On Friday, June 24th, Solange Knowles was given the gift of her 30th birthday and in return she gave the world a gift with an Instagram post that was encouraging and definitely took me out of the rut that I have been in. Lately for me, life has been a confusing and sometimes overwhelming roller coaster that has taken me on many highs and some unexpected lows. Last Friday when I was at the point where I wanted to say eff it to certain goals because the work seemed harder than I envisioned, and because I didn’t have enough money, Solange’s post literallycame at the right time.
The Saint Records CEO used her influence on Instagram to educate her followers on her journey of life from a little girl to a woman. And boy, has she had a hell of a life!
Here's the timeline of the past 30 years that she shared:
Born: June 24th
Age 3-5: Wore tap shoes and tutus everywhere
Age 9: Wrote first song (A jingle for the United Way)
Age 10: Felt God
Age 13: Met first love (in a parking lot)
Age 15: Wrote/Released my first album for weird teenagers
Age 16: Started writing songs for other awesome people
Age 17: Lost my best friend Marsai to gun violence
Age 18: Pregnant
Married first love
Gave birth to angel baby
Age 19: Divorced
Age 20-22: Wiled the hell out
Age 22: Fell head over heels in love again
Age 24: Experienced Insane panic attacks and agoraphobia and convinced I would die by 30
Age 26: Wrote and released third album
Age 27: Started (Saint Records) record label and cultural hub (St. Heron)
Released first album on label
Freed myself of "friends" on the journey to womanhood
Started writing most proud of body of work
The World called me crazy
Age 28: I Married my best friend
Age 29: Completed 4th album (72 hours before turning 30)
Age 30: Just really getting started
Solo also used the post as a reminder of how crucial it is for us to take charge of our own lives, live out our destiny, and to believe in the beauty of our dreams.
As she so graciously put it, “Don't eveeer let anyone write your story for you."
[Tweet "Don't eveeer let anyone write your story for you. - Solange"]
Here is what we can all learn from Solange’s post as it relates to our career, personal life, and love status.
On work..
Solange started her musical career in her early teens. Years later at the age of 26, she started her own record label, and at 27, she released her first album off of her own label. Talk about being a BOSS!
This definitely proves that sometimes it may take a while to accomplish certain dreams that you may have. Although the goal that you have in mind may be destined for you, it may not be destined for you at the moment or when you want it to happen.
It’s all about timing.
Although Solange didn’t have her own record label until the age of 26, she definitely experienced success before then. Solange worked hard in the music industry and learned from some of the best (hey sister Bey!!), and when the time was right, she became her own boss, creating her ownopportunities. If you have your own goals that seem impossible, just be patient, hustle hard, and remember to not give up when things don't happen when you want. When the timing is right, you will reap the benefits.
[Tweet "Be patient. Remember, it's all about timing."]
On life..
I recently heard someone say that you learn who you are while in college and that is the furthest thing from the truth that I’ve heard in a while. I think in college you do learn a few things about yourself, but it isn’t until you take a ride in the “real world” with real problems, jobs, and bills that you learn who you reallyare.
During this journey of finding one’s self, it will be hard. You will make mistakes, find new friends, and lose quite a few. In Solange's Instagram post she mentioned, “[I] freed myself of "friends" on the journey to womanhood.” Sometimes in our own journey, we have to free ourselves from more than just friends. We have to also let go of toxic careers, bad habits, and unfavorable choices that somehow find a way to keep us from progressing in life.
Freeing yourself from people, jobs, and habits can be difficult at times. Often people don’t like to do anything out of their comfort zone because of their fear of the unknown. Nonetheless, in order for us to evolve and be at a place where we can receive what’s meant for us, sometimes we have to let go.
On love..
Everybody is either getting married or having babies and meanwhile I’m just trying to figure out how I can get my glow up from my side gigs and watch new episodes of House of Lies in my free time.
Despite my freelance writing and TV watching goals, I can’t lie and say that I don’t want to ever get married or bring life into this world. However, when the timing is right, those things will happen for me. Solange is proof. She dated other men before and has even been divorced. Now she is married again, but this time to her best friend and the true love her life.
Before you rush into getting into a relationship so that you can be the next person to flaunt your engagement on the gram’:
Find yourselfLearn how to love yourself
And don’t start something until you know you are ready.
Even if you think you are ready for love and it doesn’t work out - oh well. You live, and you learn, and there will always be a valuable lesson from every relationship.
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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The U.S. self-care industry is worth billions of dollars, but creating a beneficial self-care routine doesn’t have to break the bank. In fact, practicing self-care is much simpler than you might think.
