Every year Forbes releases a list of the best companies to work for and Internet start-ups like Google, Twitter, AirBnB and Facebook continue to make those lists. These companies have become the model for what a perfect workplace utopia looks like. Vibrant employees, exciting work and amazing benefits make positions at these companies coveted and competitive. However, recently there has been an influx of people leaving these “perfect” jobs. How could it be possible for people to quit working at a place like AirBnB? Taylor Yarborough knows exactly what its like to discover that her “dream job” wasn’t the perfect place for her.
In the advertising world Ogilvy is considered one of the best agencies to work for and the best place to start a career in the advertising industry. The office culture, the client work and the reputation is what attracted Taylor to the company when she was a junior at Spelman. “It just seemed like the place where I needed to be. It was a big creative space, but it was corporate so it came with all of the amenities and perks that a large organization like it provides.” She applied for their summer internship and worked in the New York office before entering her senior year. She loved it so much that she secured an internship in Ogilvy’s Atlanta office during her last year in college, which later turned into a full-time job opportunity upon graduation.
She began to notice the difference between the New York office in comparison to the Atlanta office. “The accounts were different, the office culture was so much different, I started to think maybe I do like Ogilvy, but I just prefer the New York office better,” Taylor explained.
She really started feeling frustrated about her situation once she became a full-time employee. “It did not align with what I wanted to do within the advertising and marketing space and the cultural fit wasn’t clicking for me either,” she said. It did not take long for Taylor to feel that this dream place was not her dream anymore. “I really thought that I would work there for the rest of my life,” she shared. After an attempt to transfer to another office location, Taylor took a leap of faith and put in her month’s notice without securing another job offer. “I had to let the dream go that this was the only place for me, because it’s not true," Taylor explained.
We went to college, interned and networked our way to get into the places that seemed like it would be the perfect fit for our career goals and lifestyle. It happens to the best of us, but then we quickly discover that the position and company that we worked so hard to gain employment with isn’t what we imagined it would be. We start to go over it in our heads: I thought this was the place for me, but it’s not. What do I do now and how do I figure out what’s next for me? It’s a struggle when you have to come to terms that your perfect job isn’t so perfect after all. But before you throw in the towel, here are some ways to combat “perfect job syndrome” in your next job search:
DON'T BE BLINDSIDED BY THE HYPE
Crystal Marsh is a Millennial career coach based out of Los Angeles. The former attorney weighed in on the topic of "perfect job syndrome" and offered some advice for those searching for the perfect job. “I think people put certain companies on a pedestal because of brand familiarity. It’s a company that they know and love, so you imagine that it’s going to be an amazing place to work. A lot of these companies are a great place to work, but it doesn’t necessarily make it the great place for you or even a cultural fit for you. It might not align with your skill sets and gifts,” she explained.
As consumers, we fall in love with brands like Pepsi, Google and Twitter. Name recognition excites us and the people around us when we work at these cool brands. I remember the reaction and favoritism that I would receive at networking events when I worked for particular companies based on brand familiarity. The last part of my work email got me into many rooms that I wouldn’t be able to get in otherwise and afforded me many perks, but those places might not have been the right cultural fit for me. Just because we have an understanding and appreciation for these exciting brands from a consumer point-of-view, doesn’t always mean that working for the brand will be the perfect fit for us. Don't let the popularity of the brand, blind you from what your true career goals are. Perks and benefits are great, but those incentives won't elevate your passion or your purpose.
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DISCOVER COMPANY CULTURE BEFORE APPLYING
I’ve applied to many places when I was desperate for employment, not caring whether the company would actually fit my needs. It left me feeling like I wasted months and even years in a space that didn’t align with my career goals. After feeling like I had to start over again way too many times, I started to be particular about the places I applied to. I started to be proactive about my needs from a company by having informational interviews.
“If there is a company that you really want to work for and you admire the brand make sure you learn the cultural fit of the company. Be clear on how employees feel about it as well. Informational interviews are really great, but its even better if you can get an information interview with a former employee. There’s the chance that you can get more of the real scoop from someone who is no longer working for the company,” Crystal says.
MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
Starting a new job is exciting because it’s making that first step towards your goals and earning a livelihood. However, while stepping in the door of your first job you should remember to be open minded and accepting to the things that you discover about the culture and the employees you will be working for. Not everything you encounter that first week is going to impress you.
