Creative entrepreneur Ri Turner knew exactly what she was doing when she named her wellness brand "for the healthy hoes." The initiative has spawned merch, a community, and a podcast that is all about healing through the safe space of community. In a world where the wellness space can seem sometimes Lilly white and accessed by few due to differences in race, privilege, status, and money, "for the healthy hoes." speaks to the everyday human and makes the journey to healing accessible to all.
At 31, the Arkansas-based creator is all about health being wealth, but also about not needing money or a certain status to be well in life. For Ri, it's wellness, but keep it casual, and that is something we can get behind.
The seed of her online presence was planted in her college days, where Ri says she first fell in love with the process of video content creation. "As I continued to grow and evolve, there was a pivot in my content," she tells xoNecole. "This ultimately led me to creating a podcast where I share pieces of my journey and just have everyday conversations that I would otherwise be having with my partner or myself. What I do for a living isn't a surprise or shock to me at all. I've always known since I was super young that I would somehow connect with the world on a larger scale and build community. I am beyond grateful."
Ri Turner
Courtesy of Ri Turner
As a creative, podcaster, and wife, Ri's online presence is centered around the pillars of consciousness, health, and wellness. If she isn't sharing her perspectives through relatable chats on her "for the healthy hoes." podcast, she is sharing snippets of her life through reset vlogs on her YouTube channel and day-in-my-life videos where her peace radiates through the screen. Ri admits that self-care transformed her life, and it is a message that she shares through the content she produces. Through the gems she has collected in her healing journey, she hopes to connect and help with the healing of others.
In this installment of xoNecole's Finding Balance, we chat with the wife and podcaster about how she spends her mornings, navigating uncertainty, and cooking as the ultimate form of self-care.
Q: How has practicing self-care helped you become a better person?
A: Practicing self-care has completely transformed my life. Simple things like eating well, daily movement, and meditation has helped me get through so many obstacles and challenges. These practices completely changed my perspective on how to approach life. Instead of suppressing my feelings and running away from myself, I now feel everything and embrace all of me with open arms. This has truly allowed me to begin to be the best version of myself.
Q: What is the best advice you could give your younger self on how to navigate your 20s and 30s?
A: F*ck up. Learn from it. Grow from it. Don't force anything at all. Just flow. Embrace the change. It's all part of the plan. Everything is going to work out.
Q: At what point in your life did you understand the importance of pressing pause and finding balance in both your personal and professional life?
A: Breaks are so so so important. It took me a minute to realize it, probably only about a year or two ago in the midst of grind culture. Everything and everyone around us tells us to grind, work, be busy 100 percent of the time. But doing anything, even something you love ALL THE TIME and without breaks, can cause so much burnout.
It'll have you second-guessing if you really love this thing that you thought you loved so much. When in all actuality, all you needed was to press the pause button for a bit. I do not play about my breaks. When I come back from taking a pause, I'm so inspired, refreshed, and ready to work. And that's the point.
"When I come back from taking a pause, I'm so inspired, refreshed, and ready to work. And that's the point."
Q: What is a typical day in your life? If no day is quite the same, give me a rundown of a typical work week and what that might consist of.
A: No day is the same. But my work week typically looks like brainstorming and finding inspiration (this could be from my lived experiences or even Pinterest) as well as tons of recording content for my podcast and socials, editing, meetings, working on partnerships with brands, working on designs, or even shipping out orders. Some weeks my workload is heavier, and sometimes it is lighter. I appreciate both!
Q: What are your mornings like?
A: Mornings are my favorite part of the day. I wake up before anyone else in my home does. Before I do anything, I meditate for 5-10 minutes and express gratitude for what I do have and for what's already mine that I cannot see. Lately, I've been going on runs (such an amazing feeling). After my run, I make a smoothie, shower, and get ready for my work day.
Q: How do you wind down at night?
A: Believe it or not, cooking dinner is part of my wind-down routine. Cooking is so relaxing and can really be a meditative experience if you allow it to. After I eat dinner with my family, I do my skincare routine (which is like 2-3 steps) then I like to read and spend time with my family. This usually looks like us all being in the same room, engaging in casual conversation while still all doing our own thing.
Q: When you have a busy week, what’s the most hectic part of it? What techniques or tools do you have in place to maintain your sense of self amid chaos?
