are in their “villain era.” For these women, being a villain means embracing the negativity and judgment from others that comes when you say “no” to people, and living your life unapologetically. For them, being a villain means letting the chips fall where they may when you no longer allow other people’s ideas about you to restrict you from living the life that you want and deserve.
Of course, none of this sounds particularly villainess or evil. The phrase that has picked up in popularity over the past year is primarily tongue in cheek. It signifies the ways that women have been made to feel bad when they exercise any type of autonomy over their decisions, be it in their professional, romantic, platonic, or familial life.
Especially as it pertains to Black women, wickedness is always projected onto us, especially when we set our boundaries and stick to them. To be a Black woman who’s leaning into our inner villain means more than just eating an extra pastry or going on a solo trip; it’s doing the internal work of unpacking all the ways we have resigned ourselves to a life that is not our own. It’s about learning just how much of the negative lens people look at us through is influenced by white supremacy and misogyny and doing all we can to not see ourselves through that lens by navigating against those ideals.
Every so often, Black women are given a signal of sorts that reminds us and gives us permission to prioritize ourselves and our own mental well being. I’m reminded of when Rep. Maxine Waters famously said, “Reclaiming my time,” and the words reverberated outside the halls of congress and into the lives of Black women everywhere. Our time is being wasted; it’s time to get it back.
So sis, if you are currently looking for a sign for you to free yourself from the mental bondage that has been taken, then here it is: take your life back. Whether you’ve lost years of your life to depression or abuse or trying to adhere to societal pressure, it is never too late to start again. There are so many things in life that are out of our control; so many tragedies and traumas that shape the person we’ve become; so many larger forces that try to keep us tethered to a life that doesn’t serve us. So get the haircut, quit that job, leave that relationship but also: dismantle the systems that have led us to feel evil for simply putting ourselves first, and unchain yourself from the world that creates these unfair perceptions of yourself.
Get your licks back and then some -- even if that means being the villain in someone else's story.
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Celebrity News
Niecy Nash Says Her Relationship With Jessica Betts Is The First Time She Has Felt 'Fully Seen'
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When Niecy Nash-Betts announced she was married to musician Jessica Betts, many people were surprised. The Emmy-nominated actress has a history of dating only men and was even married twice prior to meeting her wife. However, Niecy has become an example of the saying “love is love” and she and Jessica have been open about their relationship ever since.
The Claws star and her daughter Dia Nash stopped by the YouTube series Bumble Presents Luv2SeeIt with Teyana Taylor and dished on love and dating outside of what was expected. “The most rewarding thing for me is just that for the first time, I feel fully seen,” Niecy said. “I loved everybody that I was with until I didn’t. So, it wasn’t that I was living a sexually repressed life or I always wanted to do a thing but never did it, I just wasn’t on that side of the line.”
“Now that I am,” she continued, “the best thing about it is that I can be 100% who I am. I don’t have to play small, I don’t have to dumb it down. I can be bright, shiny. I can take up space and it’s well received.”
Niecy and Jessica got married in August 2020 and recently celebrated their second wedding anniversary. The actress reflected on the moment that she told her family including her three children about Jessica and what her 23-year-old daughter’s response was. While she said she would have preferred to tell everyone in person, she had to tell them on FaceTime because she was traveling.
Everyone was supportive but that didn’t mean jokes were off limits. Niecy said that Dia’s response was, “are you the same mom that said, ‘I’m strictly dickly?’” She added, “but she was like, are you happy? And that’s the most important part.”
The Rookie: Feds star also dished on her marriage with the Los Angeles Times and shared why she decided to keep her relationship under wraps when they began dating.
"[Early on] our relationship wasn't a secret, but it was private," she explained. “I couldn't wait to just be like, 'This is me.' I didn't know if people were gonna turn their backs on me. But I don't do secrets. It's not in my DNA."
While the 52-year-old has always had a vibrant personality, she believes marriage helped her to be more of her authentic self. "Being comfortable in my skin has been a gift. I liken it to my marriage because I've never been a person who lives my life in a closeted type of way," she said.
