
Tami Roman On Changing Your Attitude When Your Behavior Doesn't Match Your Blessing

Thank God I don't look like what I've been through, because a lot like the woman reading this, I've been through some sh*t. I'm a chronic sufferer of impostor syndrome, and there have been times when my behavior didn't match my blessing; what I mean by that is, that the way that I was acting certainly didn't match the opportunity that I had been given. I think we've all been in a position where our favor didn't match our feelings, and according to Tami Roman's recent interview on the D.L. Hughley Show, she can totally relate.
If you took a look at Tami Roman's reality TV presence a decade ago, you would think that she was a foul language-using, cigarette-smoking, wig-snatching diva whose bad side you would never, ever want to get on; but when you judge a book by its cover, you miss some pretty valuable chapters on the inside. According to Tami, most of the reality show drama that we've seen circulating over the years is on an overt exaggeration of what's really going down:
[instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/Bxh346ShPK5/\ expand=1]"If you take any circle of friends and you put a camera in their face all of the time, inevitably there's going to be one situation where something goes down, right? So for us, we're filming for six, seven months at a time and production's waiting on that one moment that that happens so that that is what is they can use for the super trailer, that's what they can make the whole season about, and it's unfortunate because they don't show enough balance of us getting along."
As entertaining as reality TV can be, it's important to remember that reality stars are real people who experience loss, heartbreak, and pain just like the rest of us. After the death of her mother in 2013, Tami said that she took time to do some serious self-evaluation and the image she saw looking back at her wasn't one she was proud of:
"The responsibility that I took within myself was, I watched myself. Just like everybody else watched, I watched myself. I said, 'Okay, so since you guys aren't going to show the other side and all the wonderful things I do with philanthropy, and my charities and my children and my relationship with my mom, then I'm going to make the changes. I'm going to be in control of the narrative. I had to take responsibility for the imagery that I was putting out."
Ultimately, she decided that she was not happy with the picture that had been painted of her by the media, and took an active role in changing her own narrative. In a post on Instagram, Tami wrote:
"I absolutely did what I did but once I became cognizant of the one dimensional presentation year after year, I opted to shift the narrative for myself (especially after my mom passed). People always try to skew what I say to be an attack on something that blessed me. It's not."
I may regret the mistakes of my past, but I am not ashamed of them. Every misstep I made was me taking one step further into my destiny, and every obstacle I faced turned into an opportunity. The sh*t that didn't break me made me, and Tami Roman has a similar mentality when it came to reevaluating her priorities and realizing the queen she was born to be.
[instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/BzYCCx8h3Td/\ expand=1]The now 49-year-old entrepreneur said that her lifestyle change was less about ignoring her past and more about creating a legacy that would properly honor the responsibility she's been given, and that's a whole message. When Tami Roman realized that her behavior wasn't matching her blessings, she knew it was time to make a change with a quickness. She continued:
"It's me acknowledging I wasn't flowing properly within the blessing and I wanted to be responsible and change… not only for me but for the people impacted through viewing."
You may not be a reality star, but just like Tami, you were given both a platform and a purpose. Make sure you're using them in a way that's in alignment with your assignment.
Featured image by Robin L Marshall/Getty Images
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
We Thought All-Inclusives Were Boring Until We Found These Twin Jamaican Gems
I’m not your typical all-inclusive resort girlie—especially for a couple’s trip. My man and I usually hop from one Airbnb or boutique hotel to the next, cooking our own meals, and chasing off-the-beaten-path adventures. But after eight years of host ghosting, catfish listings, and DIY travel stress, we decided it was time to switch gears. Our latest Jamaica baecation was the perfect excuse to give an all-inclusive resort a fair shot.
We landed on Couples Negril and Couples Swept Away—two Jamaican family-owned sister properties nestled in western Jamaica. With Caribbean roots dating back to 1949, this wasn’t just any chain resort—it had legacy and soul. And honestly? It was the reset we didn’t know we needed.
What made it even more special? We were back in the place where we first fell in love, now creating new memories in the same sun-drenched paradise. From booze cruises, pickleball matches, and wellness shots, to alluring late-night jacuzzi rendezvous, soul karaoke, and far too much champagne mixed with tequila, to really good jerk chicken and repeat-visit-worthy Asian cuisine, bae and I had a time.