Here are 7 ideas to help you refresh your self-care routine.
1.Get Curious
Self-care isn’t one-size-fits-all. What works for a friend or family member might not work for you. Therefore, gaining clarity about what you want, or need, in order to pour into yourself is vital. Ask yourself the following questions before you get started for guidance:
- What do I want more of in order to relax? What do I want less of?
- What are my core values and how can I implement them into my routine?
- What activities light me up inside?
- What am I currently doing that drains my energy or wastes my time?
2.Learn a New Skill
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Learning a new skill not only challenges your brain in the best way, but it can also help you feel better too! According to Psychology Today, learning something new– even if it’s just for fun– keeps your brain engaged and healthy. Plus, self-discovery and self-care go hand in hand. Not only will you expand your mind, but you’ll also increase your sense of well-being by taking up a hobby that challenges and intrigues you. To get started, consider the following:
- Cooking a dish from a region you’re not accustomed to
- Gardening
- Sewing or knitting
- Learning a foreign language
- Playing a new sport
- Painting or drawing
- Photography
- Learning to play an instrument
3.Write Yourself a Letter
When was the last time you recognized the parts of yourself that you absolutely love, outside of your role as a mother? Writing a self-love letter is a simple yet effective self-care activity that will fill your cup. You can list the characteristics you love about yourself in bullet form. You can choose to focus on a tender memory that shaped your life or simply brought you joy. Or you can write to your inner child, praising yourself for the person you are today.
There’s no right or wrong way to write the letter since it’s solely for you. You can be as extravagant or detailed as you want. You can boast, you can brag, you can flex– it’s up to you. Simply focus on the positive aspects of your being (big or small) and watch the words flow. But most importantly, allow the letter to serve as a gentle reminder that you are worthy of love.
4.Try a New Product
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Sometimes self-care calls for products that help you relax. As a busy mom with tons on your schedule, a subscription box offers ways to sample new self-care products each month. Companies like Black Girl Magic Box curate health and wellness products from Black-owned businesses.
Do you need a bit of R&R but can’t pencil in a spa day? Refresh your bath and body products with Naked Bar Soap Co.’s luxurious soaps, body oils, and bath bombs to wind down at home. After unwinding, don’t forget that sleep is an essential part of self-care. Investing in products like sleep masks, weighted blankets, high-quality pajama sets, and essential oil diffusers can take your rest to the next level.
5.Schedule “Me Time”
Alone time can be hard to come by but it’s vital for mental health. Periods of solitude can reduce stress and give us a chance to check in with ourselves. When our brains have time to disconnect from life’s stressors when we’re secluded, we’re able to pour back into our families and friends when we return.
For some, "me time" might look like sitting in the car for ten minutes after returning from work. Or maybe it’s enlisting a babysitter to watch your children while you take yourself out on a date. Maybe it’s locking your bedroom door and catching up on your favorite shows while your partner holds down the fort. However you decide to carve out time for yourself, remember to hold fast to it. Add it to your calendar. Cancel plans with others if need be. Your alone time is non-negotiable and deserves space in your life.
6.Practice Gratitude
Delmaine Donson/Getty Images
Reflecting on the things we’re grateful for is a guaranteed mood booster. Not only that, but it provides an opportunity for introspection, too. There are hosts of gratitude journals that offer writing prompts and nuggets to reflect on, but a regular journal works just as well. If you’re new to journaling, don’t feel pressured to practice it daily. Jotting your thoughts down once a week or once a month is just as impactful.
Affirmations are another way to reflect on the good in your life (or the good that is on its way). They are typically short in length and easy to read or memorize. Place them in areas you frequent throughout the day– think bathroom mirror, car, or office– for a daily reminder of the beauty around you.
7.Get Grounded
Grounding, or earthing, is a therapeutic technique that involves activities that place you in contact with the earth. Examples of grounding include walking barefoot in the grass or sitting/lying on the ground. People who participate in grounding report an increase in mood and a decrease in anxiety and depression.
If skin-to-earth contact isn’t your vibe, taking part in outdoor activities is another self-care option. Attend a yoga class in the park. Go for a leisurely hike. Or simply sit on a bench. Being outdoors for even just a few minutes is enough to boost your mental well-being.
Motherhood comes with tasks that are constantly vying for our attention. And even though we know how important pouring into ourselves is, we don’t want to abandon our self-care routine because we’re burdened by it. The goal is to incorporate self-care activities into our daily lives in a sustainable way. It might take some trial and error to figure out what works for your lifestyle, but it’s worth the effort. You are worth the effort.
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Originally published on February 8, 2023