Niecy and Dia Nash discuss dating comfort zones | Bumble Presents Luv2SeeIt with Teyana Taylor
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Featured image by Matt Winkelmeyer/WireImage
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Have you ever wondered how some people tend to get over breakups easily, and others have more of a difficult time? The zodiac signs are always telling a story, and the story of love is written in the stars. Some signs naturally follow their emotions more and live by the heart. Others signs focus on balancing their head with their heart and can rationalize this type of change in their life, such as a breakup. People get over breakups in their own way and in their own time, but wouldn’t it be nice to understand more about how you process this experience yourself, or how someone you know or have been involved with gets over a breakup?
Mutable signs such as Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces are the type of people to go with the flow and adapt to change more than most. Even if they are emotionally still tied to someone or feel that energy within, the overall change of pace and environment will not be that difficult for them to move through and they will change their life pretty quickly post-breakup. A fixed sign, however, such as Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, and Aquarius prefer stability over change and will take some time readjusting their world and their focus. This can often lead them to spend too much time in relationships that they should let go of, but they eventually figure it out as well.
Looking at your sun sign and Venus sign can give you more clarity as to how you get over a breakup and move on.
ARIES
Aries gets over a breakup by moving on immediately. It takes a long time for Aries to finally call it quits but once they are emotionally not in it anymore, they will move on no questions asked. They will do things like changing their entire daily routine just to avoid even thinking about a break-up or the person that is no longer in their life anymore. An Aries bounce-back game is strong and they are always looking for the next challenge, making them people who can more easily have a better life all around after a breakup. Aries is also the friend you want to call if you have just gone through a breakup as they will be that friend that reminds you who you are and that you deserve better.
TAURUS
Taurus takes their time getting into relationships and also takes their time getting out of them. Taurus values commitment, loyalty, and stability over anything else, and going through a breakup is usually very life-changing for them. A Taurus needs time to process their emotional world and they might not let anyone in emotionally for a while. Indulgence is part of their post-breakup strategy and you can typically find them either on the couch watching romcoms, having a spa day and treating themselves, or spending time with friends and close loved ones. They may not indulge in anything too serious for a while, but they will be hitting up a crush or two.
GEMINI
A Gemini can move on faster from a break-up than most of the zodiac. Their attention span isn’t long enough to dwell in misery and they would rather be in a new experience than sulking about an old one. Gemini is the type to be more likely to do something physically dramatic after a break up like dye their hair, change their career, or move cities, than spend a day sad over a breakup. You could find a Gemini circling around again, however, as Gemini is the type to text an ex if they feel like it because they quite literally don’t care about appearances. If they think it, they feel it, and they often are more impulsive in love. Overall, Gemini gets over a breakup by letting their freak flag fly.
CANCER
Cancers are emotional souls and will feel every step and level of a breakup. They will go through the motions looking to explore the depths of their heart and what the relationship has taught them. Cancer has a little bit of a harder time letting go than most of the zodiac. They tend to hold onto people, situations, and experiences more tightly and they are the type to believe in forever. When their vision of a relationship doesn’t turn out to be what they thought it would, it feels like more of a shake-up to their world and their plans, and they move on by rest, letting it out, and by taking things day by day. They often channel their energy into something else and look for new areas to give their love and energy.
LEO
With Leo being a fixed sign, they tend to hold onto their relationships until something major or dramatic happens. When they are in love they see the best in their partner and their relationship and have more ego adjustments going through a breakup. They tend to self-identify closely to their relationships so there is a lot of pride they feel they are losing going through a breakup. A Leo will make it their mission to have as much fun as possible post-breakup, however, and you can find them out and about, enjoying their life nonetheless. A Leo going through a breakup can be very up and down, but overall, they move through life confidently, knowing they deserve the best in love and will make sure they have just that.
VIRGO
A Virgo going through a breakup is an overthinker, but this is also where their power in healing and emotional regulation comes in handy. A Virgo will go over everything after a breakup, analyzing what went wrong and what they can do better next time. A Virgo mentally processes events more so than emotionally and they will want to lay down the facts first and foremost. A Virgo moves through a breakup with the perspective that it will get better from here, although they can be a little hard on themselves in the process as they often expect perfection from themselves. Looking at a breakup as a personal failure should be watched out for, but at the end of the day, a Virgo will move on knowing what they are bringing to the table is valuable.