Couples Negril And Couples Swept Away: Twins On The West Coast Of Jamaica
And it’s fitting that we visited in June (which is considered low season—a time when there are less travelers and better deals) because these sister resorts are like Gemini twins that embody two distinct sides of the same spirit.
Set between Negril and Hanover, Couples Negril is the social butterfly, full of energy and artistic flair; Couples Swept Away is the introspective dreamer, grounded in nature, wellness, and tranquility.
While they’re quite opposite in vibe, they’re united by a shared history and reflect the classic Gemini duality: light and shadow, play and peace, expression and reflection.
Bae’s Favorite: Chic, Modern, And Cozy At Couples Negril
Couples Negril Suite
Courtesy, Couples Negril
Bae’s favorite was Couples Negril—which has more than 230 rooms and spans 18 acres—for its mix of entertainment, modern minimalist vibes, and a diverse crowd of couples. He especially loved Otaheite Restaurant with its low-lit red velvet love seats and dishes meshing luxury with traditional island flavors (like the merlot stewed rabbit served with coconut polenta and the filet mignon with the jerk glaze.) And he lives for hearing me sing, so the piano bar was our jam.
We also spent lots of time at the beach bar, one of five on the property, snacking on fish tacos and sipping margaritas just steps from our suite.
We saved the rum for the included catamaran cruise (book ahead!), which came with endless punch and views of Negril’s West End—a fave spot of ours. Couples Negril made the all-inclusive life feel surprisingly easy and fun.
The property also features a treehouse spa, two pools, four jacuzzis, an au naturale beach (whew, chile!), and sports facilities. Everything was easy to access—the layout felt cozy and well-organized, making it simple to move between activities and amenities. At this resort, you can really have some grown-and-sexy fun without it feeling like a raunchy spring break episode of Couples Gone Wild.
My Favorite: Private, Classic Charm, & Nature Mystique At Couples Swept Away
Couple's Swept Away Suite
Courtesy, Couples Swept Away
While I loved Couples, once we stepped over to Couples Swept Away, the lush nature set on 19 acres won me over. This twin, which has 312 suites, 7 restaurants, 8 bars, 3 pools, 5 jacuzzis, and a spa, leans into intimacy and seclusion, and I felt like we had more privacy and room to explore–just the two of us—at this property. The rooms are rustic-luxurious, dressed in island cedar, with classic shutters and expansive verandahs that have hammocks where you can enjoy bright flora, the sounds of exotic birds, and the sea views.
The absence of TVs—along with its tropical fantasy allure— meant a 10 out of 10 experience for me. This resort invites couples to breathe deeper, slow down, and truly get to the core of intimacy, all within the hum of nature.
There were hidden enclaves with dipping pools, jacuzzis, open-air cafés, and quiet corners where you can sit by ponds filled with fish and bird watch (or have a little sneaky link with bae!)
One of my favorite stand-out amenities at this resort: the 10-acre fitness complex just a short walk across the road from the main property where I’d have my early-morning me-time while bae slept in. It has 10 tennis courts, squash and racquetball courts, a fully equipped gym, and a wide range of wellness and fitness classes are held there. I also enjoyed turmeric and ginger shots at the wellness bar.
Other standouts for food and nightlife included Lemon Grass (where you can enjoy Asian-inspired food and listen to the live music coming from downstairs), the chic Patois Bar (which was the late-night hotspot overlooking one of the pools and serving your usual bar fare like burgers and quesadillas—felt like we were at a Miami nightclub), and the Aura Bar (where bae sang with a quintet of other slightly drunken men and where we did the cliche but super-lit millennial couple thing: danced the night away to Top 40 hip-hop, salsa, and rock classics).
The Patois Bar
Courtesy, Couples Swept Away
Baecation Tip: Just be sure your partner packs a few linen or dress pants, loafers or soft dress shoes, and a few button-down shirts for the restaurants that require reservations. Also book your table and all-inclusive excursions in advance (or on the first day you arrive at the resort).
All in all, this resort-hop wasn’t the stifling, prison-in-paradise all-inclusive experience I remembered from the Jamaica family vacations of my youth. It also wasn’t the stereotypical AI disaster of bland food, lackluster customer service, and senior citizen activities that many complain about on social nowadays.
Both resorts offered a fresh take on luxury, great food, and good vibes—all without losing the intimacy we craved. All-inclusives might not be our every trip vibe, but for this chapter? It was exactly what we needed, and we look forward to making repeat bookings at both Couples Negril and Couples Swept Away in the future.
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