
Monica On Falling For Shannon Brown: 'He Told Me The Day We Met I Would Be His Wife'

Monica Arnold has come a long way from the 14-year-old singer who told us, "Don't Take It Personal (It's just one of those days)."
Since then we've seen the singer release a handful of albums, watch her overcome tragedy in a former relationship, and go through a break-up with her kids father before finding love on the set of a video shoot in her current hubby Shannon Brown.
Recently the loving wife and mother of three stopped by "The Breakfast Club" and opened about her experiences as a single mom turned wife, and the battle of her mind that she had leading up to this place in her life. See, for years following Monica's split from ex-fiancé and baby father, rapper Rocko Hill (in which she shares two sons with) her self-esteem took a hit. Although her ex hadn't abandoned his responsibilities as a father, he did fail her as a man. Her man. And like any woman, after a string of bad relationships, Monica blamed herself.
However, we all know how this story ends with Monica finding her happily ever after in Shannon. The couple just celebrated their 6th wedding anniversary! Although Monica regained her confidence as a woman, she admits that before they were married, her hubby gave her the ultimatum to either let him love her or leave (where do they make him, please?)
Peep the highlights below!
On feeling like she failed her children by becoming a statistic + Having Low Self-Esteem After A Bad Break Up
"It's not about how you look. Bottom line is, once you've been through enough, once you've been cheated on, or talked to in a certain way, it's going to break your spirits. I don't care how good you look.
[Tweet "I've always looked the same way on the outside but on the inside, I didn't feel right."]
I didn't understand what took place, I felt bad because I always wanted my children to have two parents. I didn't want them to go through what I had been through, I didn't want them to go through what their dad had been through, not having a dad there at all. And I felt I had failed them in some way and I really had to take a step back and do a self-check and really regroup and that's what I was doing. I was getting "me" together in front of everybody. So no, I didn't feel good about myself."
On Why she believed men when they told her she wasn't good enough
"Well, because of my temper, they never said it to my face, they just acted like it. It never was said, but I think over the years, if there is years of action that just don't amount up to what you feel like you should be worth, sometimes you get confused.
[And they cheat with] somebody that doesn't even remotely compare.
You could just walk into a mall and you get a side eye and you don't know why. And it's like 'What is she looking at?' It's hard. And this is the one downside to what I do. I don't get the option of [the other woman] not knowing me. They get that option where I have no clue who they are. But you know who I am, you know where to find me. That's easy.
So that's the other part that makes it hard when going through [infidelity], but I think it was the best experience for me to go through because it prepared me for what not to allow today!"
On Regaining Confidence and Being Surprised Men Were Interested in Her: "I just felt like a mom."
"Has anyone ever tried to put in your head that you're a single mother with two kids no man will ever want to take that in?"
"Here is the thing. Girls aren't the only thirst buckets out there. So as soon as news kind of came out that 'Ok, I'm single,' it was the complete opposite. It's weird, it was so weird. Because I'm kind of the around the way girl, I don't get butt naked on the 'gram and all that and I'm thinking, 'Those are the kind of girls they like, they ain't looking at me.' But everybody all of a sudden wants to get married when I get single. It was so weird. I didn't know [I was a hot commodity]. I didn't know that. Coming out of a relationship for years, I just felt like a mom.
"But you been looking fine Monica. Don't act like you ain't been fine, now!"
"But people like 'action' (sex) and I ain't an 'Action Figure.' Unless we're married, now listen, we're married [flips hair], it goes down! But I'm not an 'action figure' when I'm solo and single.
[Tweet "People like 'action' (sex) and I ain't an 'Action Figure. -@MonicaBrown"]
So I was just thinking I'd be the last person [men would get at]. And I'm talking very well established thirst buckets; it was odd! But it was good for my confidence because my confidence was completely gone. I was focused on nothing else but being a mom and I felt like I was the opposite of what every man would want."
On Shannon Giving Her an Ultimatum to Let Her Guard Down or Leave
"How hard was it for you to let your guard down and be like 'Ok, he's actually a good guy?'"
"It took a while. He was like hey, we need to talk. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do. You can't measure up one man by whatever you've experienced with another. So let me show you who I am or I'm about to cut this off.
I was naturally nervous. You know, single mom with two boys. And just was very afraid, if anything else.
I haven't had any issues with him, that's the part that is so crazy. And I'm thankful for that. But I think I've had to go through so much hell before him [with men], that I had to ask 'God, could you shed your light? Because I get it now. I get what you're trying to tell me?'