LIBRA
When a Libra is going through a breakup- they are going to talk about it. They are going to call every friend, family member, or co-worker that will listen, and will want the advice and perspective from others to move on. A Libra after a breakup spills the tea, and they will want everyone to know what went down. This is their way of getting over things, and once there is nothing left to discuss they will be ready for their next experience in love. They mentally need a release to emotionally resolve what occurred. With Venus being a sign all about love and relationships, however, you don’t find Libras going through a breakup often, but they will not give up on love after it.
SCORPIO
Scorpios go through a rebirth when they go through a breakup. Scorpios take their commitments seriously, and if they have gotten to a point where they were able to be vulnerable with someone and they showed them a part of themselves they don’t show many people, then they will take their time in letting go. Even if they 100% don’t want to get back with the person, they will still take their time with their emotions and will not rush the “getting over it” process. Scorpios give a part of themselves when they are in relationships, and will spend time healing, renewing the heart, and standing in their self-empowerment. A Scorpio going through any type of change is an awakening experience for them, but they always evolve and move into better experiences regardless.
SAGITTARIUS
A Sagittarius is hard to pin down and they aren’t one to let a breakup change things too much for them. They try to keep an open perspective and will find new truths and purpose through their experience. A breakup for a Sagittarius is more about what they’ve learned, their new philosophies in love, and what they don’t want to go through again. With Sagittarius being a mutable sign, emotions tend to fluctuate, and they are flexible not only with themselves after a breakup, but with others as well. They are more the type to remain friends with exes or mutual, as they don’t carry feelings of negativity with them towards that person. They can move on pretty quickly and a vacation or trip away definitely doesn’t hurt.
CAPRICORN
Capricorns are in it for the long haul when they get into relationships, and would usually rather work things out than go through a breakup. If you find a Capricorn in a breakup then something serious has happened, and they may not want to even talk about it. A Capricorn internalizes a lot of their emotions and people around them may not even know they were having challenges in their relationship, to begin with, or the breakup as a whole will be surprising to others. Capricorns love a solid foundation and they will spend their time rebuilding after a breakup and not letting their emotions get the best of them. Finding ways to emotionally release, talk about what’s going on within, and allow yourself to feel is key to moving on for Capricorns.
AQUARIUS
Aquarius gets over a breakup by mentally processing and coming to the conclusion of why it is smarter to move on than to stay. An Aquarius does what makes sense to them, regardless of if it is understood by others as well. Aquarius isn’t the most emotional sign of the zodiac and so they tend to have less of this energy tied up in their relationships, making the moving on process a little bit easier for them. The biggest thing they tend to miss from a relationship is friendship, and depending on how the relationship ended, will typically have exes that still see them fondly or as a friend. An Aquarius going through a breakup is going to hang out with friends, come up with new dreams and schemes, and analyze.
PISCES
A Pisces going through a breakup can go back and forth and is quite an emotional experience for them. Pisces is all about compassion and unconditional love which is a positive thing, however, it can also tend to keep them in situations that do not serve them and relationships where they are giving more than they are receiving. They will still see the other person in the best light after a breakup and will take some time to recognize some of the patterns and behaviors that didn’t serve them. A Pisces loves with rose-colored glasses on and taking off those glasses isn’t easy. Pisces can love a person for years whether they are with them or not, and overall should use this energy to channel their emotions into creating art, and their spirituality.
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Raamla Mohamed created Hulu's latest series centering Black women, Reasonable Doubt. And we love anything created by a Black woman for Black women.
Mohamed is best known for her flawless work on "Little Fires Everywhere," but now she's leaving no crumbs behind with the debut of her new legal drama. Joined by Kerry Washington who executive produced and directed the series, and the legendary Larry Wilmore who co-produced the series, Mohamed also had an all-Black writer’s room to tell an authentic story of Black love, power and the law.
