I live in Nashville, TN. So, if you are aware of the tornadoes that we had in early March, you already know that those, on top ofthe coronavirus outbreak, have had us a little on edge—and slightly numb (understandably so, I might add). However, I'm pretty much an ambivert (which is kinda like the person folks might assume is an extrovert when they are actually more of an introvert) and an at-home writer. That pretty much boils down to the fact that self-quarantining is a lifestyle for me, even before Nashville's mayor issued a "Safer at Home" order to try and control the pandemic in my county.
The introverts in my world? Although the thought of being at home for weeks on end doesn't have them exactly turning backflips, at the same time, their attitude is more in the lane of "I mean, now is the time to work on a few projects and catch up on some reading." Oh, but the extroverts that I know? Bless their hearts. Literally. Some of them have expressed to me that they are on the verge of losing their minds, all because of how bored they are. I get it. A lot of their energy and inspiration comes directly from interacting with other people. That is being tested to the utmost these days.
It's another article for another time, how much we're going to need to tend to people's mental health once this storm passes because, as they say, no man is an island and human interaction is important. But while officials are trying to make sure that our physical health is the top priority (or at least some of them are; peep "Florida City Official Calls Out Mayor for COVID-19 Response". That commissioner is a hero. Straight up), if you are an extrovert—someone who is outgoing, hates to be alone, thrives in large groups, has lots of friends and is always up for a good party or event, etc.—who is trying your best to practice social distancing, yet, at the same time, you feel like you are low-key going insane without having some physical interaction, here are a few ways to make coping with this interesting time in our world's history a little easier to bear.
Talk Face to Face—Online or on the Phone
Because most of my counseling sessions are via the phone, I have a landline. It's also the number that my friends call me on. Matter of fact, the only time I do any real face to face chatting is when I'm speaking to my goddaughters. But whenever I do (in my case) hop onto Google Hangout, it really does feel almost like I am right there with them. I'm an Android kind of gal but, while I'm sure that most of you iPhone folks FaceTime often anyway, definitely amp the frequency up a bit during this time of social distancing. Also, when you're on your laptop or computer, hit up a platform like Skype (you can speak to up to 10 folks on there). It's not exactly like physical interaction, but in many ways, it's a wonderful alternative.
Use This Time to Host a Webinar
A webinar is basically a virtual event that is held online. A good example of one is the meeting some of the xoTribe recently had through our relatively new app recently. Basically, what happens is a speaker (or small group of speakers) makes a presentation to an online community who can then submit questions, answer surveys or interact with the speakers.
The cool thing about webinars is, not only can you hold events from the convenience of your own home, but it's an effective way to earn a few bucks in the process too.
If you're trying to build up an audience, you might want to do a few free webinars first. Then, once you've created a following, you can offer some exclusive content, some advance trainings or special product offers to those who are willing to pay for future webinars (by the way, you tend to make more money if you present paid webinars as a series and offer a bulk price). Webinars are a great way to "scratch the itch" of interacting with people while building your brand and (eventually) getting paid for it. If you'd like some tips on how to make your webinar one that really appeals to people, I've included some how-to videos here, here and here.
Download Some Extroverted-Friendly Apps
Apps. Lord, what would we do without them? Even if your smartphone is already loaded with a ton, I've got a few recommendations that were created with the extrovert in mind.
Meetup. If you want to use this time to meet new people or make new friends, Meetup may be the app that you've been looking for, perhaps without even knowing it. The features on the app make it possible for you to find local groups who have similar interests to you, whether it's books, yoga or cooking (those are just examples). Meetup makes connecting easier by letting you put in keywords to find exactly what you are looking for. You can use the app for personal or professional reasons—or both.
Tapebook. If you dig podcasts, then you will love Tapebook. It basically makes it possible for you to participate in social podcasting because you can either start of blog or vlog on your own via the app, or you can call up a friend and start recording the conversation that the two of you are having (with their permission, of course). You can then publish your tapes on the platform's Tapefeed for other members to check out. Since over 100 million people listen to at least one podcast a week, by downloading this app, you just might be onto something.
Whisper. Whisper is an interesting kind of app because you can speak as freely as you want with its 30 million members. Why would you take that kind of risk? Well, the true identity of people on the app is hidden. There are no friends or followers on the platform, but there is an open chat (it uses your location to help you bring others into your group). I know a lot of extroverts who like to get all kinds of random stuff off of their chest. If you're one of 'em, now you've got an app that'll let you do it. Anonymously.
Vero. If the ads and algorithms of apps like Instagram are driving you up the wall, you might want to give Vero a shot. According to the creators of the app, vero means truth and their app is a place where you can share all of the things that you like without all of the "extras" (like ads and algorithms) so that you can more easily connect to people who share your interests. From what I can see, it is "cleaner" (meaning, it has a lot less clutter) than a lot of social media apps do too. That alone can at least make it worth checking out.