A: Although I do many things all on my own, like filming myself, editing, etc., none of it is actually challenging for the most part because I've been doing these things for so long. It becomes challenging when my workload increases, and it seems as if there isn't enough time in the day to complete my tasks. What has really helped me out with this a ton is planning. I have always loved planning and writing down my daily/weekly to-do lists. I would be lost without my planner.
Additionally, just taking one step at a time and tying not to think about everything that I have to do because when you think about every single task [at once], it can be super overwhelming. And I find that I actually get nothing done at all because I was trying to do everything. So definitely just focusing on one small thing at a time, and if I'm unable to work through my entire list today, that's okay. I can get to it tomorrow.
Q: Do you practice any types of self-care? What does that look like for you?
A: Self-care can be such a vague term, especially with the up-and-coming popularity of wellness. Although I love things like skincare, my favorite self-care practices are things like meditation, yoga, journaling, cooking myself a wholesome meal, drinking plenty of water, or even writing a love letter to myself.
Q: Oftentimes, when we hear talk about love languages, it is how we give love to others. What is your self-love language, and how do you give that to yourself?
A: I think my love languages are words of affirmation and acts of service. I've had to re-wire my brain because there used to be so much negative self-talk up top. I've made it a priority to speak really nice to myself and just be gentle with myself- which is ultimately words of affirmation. I also love to cook for myself. I believe that this is one of the highest forms of self-love. When you intentionally carve out the time to make sure that you are consuming nourishing meals, that's a form of love that can't be matched. These are two main ways I show self-love and show up for myself.
"When you intentionally carve out the time to make sure that you are consuming nourishing meals, that's a form of love that can't be matched."
Q: When you are going through a bout of uncertainty or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
A: I simply take a step back. This allows me to look at things from a different perspective and remember why I even started in the first place. Going back to my "why" has gotten me through so much uncertainty and helps me see the bigger picture.
Q: Lastly, how do you define "balance" in your life? What does that look like to you in an ideal world? What does that look like in reality?
A: Nothing in this world flows without balance. Balance is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as "an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady." I couldn't agree with this definition more. Not only in the physical sense but also in the literal sense. Without the necessary amount of balance, not much is stable. This is why when I'm overworked or inconsistent with my spiritual practice, my mental health begins to spiral.
Balance to me looks like taking care of your mind, body, and spirit first so that you can effortlessly show up in this world to positively impact those around you.
For more of Ri, follow her on Instagram @riturnerr and listen to new episodes of the "for the healthy hoes." podcast here.
Featured image courtesy of Ri Turner
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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1. Go All Out with the Christmas Décor
GiphyThere is someone I know who is so obsessed with Christmas, she’s damn near annoying-borderline-terrifying. I’m. Not. Kidding. Yet hey, if you’re going to do a holiday-themed staycation (emphasis on “holiday-themed”), that’s kind of how you’ve got to be. Some décor ideas include:
- A fresh Christmas tree (is the most ideal) that is ultimately decorated
- Wreaths on outside and inside doors
- Garland (with twinkle lights) in predictable and unpredictable places
- Poinsettias
- Mistletoes
- Snow globes
- A stocking (with some of your favorite things in it)
- Fake snow
- Stars
- Angels
- Candy canes
- A BLACK Santa (LOL)
I mean, since you are going to be spending a lot of time at home, it can feel like a mini-winter wonderland if you are intentional about doing more decorating to your living space than you ever have before!
2. Buy a Couple of Christmas-Themed PJs
GiphyWhile I was doing some research on a totally different topic, I happened upon an article that talked about the psychology behind why we should be intentional about what we wear to bed. When you stop to think about the fact that (hopefully) you are sleeping somewhere between 6-8 hours every night, it would make sense that things like the color and fabric of your sleepwear would have a real impact on you — even subconsciously.
Well, when it comes to Christmas décor, specifically, not only does it take you back to nostalgic memories, it can also boost your moods. So, aside from being on-10 with your Christmas décor, also invest in some Christmas-themed PJs. Since you’re going to be doing a lot of lounging around (RIGHT?), do it in something that makes you think about all of your favorite things about this time of year.
