Not too long ago, I watched a video featuring relationship coach Stephan Labossiere. The topic was "A Lot of Women Will Run from Being with a Great Man" (indeed!) and his initial point was this: "A lot of times when you see these relationships be dysfunctional and people say that love just didn't win? No, it's because love was never there…love isn't what was driving your relationship, so that's why it failed."
"Love can conquer all, it really can, but it has to be real…people aren't operating in love. They are operating in infatuation, they are operating in fear…there are women who say they want that great man, but don't think they deserve that great man."
To me, when two people make the decision to have the title "boyfriend and girlfriend", a big part of the purpose of that time in the relationship is to see if love—rather than infatuation, fear or even just the obsession with being in some type of relationship rather than none at all—is really there.
At the same time, the reason why so many break-ups tend to be so brutal (to the point of sometimes being just as traumatizing as a divorce) is because folks assume that just because someone is great to date, they automatically are wonderful to marry. NOPE.
Listen, if the word "boyfriend" was a synonym for husband, there would be no need for the word in the first place. A dating relationship is very different from a marriage (just ask anyone who's married!). And as I'm about to share with you, it can be very easy to have a boyfriend who is all-of-that-and-then-some who would totally suck as your partner for life.
How is that even possible? You'd be surprised.
His Values Don’t Line up with Yours
When you're dating someone, while it would be cool if you both were on the same page when it came to things like religion, politics and family, it doesn't have to be a deal breaker if you're not. If anything, not seeing things that same way can make for some riveting conversation and debates.
But when you're married, sharing core values is pretty important. What are both of your views on money? What are both of your expectations when it comes to needs in a relationship? Do both of you value intimacy the same way? What are both of your personal goals? How do you both want to use your gifts and talents? Does family matter a lot or a little? Are you both civil rights-minded and community service-oriented or not? Is God the top priority in both of your lives?
Be careful. These things may not seem like a big deal now, but a whole lot of people are in divorce court over not being able to get on the same wavelength when it comes to core value issues.
He Has Poor Boundaries with Family and Friends
GiphyThis. One. Right. Here. Shoot, even the Bible says that people should "leave and cleave" once they get married (Genesis 2:18-25), yet it's insane how many men are mama's boys and how many women still expect their daddy to buy them stuff (or financially bail them out of things).
When someone is just your boyfriend, you might not even know that half of his income goes to taking care of his immature and totally toxic family members. Then you marry the guy and your own heat isn't on because he's still making his family a bigger priority than his marriage.
While I'm not saying that you should automatically dismiss a man for having poor family (and friend) boundaries, I do recommend that you pay attention to how he moves when it comes to them. Oh, and that you gift him with the book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life. If he doesn't set limits now, you'll both live to regret it…later.
He Doesn’t Plan Ahead
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Ask most relationship experts and they'll tell you that a clear sign of a commitment-phobe is he doesn't like to plan ahead. I'm pretty sure you can see where I'm going with this point, right? If you're dating someone who breaks out into hives at the very thought of setting a date more than three days in advance, you might want to look further into why that's such a problem for him. Unless he has the kind of profession that makes it difficult to stick to a schedule, it really shouldn't be that big of a deal.
Although a man who doesn't plan may seem all sexy and spontaneous when you're dating 1) if he doesn't plan dates, I'm not so sure he has plans for your relationship and 2) if he's not in the habit of being a planner, if you do somehow end up married to him, you're setting yourself up to always be in an unpredictable headspace right along with him.
How are we gonna pay the mortgage? No plan.
Are we going to your parents or mine this Christmas? No plan.
I'm ready to leave your no-planning-butt. Now what? Still, no plan.
He Isn’t Proactively Supportive of Your Goals
If I could name one thing that I don't think single people think about nearly enough when it comes to choosing a spouse, it would be underestimating how important it is to have someone who sees you as a life partner and team member; someone who is truly interested in what your purpose in life is and personal goals and aspirations are.
If you've always wanted to be a book author, it might be hard to detect if your boyfriend cares one way or another because, unless you live with him, you can separate your writing time from the time you spend with him. But if you and this same guy don't discuss your vision and desires for your life before saying "I do", you could discover that, not only is he not the most supportive cat on the planet, his expectations may actually compete with what you want to do when it comes to time and resources.
Pay attention now to how much (or little) your boyfriend proactively rallies around your life plans. If he isn't doing it much now, you're setting yourself up for a real let-down if you think that somehow he's going to miraculously change once you become his wife.
