

How To Practice Gratitude When There's Grief At The Table
The holidays are widely known as a time for celebration. It is a time when many people gather together to engage in community, cultivate connection and experience the joy of togetherness. Hallmark movies play on most TV screens and the dinner table is spread to serve people in abundance. A season that is often widely known for joy, can simultaneously be a season of grief for many. There are folks who will go through this holiday season with someone they love missing from the dinner table. A stocking that would usually be found hanging over the fireplace will be out of sight. No one talks about the heaviness of death and loss during the holidays.
Losing a loved one is a deeply complex and difficult experience to navigate. We are all wired for connection, and when the thread called life that ties us together is severed, it brings forth a multitude of emotions, many of which are painful, and rightfully so. The first year after a death is often the most painful because it elicits the shocking reminder that the person you love is gone and all of the traditions you hold will look different compared to the past.
Grief is an emotional response to loss, and as we approach this holiday season many people find peace and healing in shifting their attention to gratitude as a way to manage the heaviness of their loss. Gratitude is a way to honor those who have passed and celebrate the life they lived as well as the memories that were shared.
Here are a few tips to help you make space for gratitude after losing a loved one this holiday season:
1.Manage anticipatory grief.
After losing a loved one, the thought of the holidays approaching can actually be more triggering than the holiday itself. The anxiety of it all may make people decide to cancel their holiday plans, not make any at all, or become filled with dread when it comes to planning. When we are grieving, it is normal to hope for things to be the same, but when a loved one passes away, things will be different and that’s okay too. Consider the things that are making you anxious as you begin planning and find ways to meet yourself where you are by focusing on how you would want to honor your loved one.
2.Honor the duality of your emotions.
As people, we often get stuck in black-and-white thinking which causes us to shrink the complexity of our humanness. It is important to remember that we are people who are capable of holding space for many feelings at once, which means as you make space for joy and gratitude, it is okay to honor and own that you are simultaneously feeling anger, sorrow, sadness, and more. We do not have to pick one over the other, we are allowed to let our feelings co-exist. Give yourself permission to feel all of your emotions, not just the good ones.
3.Stay connected to family and friends for support and comfort.
Grief can be so painful to manage it might cause us to withdraw or isolate ourselves from others, but that only worsens the pain. Making space for gratitude can look like being connected to those you love and having an understanding of the grief that you are going through. The loss of a loved one doesn’t just impact you alone, it impacts the family system and others who are connected to it. Use this time to gather together with others and share memories and stories that honor the dead but also creates an atmosphere of support and comfort.
4.Make space for gratitude by finding ways to honor your loved one.
A beautiful way to tap into gratitude this holiday season is by honoring the person who passed on and the impact they had on your life. Actionable ways to honor them can look like cooking their favorite dish, using one of their special recipes, sharing stories about them, or even reflecting on the impact they had on you. Some reflection questions to think of include:
- I am grateful to have known this person because…
- This person positively impacted my life by….
- I want to honor their legacy by…
5.Create new rituals/traditions to cope with the loss of your loved one.
When a loved one passes on, it can be painful trying to keep the same routine or tradition so starting a new one might be a way to express gratitude for what was, as you make space for something new. New traditions can look like assigning new roles to people who may be assisting with hosting, prepping dinner, etc., opting out of cooking altogether and going out to a restaurant, or even trying new recipes to avoid being triggered by that dish your loved one always used to cook.
When dealing with grief, it is always important to remember this: You are allowed to grieve and express gratitude without feeling guilty. There is nothing wrong or bad about focusing on good things and positive memories. You get to decide what your heart can handle and remember that both grief and gratitude can co-exist.
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Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Ari Lennox has been heating up Instagram with sensual photos showing off her toned physique. The “Get Close” singer is currently on tour with Rod Wave and is giving us a peek at her show fits, which includes shimmer bikini tops and mini skirts that show off her abs. Ari began her physical transformation in 2021, and while the sultry singer has always gave bawdy, she decided to step her health up a notch. Speaking to Hot 97's Nessa, the “Pressure” artist revealed some of the ways she likes to stay in shape.
Ari Lennox On Her Fitness Regimen
“While I was in California, I was hiking a lot. I found an amazing trail. Shoutout to my tour manager, Jess. She put me onto this amazing trail called Temescal trail, and I fell in love with it,” she said. “But I was pissed the first time because it’s so strenuous, but then I’m like, ‘Oh, this is doing something, this is good. The more strenuous, the better. That is my thing, but I prefer doing it in mountainous areas like California.”
As she continued talking about hiking, she also dished on her other go-to moves, which included a popular YouTuber’s workout videos. “So, I do like it, but if I’m not there, then I like walking in nature like that’s my exercise,” she said. “Like that, and Grow with Jo. Like she has dope HIIT workouts on YouTube. I like those, and then I’ve been doing jumping jacks lately.”
Back in 2021, the "Pressure" singer's former trainer revealed that she was working out 4-5 times a week and eating clean.
Ari Lennox On Her Sobriety
Keeping her body in motion is one important factor in staying healthy, but so is giving up alcohol. The Grammy-nominated artist is 11 months sober and opened up about her sobriety in a vulnerable July Instagram post. While talking to Nessa, Ari delved deeper into what sparked her sobriety and why she decided to share it with the world. “I just wasn’t able to protect myself in so many wild ways. So many sad ways, dark ways. I was not able to protect myself, and it was crazy because I was thinking that I was,” she admitted.
“I was thinking that I was in so much control, and I literally was in a space where I was allowing so many devils to come in and just take advantage of me ‘cause I was just not there. I was just not there. I wasn’t able to protect me, so now I’m in a space where it feels good to protect me, and it’s like, wow, this seems a lot more in control than I thought drinking was.”
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