3. Cop Some Christmas-Scented Candles
GiphyThere really is no telling how many articles that I’ve written where I am singing the praises of scented soy candles. Candles are soothing, comforting and a very easy way to reduce stress. Also, since it gets darker quicker and for a longer period of time around this time of the year, candles provide a relaxing vibe to your home. Since it is Christmastime, go with scents that are reminiscent of the season:
- Cinnamon
- Vanilla
- Cranberry
- Apple
- Pine
- Frankincense and Myrrh
- Peppermint
- Cashmere
- Ginger(bread)
- Orange
- Sugar Cookies
- Sandalwood
- Cloves
- Cedarwood
- (Hot) Chocolate
Personally, one of my favorite candle companies is Goose Creek. Their signature collections will have your entire house smelling like a high-end bakery. No exaggeration.
4. Play Some Winter-Themed ASMR Sounds
GiphyI’m from Nebraska and my mother was a New Yorker. So, if there is one thing that I like, it’s seasons and that includes snow during wintertime. Unfortunately, Nashville is cray-cray when it comes to that. If, where you live, the weather is all over the place too (which is why I think it’s insane that some people still give pushback to global warming) and you would like for it to at least seem like you are in your own winter wonderland — invest in some fake snow to strategically place around your home.
Oh, and don’t forget to turn on some winter-themed ASMR sounds too. YouTube has videos that run for hours on end that feature blizzards and howling winds that really can make you feel like you are in the midst of an ice storm.
5. Host a Holiday Movie Marathon
GiphyOne thing to remember about a staycation is it doesn’t mean that you have to be alone or that the only people who can participate are the ones who live with you. Since a staycation is simply about staying close to home instead of traveling afar — absolutely consider having some of your favorite people over for a holiday-themed movie marathon. Shoot, Black America Web even did you a solid by publishing “25 Best Black Christmas Movies Of All Time;” plus, Tubi has a Black holiday hits section of indie films too.
Oh, and make sure to get creative with the Christmas-themed snacks. Some ideas? Some Kentucky-fried turkey tenders with cranberry hot sauce (recipe here), some Holiday Hot Spinach Dip (recipe here), some Grinch Kabobs (recipe here), some roasted pecans (recipe here) and some Pomegranate Guacamole (recipe here).
6. Spend a Night (or Two) at a Hotel or Vacation House
GiphyJust like you don’t have to be alone during a staycation, you also don’t have to be cooped up in your house the entire time. Get a change of scenery in your own city by spending the night in a hotel that you’ve always wanted to try out or renting a vacation house for you and some of your folks to hang out in during the time between Christmas and New Year’s Day. I have a “love little sister” who does this randomly when she needs a break from her work as a therapist. She says that it’s damn near like taking a trip (and she has PLENTY of passport stamps; trust me).
7. Have Brunch or Dinner at a Christmas-Themed Restaurant
GiphyIf nothing puts a bigger smile on your face than the thought of DoorDashing meals and barely even touching your stove during your staycation — hey, I am right there with you. Do consider going out to brunch or dinner during your chill time, though. It’s another way to bond with people and create some current holiday memories. And if you’ve got a bae and you opt for dinner, it can be a wonderful type of Christmas-themed date.
8. Go to a Holiday-Themed Concert
GiphyBeing that I got my start as an entertainment writer, hear me when I say that I’m not someone who just has to go to a live concert every chance that I get. Oh, but baby, when I saw that El DeBarge was doing a City Winery tour and he was going to be here right before Christmas — I booked myself a ticket quick, fast and in a super-duper hurry! Shoot, I didn’t even want to go with someone because I plan to give him and that falsetto voice of his my complete and undivided attention. LOL.
I don’t know what it is about the holiday season that makes live music that much more enjoyable — but if there is a concert that features one of your favorite artists happening right through here, consider that to be a cool way to “tour your city” while cultivating a really awesome memory at the same time.
9. Also, Go Ice Skating
GiphyOne of my fondest memories of time with my father is going ice skating. We actually would do it in the summer (because that is when I would visit him) and, every year, he would get me a new ice skating outfit. Even now, when I watch someone ice skate (even in movies; like in the classic movie Garden State), I will have warm fuzzies.
Anyway, if you’ve never been before, go. If it’s been forever since you have, also go. There is something that is very sweet and so signature Christmas about it. Plus, it’s a top-tier form of exercise.
10. Take a Christmas Lights Tour
GiphyAnother one of my favorite Christmas memories is driving through neighborhoods and looking at the Christmas lights. And just like a Christmas concert can be a form of hometown touring, so can doing this if you decide to choose a couple of areas where you’ve never really been or rarely frequent.
Now are you excited about the thought of experiencing a holiday-themed staycation?
I thought you would be. ENJOY!
Featured image by Shutterstock