“When you start [the jobs] almost seem perfect, but I think I didn’t do a good job managing my own expectations so after a couple of weeks I thought maybe this isn’t perfect. I think I may have enjoyed myself more, if I accepted that a little bit more. A job can be great, it can be rewarding, it can be challenging but perfection wasn’t something that I was likely to find,” Crystal said.
Manage your expectations and open yourself up to your new job. Remember you were hired to help turn issues into profits and help fill the voids that could make efficiencies better. The very thing that concerns you about the new gig can be the very thing you change for the better.
FOCUS YOUR ENERGY INTO BUILDING YOUR STRENGTHS
If you get to a place where you are ready to move on to another opportunity, find ways to get through the day without feeling sad, annoyed and disappointed by your situation. It can be hard, but there are ways to take that negative energy and put it towards something positive. Crystal suggests that you work on a skill that you struggle with at work and become great at it before you leave your job.
“One of the easiest things to do if you are not enjoying your work is to take one area that you are really struggling in and focus everything you can do to make it better. I had a client who didn’t particular know how to use Excel. So every time she had an assignment she wrote down the task and worked on her skills. She became so go at the tasks that her colleagues asked her for help with Excel and it eventually made work more enjoyable for her. Her work became more valuable and she liked that she was being acknowledged for it.”
Before you leave make sure to make your mark on the company. Finding projects to work on will make the time go faster and improve your skill sets until another opportunity. Not only will you start you next job equipped with stronger work strengths, but you will also leave knowing that you contributed to the company in some shape or form.
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REMEMBER THERE IS A PLACE OUT THERE FOR YOU
It may take several attempts, but eventually you will figure out what type of career you want and what type of work environment is suitable for your needs. “There is definitely no such thing as a perfect job. There is a job that can be perfect for you. That can be a really great fit for you and can be enjoyable, but perfect I don’t think so. I think it is a little bit dangerous to even look for a perfect job. I think it leads to a lot of disappointment if you think that a job could possibly be perfect, “ Crystal said.
For some people entrepreneurship is the best place and situation for them to do the work that they love on their own terms. When Crystal worked as a lawyer she felt like she wasn’t using her potential, and it didn’t feel like the right fit for her. “One of my advice that I give my clients is to find work that aligns with who you really are and not just your passion. I made the transition to coaching once I realized this was something that I could do on a full-time basis. It’s been great having my own business. I like the flexibility,” she shared.
Don’t feel disappointed when your “dream job” doesn’t work out. It only means there is something bigger and better that awaits, but until you get there use these steps to avoid the perfect job syndrome.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
We spoke to NYC-based experience curator and owner of POP! by Yaz, Yasmin “Yaz” Quiles, to help guide first-timers. According to Yasmin, an experience curator is “someone who not only focuses on an actual event but the entire experience, and that can mean anything from the first point of contact, things from an invitation, a website, all the way to the end and after effects.”
If you are hosting the holidays in your home, it is important to touch on all of these points so that your guests can have an experience to remember. Here are the steps to successfully host family and friends for the holidays.
1.Plan and Organize:
Before people start showing up to your house, you must plan out what you need and for how many people. It's also a great time to be creative. “The first part is the dream part because it’s the fun part. What do I envision my event to look like? What do I want my people to feel when they come to my space? Ask all of the questions for the first point of contact,” says Yasmin. “What kind of invitation [am I using?] Who am I inviting? What kind of music are we listening to? The food. So, you start thinking about what the vision is, and then after the dreaming, you organize your thoughts.”
That includes putting together a budget. “See what you have access to, what you need help with, and what you may need to outsource,” she advises. Meaning, this is the time to decide if you and your family will be cooking or if everyone will chip in to get dinner catered.
2.Repurpose Your Items:
Photo courtesy of Yasmin Quiles
As you continue to plan and organize, it's important to take stock of what you already have at home. This can also help you stay within budget. If you have a limited budget then start thinking about how to utilize what you already have in a innovative way.
“I also like to start with inventory. What [are] items in your house that you can use? That way you can determine what it is that you have to get,” she suggests. “I feel like a lot of people always put together a list and it's always 'buy, buy, buy, buy,' versus ‘oh, wait a minute, I actually do have some things that I can utilize and I can just use it in a different way.’”
For example, “Utilizing a console as a small bar area or creating fake fireplaces. I think there are ways to use items in your space so that you don’t have to continue to fill it up with new things.”