His Lifestyle Is TOTALLY DIFFERENT Than Yours
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You like to travel. He's a homebody. He works out religiously. You can't recall the last time you set foot inside of a gym. You're vegan. He's a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy. You're eco-friendly. He thinks recycling is being tedious. He's mad frugal with cash. You've got $200 in your savings account. He goes to church three days a week. You're more into lay activities at home. He likes the country. You're a city girl.
The cool thing about dating someone who has a totally different lifestyle than you is they can help to expand your perspective on things. But if you marry someone with these same lifestyle variances and neither of you are open to compromise, the same differences that were such a turn-on can become the very things that make both of you uncomfortable and resentful, just months into your union.
Hey, I'm not saying that opposites don't attract. I'm simply saying that you need more than attraction to make a marriage work. You need some symmetry and harmony up in there too.
He’s Inconsistent
If you were to ask me right now to provide you with a list of five things that I wish I had required in my past relationship, chile, consistency would be mentioned twice! One of my favorite definitions of the word is "constantly adhering to the same principles, course, form, etc." When a man is consistent, he makes you feel like you can trust him. Like he's got a strong sense of character and integrity. Like his word truly is his bond.
When you're only dating someone, you might not interact with him enough to know how consistent (or inconsistent) he is about things—things like paying bills, showing up to events on time or remembering things that you mentioned were important to you. Or, if he does drop the ball, you might not think it's that big of a deal.
Ask any wife whose husband puts them on the roller coaster ride of inconsistency and they'll tell you to not overlook this blaring red flag. It's hard to sleep well at night when you don't know if a man is gonna do what he said—or not.
He Doesn’t Bring Up Marriage. Like at All. EVER.
Le sigh. As hard as it may be to hear—and I know about this point better than most—some men make great boyfriends and bad husbands because they never intended to become more than a boyfriend. Although they like the idea of being in an exclusive relationship, what they want to avoid is the legalities of having an actual spouse. To them, that feels too locked in and permanent.
A while back, I penned a piece about the fact that if a man is truly husband material, he's gonna be someone who desires to be married. Not in maybe-someday-like-15-years-up kind of way. I mean the "It is a priority to find my wife and commit to her in the next couple of years" kind of way.
If you've been seeing someone for several months now and he hasn't said a single solitary word about marriage, it could be because he enjoys being no more than your boyfriend. If you're cool with that, cool. If not, don't feel the least bit guilty or pushy for asking him if—as Boris Kodjoe's character in Brown Sugar so cornily rapped—marriage is on his menu.
If he gives you a blank stare or tries to change the subject, the answer is probably "no". If you stay and then dish out ultimatums up the road, he very well could marry you, but if he wasn't ready (and a man can only get truly ready on his own), well, the title for this piece could end up being quite fitting—and super infuriating too.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Ananda Lewis Clarifies Why She Didn't Get A Mastectomy & Says She's Doing 'Better' After Stage IV Breast Cancer Diagnosis
Former MTV VJ Ananda Lewis received a lot of backlash from online critics after sharing she decided to forgo a double mastectomy. But there's more to the story.
Ananda was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer in 2019, and during a recent round table discussion with CNN's Stephanie Elam and Sara Sidner, she revealed that she decided not to get a double mastectomy and, now, she has stage IV cancer.
Following that interview, she clarified why she did not get the surgery. “The circumstances were not conducive to surgery because my tumor wasn’t aggressively growing at the time, and then COVID hit,” Ananda told The Epoch Times.
She opted for a cryoablation treatment instead, which uses extreme cold to destroy the cancer cells.
Another thing the 51-year-old wanted to clarify was whether she was dying. She said she is not. “Nothing happened. Today, I am fantastic. I may have felt like I was dying in February, but I’m not dying, and I’m definitely doing better than I was last October,” she said.
She is focused on taking care of herself and getting a "good 20 more years out of this body." She follows a keto diet and avoids alcohol, white flour and white sugar.
During the CNN roundtable discussion, the mother of one shared that she had an integrative approach to her treatment, which included traditional medicine and homeopathy methods such as red light therapy.
“My plan at first was to get out excessive toxins in my body. I felt like my body is intelligent, I know that to be true. Our bodies are brilliantly made,” she said.
“I decided to keep my tumor and try to work it out of my body a different way,” she continued. “Looking back on that, I go, ‘You know what? Maybe I should have.’
Ananda also admitted that she wasn't prioritizing early detection, such as getting mammograms. The former talk show host's mom also had breast cancer and chose to go the conventional route, which influenced her to go a non-traditional route.
As a content creator, Ananda uses her social media to inform others on the things she's learned about obtaining good health such as toxic items to through out of your pantry and the many benefits of water.
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Feature image by Paul Archuleta/Getty Images