Nearly 30 years ago, five teens from New York were convicted of a crime that would ultimately rewrite the narrative of black youth in America and paint a horrific picture of how black Americans are mistreated by police and the criminal justice system as a whole.
The late-eighties were a tumultuous time for race relations in this country where everything was seen in black and white. This was made abundantly clear after a 28-year-old white woman was found bloody, beaten, raped, and left for dead one night in Central Park, making teen in the area a suspect. After a night of subpar police work, detectives had five black and brown boys in custody for a crime that we would later learn they did not commit.
After garnering a whole gang of false confessions and literally no substantial evidence, five boys, aged 13-16 were convicted of rape, robbery, attempted murder, and sexual abuse, and were sentenced to up to 15 years in prison.
Ava Duvernay's four-part Netflix series When They See Us tells the story of these young boys and their families who fought for justice and were ultimately cleared of all charges. Since the limited series was released, the world has reacted in a major way, even causing lead prosecutor on the case, Linda Fairstein to delete her social media pages. If you haven't seen it yet, it's time to hit up your ex for that Netflix password, sis, because this series offers vital information that we can all learn from when it comes to protecting ourselves in this country. Here's a few things you might not have known about the case:
Donald Trump Helped Create The Narrative
Netflix
Racism. Injustice. Corruption. It's only right that 45 take his rightful place in this history of f*ckery. Donnie was making problematic political moves way back in 1989, when he paid for full page ads in New York newspapers (totaling about $85,000) that called for the five boys to face the death penalty after their convictions.
Even after the victims were cleared and the real perpetrator was convicted, he stood strong on his belief that the five men were guilty and refused to issue any form of apology.
It's Been A Hard Week Linda Fairstein, And It's Only Monday
Listen, Linda. You know you done f*cked up, right? While I'm sure her original intentions were as pure as any white woman with undeniable racial bias, Linda Fairstein is a true example of the type of people we DO NOT need in our criminal justice system.
Her willingness to demonize and take the lives away from five young boys based on a whim was criminal and according to Black Twitter, we're not opposed to street justice via social media. Since the documentary aired, the former prosecutor has deleted all of her social media accounts and a petition has been created that calls for Amazon, Audible, and all other book retailers to remove all of her books from their platforms.
The Central Park 5 Asked Ava To Tell Their Story
After the debut of Ava Duvernay's film, Selma, in 2015, everyone was dying to know what Ava had up her sleeve next, including Raymond Santana, who reached out to the popular director via tweet. After a brief exchange via DM, Ava put her thinking cap on and got to work.
"I found myself at a dinner in Harlem with Kevin [Richardson], Yusef [Salaam], and Raymond. It was very powerful to have them all together. The thing that really struck me is no one's ever heard their story beyond 'the crime,' or the night itself. The documentary does a beautiful job of recounting that night, but when I sat with them and they told me about everything else, that was really fascinating."
Two years later, the series was announced and the boys would finally have a chance to tell their story in its entirety. Although there had been a wildly popular PBS documentary that shed light on their experience, they expressed that no one had ever told their story beyond their alleged crimes.
Ava told Vanity Fair that although she was honored to tell their story, it wasn't easy and she even provided a crisis counselor on set.
"It wasn't a very healthy thing to do. But they asked me to do it, and I wanted to tell their story. Their story wasn't told when they were boys. It was told for them and it was twisted and it was lies. There was so much more to it, and I wanted to tell it for them."
The Real Reason The Last Episode Is Dedicated To Korey Wise
When creating the limited series, Korey expressed that his experience was much different from the Central Park Five, because as the oldest of the group, he was treated much differently both before and after his conviction. Ava explained that because of this, she wanted to make sure that she told his story much differently.
"When I first met Korey, within 15 minutes he said, 'There is no Central Park Five, it's four plus one.' And I never forgot that. He looked me in the eyes and he said, 'They had an experience and I had an experience. They are not the same.' He had some pain and some anger about being lumped into the Central Park Five when the four were in juvenile hall detention."
Korey, who only went to jail to accompany a scared friend, wasn't even on the list of suspects but was eventually coerced into a false confession on-camera that would eventually seal his fate at Riker's Island and other maximum security prisons for the next 14 years. His time in prison would ultimately allow him to uncover the true culprit in the Central Park jogger case, but nothing could give back to him the last decade and a half that had been spent in solitary confinement.
"They eventually all went to adult prison, but they got out when he was continuing to serve time. And he was always in an adult prison; he never experienced juvenile detention. Going into Riker's at age 16, as you see in the piece, it made a very singular experience. And I wanted to honor that, so I knew I had to find a way to break him out."
New York Never Admitted Any Wrongdoing
Netflix
A true sign of maturity is being able to admit when you're wrong, so we're going to need the New York Police Department to put on their big girl panties and apologize. Like our current POTUS, the NYPD proved to be sore losers after the convictions of the Central Park Five were overturned and vacated.
While the city settled the case, offering the men a total of $41 million, they admitted to no wrongdoing. Ava told NPR:
"The city never apologized; they settled. No one on the side of the prosecution ever apologized. They've stuck by the fact that even though the real man came out and said: I did it, I did it alone. Even though all of that physical evidence was from him, was matched to the victim, and it was in fact him, and only him, these people still refuse to acknowledge that they — not made a mistake — lied. Lied."
When They See Us is now streaming on Netflix.
Featured image courtesy of Netflix.
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RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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Featured image by Giphy