My best friend and I were having a conversation about prayer one day, and she said to me, "You have to be SPECIFIC with your prayers to God; don't leave anything out!" That really stuck with me, because prior to this, there had been so many times I've prayed or meditated over something, and while sometimes I received what I asked for, most of the time it wasn't quite what I thought I wanted.
I prayed for a new job, but that new job didn't end up fulfilling me. I've prayed for new opportunities, but when the opportunities came, I would often pass on them because, again, they weren't quite right. I even prayed for a new man, and girl, you can imagine how that went since I wasn't SPECIFIC.
The way the dating game is set up nowadays, some of us are out here really trying to figure out the secret weapon that will land us the man of our dreams. We see other couples flourishing and are left to wonder, how did they do it?
Nicole Ari Parker and Boris Kodjoe's relationship reflects the stuff that dreams are made of: beauty, brains, long-lasting passion, kids, and success. The acting duo married in 2005, and for 13 years we've been screaming "#Relationshipgoals." Outside of the obvious, many may have wondered what Nicole did to conjure up such a catch like Boris. So much so, Nicole even responded to one curious commenter in a recent post on Instagram detailing exactly what she did.
The comment read, "Can we get that prayer you said for Boris??!!??" And in response, the 48-year-old gave us all the instructions we need when praying and manifesting the man of our dreams:
"Me: Dear Lord, What should I do?
GOD: Make a list.
Me: A list?
GOD: Yes. Write down EVERYTHING you want. Even the parts you don't want me to see. 😒
GOD: The spiritual stuff, the heart & mental stuff, the physical and the financial.
Me: 😲umm okay: Loving, warm, WANTS to be a husband & father, Fine 😜, WANTS to provide, mentally, physically and spiritually strong, AFFECTIONATE, curious about the world, likes to travel, likes music, likes history, likes art, likes the theatre, big hands, big feet🤔, sexy, really smart, funny, fun, got jokes, makes the highest & best choices for himself, has that "no-matter-what-I-got-this" spirit cause ish is gonna happen, respects his mother, forgives his father, loves himself and knows God. 💛
GOD: Okay now REALLY take that in. SEE him, FEEL him in your mind. SIT WITH THAT...ENJOY THAT..Now ask yourself.. Is he perfect for you?
Me: (inhales and exhales deeply) Yes..Lawd..I mean Lord. YES.
GOD: Now ask yourself... if he enters the room RIGHT now..Are you perfect for him?
Me: (takes reallyyy long pause).....Proceeds to get mind right & affairs in order, rereads Their Eyes Were Watching God, goes to therapy, examines issues, forgives herself & others, calls parents more often, renews passport, goes to church, does a sit up and goes for a run, dusts off that business idea i had🤔, remembers to laugh, buys nice lotion and rubs it all over body EVERYDAY, then buys some more, stays grateful for all her parts, cherishes friends, dances in her room, balances checkbook, makes green juice, loves herself. (Sidebar: At that point...after all that..i was good either way..happy, confident and moisturized.)
💛 and THEN
here he comes... 💛
Let's break this down:
Write a list
According to Nicole, the first thing God asked her to do was to sit down and write a list--a detailed list describing all of the attributes she was looking for and desired in a man, even the things she might not feel comfortable divulging to others, including the Lord himself. This list included the mental, spiritual, physical, and financial "stuff" that she desired as well as the type of love she wanted to receive.
This list will be different for everyone, but the key is in the details. Are you looking for a provider? Write it down. Do you need all of your love languages fulfilled on a daily basis? Write that down, too. Despite the fact that there has been debate on whether or not having a list of qualities we want in a man is productive or not, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having standards.
The power of manifestation is real. The best athletes use this method to improve their game. The most successful business consists of people coming up with business plans and vision boards in order to have a visual representation of the future goals. So why wouldn't this work when it comes to manifesting the right man?
Nicole says that God said to her, "SEE him, FEEL him in your mind. SIT WITH THAT...ENJOY THAT." Sometimes we can be so focused on what we don't have, that we forget to focus on what we want. And if you've read anything about manifestation or the law of attraction, you know that if we are focusing on the the things we DON'T want, we just end up bringing more of that into our lives. It's science, people. Picture that man in your mind, feel what it would be like to have him in your life, and then move on to the next step.
Many of us are familiar with the Bible verse, "Ask and ye shall receive." But if you actually look up the verse, there's more to it than simply asking. What it really means is that, yes, you have to ask, but you also have to have faith and BELIEVE. You have to believe that you are deserving of that ask. You have to have faith that it is yours, even without it appearing immediately in front of you. That is the very essence of faith. For Nicole, she says God asked her, "Now ask yourself.. Is he perfect for you?" We have to be willing to understand that the perfect man for us is really out there, and have faith that he will be presented to us when the time is right (trust me I know, THAT is the hard part).
Work on you
So you've got your list, you can feel this man in your soul, and you know he's on his way. Now what?
Well, if you've read any type of dating advice, then you've heard it time and time again: work on yourself while you wait. Nicole says that God was straight up with her when He said, "Now ask yourself... if he enters the room RIGHT now..Are you perfect for him?"
To be "equally yoked" means that we have to be willing to be more like the person we would want to come into our lives.
Nicole did all of the things she had been putting off, and tied up those loose ends we all have. She made more time for the people and things she loved, and with that, began to love herself more and more deeply. In the end, this is the key advice that many of us have a hard time following through with. I know, we all have schedules and drama to deal with, but when we take the time for self-care and self-reflection, the only thing left to do is grow more in love with ourselves. And like Nicole, you may even find yourself "good either way...happy, confident and moisturized." Issa win-win.
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"And then he comes."
Boop, said God. Won't he do it!
I'm ready to try this, ladies. What about you? Have you prayed about your dream guy? Do you have a similar experience? Let us know in the comments!