3.Make Your Guests Feel Like They Are at Home:
Ever heard the saying, "mi casa es su casa?" You want your space to make guests feel like a home away from home and having a cozy place to sleep plays a major part in that. Be realistic about how many people you can fit comfortably in your home. “Figure out how much space you have in your house and how many people you can truly accommodate,” she says. “What that means is even if you have a two-bedroom apartment, what are some creative ways you can create some space for them? Is it an air mattress or is it getting a hotel that is close to you; Airbnb's?”
You also want to provide your guests with the necessary accouterments and the gift of convenience. If you have certain rituals in your home, you want to make sure your guests can also participate in them. “What I love to do with my guests, I always love to make them feel like they're at home even when they are not, so I like to replicate the things I love in a hotel room. In our house we take off our shoes so we always have disposable slippers here that people can slide on or brand new socks in a basket,” she explains. “That way they can feel immediately comfortable the moment they pass the threshold in your house."
"And in the bathroom or if there’s a powder room, I like to put together a little welcome basket and it can be something as simple as here’s your towel, here’s your washcloth, all the little toiletries you may need," she adds. "I give them their own little stash, that way they don’t feel like they’re burdening me by asking, 'oh, do you have q-tips' or whatever it is. It’s all already set up there for them and it makes them feel so welcome and thought of.”
4.Food and Entertainment:
Photo courtesy of Yasmin Quiles
Along with welcome baskets, the Afro-Latina entrepreneur also enjoys putting lists together with a few of her recommendations. Think, welcome lists you receive at hotels and Airbnb. “I’ll put together a short list of my favorite restaurants, my favorite channels or shows to watch that way they can be entertained while I’m doing other things,” she says.
The holidays involve a lot of cooking and so going out to eat may not be an option. But neither is eating mac and cheese, collard greens, and ham all day, every day. So, it's best to provide options for your guests. “When people go to other people’s homes, they really want the house experience so eating out is great, it’s fine, but I think it really makes people happy when immediately there at home at your house," explains Yasmin.
"What I like to do is immediately have an assortment of snacks available and that means everything from the folks that are on a diet to folks who want to indulge and have a little bit of everything. That way we have a good selection. And [I like to have] things that can be left out for a couple of days as well so I’m thinking pre-packaged items that way [they can] 'grab and go.'”
5.Activities:
When having guests stay over for a few days, you should want to do more than just stay in and look at each other the whole time. Similarly to the way Yasmin advises providing a list of recommendations for eating out and indoor entertainment for guests, she suggests providing guests with a list of favorite stores or favorite markets with recommendations of what to buy.
This can also be a great time to show your guests where you live by going on walks or a scenic drive. "A lot of times these holiday celebrations happen when we are in the midst of planning and doing things and doing all the last-minute errands. Another thing I like to do is photo albums, people love photo albums.”
Yasmin recommends having a physical photo album that you and your guests can look through or a digital frame such as Aura Frames that holds photos online that you can continue to add to.
6.Music:
What’s left is providing the ambiance. One of the many ways that people do this is by having a playlist. Creating a playlist is fun but can also be time-consuming. Not only do you have to add your auntie's favorite Christmas song to the playlist but you may also want to take a trip down memory lane with your siblings and jam to a throwback from your childhood. Yasmin reveals a solution, which she refers to as an “elevated” experience.
“You can hire a DJ. They can do a set on Twitch,” Yasmin says. “There’s a chatroom function so you can put it on your TV, so all the guests who are there can listen to the music live but if there are guests who can’t make it for whatever reason, they can tune in and participate via the chat.”
The experience curator also suggests having a quiet space for those who are more introverted or need a break from the loud music and crowd.
7.The Breakdown:
Whether you and your family decide to cook together or hire a caterer, cleaning up after a big event is always a buzz kill. Yasmin recommends outsourcing help as a way to enjoy yourself and not worry about the aftermath. “Clean up can be a big hassle. It is okay to get a cleaning team. It is okay to hire a bartender. It is okay to hire anybody who can make your job easier,” she assures.
“The point of these events really is to connect and I feel we get so caught up in the doing that we forget that and the party ends and we’re like, ‘Dang, I didn’t get to have a conversation with my best girlfriend who I haven’t seen in six months.’ Give yourself permission to outsource so that you can have a good time.”
For more information about Yasmin, you can visit her website at yazquiles.com and follow her on Instagram @popbyyaz.
Feature image courtesy of Yasmin Quiles
Originally published on December 13, 2022