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Monica On Falling For Shannon Brown: 'He Told Me The Day We Met I Would Be His Wife'
Monica Arnold has come a long way from the 14-year-old singer who told us, "Don't Take It Personal (It's just one of those days)."
Since then we've seen the singer release a handful of albums, watch her overcome tragedy in a former relationship, and go through a break-up with her kids father before finding love on the set of a video shoot in her current hubby Shannon Brown.
Recently the loving wife and mother of three stopped by "The Breakfast Club" and opened about her experiences as a single mom turned wife, and the battle of her mind that she had leading up to this place in her life. See, for years following Monica's split from ex-fiancé and baby father, rapper Rocko Hill (in which she shares two sons with) her self-esteem took a hit. Although her ex hadn't abandoned his responsibilities as a father, he did fail her as a man. Her man. And like any woman, after a string of bad relationships, Monica blamed herself.
However, we all know how this story ends with Monica finding her happily ever after in Shannon. The couple just celebrated their 6th wedding anniversary! Although Monica regained her confidence as a woman, she admits that before they were married, her hubby gave her the ultimatum to either let him love her or leave (where do they make him, please?)
Peep the highlights below!
On feeling like she failed her children by becoming a statistic + Having Low Self-Esteem After A Bad Break Up
"It's not about how you look. Bottom line is, once you've been through enough, once you've been cheated on, or talked to in a certain way, it's going to break your spirits. I don't care how good you look.
[Tweet "I've always looked the same way on the outside but on the inside, I didn't feel right."]
I didn't understand what took place, I felt bad because I always wanted my children to have two parents. I didn't want them to go through what I had been through, I didn't want them to go through what their dad had been through, not having a dad there at all. And I felt I had failed them in some way and I really had to take a step back and do a self-check and really regroup and that's what I was doing. I was getting "me" together in front of everybody. So no, I didn't feel good about myself."
On Why she believed men when they told her she wasn't good enough
"Well, because of my temper, they never said it to my face, they just acted like it. It never was said, but I think over the years, if there is years of action that just don't amount up to what you feel like you should be worth, sometimes you get confused.
[And they cheat with] somebody that doesn't even remotely compare.
You could just walk into a mall and you get a side eye and you don't know why. And it's like 'What is she looking at?' It's hard. And this is the one downside to what I do. I don't get the option of [the other woman] not knowing me. They get that option where I have no clue who they are. But you know who I am, you know where to find me. That's easy.
So that's the other part that makes it hard when going through [infidelity], but I think it was the best experience for me to go through because it prepared me for what not to allow today!"
On Regaining Confidence and Being Surprised Men Were Interested in Her: "I just felt like a mom."
"Has anyone ever tried to put in your head that you're a single mother with two kids no man will ever want to take that in?"
"Here is the thing. Girls aren't the only thirst buckets out there. So as soon as news kind of came out that 'Ok, I'm single,' it was the complete opposite. It's weird, it was so weird. Because I'm kind of the around the way girl, I don't get butt naked on the 'gram and all that and I'm thinking, 'Those are the kind of girls they like, they ain't looking at me.' But everybody all of a sudden wants to get married when I get single. It was so weird. I didn't know [I was a hot commodity]. I didn't know that. Coming out of a relationship for years, I just felt like a mom.
"But you been looking fine Monica. Don't act like you ain't been fine, now!"
"But people like 'action' (sex) and I ain't an 'Action Figure.' Unless we're married, now listen, we're married [flips hair], it goes down! But I'm not an 'action figure' when I'm solo and single.
[Tweet "People like 'action' (sex) and I ain't an 'Action Figure. -@MonicaBrown"]
So I was just thinking I'd be the last person [men would get at]. And I'm talking very well established thirst buckets; it was odd! But it was good for my confidence because my confidence was completely gone. I was focused on nothing else but being a mom and I felt like I was the opposite of what every man would want."
On Shannon Giving Her an Ultimatum to Let Her Guard Down or Leave
"How hard was it for you to let your guard down and be like 'Ok, he's actually a good guy?'"
"It took a while. He was like hey, we need to talk. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do. You can't measure up one man by whatever you've experienced with another. So let me show you who I am or I'm about to cut this off.
I was naturally nervous. You know, single mom with two boys. And just was very afraid, if anything else.
I haven't had any issues with him, that's the part that is so crazy. And I'm thankful for that. But I think I've had to go through so much hell before him [with men], that I had to ask 'God, could you shed your light? Because I get it now. I get what you're trying to tell me?'
When he and I met, it wasn't long before we got married. He told me the day we met that I'm going to be his wife. We met at my video shoot for 'Love All Over Me', he was the leading man. They had won the championship the week before so the girl that was working for me said 'You need Shannon Brown' and when I saw him I was like, 'Damn, that's like a big, fine version of Chris Brown. Wow, like we just super-sized [Chris Brown] and put like 15 1/2 feet extra on him [laughs].' So when we met, it was instantaneous connection."
On the Advice She Got from a Fellow "Basketball Wife" + the Power of Groupies
"When I started going to the games, it almost was a little scary because you know, I'm about that [life]. I'm not really somebody you could just like, scare up. But it almost makes me uncomfortable when somebody is willing and ready to do whatever to get to a [ballplayer]. And it doesn't matter who! Whoever comes out the locker room, they've been watching these guys since college, some of them since high school.
I'm glad I got a good warning. [One basketball wife] was like, 'I want you to be prepared because everything is about to change,' and I didn't understand because [Shannon and I] were having so much fun. You know, we're going places and just enjoying each other and the seasons had changed. And the season had just ended and they won the championship, and it could not have been more perfect.
