Here's Why You Need To Find A Third Place
In this digital-focused, post-COVID era that we’re living in, isolation has become the normality.
According to recent studies, more than 50% of Americans are currently grappling with feelings of loneliness, calling our lack (and need) for social connection a “loneliness crisis.”
Why You Need a Third Place
With so much of our lives revolving around our connection to our phones, work schedules, and the comfort of staying home, a need for spaces that act as neutral ground to form new human connections has resurfaced. A space best known as a “third place.”
What Is a Third Place?
"Third places" refer to social environments that are separate from our homes (first place) and workplaces (second place). The concept of third places was popularized by sociologist Ray Oldenburg in his 1989 book, The Great Good Place,and are defined as informal gathering spots where people can relax, socialize, and build community connections.
“These are often coffee shops, cafes, gyms, hair/nail salons, dog parks, co-working spaces, workout classes, or bookstores,” Melody Warnick, author of This Is Where You Belong: Finding Home Wherever You Are, tells xoNecole. “The thing that defines third places is that they have regulars; people who show up every single day, or once a week, are in community together, and are engaging in conversations.”
Imagining a third place may take you back to episodes of Moeshawhere the characters met at The Den, hearing your mother and aunties recall stories from their beauty shop appointments and even college days where times in between classes were spent at the student center.
Third places have always been around us, but the key to finding these spaces today is to go where Warnick says, “Everyone is agreeing to have this social experience.”
A third place refers to social environments that are separate from our homes and workplaces.
Tim Robberts/Getty Images
How To Find a Third Place
When looking for a third place, Warnick shares that there are a few factors to consider in order to find a space that best suits you.
Neighborhood-Friendly: “It needs to be someplace that is already in your neighborhood or on your daily route,” Warnick says.
A Gathering Spot: Warnick says to look for “someplace where people are already gathering, where you see people hanging out, and are spending a good chunk of their time.”
Loud and Small: Finding a place that has a little bit of casual chatter is a good sign because “that means people are talking together, it's not a silent workspace where you're gonna get dirty looks if you say something.”
Welcoming Regulars: “You want to go to a place that is accepting of newcomers. You want a place where you can go as the new person, and over time, you can start to break into the crowd as a regular.”
The Benefits of Having a Third Place
Gathering, socializing, and forming new and lasting bonds not only benefit us on an individual level but also contributes to the forward motion of our collective experience. And with the structures of our days being centered around work and going straight home, it’s made our lives seem small and insular.
However, Warnicks shares that third places expand our world by becoming more community-focused and connecting with “familiar strangers.”
“Finding a third place can introduce you to people whose paths you might not normally cross. Like people who are older than you, from different backgrounds or jobs. It creates this sort of neutral space for being together with other people,” she shares.
“A huge part of how we feel like we're members of a community is by being a part of something that’s bigger than us. When you feel like a place is your own, all of a sudden, you feel engaged, like this place matters to you, and that makes you feel responsible for it and makes you want to make your place better.”
Finding a third place can introduce you to people whose paths you might not normally cross.
FG Trade/Getty Images
Breaking the Ice
While it does take time, consistency, and intention to find a third place that feels welcoming, Warnick shares that finding community in real life starts with the individuals you’ve grown acquainted with online.
“Finding people in your city who have a social media presence can give you an entry point for meeting new people and your community,” Warnick says. She also recommends going on tech-free walks and outings to truly open yourself up to having conversations and meeting new people.
“It’s kind of a leap of faith because we're used to using our devices as a security blanket. You know, [you] don't know anyone, and we're in an unfamiliar situation. But you have to tell yourself, ‘Hey, it’s going to be awkward, but I’m opening myself up to noticing the people around me and starting a conversation with someone that I wouldn't have met otherwise.'"
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Summer Events You Need To Elevate Your Social Network And Social Circle
When we say we’re outside this summer, we mean a little more than the clubs and happy hours.
This summer feels different from the others following the pandemic. It seems everyone has caught the bug for forming new connections outside the digital worlds we’ve built for ourselves. This is evident in the recent rise of social clubs, supper parties, and curated third places that cater to a variety of interests, backgrounds, and tastes.
No matter the city you’re in, countless events are being designed to help us all expand our social circles, make new friends, and create unforgettable memories. From coast to coast, there's no shortage of fun and engaging activities and whether you're into festivals, workshops, or social meetups, there's something happening near you that’s sure to pique your interest.
So, if you’ve been looking to find your chosen family, pick up a new hobby, or simply seize the social season, we’ve curated a list of the best events and engaging activities for you to ensure the rest of your summer is filled with laughter, learning, and a lot of new connections!
Sad Girls Club Summer Tour - Ongoing Events
Multiple Cites
The Best Day Ever Fest - August 10th & 11th
Portland, Oregon
SIP N’ SLAY Summer Fest - August 27
New York
Black Girls In Art Spaces - Ongoing Events
Multiple Cites
Everyday People - Ongoing Events
Multiple Cites
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