When he and I met, it wasn't long before we got married. He told me the day we met that I'm going to be his wife. We met at my video shoot for 'Love All Over Me', he was the leading man. They had won the championship the week before so the girl that was working for me said 'You need Shannon Brown' and when I saw him I was like, 'Damn, that's like a big, fine version of Chris Brown. Wow, like we just super-sized [Chris Brown] and put like 15 1/2 feet extra on him [laughs].' So when we met, it was instantaneous connection."
On the Advice She Got from a Fellow "Basketball Wife" + the Power of Groupies
"When I started going to the games, it almost was a little scary because you know, I'm about that [life]. I'm not really somebody you could just like, scare up. But it almost makes me uncomfortable when somebody is willing and ready to do whatever to get to a [ballplayer]. And it doesn't matter who! Whoever comes out the locker room, they've been watching these guys since college, some of them since high school.
I'm glad I got a good warning. [One basketball wife] was like, 'I want you to be prepared because everything is about to change,' and I didn't understand because [Shannon and I] were having so much fun. You know, we're going places and just enjoying each other and the seasons had changed. And the season had just ended and they won the championship, and it could not have been more perfect.
And she kept saying 'You've got to prepare yourself for the stories and the lies. You know what's happening in your house, so 'stay' your house. Don't get out your body watching that other stuff.' So I'm glad I got the preparation for it because it's very different."
On People Claiming She's "fake positive"
"It's no such thing as 'fake positive' with a life like mine. You can Google half the hell I've been through. So you can't be fake-positive and get through what I've got through."
__________________________
Yes Monica! You've got to love it when you let love in and let it win! It's so important that we don't give power to our past by letting it wreck our potential future. Here's to Monica and other women dealing with pain and healing from love!
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
'Leave Quicker': Keri Hilson Opens Up About Learning When To Walk Away In Love
What you might call Black love goals, Keri Hilson is kindly saying, “Nah.”
In a recent appearance on Cam Newton’s Funky Friday podcast, the We Need to Talk: Love singer opened up about a past relationship that once had the public rooting for her and former NBA star Serge Ibaka. According to Cam, the pair looked “immaculate” together. Keri agreed, admitting, “We looked good.” But her demeanor made it clear that everything that looks good isn't always a good look for you.
That was all but confirmed when Cam asked what the relationship taught her. Keri sighed deeply before replying, “Whew. Leave quicker.”
It was the kind of answer that doesn’t need to be packaged to be received, just raw truth from someone who’s done the work. “Ten months in, I should have [left],” she continued. “But I was believing. I was wanting to not believe [the signs].”
Keri revealed to Cam that despite their efforts to repair the relationship at the time, including couples counseling, individual therapy, and even sitting with Serge’s pastor, it just wasn’t meant to be. A large part of that, she said, was the seven-year age gap. “He was [in his] mid-twenties,” she said, attributing a lot of their misalignment to his youth and the temptations that came with fame, money, and status.
“There were happenings,” she shared, choosing her words carefully. “He deserved to live that… I want what you want. I don’t want anything different. So if I would’ve told him how to love me better, it would’ve denied him the experience of being ‘the man’ in the world.”
But she also made it clear that just because you understand someone’s path doesn’t mean you have to ride it out with them. Instead, you can practice compassionate detachment like our girl Keri. “You can have what you want, but you may not have me and that.”
When Cam jokingly questioned what if there was a reality where a man wanted to have both “you and a dab of that,” Keri didn’t hesitate with her stance: “No,” adding, “I can remove myself and [then you] have it. Enjoy it.” Sis said what she said.
Still, she shared that they dated for a couple of years and remain cool to this day. For Keri, being on good terms with an ex isn’t a sign of weakness; it's a reflection of where she is in her healing. In a time when blocking an ex is often seen as the ultimate sign of growth, Keri offers an alternate route: one where healing looks like resolution, not resentment. “I think because I have such a disgust for ugliness in my life. Like, I don't do well without peace between me and everyone in my life. Like, I really try to resolve issues,” she explained to Cam.
Adding, “I think that's what makes things difficult when you're like sweeping things under the rug or harboring ill feelings towards someone. When you're healed, when you've done your work, you can speak to anybody when you've healed from things. I think maybe that's the bottom line.”
Watch Keri's appearance on Funky Friday in full here.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images