Houseparty. One app that has gained a ton of popularity as of late is Houseparty. It lets up to eight people talk together. When you feel like interacting with people, you simply log on to the app and, if any folks on your list are available, they can join you. Generation Z is all about this app. Oh, if you're concerned about safety, Forbes wrote a piece on that very topic. Check out "Houseparty: Is The Hit Coronavirus Lockdown App Safe?" (from what I read, the answer is "yes").
Thrive As a Remote Worker
Boy, this social distancing/quarantining is having domino effects in ways that truly boggle the mind. For instance, the weekend that my city went into "Safer at Home" status, the adapter to my main laptop went on the fritz. In my mind, I thought to myself, "No problem. I'll just purchase a new one." Five stores later, I still had no luck. Why? Because due to the coronavirus and the need for social distancing, thousands and thousands of more people are working from home which means that thousands and thousands of more people are upgrading their computer equipment.
Anyway, if you happen to fall into the work-from-home category, another way that you can shine as an extrovert is to put your best foot forward on the professional front. See if your company uses sites like Slack and Buckets to stay organized when it comes to communicating with one another. Recommend using Zoom to participate in video conferencing.
Speak with your supervisor or manager about possibly starting a small online group that offers support to other co-workers who are also working from home; maybe the group can meet for an hour after work via a video platform to have a glass of wine and share stories—it can be like getting a drink at work only, everyone's at their own house. Or maybe lead an exercise group where everyone can workout together in the mornings via the same video platform.
The key is to use your extroverted nature to bring more joy and interaction to others—even if, for the time being, you have to rely on technology in order to do it.
Cross Online Dating Off of Your Bucket List
There is a network of Black actors who live in Cali who I dig. One of them goes by Minks and, I promise you that he had me crying recently while checking out his skits "HOOD STUDIO SESSIONS" and "UBER CHRONICLES PT. 5". So, when one of his recent offerings "QUARANTINED", I just knew that I had to check it out. I don't know what was funnier—him getting into a dance battle with the actual movie You Got Served, him throwing dollars at some strippers that he found on a television show somewhere, him playing Twister with himself, or him having a romantic dinner with an "I Love You" balloon (LOL). Anyway, that last one is a reminder that if you are an extroverted and single, another option is to try a little online dating.
The reality is that, these days, three out of 10 people do it and, in America, more than half of all relationships actually start online. If you're a little skeptical, talk to some of your friends who've done it before to get a feel for what they think about you creating a dating profile. Also, check out video features like "Online Dating as a PoC", "Is Online Dating Really THAT BAD For Black Women? Mask & Chat", "How we met on Tinder!" and "ONLINE DATING WORKS! Story of how we met!". If you want to know what apps are people-of-color-friendly, Dating Advice has a list (although again, you might want to confirm it with some friends who have used the sites). I mean, it beats talking to a balloon, right? Chile, here's hoping so.
Do Something Nice for Someone Else
A historian and playwright by the name of Howard Zinn once said, "Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people, can transform the world." Since, as an extrovert, you get a lot of your fuel by others, use this time of crisis to lend a helping hand.
If your city lets you go to the grocery store, offer to purchase something for the person in front of or behind you. If there is a senior on your block, ask them if there is anything that you can get for them while you're out. When you are ordering food for delivery, be intentional about giving a larger than usual tip to the driver who delivered it to you. You already know that the world is wearing the hell outta streaming platforms. Why not get a couple of friends an online gift card to their favorite one? Send someone you care about an email or text about how much you love and appreciate them. Play a few games on Free Rice; when you do, they donate rice to hungry people through the world (the site is free; so are the games that are on it).
Donate some of your time or talents and abilities to help someone get an idea off of the ground. If a customer service person who works for your electricity, cable or water company was especially nice and professional, ask to speak with their supervisor to let them know (because customer service people are hearing A LOT of complaints right about now). If you want to help an entrepreneur out, Kiva lets you give or lend money to ones all throughout the world. These are just some examples that, even if you can't directly interact with others, there are still ways to profoundly touch their lives. Like the rest of us, you'll survive this as an extrovert. It just takes thinking a little outside of the box. That said, please feel free to post comments if you've got other suggestions on how extroverts can survive social distancing as well. We'd love to hear 'em! In the meantime, remain safe, healthy and totally you!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
5 Ways To Overcome Depression As An Extrovert
Make Your Personality Type Work FOR You
How To Build A Personal Brand Based On Your Personality Type
Did You Know Certain Personality Traits Get More Sex Than Others?
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RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
___
Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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