5 Times Amanda Seales Dropped Potent Truths
*Alexa, play Solange - "Mad".
From Atatiana Jefferson to Botham Jean, it seems like news headlines seem to get more and more unbelievable and at this point, sis is tired. Sis is me. I am sis.
As a Black woman living in modern America, the truth can be hard to swallow. Luckily, hip hop artist-turned comedian Amanda Seales is here to shell it out in small doses.
Famously known as the woman who got Becky with the Bad Attitude all the way together during one of her comedy shows in January, Amanda isn't new to being a multi-hyphenate force of nature, she's true to it. The Inglewood-born mogul-in-the-making initially made her debut on network television in 1994, and two decades and an HBO special later, she's here to let the industry know that she's just getting started.
On Tuesday, the 38-year-old Insecure actress released her first book Small Doses: Potent Truths for Everyday Use, a compilation of illustrations, photos, and essays that offers self-help from a "hip" perspective and promises to help you find your truth and laugh your ass off at the same damn time.
In honor of Amanda's latest drop, here are 5 potent truths from the starlet that are sure to give you your weekly dose of realness:
You Won't Be Everyone's Cup Of Tea & That's OK
Some people are just dedicated to misunderstanding you. It just is, and for a number of reasons that may not have anything to do with what you're saying.
A Clapback Isn’t Always Necessary
In a previous interview with The Breakfast Club, Amanda revealed the reason why she decided to take a short hiatus from social media to focus on her mental health.
"I took a social media break because I realized I had not adjusted how I was interacting with social media, even though my social media had shifted. I went from having 40,000 followers in like June of 2017 to almost a million by March. I was still operating the same way, trying to interact with everybody, clapping back. And I'm like this is not healthy."
According to Amanda, despite her consistent quest for justice in the media world, she ultimately realized that not every comment deserves a response, a note that we should all take when it comes to both our personal and professional lives.
"That's when I shifted and I decided I need to be more about calling people in, instead of calling people out. I need to be more conscious about how I speak about things and trying to be more positive. And that's just my life in general."
You Are The Table, Sis
"The more that I learned about myself and what I bring to the table, it made it clearer for me to chart what courses I should be going. I talk a lot about your worth versus your market value and that dichotomy is so important for a lot of us coming up in business because it saves you a lot of stress."
"For a long time, I didn't have a balance in terms of my worth and my market value; I was just a very talented person who hadn't done any work that truly demonstrated my talent. I had to make a conscious decision to change the type of work that I'm doing...I needed to change the type of spaces that I'm speaking in. It's not as much about strategy than if something feels right."
Self-Doubt Is Part Of The Journey
Last year, xoNecole caught up with Amanda at the ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood Awards, where she shared the truth about making it out on top in a saturated industry; for Amanda, the key was having stamina in the midst of self-doubt.
"This game is so much about stamina. It's not just about talent. A lot of us got talent, it's definitely not about being cute. We are all cute. The game-changer is who can last, through the trials, tribulations, the self-doubt, the fails. The misdirects, you think you are going in this direction and it's like 'uh ha! Got you b-tch.' That's really where you find out who has it."
Truth Hurts, But It's Necessary.
"You may not like how I'm saying something, but you know what the f*ck I'm saying. I don't speak no sh*t unless I know. Free speech doesn't mean freedom to talk out your ass without being checked. And I don't talk out my ass. I know what I'm talking about it. I didn't shade you. The facts shaded you."
Featured image by Instagram/@AmandaSeales.
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
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Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images