Centered around Jax Stewart (Emayatzy Corinealdi), Reasonable Doubt is about a lionhearted L.A. native and defense attorney who essentially knucks and bucks through the justice system. Her questionable ethics and wild interpretations of the law and life in and outside the courtroom encapsulate this high-powered woman. Like most Black women, Jax is trying to figure out how to be everything to everyone all the time, and she finds herself in a few entanglements — one of which happens to be with her former client, convicted murderer Damon (Michael Ealy).
There is so much intentionality behind this series that even the series and episode titles are inspired by Jay-Z's discography, from his debut studio album, which inspired the series’ name to episodes titled, "N**** What, N**** Who," "99 Problems", and "Song Cry." While there's nothing like it, the show is reminiscent of Scandal and Insecure, two beautiful reflections of Black women.
“I felt it from the moment I read the script. Oh, this is different. We don't always get to see Blackness, but also now tied into a woman who's professional and good at her job. It doesn't have to be either or,” Corinealdi told xoNecole. The actress shared that it was important to Mohamed that Blackness was represented in the most authentic way.
Michael Ealy also told xoNecole why he loves Black women and why Corinealdi’s role as Jax is so important. “I think Black women are not a monolith. Black people are not a monolith. I think there's an expectation that all Black women believe the same thing. I think that when you see a character like Jax, you see a character that is doing what most Black women have to do, which is they do it all,” said Ealy.
Reasonable Doubtpremiered Tuesday, September 27, on Hulu.
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The first time I thought about how art could be a form of community building was with HBO’s Insecure. The dearly departed comedy series created and starring Issa Rae provided audiences with more than just weekly laughs over the course of five years, but it also created space for other Black artists and entrepreneurs to thrive-- from all the Black businesses that the show has collaborated with to the Black music artists that the show has put audiences onto. It even created opportunities within entertainment journalism for many up and coming Black journalists who got their start by reviewing the show or hosting after shows unpacking the mess that went on in the episode.
The latest show with that level of cultural impact is ABC’s hit comedy Abbott Elementary. There is such a palpable tenderness I feel whenever I watch Abbott Elementary or anything remotely related to it, from cast interviews to memes. There’s an earnest sense of care and love amongst the cast that can only be rivaled by their onscreen personas.
On several occasions, the show has donated the money that was meant for marketing campaigns to underfunded teachers for school supplies and new wardrobes and book fairs for kids.
“We chose to put the marketing money toward supplies for teachers,” the show’s Emmy-winning creator, writer and star Quinta Brunson told NPR. “It’s about being able to make those kinds of decisions that really excite me, things that can really materially help people.”
The cast also aims to change the way we as a culture think about and value teachers–particularly Black teachers. In an interview with Teen Vogue, Tyler James Williams says that his hope with playing Gregory on the series is to spotlight an earnest portrayal of a working class Black man. “That's my goal, is to push [Gregory] to the forefront so that when you see somebody who's not making a lot of money but they're doing work that fulfills them and is changing the conversation, that's inherently attractive.”
The series is also impacting the way child actors are received and treated in Hollywood. There’s been a lot of warranted and necessary discourse as of late, catalyzed by former child star Jeanette McCurdy’s book I’m Glad My Mom Died, about the ethics of children being in the business. In tandem with these discussions, I think about how the child actors that are in Abbott are treated and spoken about by the adult actors, including Williams, who was a former child star himself.
On Abbott, the child actors don’t have heavy responsibilities to carry the show, which focuses on the stellar adult cast and allows the kids to just be kids, playing in the background. In a recent talk show appearance, the Emmy award-winning actress Sheryl Lee Ralph who plays Barbara, spoke about how one of the kids approached her on set and told her how they felt sad because they recently lost their grandpa. Ralph said that she and the child hugged one another until the child felt better.
Gentleness and kindness are often thought of as secondary in the world of show business. But the cast of Abbott has shown us how it's not only welcomed but necessary to create art that positively reverberates with people.
Most importantly, I think about the impact this show will have on the imagination of what’s possible. Abolitionist magazine Scalawag broke down how Abbott’s intentional omission of police and “school resource officers” helps us to imagine a world where our children don’t have to be policed just for going to school. And I think about all the Black educators who will be born from this series with these images in their minds; all of the Black teachers and principals who will see that compassion is just as necessary a tool in education as books and calculators. And all the young Black students who will benefit from that care.Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
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