The Real Reason Amandla Stenberg Came Out Twice
Amandla Stenberg has come a long way since first making her mark as the beloved District 11 tribute Rue in the Hunger Games series. Amandla has gone to star in films like Everything, Everything, Darkest Minds, and the forthcoming adaptation of Angie Thomas's best-selling novel The Hate U Give (premiering October 19). Witnessing her growth as an actress and an activist has been endearing, but so has watching her walk into her truth as a woman. Constantly evolving. Always unapologetically. Sexuality and all. She made headlines earlier this year when she came out to the world as gay, after revealing years prior that she was bisexual.
The soon-to-be 20-year-old recently graced the October/November cover for Seventeen magazine and talked owning her beauty, sexuality, and the truth behind her deciding to come out twice.
SILJA MAGG/SEVENTEEN
Back in 2016, Amandla, who was quickly becoming a symbol of young activism, came out as "a black, bisexual woman" during a Teen Vogue Snapchat conversation. Fast-forward to this year, she came out as simply and completely gay. She and her girlfriend singer King Princess made their red carpet debut at this year's VMAs. In her Seventeen cover story, she noted that gender and sexuality are fluid, noting that there are allowed to be gray areas in the attempt to make sexuality and sexual orientation a black and white conversation:
"Gender and sexuality are so fluid—it's okay to change your mind a million times and figure out what works for you. It's okay to take your time… I'd been out as bisexual, and people have known I'm queer for a long time. I saw some comments that made me chuckle, like, 'Girl, we been knew!' But I wanted to make it very clear that I have romantic love for women. I realized I had so much internalized homophobia and so much discomfort around hooking up with dudes. I always knew that when I hooked up with girls, it was the happiest I'd been in any sexual dynamic. I love that we have this umbrella term of queer, and so many things can exist underneath it, but I realized that part of my journey was hiding underneath that umbrella, because I was scared—on a personal and a public level—to confront what I was. It was easier for me to say 'I'm bi' or 'I'm pan' as I was figuring it out. But I came to a place where I felt really proud of my sexuality, and I decided I wanted to share that pride."
The beautiful thing about life is that you don't have to fit into a box if you don't want to. You are allowed to decide who you are by yourself and for yourself. And when you live your life in your truth, you live life for yourself and you move through the world in such a way that aligns with that. For Amandla, that means being open about her pride for her queerness, but also leaving tables where she is no longer being served. Body confidence is a thing and these days, Amandla refuses to let anyone make her feel bad for being herself. That extends to casting directors.
DFree / Shutterstock.com
"Being in entertainment can be hard—if you were to meet actors in real life, you'd probably be surprised at how tiny they are. I'm not a hella-skinny person—I'm petite, but I'm low-key slim-thick—and I've had people put pressure on me to lose weight or oversexualize my body because it doesn't look infantile. People often say my boobs are too big. There have been several moments when I was filming a scene, and someone came over with a small sports bra and said, 'Put this on real quick. Your boobs look too big on camera.' You're conceived of as too much if you have, like, thighs. It's ridiculous! I try to only work in spaces now that make me feel comfortable. It's challenging, but I'd rather be healthy and happy and love my body."
A large part of her embracing her curves and her lowkey slim thick status is about learning to love the skin that she is. The "woke" activist is vocal about her love for her blackness and pushing the culture forward by being a voice for our generation by way of offering support to Black Lives Matter and the like. For her, to experience true self-love and and learn to embrace her beauty and the features that embodied her black identity, it meant and still means unlearning what she had been taught:
"I've had to unlearn a lot, and I'm still unlearning things. I hated my hair growing up—I thought it was ugly. By the time I got to high school, I was using a relaxer. But when I was 16, I chopped off all the dead hair and started wearing it natural, and I realized that it was so beautiful and cool and versatile! Anti-black beauty standards are so pervasive. Fighting that requires constant unpacking and positive self-messaging, so of course I still have my moments when I feel insecure. But in those moments, I'm always [inspired] by the fact that being black is just so poppin'. The perspective, the culture, the family, the food…I love everything about being black."
Check out more snippets from the feature story here. The October/November issue debuts on newsstands on September 25.
Featured image by DFree / Shutterstock.com
- Amandla Stenberg Comes Out As Bisexual on Snapchat | Time ›
- Amandla Stenberg Comes Out as Gay in New Interview | Billboard ... ›
- Amandla Stenberg Comes Out as Gay ›
- Amandla Stenberg Comes Out as Gay | InStyle.com ›
- Amandla Stenberg ('Darkest Minds') feels fans' love after coming out ›
- Amandla Stenberg Comes Out As Gay In New Interview | Billboard ›
- Amandla Stenberg Comes Out As Gay | HuffPost ›
- Amandla Stenberg Comes Out as Gay | E! News ›
- Amandla Stenberg on Her Sexuality, Finding Love, and Loving Herself ›
- Amandla Stenberg Battled 'Internalized Homophobia' Before ... ›
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images