And she kept saying 'You've got to prepare yourself for the stories and the lies. You know what's happening in your house, so 'stay' your house. Don't get out your body watching that other stuff.' So I'm glad I got the preparation for it because it's very different."
On People Claiming She's "fake positive"
"It's no such thing as 'fake positive' with a life like mine. You can Google half the hell I've been through. So you can't be fake-positive and get through what I've got through."
__________________________
Yes Monica! You've got to love it when you let love in and let it win! It's so important that we don't give power to our past by letting it wreck our potential future. Here's to Monica and other women dealing with pain and healing from love!
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Is it just me, or do our bodies have an “If it’s not one thing, it’s another” vibe as we get older? And lately, new or recurring skin conditions have been yet another thing to add to the growing list of “WTF is this, am I dying?” When it comes to seborrheic dermatitis, it’s one of the most common skin issues, impacting 3 to 10 out of 100 people, per the National Institute of Health. You may have heard of it, been diagnosed with it, or will relate to this article and finally feel seen and relieved that there’s a name for what you’ve been going through.
We’re breaking down everything you need to know about seborrheic dermatitis, from what it is and its symptoms to shutting down a few common myths, and of course, how to know if you actually have it. Let’s get into it.
What Are The Signs?
You may be experiencing seborrheic dermatitis if your skin, eyebrows, scalp, or facial hair has dandruff, irritable skin patches, or flakes, according to the Mayo Clinic. More specifically, and on the verge of TMI, oily skin with flat white or yellow scales may also be a sign.
When it comes to rashes, it’s likely they’ll show up in a ring-like form (which is called petaloid seborrheic dermatitis). For the melanated folks, rashes may appear darker or lighter (per the National Eczema Association, people of color may get a more intense flare-up with lesions on the hairline and discoloration), while those with fair skin may experience red rash areas.
Where Is It?
While seborrheic dermatitis can occur on various body parts, it’s frequently seen on the scalp, according to the NEA. The Mayo Clinic notes that the condition also pops up on oily facial and body areas like the edges of one’s nose, eyelids, and eyebrows, as well as the chest and ears. Skin can appear inflamed with rashes and patches, and the scalp will typically battle with relentless dandruff.
Seborrheic dermatitis can be super irritating and frustrating, but fortunately, if you’ve been diagnosed, it doesn’t lead to permanent hair loss, and it isn’t contagious, The Mayo Clinic states. In fact, with doctor-prescribed treatment or products like special shampoo, it could disappear or at least reduce flare-ups.
What Triggers It?
It’s difficult to pinpoint what specifically causes the condition. The Mayo Clinic points out that it could arise thanks to too much oil in the skin or the presence of Malassezia, a type of fungi. Commonly, things like fatigue, weather changes, and stress also play a role. More serious conditions that can trigger it range from Parkinson’s and depression to HIV, as well as the aftermath of life-altering events like a heart attack.
Bronchitis, strep throat, the flu, tonsillitis, and ear and respiratory infections are also known to cause flare-ups, along with skin issues like bruises, sunburns, scratches, and bites, per the Cleveland Clinic.
Interestingly enough, the NIH notes that seasons changing has a role too. Seborrheic dermatitis can disappear in the summer months, and then make a comeback like it never left in the winter.
Who Does It Affect?
Unlike many other things we go through as women, seborrheic dermatitis is actually more common for men, according to the NIH. It often appears for the first time in the young adult years or for those who are older than 50.
What About Psoriasis Though?
Seborrheic dermatitis is often compared to psoriasis, and for good reason. They both impact the skin, especially the scalp area. They can both also leave scaly patches on the skin, flakes on your hair, and cause itching. However, they’re not identical. Healthline notes that areas of seborrheic dermatitis flareups are typically easier to remove compared to psoriasis. Psoriasis also tends to be sorer and more tender, while seborrheic dermatitis can itch or create a burning sensation.
Let’s Clear The Air
There are a few rumors about the power of seborrheic dermatitis and what it can cause. So let’s break down the truth for a second. According to the NEA, this condition is not cancerous, nor does it indicate or increase a higher risk for cancer in the future.
Just a reminder, it doesn’t cause hair loss, nor is hair loss a symptom. If you are experiencing concerning hair loss, it is likely a sign of something else.
How Can You Treat It?
Seborrheic dermatitis can be treated pretty easily (praises be). Certain medicines like shampoos with tar, anti-inflammatory creams that include steroids, creams and shampoos with antifungal agents, or creams that feature salicylic acid, can be applied to the inflamed area to help resolve the problematic area, according to the NIH.
Just a note though: As tempting as it is to cover up scaly patches with heavy foundation or concealer, experts with the NIH actually advise against it as it can clog your pores. However, a light foundation can be used occasionally, along with skin care products that aren’t too oily to help temporarily conceal it.
A unique type of sunscreen also isn’t needed. You can use what you typically would before stepping out into the sun. And your skin soaking in a few extra rays could actually help your skin.
Should You Self-Diagnose?
As tempting as it is to make an appointment with Dr. Google, The Mayo Clinic advises you to call your actual physician if the condition interrupts your sleep, makes you lose focus throughout the day, contributes to anxiety, or simply doesn’t go away with at-home remedies. Simply put, it’s always best to check with your doctor to ensure you’re actually experiencing seborrheic dermatitis and get the treatment you need to help monitor or prevent it.
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